Sennen Rage
by Darkyami7
Summary: Yami Atemu is a guitarist in a local band, soon to go countrywide. But being a hot guy in a band might not be all that it's cracked up to be, especially with the world the way that it is today. YYxY. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Sennen Rage

Summary: Yami Atemu is a guitarist in a local band, soon to go country-wide. But being a hot guy in a band might not be all that it's cracked up to be, especially with the world the way that it is today. YYxY

Rating: M for rape, violence, drugs, alcohol, and language. But there will be absolutely no hentai in here, I absolutely refuse to write it. 

Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, shape, or form, own Yu-Gi-Oh! I am not making any money by writing this fiction or using its characters.

Author's Notes: This is the beginning of my complete revision of this story. I hope that it makes it easier and more enjoyable to read. (7-3-06)

* * *

Yugi Muto, a 21 year-old junior in college studying business, looked around the streets of New York City with a mixture of awe and disgust in his large amethyst eyes. New York was a city where dreams were made and crushed, where it was impossible to find a taxi in the rain…where everything was magnified to 350 percent.

His gaze swerved to Anzu, whose arm was clamped around his. She was a nice girl, but for some reason Yugi just did not feel the same about her as he used to. He just didn't have the heart to tell her that he didn't love her. Actually, when it came right down to it, Yugi doubted that he had any interest in girls at all anymore.

In the end, though, Anzu was not hurting Yugi, and he was almost content with her, so he had decided long ago that he shouldn't try to ruin something that wasn't even bad.

But still, Anzu just couldn't see what Yugi saw. While she saw movie-stars and rock idols, Yugi saw the homeless in the alleys and the victims of rape and murder. He couldn't see why she couldn't see. 

Maybe it was because her mom wasn't beaten to death by her father.

Yugi shivered, and Anzu looked down at him, a look of mild concern in her blue eyes, "Yugi-chan, what's wrong? Are you cold?"

Yugi looked down at himself. He was wearing leather pants and boots, and a skin tight black shirt. His neck and arms were encircled with silver chains and buckles. It was slightly chilly that night, but that wasn't the reason that Yugi shook, "…yeah…but we're almost there, so I'm fine."

Anzu smiled, "Okay, then." She was wearing a black mini-skirt, black tights, and a blood-red tube top under a thin black jacket. It was Spring Break; they both had two weeks off, but Anzu's college started break one week earlier than Yugi's did. They were going 'clubbing,' for the first time, as they were finally both old enough to engage in such activities.

But Yugi seriously protested to the idea of this outing. He loved English rock music, Atreyu and Guns 'n Roses to be specific, but the thought of witnessing strangers getting drunk in an enclosed space wasn't inviting to Yugi. He would rather have just stayed at his and Anzu's apartment and watched a movie or something.

The line to the club wasn't long, so Yugi and his girlfriend waited on the sidewalk without complaint, not really saying much to each other. Yugi was thinking about all of the things that could go wrong; guns, fire, and alcohol at the top of the list, while Anzu's foot tapped to Pantera inside of the door.

Once at the entrance, Yugi and Anzu were both carded, and they forked over their laminated pieces of cardboard without complaint. People always thought of Yugi as a child, and he could see exactly why. It wasn't like he looked too much like an adult, what with his wide eyes and clear skin. It really didn't matter to him, though; things like that seldom did.

Anzu was in New York studying dance, while Yugi was, as aforementioned, studying to be a business major. His Grandfather had told him that he couldn't be playing games forever. "You need something to fall back on just in case," he said. They had both picked up English easily enough, and it seemed as if they had lived in America all of their lives, even though Yugi missed his home country almost everyday.

"Wow," Anzu said incredulously as Yugi's ID was handed back to him. Both students paid for admittance and they entered the club, "This place is amazing."

Yugi unhooked his arm from the other's as they walked down stairs, not answering her but instead opting to plaster a smile on his face as he looked around the room. They were in a rather large area, about 25 round tables encircling 3 of the 4 walls with 2 chairs to a table. This area was red carpeted, and the rug was stained with alcohol and soda. The dance floor in the center was tiled, and people were already dancing in the center. Where the fourth wall should have been was a stage. One half of the platform had a DJ, and music was blaring out of the speakers. The other half held a couple of microphone stands and a drum set with a hexagram on the front.

Yugi looked to Anzu for guidance, as he'd never been to one of these places before; however, the dancer had long since sauntered away from him and had wandered off somewhere. Yugi hoped that she wasn't upstairs at the bar.

He sighed and sat at an unoccupied table, averting his eyes from the people slam dancing and groping each other with no worries as to who saw in front of him. Yugi definitely didn't belong in a place like this, even if he was dressed for it at the moment. Normally he didn't even bother. 

Yugi sat there for an hour, listening to the various bands that the DJ threw on every once in awhile, wondering where Anzu was. A few people had even asked him to dance, but he declined politely. 

Anzu returned, her face flushed, but she didn't look too wasted, "Hey, Yugi…didn't you drink anything?" She sat down an stared at her boyfriend.

Yugi smiled a little, trying to hide his disgust, "No, Anzu, I don't think that I'm going to drink tonight," -_Or ever_, he added to himself, remembering his father before he was hauled off to prison.

Yugi didn't feel comfortable here; he didn't like the bar setting, and the smell of alcohol brought back far too many memories. He only came because Anzu asked him to, but Yugi couldn't blame her; he hadn't told her about his father or his past, and she was a 21 year-old college student. She had the right to make her own decisions.

But still, Yugi just wanted to leave, "Actually, I think that we should go home…Anzu," He finished a little too hopefully. 

"Oh, come on, Yugi," She cooed, "Don't be silly," She stood up, "Come on, let's dance," She grabbed his hand and dragged him out onto the dance floor, Yugi wondering whether he should have been protesting or not.

Anzu was a great dancer, and Yugi wasn't terrible at it, either, so he enjoyed himself despite of where he was. His hips swayed in beat to the music, and he started to bring his arms into the mix, too, even though he had to use them to push Anzu away every so often. He had no desire to dance like that with her.

Eventually the DJ stopped playing music, and announced in a loud voice a local band called Sennen Rage -1-. The band traipsed onto the stage and set up, then offered a brief greeting and started to play a song called, "Don't Know My Name." Yugi started to listen, but took no notice of the drummer or the bass player, only seeing the lead guitarist and singer.

His baritone voice was deep and velvety smooth, making Yugi's insides melt. He had tan skin, and his piercing crimson eyes were outlined in black eyeliner, making them stand out even more. His left eyebrow, as well as his right ear, was pierced with sterling silver studs. His spiked hair was similar to Yugi's, but had more blond in it.

He was dressed in the tightest pair of leather pants that Yugi had ever seen, not that that was a bad thing, as his legs and other muscles were slim and toned. His chest was hidden by a black guitar, but his arm's light muscles flexed as his fingers flew up and down the instrument fluidly, the music and lyrics blending and flowing easily.

The singer's eyes and face shown with a fiery passion: it was clear that he loved playing music, and that he'd do his best to play for the rest of his life. He didn't smile as he sang, but his lips were creased as if he would if he could.

The music sounded wonderful…flawless, and Yugi stood still on the dance floor while everyone else swayed to the beat of the tune. At one point, though, the guitarist's handsome features scrunched as if he made a mistake, but nobody noticed. The rest of the song was played by the crimson-eyed man with a cautiousness that just didn't suit him.

The song ended before long, and the group of people cheered and applauded, calling for an encore, yet the guitarist left the stage without a second glance. The other two members of the band soon followed, and the DJ started to blare Atreyu through the speakers. People started to dance again, and Yugi followed Anzu back to their table.

"Who was that guy? The lead singer?" Yugi asked with wide eyes. His pale face was glowing with sweat from the dancing and from being surrounded by so many people.

"I don't know, and I don't care, either," Anzu said as she entered a new stage of drunkenness, "I've heard the people on the dance floor talk about him, and he's a sick man. He plays here every Saturday night, and after every performance he goes and has sex in his dressing room."

Yugi didn't believe that for a second, and cocked an eyebrow at his girlfriend, "Come on, Anzu, be-"

"Why do you think that he ran off of the stage so quickly?" Anzu sneered, "He just couldn't wait."

Yugi sighed impatiently, "Anzu, do you even know his name?" There were so many other reasons as to why he would want to get off of the stage, modesty and the fact that he knew that he messed up coming to Yugi's mind first. Those were just rumors, and Yugi never believed gossip like that. They were just sick things.

"Fine," Anzu said as she stood up, apparently angry, "You don't have to believe me, but it's true. He's scum, Yugi, absolute scum."

Yugi stood up as well, "Anzu, maybe we should go now. We really shouldn't-" Yugi's score for the night dropped from a 70 to a 30 as his girlfriend stalked back upstairs to the bar.

Yugi remembered with a wince how his father used to get drunk. First he'd be overly sweet towards Yugi and his mother, then he'd get abusive. Yugi doubted that Anzu would actually hit him, but she did have a couple of words stashed into her vocabulary that would definitely hurt. No one deserved to go through that…especially by their father or girlfriend.

The student sighed and followed her upstairs, determined in his task to get her home before she got so drunk that she passed out. As it was he'd probably have to call a taxi, which would probably run him dry money-wise, then he'd have to listen to her whine about him ruining her night. Then the next morning she'd wake up with a headache and no clue as to what happened. Yugi shook his head; he knew that they shouldn't have come.

But Anzu wasn't at the bar, and Yugi's heart rate picked up. What if she was right about the guitarist? What if-? No…that was just a rumor, Yugi told himself. "Excuse me," He said to the bartender behind the counter, who was wiping a glass out with a rag, "Have you seen a girl come by here? She's about five foot five and has chin length brown hair and blue eyes."

The bartender stopped in the cleaning of his glass and looked down the hall behind him, "Yeah, she staggered past here a minute ago, down there to the bathrooms. Take her home, will you? She didn't look too good." 

Yugi blushed in embarrassment, and backtracked to go down to the bathrooms, his worry for Anzu evaporating, "Yeah, I will. Thanks."

Walking down the hall, Yugi heard a crash from behind a closed door, and a moan of not pleasure…but pain, from a familiar voice. He just couldn't place it in his alarm and slight fear.

Yugi picked up his pace and tried to block out whatever was going on. His only goal was to get Anzu and get out, if she would just come out of the bathroom. Yugi didn't want to go in after her, especially if she was drunk, because then he'd probably be arrested for one reason or another.

He reached the end of the hall, where bathrooms resided on either side. The crashing stopped after a minute, and Yugi let himself think that whatever was going on had stopped. Of course, that was what he wanted to believe, not necessarily what he _did_ believe.

Flashes of past visions and crashes, of old screams and yells, were flashing through Yugi's head. He was scared now, was once again the scared 12-year-old that watched his father get drunk and hurt his mother; he just wanted out, he should've just told Anzu no, that he just didn't want to come to the club. He should have just stood up for himself for once, but Yugi could never do that.

Not after everything that had happened.

"Must you always follow me everywhere?" Anzu left the bathroom, and was looking at Yugi as if he were an annoying puppy. Her dull drunken eyes were angry, and Yugi remembered his father's own dark brown eyes as he was sworn at and bodily thrown into a room; the door would be locked and he couldn't get out no matter how loud he or his mother screamed. Never.

"Anzu, come on, we should just go home now," Yugi knew better than to tell her that she was drunk, that was one of those unwritten rules. "Let's go…"

"Yugi, you can be such a fucking party-pooper," She said, obviously upset at Yugi's suggestion. Yugi blinked at the insult, hurt at her words. She was his girlfriend, after all.

"Anzu, can we please just-" 

"Fine, let's go then. You obviously just have no idea as to what fun is. Honestly, Yugi, you can be such a prick sometimes." Yugi blinked again, and followed Anzu, who was still ranting about all of his various faults and imperfections. Yugi only stared at the ground as he followed her, remembering similar words that were said to him out of a completely different mouth.

The bartender caught Yugi's eye, and he gave the tri-colored haired teen a sympathetic smile. It wasn't the first time that he saw a couple walk out of the bar like that.

But just as Yugi was halfway through the door, Anzu a few paces ahead of him, he heard another yell, and the door that Yugi saw before the bathrooms flung open. A man in only a white bathrobe staggered out.

Yugi's eyes widened before he continued out of the club, hopefully for the last time.

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: Well...I think that that's better.

Special Thanks go to I Forget for inspiring me to revise this story.

Please Review.


	2. Chapter 2

Yugi lay on the couch that night, one image running through his mind over and over. He couldn't get it out of his head. That guy standing in the hall in only a bathrobe was the lead singer of that band, Sennen Rage.

But he didn't look the same: it was all there, yes, his face wasn't injured or anything, but his eyes looked so dull, and not the drunk kind of dull, either. The kind of dull that one had when they were in so much pain that they just wanted to give up. He looked like he truly wanted to die.

He was leaning over to one side, favoring his left leg, obviously in pain…what had happened to the guitarist with so much passion and energy up on stage?

It was late, and Yugi heard Anzu get up from their bedroom to walk to the bathroom. She slammed the door, and once again, all was silent. Yugi had decided to sleep on the couch that night; he wasn't sure if he was angry at Anzu or not. She had said a lot awful things, and what was uttered in the lobby wasn't even the half of it. The walk home was much, much worse. At this point, Yugi just wanted to be alone.

He didn't even bother to go to their room to get changed, and just grabbed a blanket and a pillow out of the closet, stripped out of his clothes down to his boxers, then slid into bed. He said goodnight to Anzu as she stalked to their room, but the girl didn't seem to hear.

Yugi supposed that this was Anzu's first time getting drunk; hopefully it would be her last as well. She probably wouldn't even remember what she had said and did come morning. All in all, Yugi was glad that he had to work on the weekends and on most Friday nights. He really didn't like clubbing too much.

The student cringed as he saw that face flash in his mind again. The man was so…beautiful. His face looked so flawless on stage, a perfect complexion, but in the hall he looked so defeated, so lost. Yugi blinked at the ceiling and sighed, rolling over to a more comfortable position.

Why couldn't he stop thinking about him? Did he feel guilty about not stopping for him? No…it wasn't guilt, Yugi couldn't have done anything to help him. He was probably just relating.

Yugi wasn't stupid, he knew what had happened to the crimson-eyed man. He couldn't know first hand, but he knew that his mom could. She couldn't anymore, though. Yugi's mother was dead.

The student cleared his throat and buried his head into the pillow; it smelled slightly musty. Yugi missed his mom; he had long since moved on with his life as she had died when he was 12, but every once in a while, like tonight, when things were just too real…

Yugi closed his eyes, and a tear fluttered down his face. Tonight he wasn't drowning in hours of homework, and he wasn't listening to rock music without a care in the world.

His girlfriend had gotten drunk and verbally assaulted him, and he saw a man that was probably no more than a couple of years his senior that was raped practically right out in the open. That, now that, was just too real.

Yugi drifted off into an uneasy sleep. At least his dreams weren't real anymore.

* * *

"Come on, get up. You can't sleep the day away, you know," A rather cold and loud voice told Yami, bringing him back from the darkness. But Yami wasn't sure if he could get up, and he knew for a fact that he wasn't sleeping. He wanted to keep his eyes closed; no, he just wanted to die. His entire body ached, and he wished that the force of _it_ had blacked out his memory, but it didn't. It never did.

Yami blearily opened his beautiful crimson eyes and found himself sitting up in bed. He was still wearing only the terry robe, and the thought terrified the guitarist. As Yami usually lived alone in his apartment, it was rather small. But today, he wasn't alone. That morning and last night, Ryan was there. He never seemed to leave.

Yami didn't want to look at the man sitting on the side of his bed, the man that gave him so much, but then took it all back in a way that Yami had never dreamt of.

The guitarist weakly bit his lip as last night's events played before his eyes. He couldn't even escape it in his waking moments. Then again, why should he? His days were exactly the same as his nights in almost every way imaginable.

* * *

_Yami hurried off stage, the applause and shouts for more music reaching deaf ears. He didn't mean to mess up, he had spent hours and days at a time practicing…he wouldn't mess up again, but the consequences kept running through his mind; he got nervous, and his fingers slipped._

Yami reached his room, hoping that maybe if he was able to get back and leave before Ryan caught him-

But Ryan always caught him in the end.

Just as Yami was stowing his black guitar into the red velvet lined case, he was grabbed around the shoulders and thrown into a wall. He tried not to scream, and was able to stand up just in time for Ryan to place his hands on either side of Yami's head, backing him into the wall, trapping him.

Yami tried not to look into Ryan's cold gray eyes, he tried not to remember how his callused hands felt running across his face, neck, back…everywhere, but Ryan's voice whispering in his ear brought it all back, "You can never seem to get that chord right…can you?"

Yami tried to repress a shiver, but could only manage not to fall on the ground as he said in little more than a whisper, "I'm sorry, I really did work on it…for days and days."

Ryan's breathing in Yami's ear got louder, and Yami could feel wet moisture in the canal. He cringed. "Obviously…not enough. I don't understand, Yami," He enunciated the last word, and the guitarist blinked as his name was called, "I've given you a job…a home, fame…" He smiled a little, "I've even given you a lover, yet you can't make it through one performance without SCREWING IT ALL UP!" 

Yami closed his eyes, he didn't want to go through this again, "But nobody noticed this time…no one could tell…" His voice was breathless; Yami was so scared, he couldn't even begin to explain it.

"That is a lie. You noticed," Yami opened his eyes in shock as Ryan bit the just healed flesh on his neck, "And I noticed. You need to pay for your mistakes, Yami, or you'll never learn your lesson."

"Please…don't," Yami begged, his legs finally giving way as he slid to the floor with a thump. This wasn't how his life was supposed to be; he was supposed to play at this club…have fun…show off a little, even…but-- 

Ryan sat down on Yami's legs, anchoring him, then unzippered Yami's leather shirt from the back. He leaned in and kissed Yami painfully, while the guitarist closed his eyes once more, unable to block out what was going to happen.

--But things never turn out how they're supposed to. 

* * *

Yami was brought back to the present as Ryan ran his callused thumb over Yami's skin. He never actually bruised or cut the guitarist's face; he found it far to alluring to subject it to that kind of torture. But Yami still flinched at the touch.

"You shouldn't have tried to get away, Yami," He said softly, as if a loud noise would hurt the other's ears, "You passed out almost as soon as you got out of the door. Did you really think that someone would believe you, Yami?" He frowned, "You were drunk…you always get drunk after performances."

Yami shook his head, "No, I don't." He didn't; Yami had never let alcohol pass his lips. Never. Ryan was the one that was drunk after performances, sometimes before them, too.

But not that first night, about three months ago, that Yami played at the night club, _The Curse_. The first time that Yami was raped, it was by a completely sober man. And after, Ryan had told anyone that asked, and a lot of the people that didn't, that Yami was a drunk; he spread rumors about Yami's sex life, that Yami hired prostitutes for after performances; the guitarist's reputation was down the tube before he could even build it up. His name was mud, yet he did nothing to make it that way.

There wasn't anything that Yami could do about it, either. Ryan gave him his job, owned the duplex where he lived; he knew everything about Yami: his credentials, his social security number…Yami couldn't get out of it. Ryan could take everything that he didn't already steal from Yami away, and nobody that he said anything to would believe him.

Everyone wanted to believe all of these things about Yami. If it gave them some gossip, then that was all that mattered. Yami sometimes asked himself whether or not his life even mattered. He had no family as they had disowned him years ago, and no friends. Even the two other members of the band believed Ryan's rumors. The guitarist had reason to believe that they were even afraid of him. Yami had no one, and the only thing that was keeping him alive was some foolish hope; hope that one day, someone would love him.

And he'd love them back.

Ryan slid off of Yami's bed and onto his feet after giving Yami a kiss on the forehead. The guitarist did his best to glare at him, but his efforts came up short, "See you later, beautiful. I just wanted to make sure that my lead guitarist and singer was okay. See you at rehearsal tomorrow." He left, closing the door behind him. After a minute, Yami heard his expensive car leave the area; Ryan was returning to his house elsewhere in the city.

Yami painfully shifted himself and lay down on his pillow. His right leg was throbbing painfully; he wasn't even sure if he could walk on it, so he laid on his left hip and curled as best he could into a ball.

_Why is this happening to me?_ Yami asked himself, and only then, because he was alone, did he allow himself to cry.

* * *

Yugi woke up the next morning around noon. He sat up and pulled his blanket around his shoulders because, in his less-than-fully-clothed state, he was cold. He looked at the pile of leather and metal chains on the floor, then looked away, ignoring them.

The door to his and Anzu's room was open and the sounds of some talk show or another were leaking through the room. Yugi rolled his tired amethyst eyes; nothing like a talk show to bring someone out of a hangover, right?

He got up off of the beige couch and slipped inbetween the cushions and the opposite coffee table, wondering whether he was hungry or not. He really didn't feel like cooking, and apparently, Yugi thought as he began to walk to their room, neither did Anzu.

The student hoped that she was in a good mood as he walked through the door. He didn't look at the television screen as he went to the closet and pulled out a pair of dark blue jeans and a black t-shirt, not really caring about it, "Morning, Anzu…how're you feeling today?" He turned to his girlfriend, who was sitting up in bed, the blankets up to her waist. She looked irritable.

"Like I was hit by a truck," She answered, and Yugi couldn't tell if she was joking or not.

"Did you take some Advil?" He asked, remembering that his dad always had some pain killers somewhere for the morning after. His mom usually did, too.

"No, I didn't," She said sarcastically, and Yugi stopped his intended movement of sitting on the bed next to her.

"I don't think that we should go clubbing anymore, Anzu," Yugi tried while pulling a pair of boxers and socks out of a drawer. Maybe Anzu had learned her--

"Are you kidding? I had an awesome time last night!" The dancer exclaimed, forgetting her aches and pains in light of telling Yugi off for ruining her night. Yugi frowned --lesson. "Well," She paused, looking thoughtful, "Except for that guy. He looked so disgusting last night…I'm almost glad that you dragged me out."

Yugi sighed, recalling quite a few things that were disgusting last night, but he wasn't one of them. Which to contradict first? "Anzu," His own slight frustration at her could wait, "You do realize that that he didn't do anything…he was-"

Anzu rolled her eyes, "Yeah, Yugi," She looked back on the TV screen, "That was your first time there. You should have heard about all of the-" 

"I'm going for a walk," Yugi said shortly, interrupting her with an assertiveness that he didn't know he possessed. He walked out of the room, oblivious to the look that Anzu was giving him.

* * *

Monday afternoon made itself known, and Yami walked down the street towards _The Curse_, his guitar in a bag slung over his shoulder. He was still limping slightly, and some people looked at him strangely. Yami wished that the looks were actually because of his limp. Yami guessed that about half of the club saw him on Saturday, and they all had bought Ryan's lies; they all thought him out to be some sick whore. Maybe Yami shouldn't have tried to get away, maybe he should've just submitted and pretended that it wasn't really happening

But that would've been like giving up. Yami would've lost either way.

Finally, the guitarist made it downstairs to the basement, where the bass player and drummer, Zach and Jullian, were waiting; Ryan wasn't there. 

"Where's Ryan?" Yami asked, trying to break the uncomfortable silence that had settled in the room. Zach was strumming on his guitar on a table near the stage, and only glanced at Yami before going back to his strings.

Jullian walked over to his drum set on the stage; he at least had the courtesy to answer the guitarist, even if he didn't look at him. "He's not coming today. He had some important thing to do."

Yami would've been happy about their manager skipping out, but he only felt depressed at the way the two boys were treating him. At this point, Yami wanted to quit. Hell, he would get a job at a gas station if it meant getting away. He'd give up his dream and move away if it meant freedom from prejudice. He'd do anything to just make his world stop spinning, but he couldn't. Ryan had him trapped in a corner. He'd track Yami down, find out where he was, and he'd make Yami pay.

The guitarist tried again, though his eyes dulled at the thought of being shunned, "What do you guys want to play today? I wrote a song yesterday...if you guys want to try it..."

This time neither of them answered, and Yami bit his lip, feeling a lump in his throat. He always wrote the songs for the group; he had plenty to go on, after all. As awful as Ryan was, he did run practices smoothly, and his presence urged Jullian and Zach to communicate with Yami. But without him...

Yami blinked, "You know, since Ryan's not here...I don't think that today'll be the best day to practice. I'm gonna go home. I'll see you guys on Wednesday." They totally ignored him, and Yami limped back up the stairs, still fighting the urge to cry.

The guitarist slowly walked the four blocks back home, his leg still throbbing, dropped his guitar on the coffee table, and slipped into his bed, his face buried in his pillow. He didn't even have the energy to get some Advil.

His breaths soon turned into sobs and sniffs as salty tears leaked down his face and hit the white pillow case, the droplets turning the thin fabric gray.

Gray...just like Yami's life.

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: This chapter was revised on 7-3-06.

Thanks to all reviewers, previous and new.

Please Review.


	3. Chapter 3

Monday came, and Anzu was back to school. Yugi still had another week off from everything, meaning that there was no work, college, or other obligations that came to mind. So Yugi decided to sleep in rather than see his girlfriend off. She'd be back that night, anyways, and the only thing that the time would do would heal the rift that had come between them.

The two students were finally back to speaking terms, the subject of the so-called drunk/sex addict dropped. Yugi still couldn't help but wonder, though. Anzu could be so closed minded sometimes; she ate up rumors as if they were Hershey's chocolate, but Yugi himself just couldn't think like that; he couldn't think that this man would do something so _tainted_, not after he saw him that way on Saturday night. He wasn't drunk, and he most certainly wasn't (for the lack of a better word) satisfied.

And because of this unknown man and Anzu's prejudiced opinions, Yugi was wondering if it was even worth going out with her anymore. He knew for a fact that he didn't love Anzu, but Yugi just didn't want to be alone. The dancer was his only friend in America, maybe anywhere, and he was grateful for that. The bottom line was that he didn't want to hurt her. Sure, she did hurt him on Saturday, but it was only once, and she was drunk. And the next morning…well, she was hung over, so that was okay…

Right? 

Yugi walked into their small kitchen towards the refrigerator. He wasn't very hungry, but he hadn't been eating well lately. Plus wanted to go for a walk without having to stop somewhere and buy something; living in the States was expensive.

He stopped at the door, and glanced at an ad for _The Curse_, that night club. Anzu either a. Accidentally left it there, or b. Purposely left it there as a hint so that Yugi might want to go again. The paper was dark purple with a white border, and the writing was black with a fancy font. Underneath the actual information for the club was a credit for the band, Sennen Rage.

Yugi's eyes widened slightly as he read on:

Sennen Rage, a local rock band with new original music every Saturday Night at 9:30.  
Sennen Rage is:  
Jullian Wright: Drums, Backup vocals  
Zach Ramsey: Bass Guitar  
Yami Atemu: Lead Guitarist, Vocals  
Manager: Ryan Allen

Yami put the name to the face and stature of the man he saw on stage; it fit, the name really did fit the man. He sighed and decided to just let his thoughts fly around in his head, unblemished by his conscience.

Yugi wasn't sure if he wanted to admit it, but the found Yami attractive…maybe even a little sexy. Even though he was alone in the house, his pale skin flushed a light pink; maybe he had a crush on the tan guitarist.

Yugi slipped the paper out from underneath the magnet from his dentist, a plan forming in his mind.

* * *

Yami locked his door, his heartbeat racing. He saw Ryan's car pull up outside of his window, and he was absolutely terrified. He had skipped rehearsal, and Ryan would be furious; Yami knew what happened when Ryan was less-than-happy with him…

But Yami also knew that locking his front door would do nothing; Ryan had the keys to the two-story duplex. He couldn't do anything to keep him out. The guitarist hurried back to his room and locked that door, too. The more doors between him and Ryan, the better.

Yami caught his reflection in the full-length mirror on his door. His hair was pulled up into a ponytail, but his blond bangs were falling out of the elastic. His already red eyes were dull and the whites of them were slightly pink from crying all afternoon; the skin under his eyes was slightly puffy, as well. He looked and felt sick and miserable.

Yami put his back to his door and slid down it to a sitting position, using himself to block the entrance. He heard his front door slam open, and Yami couldn't help but let out a gasp that sounded almost like a whimper.

"YAMI!" Ryan yelled, and the door slammed again, "Yami, where are you? I know that you're here!" Yami closed his eyes and buried his head into his knees. Of course he was here, he had no where else to go. Yami jumped and started to breath erratically when Ryan banged on his door, "Open the door, you son-of-a-bitch!"

Yami didn't answer; he tried to keep himself as quiet as possible, but he gasped as the handle of his door turned and he was slammed into the wall by the force of the door opening. Ryan squeezed through the opening, slammed it…then locked it again.

He stooped down to Yami's level and grabbed the guitarist's wrists as he raised them. Yami tried to get away, but Ryan was too strong; Yami was just too weak from the months of abuse, "You know…I had a funny conversation with Jullian and Zach today…apparently, they said that you didn't want to practice this afternoon…funny, isn't it?" 

Yami was staring fearfully at his wrists in the grasp of Ryan's callused hands, "Th-they wouldn't talk to me…they didn't want to work with me; they never have." Yami suddenly felt a surge of inspiration. All of the feelings that he had had for months boiled over his mind, and the result landed right in front of his eyes, "I don't want to be in your band anymore…I quit." 

"Like hell you do," Ryan said, looking more annoyed than upset, but still pretty mad, "You're mine, you're my whore, and you know that. Besides, you have no where to go. Without me you have no job and no money. You're dead without me."

Yami dropped his head, defeated. Ryan was right; he was alone, and the only connection that he had to the outside world was that man. The man that ruined his life, just as everything was getting good. He took it all away.

Yami cringed as Ryan leaned over and kissed his jaw line; his lips were cracked and chaffed, "You need to practice, Yami. You'll never get any better if you don't. And as for your problems with Jullian and Zach, it's all your own fault, anyway. It's your fault for being the whore that you are."

"No…" Yami said softly, "No, I'm not," He pulled his wrists out of Ryan's grasp and looked the man in the eye as best he could without flinching, "I'm not…I'm not! You can't keep doing this to me!" Ryan's eyes flashed as he stood up and kicked Yami in his sore leg, then got back down and grabbed his shoulders. Tears were starting to form in Yami's helpless eyes.

"Then how about this?" He picked Yami up by his shirt and threw him into the mirror. Yami moaned in pain as he collapsed to the floor, pieces of glass piercing his shoulders and back under his thin tank top. Ryan bent down and grabbed Yami's arm then dragged him across the carpet, glass further shattering his broken body. Yami had no will to get up; he felt like he was going to pass out again.

"Maybe now you'll remember why you can't get away," Ryan said, no trace of a smirk gracing his features, "And you have BETTER be at rehearsal on Wednesday. If you're not, then I might not be so kind." With that he left, leaving Yami broken, beaten, and, worst of all, all alone.

* * *

Saturday Night

"Yugi-chan? You're working tonight, right?" Anzu looked at her boyfriend as he stepped out of the bathroom, dressed in a pair of black jeans and a gray hoodie with the sleeves rolled up. At Yugi's nod, Anzu raised her eyebrows, "In that? Shouldn't you dress a little…nicer?" Anzu herself was dressed in a knee length black skirt and a light pink blouse. She was putting on a pair of matching shoes. Anzu worked at some store at the mall, Yugi wasn't sure which one; he never did pay attention to brand names.

Yugi looked down at his appearance, his brain working furiously. He took the night off, unbeknownst to Anzu, of course. Yugi was going back to The Curse…alone, "Umm…they told me…to dress it down a little. They said that I was looking too formal for a convenience store." Yugi held his breath as Anzu thought about Yugi's response.

She walked up to him and kissed him softly on the lips, "Okay, I'll see you tonight." Yugi couldn't help but wipe his mouth as he walked out the door. He didn't do it on purpose, though, and actually wondered why he had.

In reality, the convenience store that Yugi worked at, Cumberland Farms, was in the total opposite direction of _The Curse_, but he doubted that Anzu would notice: she was too busy getting ready for work.

Yugi sighed, slightly ashamed of what he was doing. He was lying to his girlfriend, firstly, and secondly he was going back to that awful place, just to see band.

Or maybe it was just the singer in it.

Yugi had promised himself that he'd never set foot in there again, yet he was breaking that vow just because he wanted to see Yami Atemu again and make sure that he wasn't dead. Yugi still couldn't understand why he cared so much, even if he was attracted to the him.

Yugi didn't like breaking his promises; he had made a promise to protect his mom over eight years ago, but that one didn't turn out too well. With Yugi things seldom did.

The student took out his wallet and got his identification ready for the person that was going to make him cough up his license then pay to enter the facility. The man looked at Yugi strangely, meaning his attire, as if he wasn't supposed to be in a place such as _The Curse_ without leather and bondage accents. He rolled his eyes at this reaction, then walked inside, heading right downstairs so that he could wait for Sennen Rage to come on. Then he'd go home.

* * *

Yami sat in his dressing room on one of the chairs, tuning and strumming on his guitar. He was extremely tense, as he only had two rehearsals to work out the song that he wrote with Zach and Jullian. And this one was hard, too. Yami didn't understand why Ryan insisted on adding so much flare to the melody, it was fine the way that Yami wrote it.

And he didn't give Zach such a difficult part.

Yami stopped suddenly and closed his eyes as he messed up a chord; he wasn't ready for a performance, and he knew it. Even after a couple of days, his back, shoulder, and arm still throbbed from being thrown into the mirror, even though the cuts were scabbed over and already beginning to heal. There was no doubt in his mind that if he messed up Ryan would find a way to rip those scabs open as he invaded Yami once again.

The guitarist removed his guitar from his lap and placed it back in its case, pocketing his pick. He needed sugar, even though it probably wouldn't do anything to help Yami's nerves. He was already shaking.

But of course this kind of quivering wasn't from excitement, but from a complete and utter fear.

* * *

Yugi walked upstairs from the basement and sat at the bar, immediately noticing the guitarist, Yami Atemu, absorbed in a soda, gazing into the infinite depths of the carbonated beverage. He was wearing the same thing that he wore last week, which made Yugi think that he didn't dress like this too often. There were small scabbed over pricks on his right arm and shoulder, like an acupuncture experiment gone bad.

"Hi," Yugi said a little shyly to the crimson eyed man. He was surprised at the fact that he even talked to him as he was almost never the one to start a conversation. Maybe that was the reason why he didn't have any friends.

The guitarist looked at the student, an emotion almost like surprise etched into his features, though his eyes looked depressed and downtrodden, "Hi," He nodded, even smiled a little, and then went back to the cola.

Yugi really didn't like the awkward silence, but he didn't want to leave, either, so he tried once more to pluck up a conversation, "I really like the band, you know, you're an awesome guitarist."

Yami looked at Yugi again, an unreadable expression on his face, "Thank you…that means a lot." Yugi studied his face; it didn't seem like he got compliments too often. He held out his hand, "I'm Yami Atemu."

Yugi took it, deciding not to bring up the fact that he already knew his name, "Yugi Muto."

Yami smiled a little bit again, then gave Yugi the once-over, "Do you come here often? You don't really seem like you would, seeing how you aren't dancing."

Yugi shrugged, holding back a chuckle, "No, I've only been here once before," The student suppressed a shiver at Yami's after-show appearance from last week; at least he was looking better now, "But the whole night club thing isn't really for me. I just came to see…" He swallowed, "The band, and then I'm leaving."

"That's nice of you," Yami said, then turned back to his drink. Yugi thought that the conversation was over and ordered his own beverage, deciding that he would take it downstairs with him and listen to more punk-rock.

But then, to Yugi's surprise, Yami started talking again; it was obvious that his words weren't meant for Yugi's ears, "I don't think that this life is good for me, either…it's definitely not…I wish I could just pack up and leave…" 

Yugi stared at the depressed man before him, "E-excuse me?" But Yami didn't hear him, and just got up to walk towards his dressing room.

The bartender, whose name tag read, 'Sam,' placed a Sprite in front of Yugi, "Don't mind him…he doesn't - he's the kind of person that doesn't need to get drunk to let out his sadness. He seems to be having a hard time with this band. Sometimes Mr. Atemu will just sit here and spill his heart out; I'm not sure if he even realizes the things that he says. He doesn't think that anyone listens, but I do. I'm just in no position to do anything about it, though I would if I had the slightest idea on how to handle it…"

Yugi took a sip from his glass, "Do you believe what's said about him? All those rumors?"

Sam shook his head, "Not a word. Those gossips are so far-fetched, I don't even understand how people believe them," He shook his head again, but this time it was a gesture about how foolish people can be, "Yami's a good person; he just needs a friend, that's all."

Yugi pulled a five out of his pocket and stood up with his drink, ready to go back downstairs, "And keep the change."

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: This chapter was revised on 7-3-06.

Thanks to all reviewers, old and new.

Please Review.


	4. Chapter 4

Yami's head bolted up in shock and intense fear as two hands were placed on his leather-clad shoulders; the fingers were cold, uncaring, and callused. Yami wished that he didn't know them at all. Goosebumps erupted on Yami's flesh as the fingers traveled down his arms, one of the owner's thumbs found its way down Yami's shirt, near his underarm. "R-ryan," Yami slurred and twisted his shoulders helplessly, but it didn't do anything.

He was having a hard enough time trying to prep himself for his performance tonight, and now this?

Ryan's hands suddenly moved to Yami's sides, right under the rib cage, "I have something to tell you." Yami closed his eyes, wondering what was going to happen next; he just wanted Ryan to leave him alone and for everyone to stop believing his lies. He wanted to make just one friend.

Ryan gave Yami's sides a hard squeeze and pulled him close. All of Yami's muscles tensed, and Ryan wrapped his arms around the guitarist, proving him attempts to escape fruitless, "I want to make a deal with you."

Yami took a deep, shuddering breath, "A-a deal? What kind of deal?" He had no clue as to what was coming; what was going to happen?

"Tonight, a talent agent is coming to watch Sennen Rage's performance, and if he likes what he sees, then he'll come back in two weeks with the recording manager of a recording company in Schenectady. If he sees something in this group…mainly you," Ryan grinned hungrily, "Then he'll buy all rights for your song and this band, and you'll never see me again."

Yami opened his eyes, then blinked a couple of times, mulling it over. At this point, he had nothing to lose, and it wasn't like this was in his control, anyway. "And…and what happens if-if they don't take us on?" He had a feeling that he didn't want to know the answer.

The guitarist felt warm breath in his ear, "This is your only chance, Yami, your only one. If you screw this up," He whispered, "Then you're stuck here with me, in New York City…until the day that you die." Ryan suddenly let go of Yami, and he fell to the ground, his eyes lowered. Ryan smirked at the other, his point hitting home, before he left, slamming the door behind him.

Tears started to well in Yami's eyes even though he wouldn't let them fall. He wasn't ready for a performance; he didn't rehearse on Monday at all, then on Wednesday, just after he had managed to play the part to his liking, Ryan went and changed the whole thing. He didn't switch Jullian's part, or Zach's, just Yami's. It was a catastrophe; this part was at least twice as difficult as the last one, and even though his fingers knew where to go, they just didn't.

Yami couldn't understand why Ryan did that during rehearsal, but now he did. His manager was toying with him; dangling freedom in front of his eyes, then snatching it away, just as Yami figured out that he was supposed to go after it. It was always this way; it was as if Yami's whole entire life was just a game of cat and mouse. Yami was the mouse, and the cat always seemed faster; it always caught him in the end, then exposed, humiliated, and invaded him, killing his spirit. It was almost as if it was telling him that his life wasn't worth living.

Wiping his eyes, Yami shakily stood up and rested his guitar strap over his shoulder. The only thing that was keeping him going was hope, yet at this point his hope was a single star in the sky, light years away from him, unable to hear his calls. His hope was flickering, and it was almost gone.

* * *

Yugi sighed; he was getting bored, tired, and even a little lonely, the only human contact that surrounded him being the senseless…well, sensual, zombies on the dance floor, their bodies swaying together, though differently…to the never ending pulse of rock.

After a while, though, when Yugi's drink was gone and the ice was partially melted, the DJ finally announced Sennen Rage, and the three instrumentalists walked purposely onto the stage. Yugi narrowed his eyes at the sight of Yami; he looked pale in the limelight, and his eyes were bloodshot, as if he were drunk…or crying.

Yugi suddenly felt that sense of wonder that he'd been carrying around with him for a week. He wanted to know more about the attractive tan-skinned man on stage. He knew what was happening to him, just the thought of it made Yugi shiver with memories of his Mother and Father, but he didn't know why…how long ago…why couldn't he leave?

Yugi shook his head slightly, this was none of his business; he had absolutely no right to be delving into this man's personal life, and he knew that he should just get up and leave.

Yugi stood up, intending to just that. He lied to Anzu, took a day off from work, and sat pretty much all alone for over an hour, just to see someone that he only knew the name of play the guitar. He seemed nice and polite…_attractive_, even, but Yugi knew, as he started to walk away, that he shouldn't even have thought of coming here, and that was just what he was going to pretend.

Before the student could leave, though, a long, slow tune met his ears, and Yugi stopped dead as his foot rested on the second step of the stairs. He turned slowly, and sorrowful, fiery eyes met his amethyst ones.

* * *

Yami took a deep breath and walked slowly onto the stage, the sound of his boots on solid wood drowned out by the dull rumble of the crowd below him. He knew that he looked terrible; his eyes were puffy and his face was tinted a pale white. He was no condition to perform, but it wasn't like he had a choice. 

He looked out to the crowd, and his eyes immediately met the cold gray ones of Ryan, who glared at him, daring him to slip up. Yami cringed on the inside; one shot. That was all he got. One. 

Finally tearing his gaze away from the other, Yami slowly moved his head to look to the opposite side of the room. He saw a young man that looked too young to even enter a bar walking towards the stairs…leaving.

The kid looked familiar to Yami, but where had he seen him before?

_Yugi Muto_, his mind supplied him, and Yami remembered the amethyst eyes and small pale face of the person at the bar. He was alone in the club; who goes to a club alone?

_You're an awesome guitarist._ That kid, Yugi, was only staying to see the band, and one-third of the band was Yami. So, Yugi was here to see Yami…but he was leaving?

For some reason, Yami didn't want this person to leave; he wanted him to stay and listen…to just be there. He couldn't explain it, but Yugi gave him something that he hadn't felt since he joined Sennen Rage, since Ryan raped him and took away all of his pride and feelings. 

Yugi, as odd as it was, gave Yami confidence, and he just didn't want him to go. The guitarist liked that feeling. Sadly, that was one of the first things that Yami had liked in a long, long while. He didn't want it to leave.

Without even thinking, the guitarist placed his fingers on his instrument and started to play a slow, mournful tune; something that he made up right on the spot. He was staring intently at Yugi, desperate to keep that confidence. Yami knew that this song wasn't on the agenda; Ryan would be furious and he knew what the consequences of getting Ryan furious were, but if it meant a subtle chance for Yami to get away from Ryan forever… 

Yugi stopped as the music hit his ears, and he slowly…very slowly, turned around and ruby eyes hit amethyst. Yami kept playing as his saw the angelic curve of Yugi's face, the deep wonder of his eyes; this person was truly beautiful.

Yami felt his mouth forming the word, "Please," Yet no sound came out. As if Yugi had heard him, he nodded and relaxed on the step. Yami brought the improvisation to a close, and the sound of the bass and drum started up.

* * *

"Please?" Yugi saw, almost heard Yami's plea. If Yami wanted him to stay, then maybe…

Yugi bit the inside of his lip. He shouldn't of come, it wasn't right for him to be here, he knew that, but the look in Yami's eyes, was so sad, pleading, and even desperate that maybe…

Yugi felt his chin move up and down, and Yami almost smiled as the other crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, a small smile on his own features. After all, he really did want to stay.

Yami's melody faded into silence, then the drums and bass started up a rock beat. Yugi's foot began to tap, and 6 bars later when Yami started up, Yugi's head began to move to the beat, also. The people below him were dancing, their bodies hypnotized by the music.

He saw the singer glance a little worriedly towards someone in the back of the audience, then took a breath and started to sing in a baritone voice that made Yugi's insides melt. The lyrics, however made his heart go cold:

_Glass shatters as I fall,  
But you're the one that's screaming.  
You always stand so tall  
Cause I'm the one that's bleeding._

I'll never break away from you  
It's impossible to fly.  
All the times you beat on me  
Despite the tears I cry.

I crumple as you push me  
Now you're the one that's winning.  
You catch me as I flee,  
My once bright sight is fading.

I'll never break away from you  
It's impossible to fly.  
All the times you beat on me  
Despite the tears I cry. 

Yugi's legs went numb and shaky at Yami Atemu's music. The lyrics that he wrote came from the heart; Yugi knew that he felt each and every one of these emotions that the other wrote. It truly tugged at his heart strings.

_All the times you beat on me…_

Yugi had horrors like that, too. His Father beat on him mercilessly, throwing him into doors, walls, furniture, anything. His lip quivered at the thought.

_I'll never break away from you…_

Yugi's mom, too; she'd never break away from her husband, and ended up losing to him, too. Over and over again she was hurt, but held out to protect her only son no matter what.

But in the end she lost the ultimate battle, and two days after Yugi's father was dragged off to jail, he committed suicide. During those two days, Yugi did not sleep, eat, or even think about smiling; he could hear his father's threats in his head.

Sometimes those threats still plagued him.

Was Yami Atemu in a similar position? Yugi thought back to everything he knew about the guitarist: the image of him 7 days before, the prejudiced rumors, his words in the bar, the bartender's testimony…everything. Yes, Yami Atemu was in a similar position, but different, because Yugi was on the opposite side.

Suddenly, the entire hall went silent, and Yugi looked up in slight surprise, his musings knocked out of his head. But the silence didn't last long: an electric guitar solo circled the room in the form of waves; it was the fastest, most complicated thing that Yugi's ever heard or seen in his life. 

Yami's hands were flying up and down his guitar, picking out specific chords and notes, a look of deep concentration on his tan face and in his ruby eyes. No blemishes were made on the guitar, so his features remained clear and semi-content. In Yugi's opinion, the solo didn't last nearly long enough, and he almost saw Yami smile as the last note faded into nothing.

But the smile quickly faded, and a glossy shine appeared in the depressed musician's eyes, as if he wanted to do nothing other than cry. The last verse consisted of Yami's voice, and Yami's voice alone.

_I'll never break away from you  
It's impossible to fly  
All the times you beat on me  
To see…the tears I cry._

Yugi's eyes were wide, and the last line hit him…hard. Tears clouded his own vision, and before turning and running back up the stairs, he looked into the eyes of Yami. He looked right back.

* * *

The walk home for Yugi was painful. It wasn't painful as if he got a rock into his shoe, but it was painful because he was so utterly confused. Yugi couldn't help it. He knew absolutely nothing about the Yami, but he wanted to know so much more. It wasn't because he was nosy, but…because he really cared. 

Yugi let himself into their apartment and dropped onto the couch. He had that frustrated and annoyed feeling in the pit of his stomach, the one that warned him that he wanted to cry. Ignoring it, Yugi undressed down to his boxers and grabbed his blanket and pillow from underneath the coffee table. For the last week he'd been sleeping on the couch; he just couldn't rest in the same room with Anzu anymore.

Flipping himself onto the couch and closing his eyes, Yugi wondered how much longer this was going to last.

Though for some reason, even though he was constantly reminded of his horrors…he wished that it would go on…forever.

* * *

"What the hell were you thinking?" Yami winced as Ryan grabbed his head with both hands and screamed into his face. Ryan didn't even wait to see Yami's solo, he was waiting for the guitarist when he walked through the door, and Yami's success-flushed face went pale.

Before assaulting him, Ryan ripped the other's guitar away from him and threw it onto the couch. "Do you want to ruin this chance for yourself? Or did you just want to show off?"

"Ryan, I-" Yami said shakily as Ryan backed him into a wall, but he trailed off. What was he supposed to say? He couldn't tell him about Yugi; it wasn't like his manager would believe him, anyway.

"What?" Ryan asked, shaking Yami's head, but Yami only bit his lip, "What did you want to say?"

Yami closed his eyes, "I hate you, Ryan." He braced himself, but Ryan only laughed; it was a cruel, merciless laugh that wasn't out of enjoyment, but of bitter humor. Yami opened his eyes again to see Ryan staring amusedly at him.

"No, I think that you rather enjoy me…otherwise you wouldn't have acted out tonight." He pressed his body flush against Yami and slinked his arms around him, pinning him in place, "I think you like me a lot…"

By this time Yami's eyes were closed tight, and he couldn't breathe. He was going to be raped again, just like before. Just like always.

Right after Yami finished his impossible solo, for a glorious three seconds he thought that he was going to be able to escape Ryan, that Ryan would --reward-- him for doing something good, like a small puppy. Ryan wasn't even there, but Yami was still a puppy; an abused, beaten puppy.

Just as Ryan was reaching for the back of Yami's neck, a knock was heard at the door. Abruptly, the guitarist was freed, and he fell to the ground, shaking madly and not believing that had Ryan let go of him.

His sight was hidden by the couch in front of him, and that worked both ways. Who was that at the door? Yami didn't have the strength to find out, though, so he just stayed there, hoping that whoever it was would take Yami away and save him from this nightmare.

"Ah, Mr. Goldman," He heard Ryan say in an almost friendly tone of voice, "I wasn't expecting you here…a phone call would have been acceptable."

"Actually," An unfamiliar voice said, "I came to talk to Mr. Atemu about his performance, but he practically ran off the stage. I wanted to say-" 

"Mr. Goldman," Ryan interrupted, "I'm sorry for Yami's performance. He usually isn't so…outgoing…when he performs…"

"That's not what I was going to say," He replied, and Yami's eyes widened in surprise, "His performance was excellent, especially the contrast from the opening to the end…masterfully done. And Yami sure has the looks to pull of a record deal…he'll have fans, no problem."

Ryan, who apparently was at a loss, didn't reply.

"I wanted to tell Yami, as he seems to be the leader of the band, that in two weeks the manager of Strike Records will come to assess Sennen Rage's performance, and…we'll go from there. Will you relay the information to Yami, Zach, and Jullian?"

There was a long pause, then Yami heard Ryan's voice. It sounded normal, but he knew that it was laced with anger. This wasn't what he was expecting, "Of…of course. We have a rehearsal on Monday. I'll tell them then."

"Excellent. I'll see you in two weeks, then, Allen."

Yami heard the door close, but Ryan didn't come back behind the couch. Yami crawled out from behind the it, but no one was there. Ryan was gone.

Yami blinked. Ryan was gone; he left. For now, at least, Yami was free. Maybe, if everything went smoothly for the next two weeks, he'd be free forever. Goldman, who had to be the talent agent, liked his performance, the whole thing. 

If Yami hadn't played that opening, if Yugi had left, then Yami wouldn't have played anything correctly, the ending of the song would have been a disaster, and he would have failed right then and there. But because the smaller adult didn't leave, because he stayed and listened, he gave Yami confidence; the guitarist had a chance. 

And Yami wanted to see Yugi Muto again; he felt something amazing whenever he thought of the smaller, and he just wanted to talk to him again before the rumors reached him, too.

In Yami's subconscious, that small star of hope was getting just a little larger, just a little closer. When one really thought about it, stars were perhaps the biggest thing ever, bigger than anything that anyone could ever imagine.

All that one had to do was put it into perspective.

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: This chapter was revised on 7-4-06.

Thanks to all reviewers, future, present, past, and otherwise. :D.

Please Review.


	5. Chapter 5

_"Get in there!" A harsh, scratched voice screamed at a 12-year-old Yugi, who was cowering under the gaze of dull drunken brown eyes. His Father stepped forward and pointed a finger in front of his face; it was shaking in an influenced rage, "And don't you dare leave until I tell you to!" Yugi made to turn around and do as he was told, but he was pushed roughly and ended up in a small heap in the middle of the room. Yugi didn't dare move until he heard the door slam, and even then he only rolled to his side, brought his knees to his chest, and started to cry, tears running that familiar path down his cheeks._

The door wasn't locked, but Yugi wasn't about to go open it, not at the smell of his Father's alcohol ridden presence, so strong that it made him nauseous, so hazy that he couldn't see. He flinched and covered his ears, cowering further as incoherent yelling and screaming floated through his door. However, Yugi didn't go to investigate.

A while ago, who knows how long ago it really was, Yugi's mom told her son that whenever his Father told him to stay in his room, he had to stay there, no matter what he heard or what he felt. No matter what, he couldn't leave. So Yugi never did leave, many times even after he was allowed to. His mom would come in and comfort him, telling him that everything would be alright, and that someday it would all be over.

Yugi had so much love and respect for his Mom, so he showed it by listening to her whenever he could, trusting her completely. She protected him and got beaten and bruised, just to protect her only son. Yugi was so grateful; he'd go to the end of the earth for her. It really was a good feeling to be loved by at least one member of the household.

But not all.

Yugi's head shot up, any fond memories flying from his head at the sight of his Father standing in the doorway, "Come here!" He ordered, his face livid, but his eyes blank and drunk. Yugi jumped to his feet, shaking from head to toe. This was when he would get beaten, thrown around. He would try not to scream, but in the end it would always happen. Then his Father would fall into a drunken faint, and his mom would come and pick him up, gently kissing his cheek, telling him that it was over. Yugi knew deep down, though, that it would never be over…never. "I said, come here!"

Yugi didn't move…he couldn't, he was just too scared. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see anything or talk to anyone. He flinched, though, as his Father picked him up, and he braced himself to be thrown somewhere. But it didn't happen, not yet.

"Stop…come on, just stop!" Yugi begged as his Father carried him out of the room and down towards the stairs. Feeling this downward motion, Yugi started to struggle; the kitchen was downstairs, and too many things were down there that could prove disastrous in the hands of a drunken man. Knives, poisons…too much.

He only laughed cruelly, though, not answering and threw Yugi down the last five steps. He was forced to go with the momentum, and hit the wall hard, sliding down and landing in a painful heap, the little fight left in him gone. His father didn't bother picking him up this time, opting instead to drag him down the next three-step flight by his jacket collar, banging all the way, into the kitchen.

Yugi slowly opened his eyes as he was propped against a wall near the door, but he closed them immediately after they focused, terrified of the sight that was before him. He didn't want to look and wouldn't be able to look again even if he wanted to, 'I'm sorry, Mom…I'm sorry…'

He couldn't protect her, and now he'd never get the chance. It wasn't fair; she didn't do anything wrong.

Yugi felt something sharp dig into his side, through his clothes, and a cold pain spread through his torso. He heard his Father's voice as the pain got more intense, "Your turn…Champ…"

He screamed. 

Yugi opened his eyes, a cold sweat lining every exposed inch of his body. Tears that weren't only from the dream were coursing down his face, unchecked. Yugi didn't care, though. He didn't care that he was crying; people were supposed to cry with these types of things, it meant that they still cared. And Yugi definitely still cared.

He hadn't had that dream in so long; it must've been years. That nightclub was definitely doing weird things to him, or maybe he was having this dream so that he wouldn't forget, to give him a hint about something that was coming up.

He didn't know, though, and felt the pain in his side slowly fading. He didn't have a physical scar from the pain, but he did have an emotional one, and that dug deeper than any knife ever could.

Yugi looked at the clock. It was 8:28. His alarm clock would go off in a couple of minutes, as he had to go to work today. In order to go to _The Curse_ on Saturday Nights, Yugi had to switch shifts with someone else, which landed him with the Sunday shift so that it would be fair and he'd still get the same pay check. Groaning and wiping the sweat off of his face, Yugi slid his alarm clock off. The noise would definitely wake Anzu, and Yugi wasn't exactly sure which reason that was floating through his mind was the correct one:

He either didn't want to wake her because she was sleeping and he didn't want to disturb her, or because he didn't want her to yell at him. He wondered why he was in this relationship with her if his thoughts really were like that, but he just didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want to be alone, either.

Yugi looked towards the kitchen that branched off from the living room. No, he wasn't hungry; he was never hungry anymore. Yugi hoped that it was just stress. He ate when he was hungry, and he just wasn't hungry anymore. Maybe he was depressed, but about what? Sure, his past was terrifying, but it was just that: the past. Why worry about it now?

Yugi knew why he was worrying because he knew that Yami was in trouble. Maybe Yugi wanted to get to know the guitarist because he somehow wanted to protect him. He couldn't protect his mom, so…

Yugi shook his head and stood up to go get clothes from his and Anzu's room. He was thinking about Yami Atemu again, but he shouldn't have been. He had his own assumptions, and that was it. What he was doing was really no better than what Anzu was doing: making prejudiced assumptions without fact.

Of course, their situations were a little different. Yugi cared and had at least a little proof, even if it was circumstantial, while Anzu had mere gossip.

Yugi opened the door, and was met with a slightly annoying, though disturbing sight. The television was on, it must've been on all night, and Anzu was sprawled out across the bed, her mouth slightly open. There were 2 empty glass bottles and a half-full one on the bedside cabinet. He sighed, thinking that it was slightly ironic that he was at a bar last night, though Anzu was the one that was actually drinking.

She looked uncomfortable, her head was bent at an odd angle, so Yugi thought that it would save her a neck-strain if he just moved it back upright. As soon as his slender fingers touched her head, though, her eyes snapped open, "Yugi? What time is it?"

"About eight-thirty. What time did you get home last night?" Yugi crossed his fingers, hoping that she got home after he was supposed to. He was hoping that she would never find out that he went back to _The Curse_. Once again, Yugi was in the mind-set that he wouldn't go again, but the sight of the band Sennen Rage was just so alluring to Yugi.

He hated to admit it, but it was like an addiction.

"I don't know. After work I thought that I would go see that band perform again," Yugi's eyes widened and his heart rate picked up, though Anzu didn't seem to notice, "But by the time that I got out of work, they had already performed, so I just picked up some of those wine-cooler things and went home."

"Anzu…" Yugi tried sheepishly, "How often have you been drinking?" He hadn't really thought to ask, but if Anzu was getting an addiction to alcohol--it wasn't like Yugi could talk, though; he was rather obsessed with a certain tan guitarist. But, once again, they had their differences.

Anzu's eyes sharpened, "A couple of nights this week. It doesn't even matter Yugi; if you really had a problem with it, then you might have noticed by now." She shot, closing her eyes and turning her head away from him. She didn't want to continue the conversation anymore.

Yugi bit his lip; that wasn't fair, Anzu had gone back to school that week, and Yugi ended up working extra hours during his vacation so that he could pay bills, and start saving up for next year's textbooks and what scholarships didn't cover for his tuition. It was a busy week for both of them, of course they didn't see each other too often. That was how life worked.

But he supposed that it _was_ half of his fault, though, so the least that he could do was apologize. 

"I'm…I'm sorry, Anzu…" Yugi said truthfully, "I just…we both had a pretty busy week." She didn't answer, all that she did was shift her head a little, so at least she was listening, "Maybe after I get home from work we can talk or go out or something. I'm working some overtime today, so we can go somewhere nice, okay?" He couldn't help but feel like he was talking to a five-year-old.

"That sounds nice," Anzu said quietly before tuning out for good and falling back asleep. 

Yugi nodded to himself, having no clue whether he should be happy or not. Taking one more look at the glass bottles on the bedside table, he went to the closet and took out his clothes for work.

* * *

Yami smiled. This was the first time in a long that he left his house of his own accord on a Sunday morning. Yami hadn't smiled like this since he joined Sennen Rage, either. After some thought, though, Yami realized that it wasn't the band at all. Yami loved Sennen Rage; he just didn't like his manager.

Ryan. Yami frowned again as he walked through the streets of New York City. Ryan was so complex. After his performance the previous night, as Yami lay in bed, unable to fall asleep, he realized that Ryan laid out this intricate plan just to make Yami so hopeless that he'd just give up. Was it was because he tried to escape him a week ago? Or because he told him that he wanted to quit? Or was it because he didn't do what he was expected to do in that situation? Yami blinked, clearing his head of his thoughts. He played well last night, _amazingly_ well, so he wasn't going to dwell on the negative. Not today.

Yami was never one to brag, he was just too modest for that, but he knew that he was an excellent guitarist. His parents had just never understood that. Maybe they were right after all. 

"No," Yami told himself firmly, crossing his arms. His scabs were just a little bit smaller; they would heal in a couple of more days. He hoped that they didn't scar, "Don't think about that…it's over. All of that is over. My life is different now."

He tried to concentrate on the sunny day that was laid out above him in a nice arrangement. It wasn't too sunny, there were some thin clouds and pollution, but it was definitely nice for a late April morning. Yami was wearing a black tank top and a black pair of skater shorts. In fact, Yami couldn't remember the last time that he just went for a walk to Cumby's for a coffee.

Coffee. Actually, other than the vitamins, the only thing that Yami's weak stomach could handle was coffee. It wasn't like Yami had a dysfunctional intestinal system or anything, he just couldn't handle food. It was a mental thing, and, no, he wasn't anorexic or anything like that. Yami was depressed. The guitarist's high school and college years were not golden; they weren't even silver. Hell, he would have settled for bronze, but no one that he knew wanted him to fulfill his dream.

Yami was an Egyptian native; he grew up in Egypt with his mother and father, and always had a certain adeptness for the guitar and singing. In fact, it was his dream to join a rock band and become famous. Sure, that's almost everyone's dream at one point or another, but Yami's desire for this didn't fade away when he entered High School. It got stronger.

It was just too bad that his parents didn't approve. Yami's parents wanted him to become a doctor, though it wasn't for the money. They wanted Yami to become a doctor so that he could feel the satisfaction of being able to save lives, to have some sort of pride in his profession.

But Yami didn't want to become a doctor. He had the grades to be one, and in fact had the grades to be anything that he wanted, but Yami knew that being a doctor meant losing lives just as often, if not more, than saving them. He simply didn't want to watch people die, and didn't want to watch people lose their loved ones. He couldn't handle that. Yami wanted to watch people having fun, people dancing and singing. He wanted people to enjoy their lives, not lose them.

So as soon as Yami graduated High School, he left. His parents knew that he was leaving Egypt for America; after all Yami could never just pick up and leave without telling them, not after all that they did for him, but they told him not to come back until he was famous. He couldn't ask for financial help, advice, anything, until his dream was fulfilled.

But Yami didn't care. He didn't care that he was being forced to be independent, that's what he wanted; that's what teenagers do. Teenagers tell themselves that they can do everything themselves, no matter what.

And with Yami, he was right…he could do it by himself. He got a full scholarship to Julliard, and graduated first in his class. He was getting along just fine, all by himself. He had a good job at a coffee shop and played his guitar while people drank their caffeinated beverages with their friends, families, and lovers. But that's when Yami realized that he didn't want to be alone anymore.

During college, he was so busy that he didn't really notice it, but all of those hours in the corner playing improvisation, made the guitarist realize that he was really alone.

As sad as it sounded, Yami started to drink Vanilla coffee because it reminded him of his mother. He really did miss his mom, as controlling as she was, because she offered comfort to her son, as most mothers do, and she always wore a Vanilla scented perfume.

That's why Yami loved coffee so much; it gave him security, especially since he was having no luck finding a band to join, and was seriously thinking that he'd never see his parents again.

But when Ryan showed up at that coffee shop one day, Yami thought that his dream was going to come true at last. He was offered his current job at _The Curse_, and even though he thought that something was off about Ryan, he just ignored it.

But Ryan didn't ignore him.

Yami's first performance was a disaster. He got so nervous with all of those people staring at him and daring him to screw up; he forgot his chords, his lyrics, and he felt that chance at fame slipping away from him. He thought that Ryan was going to fire him, and he'd have to go back to being lonely, but no, Ryan didn't fire him.

Instead, his manager mercilessly raped him, screamed at him, and beat on him, and that loneliness increased with all of the rumors that were spread, the used feeling that he had inside…

Yami's entire life was on a downward spiral, and there was nothing left to reverse it.

Now, though, in the present, Yami was seeing more and more. He was so close to a record deal and so close to being discovered He'd finally be able to show his family that he was a success and that he was right. He would be able to prove that there was a such as pride in the music industry.

However, Yami had a feeling that the world wasn't the only thing that was discovering him. This discoverer, though, wasn't a bad thing at all.

* * *

Yugi sighed; he was so bored. The Saturday shift was usually full of customers, and Yugi had at least a couple of one-sided conversations, in which he was never the side talking, with _interesting_ people. Sunday, though; Yugi had two customers all morning, and that was it. At the moment, he had his head absorbed in his History text, as what better way was there to spend one's shift than doing homework on the job? He knew that he should have been paying attention to the non-existent people in the store, but the rather dull History book needed all of his attention for anything to be taken in.

At one point, someone entered the store; Yugi heard the bell, but as long as they didn't exit again without paying first, Yugi wasn't really going to care. The smell of Vanilla coffee wafted into his nose, and he gratefully absorbed the stimulating scent. Even if Cumby's coffee wasn't the best thing in the world, it helped him concentrate, almost like TV helps some people concentrate on their own homework.

Yugi didn't look up until the cup of coffee was planted on the counter in front of him, though its owner didn't speak. Most of the time they didn't, though they would tap their feet or rap their knuckles on the counter. This customer didn't, though, he seemed to be very patient, as if he had no where else to be at the moment.

* * *

Yami smirked slightly, though he was still feeling depressed about his trip down memory lane for the morning. How ironic was it that the reason that he was out that morning would be the one person that he came in contact with?

Not having any other destination in mind for the day, he just stood at the counter, waiting until Yugi finished whatever his goal was in the thick history book. Besides, Yami found himself thinking that Yugi was very cute with his head absorbed in the text, though he really didn't have any clue that he was in fact thinking that. Yami wasn't aware that he didn't know what love was…so he couldn't see how sad that really was.

Eventually, Yugi put the book aside and glanced at the coffee cup before ringing it up. He didn't look at Yami, as his mind was probably still thinking about whatever it was that he just read. Yami decided to say something, "Your history can't be that interesting, can it?"

* * *

Yugi's head snapped up at the familiar voice, "Oh, Yami…" Yugi blushed, as this was the first time that they were alone; why was he thinking like that? "Sorry, I didn't know that it was you…you did an awesome job last night, I was very impressed."

Yami smiled and averted his eyes, it was like he wasn't used to being complimented. Yugi didn't understand why, though, he was an excellent guitarist, "Thank you," Was his only reply.

"That will be 89 cents," Yami handed over the change, and their hands briefly met before the money was actually exchanged. Yugi felt himself blushing again, not noticing the fact that Yami involuntarily flinched at the skin on skin contact, "Umm…" Yugi tried to find something else to say, and after a rather long second he finally picked a subject, "Do you guys have a CD or something? I'd like to buy one if you do…" He trailed off, deciding that he was prying and that he should stop. 

"Well, no." Yami admitted, obviously not thinking that Yugi was prying at all, "But we might be getting a record deal in a few weeks; though if we do, I'm not sure if we'll be playing at _The Curse_ anymore."

"That's excellent, congratulations," Yugi said, though he felt rather saddened by the fact that Yami --Sennen Rage-- might be leaving _The Curse_ Once again, Yugi wondered why he was feeling this way. Did he really have a crush on Yami? He barely knew him!

"Though…" He decided to keep going with the thought, as it was pretty much harmless, "I'd miss Sennen Rage's performances; you guys really are excellent, one of the best I've heard." He handed Yami his change and Yami pocketed it; Yugi couldn't help but watch his hand travel down his chest and feel for the pocket of his shorts.

Yami grabbed his coffee and walked towards the door, though he did look a little reluctant, as if he didn't want to leave, "I'll…see you on Saturday, then?"

"Of course," Yugi promised, then Yami waved with his free hand and left, "It's a date."

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: This chapter was revised on 7-4-06.

Thanks to all reviewers, future, present, and past.

Please Review.


	6. Chapter 6

Yami didn't understand his feelings, and he didn't know what to make of them. Hell, he barely even knew what they were. But for the past two days, ever since Sunday morning, all that he was able to think about was Yugi Muto. Even as Ryan told him on Monday for what was probably hours that if they messed up then they'd never get that record deal, Yami couldn't help but smile a little and play the music perfectly, almost laughing on the inside as Ryan stared, nonplussed.

Yami should have been scared, and he knew it; he should have been cowering under Ryan's masked threats, crying at the fact that he was trapped on the inside and out, but he wasn't; he wasn't exactly happy, either, he wasn't sure if he would ever truly be happy, not after everything that's happened to him, but he wasn't in that deep pit of despair, either. It was like he was climbing out and unlocking the door on his way to actually being content.

At the thought of content, Yugi popped back into his mind. Yami couldn't help but feel warm and happy at the sight or even the mere thought of Yugi, and Yami didn't know what to do, or even think, about it. He thought that Yugi was cute, like a innocent being that didn't know that something such as rape even existed, but behind the smaller's eyes Yami thought that he saw something that looked like understanding. That was not a knowledge that not everyone had, but once again, Yami didn't know what to think of it.

He hadn't been in close contact with something that even remotely resembled a friend since he had moved away from Egypt. He'd never been in love, and he'd never thought that he'd been in love, so when the thought that he might have had a crush on Yugi entered his mind, Yami immediately discarded it. He wasn't in love with the boy, he couldn't be. He barely even knew him.

Of course, that didn't stop Yami from walking the couple of blocks down to Cumby's to get his staple, coffee, and a bottle of vitamins before going down to _The Curse_ for rehearsal.

Yami wasn't going to see Yugi, he was going to buy his goods; that was what he told himself, anyway; what he really was thinking was that it would be nice if Yugi was working that particular shift so he could get another look at the small adult. He felt like the other could give him another boost of confidence before facing his nightmare…once again.

Yami really hoped that Yugi was working that shift.

* * *

Yugi's week was flying by incredibly slow. Every hour seemed like an eternity, and it was like guilt was slowly consuming him, eating him away.

It was as if his self-conscious wanted him to brood on the fact that he was lying to Anzu for as long as possible until Saturday came, so he could lie again and more guilt would be added onto his list. He found himself constantly thinking about fantasy situations where Anzu found out about his dirty little secret, and was so angry, so disappointed in him that she left, and Yugi didn't want that. In reality, he was just lucky that he wasn't dreaming about it, and, truth be told, dreams about people finding out one's secrets aren't fun.

It was only Wednesday morning, but as Yugi sat behind the counter inside of Cumberland Farms, watching the cars and bikes ride by, he realized that the night club and Anzu were the only things on his mind. He had no homework due that afternoon -- he did it all over the weekend -- and even if he did, he had completely forgotten about it. Yugi didn't care about the customers or about the things that they bought. In fact he was only putting about half of his attention into polite conversation that they made; he could only think about this lie. 

Well, not only the lie; not exactly. Yugi couldn't help but smile as a now familiar face made its presence known inside of the convenience store. A very familiar face that looked very good with his hair pulled back in a ponytail.

* * *

Yami's heart skipped a beat as he walked into Cumby's, his guitar slung over his shoulder, and made eye contact with Yugi. Once again that emotion that just couldn't be love circulated through his body, condensing somewhere inside of his stomach, and he went completely on instinct as he smiled and said, "Good morning, Yugi."

Yugi smiled, it was such a nice smile, and replied with, "Morning, Yami. How are you doing today?" He glanced at his guitar over his shoulder, "Going to rehearsal?"

"Yeah," Yami said, though for some reason he found himself wishing that he could just stay with Yugi inside of the store, getting to know him better.

Yugi sighed distractedly, looking at the ceiling above him, "I wish that I could have a job doing what I love, but I just had to go to college…" Then he seemed to get control of himself, and blushed, looking anywhere but at Yami's crimson eyes, "Sorry…" He mumbled.

"That's…quite all right," Yami said, making his way over to the small section of the store with Tylenol and such; he found the Vitamins easily enough, but with a quick glance at Yugi, who was staring determinedly at the cash register, he suddenly felt embarrassed at the fact that he couldn't hold any solid food down, and that the mere thought of it made him feel nauseous and faint.

For a full minute Yami stood staring at the bottle of pills, and he couldn't decide what to do…buy them, or not? But then again, why did he care so much? It wasn't supposed to matter what Yugi thought of him; for all he knew he wouldn't see Yugi ever again after today, but Yami knew that this wasn't about Yugi. This was about himself. It didn't matter if Yugi thought he was weak or anorexic or anything, but if Yami himself thought that he was weak, then he knew that he should try to change it.

"Do you need help finding anything?" Yugi asked, finally gaining his wits back and looking at Yami. That was all that he said, though, and he started to move towards the opening of the counter to go help him. 

"No," Yami said, and Yugi fell back. Yami didn't notice that there was a slightly disappointed expression in his eyes. "I'm fine."

"Okay." Yugi said, and went back to sitting on a stool behind the counter. He leaned back against the wall, where all of the lottery tickets were kept in a clear prison, and closed his eyes, obviously trusting that Yami wouldn't leave without paying. Yami thought that it felt nice to be trusted, even if those weren't really Yugi's true intentions.

Settling on a bag of Original Chex Mix and his Vanilla coffee, which, coincidentally, was his basic diet in his college, Yami made his way up to counter and smiled as Yugi didn't notice him. The guitarist really would have liked to stay and watch Yugi be bored, but a look at the watch on his wrist told him that he really had to be going; he didn't want to be late.

"Umm…Yugi? I really hate to bother you, but I don't want to be late," Yami said, smiling a little to show that he wasn't trying to be hostile, not that he came off as that, anyways.

Yugi's eyes snapped open and he blushed once more, smiling embarrassedly, stammering apologies. Again, Yami felt that pang of in his chest, and he found that it wasn't really there. It was…beyond it, if that makes any sense at all. Yami produced his cash at the sight of the total on the screen, and Yugi gave him his change.

At Yugi's light fingers passing over his own hand, Yami was horrified to find that he flinched, and it wasn't a small one, either. Was he really so closed that he couldn't even touch someone that he almost considered a friend without visibly cringing? Yami's eyes darkened with his thoughts, and he looked away from the other.

"Yami?" Yugi asked, not buying Yami's attempts to hide his discomfort, "Are you alright?"

* * *

Yami didn't answer Yugi for a moment, and Yugi was thrown into an utter sense of alarm. What was going on? Why did Yami flinch like that when he touched him? Yugi's eyes widened when he realized that something really was wrong with Yami, and that what he had as a guess probably wasn't too far from the truth. He took a deep but silent breath, "Yami?"

Yami took his change and hastily stuffed it into his pocket, not caring which one. He didn't answer for a minute, looking as if he would just ignore Yugi and leave, but then he must've decided that Yugi needed an answer, even if it was just a weak lie, "Yeah, I'm…I'm fine. Yugi, I really have to be going, now. I'm going to be late for work." He said, and without even making eye contact with Yugi, picked up his purchased items and left, seeming to be in a big hurry, not even offering him a real goodbye.

Yugi sat back down on his stool; he didn't know what was going on, and just wished that he had more of a clue. Yami's situation was seeming more and more like-- 

No, Yugi thought, shaking his head at the memory; his mom wasn't like that. His mom's touch was so kind and soothing after he'd been crying for such a long time, and she never stiffened when Yugi hugged her or when they held hands and took long walks through the park, trying to rid themselves of what made them so tainted.

But that was because Yugi and his mom still had soothing hugs and touches; they still had each other, and they weren't cut off from kind feelings, even though they sure had their share of bad ones. 

Yugi realized then, that Yami really didn't have anyone. He was all alone, even though his profession suggested that he wouldn't stay that way; eve though Yami was supposed to have fan-girls practically drooling on him as he entered and exited building, he didn't. Yami really was, as Sam the bartender suggested, all alone. He was, perhaps, leading the hardest type of life that there was to live, yet he didn't seem to have done anything to make it that way. 

Not that Yugi would know, they've only had three short conversations; they were just short little things that never amounted to anything in the end. They weren't awkward or dragging, and just seemed to be comfortable, even if nothing was said.

Sadly, that was more than he was able to do with Anzu for over a week. But as little as Yugi did know about the tan crimson eyed guitarist, he did know one thing, and that was set in stone.

Yugi didn't want Yami to be alone.

* * *

Hours later, Yami sat at home in his living room, an unwatched TV on Fuse, a half eaten bag of Chex Mix on a small table besides his chair. Yami's eyes were unfocused and brooding. He had calmed down a lot since he was with Yugi at Cumberland Farms, but it was just a shock to know that he couldn't even touch people anymore.

What would his parents think of him if they even saw him again? Would they try to help? Or would they tell him that he should've listened? Yami knew that it would have been the former, as his parents loved him, but he couldn't help but feel like the latter would always be on their minds, poisoning their image of him.

Yami had never had a playing experience quite like the one that he went through today. He was able to play everything correctly, yes, but, Ryan's words went directly to the guitar, he couldn't even focus on what he was being told. It was as if his voice and his fingers lacked the passion that he always used to have, like his detached thoughts in the back of his mind were finally leaking into his playing, and Yami knew that having no passion was worse than making mistakes. Listeners would notice, and this wasn't something that Yami could practice until he got it. He'd have to feel it, but he couldn't…not today.

However, Ryan didn't say anything at _The Curse_…maybe he didn't notice. Yami wasn't sure how Ryan felt about Yami not playing with heart, even if Yami himself hated it. Maybe he would say anything, and as long as Yugi was at the performance on Saturday, he'd have that heart. Not that his feeling was anything like love, though, he just couldn't believe that.

Yami blinked, pulling himself out of his daze, and stuck a very small handful of food into his mouth. He was forcing himself to eat, he had been all day, and he was doing good with it, too, just as long as he didn't eat too much at a time or swallow too fast. It was just his small little attempt at proving that he wasn't as pathetic and weak as Ryan pointed him out to be. Yami forgot what food actually tasted like, but he wasn't about to go out and get more, he had to try to keep all of this down first. Who knew what would happen when it hit his stomach?

Yami's neck snapped as he turned to the door of his apartment. Someone was opening it, and that someone could only have been Ryan, seeing how no one else had a key. Yami stood up, wondering where he could go; he didn't want to talk to Ryan, not now. Wasn't him bashing every fault and mistake once a day enough?

Ryan invited himself in, and stared daggers at Yami as soon as his eyes found him, "Ryan," Yami said, really having no clue as to what Ryan was here for. He couldn't want to punish him for-

"What's your problem?" Ryan said, turning his body so that he was fully facing Yami. His eyes weren't drunk, just angry; not that that made it any less frightening, though.

Yami furrowed his eyebrows, "Excuse me?" He didn't know what Ryan was talking about; what could he have meant? "I don't know what you're-"

"Damn right you don't know what I'm talking about!" Ryan yelled, and Yami stopped talking, breathing, as Ryan moved closer to the guitarist and grabbed his wrists. He felt nauseous again, "I don't like this attitude that you've had this past week. Just because you played one thing correctly in front of people doesn't mean that you can let your head swell. You are nothing compared to me, Yami…nothing." He squeezed Yami's wrists, and Yami hissed in pain, feeing the circulation to his hands cut off. "And you better remember it…or do I have to remind you?" He smiled, bending forward and kissing Yami lightly on the lips with cracked chapped lips, holding onto his wrists with such a possessive force that Yami thought that everything was going to happen all over again. 

He felt bile raise to the back of his throat, and he gagged as Ryan let go of his hands and stepped back, watching Yami run off of to the bathroom, not caring what Ryan did. Yami's throat burned mercilessly as he was forced to empty the contents of his stomach into the toilet, while Ryan only laughed and walked out of the house, closing the door behind him.

Yami retched a couple more times, that sickened feeling refusing to leave him. Why was this happening to him? Why couldn't he just escape and leave? Why was he so weak? Detached? Why couldn't he just lead his life the way other people did, worrying about bills and how they were going to manage their time? Because he wanted to fulfill his dream? Somehow that just didn't seem right, but there it was, right in front of him…mocking him.

Yami wasn't getting cocky; he knew full well that he had a long way to go before they got a record deal. He was only smiling as he played on Monday, showing the emotion that he was feeling, because that's what musicians did, their feelings reflected their music. Yami couldn't help it if he smiled when he played because he was thinking of Yugi, not that he had any feelings for the boy.

No. 

Yami did have feelings for Yugi, feelings that went directly into how passionate his guitar and vocals sounded. Yugi served as his inspiration, and he knew that he was feeling something for the pale boy that was more than slight interest, even if it wasn't love, it was…something…

Yami wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and flushed the toilet. There was nothing left in his stomach, and that stubborn feeling of nausea finally started to fade away, though he couldn't say the same for his depression. Once again, just as he was starting to fight back, to gain just a little bit of slack, Ryan went and snatched his dignity and confidence away, leaving him all alone with no where to turn--

Unless Yugi would let Yami turn to him?

But why would he? Sooner or later the rumors would reach Yugi, too, if they didn't already, and he'd start to shun, ignore, and talk about Yami as well. It wasn't a happy prospect, and it wasn't even a gray one. It seemed beak and dark, but nevertheless inevitable.

Yami sincerely hoped that he was blind, and that he just couldn't see the light that showed him the correct path. There had to be a light…wasn't there always a light? Didn't every cloud have a silver lining? Or did Yami's just…fall off? Maybe it did, and someone would find him someday and be able to put it back on. Or maybe he was already found.

Yami stood up shakily and walked slowly to his room, feeling suddenly exhausted. Tears coursed down his face, and as he slowly drifted off to sleep, he wondered if he'd ever be loved, if anyone would love him so that he could figure out what it felt like, and love them back with the same amount of care and passion.

A thought crossed Yami's mind, one that he didn't even remember when he next woke up:

Maybe Yugi could show him.

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: This chapter was revised on 7-5-06.

Thanks to all reviewers.

Please Review.


	7. Chapter 7

On Friday Yugi waited, waited, and…waited. He wanted to see Yami again, maybe even ask him if he was alright as he seemed so disturbed on Wednesday, but he didn't come to Cumby's on Thursday, and he didn't come on Friday, either. At this, Yugi felt slightly depressed. He knew that he had a bad case of puppy love for the crimson eyed guitarist, but could it have been something more?

"Yugi-chan," A voice that most surely wasn't Yami's came through the doors of the convenience store. It was Anzu, and judging by her attire, she was just stopping by on her way to work; she had afternoon classes that day. She smiled sweetly at Yugi before walking over and leaning on the counter to talk.

"Hi Anzu," Yugi said, glancing at her behavior with varied suspicion and worry. She was biting her lip slightly, and was smiling just a little too broadly, "Is something wrong?"

"No," Anzu said quickly, reassuring Yugi, "You just…didn't come to see me this morning, so I got a little worried…"

Yugi bit the inside of his cheek lightly, unable to think of something to say to that. He would've felt bad about all but ignoring her that morning, but lately she'd been a little irritable in the mornings. Plus, his alarm clock had failed to wake him up, so he was running a little late, "Sorry, Anzu, my alarm clock went off late. I didn't even have time for a shower."

Anzu rolled her eyes and smiled, "It's alright; I just wanted to ask you something…"

Yugi blinked, wondering what the hell she was talking about, "Uhh…sure. Shoot." What could this be all about? Yugi hoped that it wasn't expensive; dinner on Sunday cost quite a bit; his wallet was running on low.

"Well, I was thinking, seeing how our date went so well on Sunday," Yugi was reminded forcefully of awkward silences and conversations that were completely one sided; both of them at fault, "That…maybe we could try going to _The Curse_ again?"

Yugi…well, he wasn't expecting that. Weighing the perspectives, he knew that he was going to go to said nightclub, but if he said no to Anzu, who was to say that she wouldn't do the same as him and go anyway? Yugi opened his mouth slowly, carefully choosing his words, "Well, if you really want to…" 

"Thanks, Yugi-chan!" She said happily, "I can't wait. There's someone that I want you to-"

Yugi held up his palm to stop her, "But you have to promise that you won't drink."

Anzu looked at Yugi like he had an extra eye; while her own were slightly frustrated, "Yugi, why do have such a problem with me drinking? That's what college students do." 

Yugi crossed his arms, trying not to get upset. Couldn't she do this one thing for him? "Anzu, I don't want to talk about it, " He looked at the clock over her shoulder, and started to speak again before she could, knowing that it wouldn't be anything positive, "You'd better go, you'll be late for work." 

Anzu apparently cleared her head of all tainted thoughts because she smiled, her blue eyes glistening once more, leaned over, and kissed Yugi softly on the cheek, "I'll see you tonight, Yugi-chan."

As the door closed behind her, Yugi finally allowed himself to sigh deeply and roll his eyes. How he wished that Anzu would just take the things that he asked for without complaint, it wasn't like he asked her for much, just an abstinence for alcohol. 

He wasn't demanding the world…

* * *

Saturday night came and Yugi and Anzu were standing outside of _The Curse_ in a semi-long line, much like it was two weeks or so ago when they went to the club for the first time. Yugi seriously hoped that it wouldn't contain the same ending. Anzu was wearing what was apparently her clubbing outfit, while Yugi was wearing what he was last week: jeans and a sweatshirt. 

"Yugi-chan," Anzu, who was in high spirits about something, asked, "Why are you wearing jeans and a sweatshirt? Don't you think that you should've dressed up a little?"

Yugi frowned, "Why?" Seriously, he didn't know. He really wasn't a typical club-going person and he didn't feel like dancing that night, anyways, so there was no reason for him to look flashy. He'd probably sit in the dark all night, waiting to either to go see Yami or to go home.

"Jeremy, over here!" Yugi heard Anzu shout, and he swerved his head to look at a guy about his age walking over to them, wearing what was supposed to be 'proper club going attire,' which consisted of tight leather pants and a thin tan-colored shirt. He was good looking, with short spiked blond and red hair, and he had blue eyes that shone even in the dark. He reached the two of them, and Anzu lowered her voice, "Looking good."

"Hey, thanks. You too," He said smoothly, looking Anzu up and down. Yugi raised an eyebrow, wondering whether or not he should say something. He wondered who the guy was, and how long Anzu had known him. Yugi didn't feel any jealousy or anything towards the man, but he hoped that he wouldn't metaphorically sweep Anzu off of her feet and carry her away, because he really would be socially lost without her. She was still his only real friend.

"Oh," Anzu said, looking down at Yugi as if she only just remembered that he was there, "Yugi, this is Jeremy, the guy I wanted to introduce you to. We go to the same college, but we didn't know each other until he saw me here two weeks ago." She stepped back and allowed the two boys to step forward, "Jeremy, this is Yugi. We're dating."

"Oh," Jeremy said, looking a little crestfallen, though he shook Yugi's hand goodheartedly all the same, "You didn't mention that you were dating anyone, but it's still nice to meet you, Yugi." Yugi sighed silently before pulling his hand back to his body. He opened his mouth to reply, but Anzu interrupted him.

"Oh, well, Yugi doesn't mind, right? He's glad to meet you as well, I'm sure." She glanced at Yugi before pulling her ID and money out of her jacket pocket and flashing it at the bus-boy while leaving the money on the table in front of the building. Yugi and Jeremy did the same. Once inside, he immediately saw Yami at the bar, stirring a soda absentmindedly. He broke away from Anzu and Jeremy, who were already deep in conversation about some dance or another, and made his way over to the stools and beverages.

"Hi Yami," Yugi said, sitting down next to him. The singer looked at him immediately, changing what was obviously a sad look to a more or less content one, "You ran off so quickly on Wednesday…" Yugi berated himself angrily for jumping to what was most likely a touchy subject. He quickly changed the it, "You weren't late for rehearsal, were you?"

Yami shook his head, and his hair that was hanging down to his shoulders was disturbed slightly. A lock of crimson and black fell into his face, and Yugi had to resist the urge to brush it away. "No, I wasn't. But I'm glad that I left when I did, because I was cutting it close. I didn't mean to be so rude." 

Yugi shook his head, "No problem. We all have stupid little things to do in life…not that your job is stupid. Anything but." He noticed that Yami's gaze went back to his drink; it was as if he was having a hard time keeping his crimson orbs locked on to any other's. "Are you alright?" Yami's face looked very pale, as if he was recently sick.

Yami nodded, taking a sip of soda, but Yugi saw that none of the liquid actually entered his mouth, "Yeah. I just got a little stomach virus the other day…but I'm fine now." He nodded and smiled into his drink as a feeble way to prove his point.

"Oh, well…I'm glad," Yugi said, getting a feeling that Yami was at least partially lying to him. He ignored it, though, and mentally searched his memory for something that they could talk about; they were entering a period of awkward silence, and Yugi really didn't want to go downstairs to talk to Jeremy and Anzu. They were having a good enough time without them as it was. But if he wasn't going to talk with Yami, he didn't want to be his shadow, "Oh, umm, you said something before about a record deal. How's that going for you?"

Yami smiled broadly, and Yugi knew that the little compliment traveled miles, "We're about halfway there; the talent agent came last week and apparently he really liked the performance. Next week a recording agent is coming in. If that goes well," He stopped, apparently realizing that he was bragging, but Yugi didn't mind, and drunk in every detail of his silky baritone voice. "Well, you know…" 

Yugi thought that he understood, and smiled back at Yami, who still wasn't making eye contact with him. He was going to congratulate the band, and, more importantly, him, but was interrupted.

"Yugi-chan, I was looking for you! I never thought that you'd be at the bar of all places…" Yugi and Yami both swerved around at the pet name, and Yugi found himself blushing at Anzu standing in front of them, looking at Yami with a subtly disgusted expression on her face, "Yami Atemu, am I right?" She said, and Yugi hoped that Yami didn't notice her icy tone. 

"Yes," Neither of them bothered to shake hands, but Yugi knew that Yami's reasoning was different than Anzu's. "It's nice to meet you."

Anzu nodded, and sat down by Yugi, "What are you doing up here? Don't you want to come downstairs and dance?"

"Uh, no, Anzu," Yugi said, "I'm just going to sit up here with Yami for a little…I be down in, like, ten minutes, and I'll dance with you then, okay?" He looked at her hopefully, just wanting her to go away and to stop glancing at Yami.

"Okay, but I'm just going to get some drinks for Jeremy and I."

Yugi bit his lip; it wasn't like she agreed to his request…right? "Anzu, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't drink here…it's just-"

"Yugi, don't give me that, we'll be fine." Anzu turned to the bartender and ordered, then paid and grabbed the two odd colored liquids off of the counter and walked back downstairs, "See you in a bit, Yugi-chan."

Yugi sighed; that really was embarrassing, "Yami, I'm-"

"Girlfriend?" Yami asked, looking at his left ear.

"Yeah, I'm really sorry about the looks…it's just…" Yugi started, but Yami interrupted him, going back to his drink and stirring the coke with a straw. 

"She thinks that I'm a perverted bastard, right?" Yami said sarcastically, then fell silent again, not even bothering to stir his drink. Yugi didn't answer, either. He couldn't bring himself to do that. After a minute or so, Yami said so quietly, that Yugi almost didn't catch it, "You…Yugi, you don't believe those rumors, do you? I swear, I don't do anything like that-" 

"Yami, it's alright," Yugi said, noticing Yami's feverish tone, "I don't believe in any of that. You're a really nice guy." Yugi tried to hold back a blush…he really didn't mean to say that, even though he knew that it was true.

He bit the corner of his mouth, he had to get back to Anzu before she came back up; he didn't want Yami to feel any less comfortable than he undoubtedly already did. "Good luck in your performance tonight, I'll be watching." He said, and Yami finally met eyes with his; they stared for a fair few seconds before Yugi broke the contact and smiled, then turned around and walked down the stairs, his smile turning into a frown as an empty table with Anzu's jacket on it loomed into view.

* * *

Yami resumed his previous brooding, though now he some other things to think about. Yugi had a girlfriend, and not a very nice one, either, by the looks of it. Yugi seemed so kind, how could he be with someone so…

Yami didn't even have a word for it. Just the way that she looked at him, and snapped at Yugi when he asked her not to drink pushed his opinion. The smaller's resquest seemed reasonable enough, didn't it? 

And Yugi didn't believe all of those lies about him; he had called him a nice guy. Yami really wanted to get closer to Yugi, and felt that they could be really good friends. Well, friends, anyway, Yami didn't want to get his hopes up. Things like that never work out.

Yet, the guitarist couldn't help but feel ashamed of himself; he wouldn't let himself make eye contact with Yugi, then he lied to him and couldn't look him in the eyes. Yugi did have beautiful eyes…what was the problem.

Ryan; just him. Always him.

* * *

Yugi sighed as he sat down at the table where Anzu's coat was thrown. He could see Jeremy and her dancing somewhere nearby; they were both extraordinary at it; their movements flowed into what seemed like a smooth and continuous beat. _Romanticide_ by Nightwish was playing, and when the vocals started, they got really close and started to do a sort of swaying motion. Yugi sat and watched, but soon became bored.

Their glasses of alcohol were mostly filled, so at least they were pacing themselves; always counting ones blessings, right? The song ended, and Anzu must've noticed that Yugi was sitting by himself. She left Jeremy alone on the floor and came to sit next to him, "Hi, Yugi-chan."

"Hey Anzu," Yugi said, smiling a little though he was suddenly feeling tired, and wished that he was sleeping in his apartment, on his nice, comfy couch. "You and Jeremy seem to be hitting it off. You guys dance well…" 

"Hmm, yeah, I suppose that we do, but I think that me and you can dance even better," She leaned over and grabbed her drink before downing at least a quarter of it in one gulp. Yugi made a face, but quickly got rid of it and Anzu didn't even notice.

"Uh, Anzu, I don't think that I want to dance tonight…" He said, recalling the plan that he made for himself outside of the club. It didn't seem to work, though, and Anzu grabbed the smaller's hand before dragging him out to the floor, telling him that he would enjoy it.

…He did.

* * *

"Hey, Yami." Zach said, placing his hand on Yami's shoulder backstage. Yami couldn't repress a shiver, but it wasn't not like either of them cared, "Don't pull any of the shit that you did last week. You could've messed up the whole entire thing for us."

"Zach, I-" 

"No, don't give me that," He said, looking angry, "That really pissed me off, and even if Goldman fell for it, I doubt that a record manger will. Don't mess this up for us, it's all that Jullian and I have, and just because you have something to fall back on…it doesn't mean that we do." With that he turned and walked to the edge of the stage, waiting for the DJ to introduce them.

Yami was horrorstruck at what the bass player had just told him. Yami didn't do that to show off…he did it to try to make himself comfortable playing. But no one would believe him, would they? No one ever did.

Sennen Rage was called out onto the stage, and Yami was brought back to earth by Jullian calling his name. He made his way out onto the platform, his guitar and pick in hand, and looked out across the vast crowd for a familiar face. He found it quickly, and Yugi smiled sweetly, then gave him a thumbs up, reassuring his shot and abused nerves.

Yami's heart also softened a little: Yugi didn't think that he was a show-off, and Yugi didn't believe those rumors. And it didn't matter if everyone else did, because he found the one person that didn't. And Yami would rather like one person that liked him back than a million that didn't.

Yugi, was the only one that Yami could see as the song started, and Yugi…other than himself and his parents, was the only one that he played for.

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: This chapter was revised on 7-5-06.

Thanks to all reviewers.

Please Review.


	8. Chapter 8

Yami swiped a perfect chord for the third time and all three instrumentalists cut off simultaneously, while the whole hall burst into applause. While Zach and Jullian bowed and waved, saying things like 'See you in Schenectady!' or 'Sennen Rage salutes you!' Yami only allowed himself a small smile at Yugi, who smiled brilliantly back. Then the guitarist left the stage, that small smile still on his face.

Even though Yami felt a bubbling sense of pride at the success of another performance, it all melted away as Zach glanced at him with a pronounced frown before going off with Jullian to their own dressing room. Ryan made sure that they shared, while Yami had a room to himself. Yami saw Zach and Jullian at least four times a week, yet they still thought of him as a dirty whore. Who knew what else was said about him when he wasn't around?

Was it somehow Yami's fault that he was stuck in a hole so deep? If he had somehow gotten closer to the two boys before Ryan spread those lies, would things have turned out different? If Yami stayed with his parents in Egypt and became a doctor, would he have been happier? Yami sighed after entering his dressing room and felt his heart lighten just a little when Ryan wasn't there. Bending over, he put his guitar back in its case and closed it, snapping the holders into place.

He was living out his dream, how many other people got to do that? How many other people stuck with that dream even at the cost of rape? Could he not get out of this because he was weak, or did he truly think that things would one day get better? Yami didn't know, and as he walked out of the room with his guitar in hand, he realized that he probably wouldn't know until next week, when he finally got the chance to work himself out of this nightmare.

* * *

"Anzu, are you ready to leave yet?" Yugi asked, struggling to keep his voice higher than the hard rock beat as the DJ started up music again. Anzu ignored him, though, deciding instead to grab Jeremy by the shoulders and dance with him, "Anzu!"

"Oh, come on, Yugi," She said, not bothering to make eye contact with him, "It's still early. You make it seem like you only come to see the band." 

Yugi blinked. He _did_ only come to see the band, "I'm gonna…go get something to drink." Yugi was slightly hurt about the fact that she would rather dance like that with someone she met from college a week ago than accompany him home. It was alright, though, Yugi didn't mind too much. He shrugged a little and turned around as Anzu slid her hands from Jeremy's shoulders down to hips so she could pull him closer and continue dancing.

Yugi sighed once more and fought his way out of the mass of sweaty, leather-clad dancing people that, judging how a few of them were dancing, really couldn't of had any self-dignity at all. Was there really something wrong with him in only coming to see the band, or, more specifically, Yami? They were…you could classify them as friends, right?

Yugi reached the stairs without incident, and looked back at Anzu and Jeremy, who were now talking as they danced. They'd probably come upstairs to the bar for drinks later, still chattering animatedly about subjects that they both found interesting.

Yugi knew that, in a way, Anzu was right. Most college students did drink, and most of them have gotten drunk at least once. It was just that Yugi couldn't bring himself to drink, and he felt that if he told Anzu why he couldn't, then she'd blow it off, saying that that happened so long ago, and that she'd never hurt him even if she did get drunk once in a while. And even if she didn't think like that, he didn't want her to get upset or feel guilty, either. She looked so happy with Jeremy…why add another variable to that?

Yugi climbed the stairs slowly, feeling very lonely and out of place. He remembered dances in middle school; Anzu would ask if he wanted to go, and his Mother had told him to go have some fun, so he went for her.

He seldom had fun, though; Anzu was very popular, and was always pulled into groups of dancers, leaving Yugi, who wasn't popular at all, alone for hours. This was just like that, except there wasn't any alcohol here; that was all at home.

Yugi stopped as he walked into the lobby.. At the bar, which was Yugi's intention, was a man in a dress shirt and pants, though his conduct was anything but dressy. The man practically reeked of alcohol and of some weird vibe that Yugi just couldn't place. One look at Sam told him that it wouldn't be wise for one to venture over there. Yugi agreed.

So, where to go now? He couldn't go to buy a drink, and he definitely couldn't go home, as Anzu would not be a happy camper about it. Yugi frowned, realizing that his only alternative was to go downstairs and sit alone.

"Yugi?" Maybe not.

* * *

Yami walked into the lobby, and immediately the smell of alcohol hit his nose. It burned, even though a few months ago Yami wouldn't have done anything of the sort. He coughed and tried to get rid of the dizzy feeling; it passed. When he opened his eyes, a familiar person loomed out to him.

"Yugi?" 

The smaller turned towards Yami, and his extremely thoughtful expression cleared up with a smile, "Yami, I didn't think I'd get a chance to see you again tonight. You guys did an awesome job." 

Yami nodded, that successful feeling bubbling inside of him again, "Thank you. It really does mean a lot."

Yugi rolled his eyes a little and smirked just the lightest bit, "Of course, last week's performance was definitely my favorite. That solo at the beginning just made me feel so…" He faded out, unable to come up with the appropriate words.

Yami nodded, almost laughing on the inside. If only Yugi knew.

"Are you leaving?" The other suddenly asked, looking disappointed. His bright smile had faded just a little.

He sighed, "Yeah…but, well, I'd ask to buy you a drink, but…" Yami turned his head to look at the drunk at the bar just as Ryan's gray eyes turned away. Yami froze, the air catching in his throat; even his heart seemed to stop.

Yugi didn't seem to notice, though, and only spoke once more, taking Yami's fade off as a pleasantry, "Well, if you're going home, then maybe next week. We can celebrate your record deal." 

Yami turned back to the smaller, the promise of the drink and the reminder of how close he was to getting away bringing his smile just big enough to be plausible. "Sounds good. I'll see you then." With a nod and one more concealed up and down glance at Yugi, Yami turned and walked out of _The Curse_, reminding himself that Ryan probably couldn't even walk at this point, let alone follow him home.

* * *

As Yugi walked back down the stairs towards the pounding rock music and dancing cliques, he couldn't help but have a small bounce in his step and a large grin plastered on his face. It was only a drink at a bar in a club that they both attended anyway, but Yugi just couldn't help but think that him and Yami were really going to go on some type of date. It just felt…good. 

"Yugi-chan? What're you so happy about?" Anzu asked from her seat at their table; Jeremy had gone off to somewhere. The girl looked a little overheated, and her own smile was just a little too lopsided to be sober.

"Absolutely nothing," Yugi said, sitting down and toning down his jaw; nothing that she had to know about, anyway. Yugi could almost see the headline running through her head: "My boyfriend hanging out with that rock-obsessed prostitute-pleasuring bastard?" If Yugi's smile was still too perky, that brought it down a few notches, no problem. 

"Were you talking to that guitarist again?" She asked, not actually wanting an answer, "Because, you know, he is really attractive." At this, Yugi blushed a little, but the dim lights hid it from view. It wasn't like Anzu would notice at this point, anyway, "You know…he's too attractive…he must be gay. You can just tell by looking at him."

Yugi's smile was now a slightly amused smirk. If she could tell that a man was gay just by looking at him, then she didn't think that they would be together at this point. "Anzu-"

"Yugi-chan, I want you to stay away from him," Anzu said, pointing a finger at Yugi's face, "You could be the next on his list."

Yugi's smirk was now pointing the other way; he was almost afraid to ask, "…list?"

"You know," She said, then leaned forward and whispered, "His victims."

Yugi's mouth dropped. Victim! Victims of what? Yugi knew, and he was just about to scream in her flushed face for her ignorance, too, but Jeremy returned from wherever he was, presumably the bathrooms, looking tired and sober, which pretty much forced Yugi to close his mouth. No need to yell around him, he really didn't need to deal with any weird looks at the moment.

"Hey, Anzu," He said smoothly, "I'm gonna head out now, alright? I'll see you in class on Monday, 'kay?"

"Okay, Yugi and I were just leaving, too," She said, standing up with a little wobble, "See you later."

"Bye, Jeremy, it was nice meeting you," Yugi said, reaching over and shaking the dancer's hand once more. He ignored Anzu's comment about them leaving as it wasn't like he cared. 

The only reason that Yugi came was already gone, but Yugi knew that he'd be seeing him again real soon.

* * *

Girlfriend. Yugi had a girlfriend. 

Yami lay in his bed, staring at his ceiling in the dark, absolutely confused. He had asked Yugi if he wanted a drink almost as a date, and had Yugi accepted it for the next week. But what if Yugi meant it as a friendship thing? Well, he did apologize for --what was her name?-- Anzu's rudeness, so maybe he didn't want to be dating her at all. Maybe he was even a little ashamed.

Yami shook his head; he hoped that he wasn't getting jealous, but it didn't matter, anyway. Yugi accepted, and that was all that Yami cared about at the moment.

Speaking of caring about the amethyst-eyed clubber; Ryan saw them talking, and this scared Yami for a couple of reasons: Yami hasn't had any social contact since Ryan's 'contact' started. What would he do to this life-line that Yami managed to find? Ryan always destroyed his little chances of happiness, and Yami couldn't help but feel like Yugi's life was in danger.

But maybe not. Ryan looked incredibly drunk, and sometimes he didn't remember things too well when he was hammered. Maybe this was once of those times. 

And Yugi liked Yami, at least as a friend. He helped him get through these performances, and in one more week, because of Yugi, Ryan would be gone forever. Yami wouldn't be lonely anymore, even if Yugi did have Anzu. He could still be Yugi's friend, and at this point that was all that Yami wanted.

* * *

Almost there…almost there… 

"Yugi-chan!"

Damn, "Yes, Anzu?" Yugi said, stopping short at the door and turning to look at his girlfriend with his head still on the knob. He thought that Anzu would still be asleep; she crashed as soon as they walked in the door the previous night, but apparently he was wrong.

"Yugi, I need to talk to you about last night." She said, looking slightly hung over, but still serious.

"About…?" Yugi asked, letting all but a finger glide away from the door handle. Yugi thought that they'd for once talk about something constructive that could start to pick up the broken pieces of their relationship, but he was wrong again.

"I want you to stay away from him," She said, crossing her arms and pulling off a half-concerned-half-dangerous face. The implied 'him' burned as it hit Yugi's ears, and dormant rage now rose to the surface.

"What? Are you talking about Yami?" This was utterly ridiculous, and it took all of Yugi's self-control to not walk out of the door and slam it in her face.

"Of course I am, you haven't heard about all of the stuff that he's done! He's no good, Yugi, and you know it."

"Have you ever talked to him? I have, and he's not a bad guy at all. I'll introduce you to him sometime, he's just a little secluded…that's all…" Yugi said, calming down to a certain extent.

"I don't want to meet him, Yugi…not again, anyway. Did you hear the way he talked to me? All that 'it's nice to meet you' bullshit? It was disgusting."

Yugi repressed a scoff. There was only one thing disgusting about their conversation, and it wasn't Yami, "Anzu, I don't have much time for this right now. I'm going to be late for work," And with that, he was out the door and down the stairs to the outside world. 

Yugi knew that Anzu was, in her own way, just trying to protect him. But she was so blinded by these rumors, it was like she was doing more harm than good. Yugi didn't want to be hurt again; not anymore.

* * *

"Morning, Yugi," Yami said, greeting the smaller as soon as their eyes connected. He would've kept going towards the coffee, but Yugi's own half-hearted reply made him stop and approach the counter, "Is something wrong?" 

"Oh," Yugi sighed, knowing that he was caught, "My girlfriend just gave me a hard time this morning…she's been on my case for awhile now."

Yami bit his upper lip, knowing full well what her problem was, which just made the guitarist feel guilty. He had to say something. "Yugi…" He faded off, not really knowing what to say or how to say it. He really didn't want to mess this up, "I know that Anzu doesn't like me too much…I'm really sorry if I started something…"

Yugi's eyes sharpened slightly as he analyzed Yami and his statement-apology, and Yami knew that he had hit the mark. However, he was pleasantly surprised at Yugi's words, "No…no," Now it was his turn to find out the right words for his predicament, "It's her problem, not mine, and definitely not yours. Don't worry about it. I'm not. I'm just a little disturbed at how closed-minded she can be sometimes."

Yami was silent for a moment, chewing over these words, "Okay, I just…don't want your life to be difficult just because of me."

Yugi's next words totally blew Yami away, "My life will always be difficult…just like everyone else's will be…you're the one that makes mine easier."

When Yami left Cumberland Farms with his coffee that morning, his outlook on life had hit a new high. Yugi liked him and wanted to be with him; he said that Yami, of all people, made his life easier.

Yami knew that for him, Yugi did the same thing. It was just doubled.

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Note: This chapter was revised on 7-5-06.

Thanks to all reviewers.

Please Review.


	9. Chapter 9

"So who's the kid?"

Yami froze as he walked into his apartment, and he would've dropped his coffee cup if he hadn't thrown it out on the way back. Ryan was sitting in the recliner with the TV off, facing the entrance. It was obvious that he was waiting for Yami to return.

Yami's hands started to shake; Ryan did remember last night after all, "What kid?" He should've just kept quiet, though, as Ryan had him pinned to the wall in a minute. Yami didn't even realize that they were inches apart until it was too late.

"You know, the little one. He's cute, don't you think?"

Yami's crimson eyes hardened when he realized what Ryan was getting at, "You won't hurt him. I won't let you." Yami had never felt this angry towards Ryan; he didn't even realize that he was being so assertive towards his nightmare. How could Ryan talk so casually like that? 

"You won't let me?" He asked sarcastically, and pressed himself against Yami, who, at this contact, felt dizzy and faint.

He couldn't protect Yugi from Ryan; he was too weak to even protect himself, and the manager was just too strong, "I wouldn't do anything to the kid, he's too scrawny. He'd just give in too easily, and I'd snap him like a twig." Yami winced as Ryan laughed softly, "You're much more resilient…and you're so flexible…" Yami couldn't breathe anymore, and Ryan grabbed both of his wrists while he tried to regain some type of composure, "Of course…it's been a while, so I've forgotten…" 

"No. Don't," Yami ground out; any anger that he was feeling ebbed away and was replaced by cold fear. He closed his eyes as Ryan dragged him away from the wall.

"Don't you miss me? I know that I miss you," He said, and Yami's legs lost all feeling as he fell. He closed his eyes and caved in on himself, trying to block out all of his feelings and pain; but he didn't feel any; Ryan only bent down and whispered in his ear, "Not today. After all, we have rehearsal tomorrow. Just don't forget about me, Yami."

Then he was gone, but Yami still wouldn't open his eyes, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to stand up, no matter how many deep breaths he took. He knew what Ryan was trying to do: he was trying to scare Yami away from Yugi.

But what could Yami do? He really liked Yugi, and he knew that something between them added up to be more than friendship; he needed Yugi, and he couldn't stop seeing him. Yugi was the light in his darkness, and Ryan said that he wouldn't rape Yugi.

He did look to gentle for something like that, and if something did happen, then Ryan would be arrested. Yami wouldn't let the smaller get to the point that he was at; he wouldn't let Yugi feel bad about anything.

And by Saturday, he wouldn't have to. Ryan would be gone.

* * *

It was Friday, and Yugi was simply radiant. Things between him and Anzu were now back to the normal, avoid-me-when-possible-but-when-you-can't-how's-the-weather attitude, which had really made Yugi happy because Anzu had stopped mercilessly bashing Yami. Of course, in the end, that wasn't what made Yugi glow.

Every day that week Yami came to Cumby's to buy something. On Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, it was coffee, the morning paper, and a lottery ticket, but on Thursday, he stayed for 15 minutes and didn't buy anything at all. Instead they talked about music and what Yami intended to do once he and his band got that record deal.

Whenever Yami talked about climbing the charts, in which Yugi told him that he would top them and Yami would smile and blush a little, he got a dreamy look on his face; he even told Yugi that making it big was his dream, "It's silly, isn't it?" He said with a small laugh, but Yugi didn't think that it was silly at all.

Actually, every time that Yugi saw the tan guitarist, he got a great feeling inside, and that small case of puppy love that he diagnosed himself with grew into something that he knew was genuine love. He noticed that whenever he made eye contact with the other, Yami's eyes glistened like they did when he played his guitar. He smiled more, and Yugi had a feeling that whatever Yami's previous problems were, they were evaporating into nothing. Yugi knew that he had somehow helped, and that was why Yami kept coming back.

Yugi didn't really mind the reason, though. Not at all.

"Hi Yami," Yugi said brightly as soon as the entrance bell jingled and the guitarist walked inside. Today his ponytail was brushed down, and his hair, which Yugi imagined to be very silky, was framing his face. "You're looking professional today." It was true, he was wearing black dress pants and a dark gray dress shirt; it looked like silk, and Yugi could see a chain around his neck, dangling underneath his shirt.

"Heh," Yami said, looking down at himself and grinning sheepishly, "Yeah, I guess. The band is meeting the Record Manager today. He wants to see how we look on stage, learn a little something about our personalities, and…" He stopped, as if something was troubling him, and continued without making eye contact with Yugi, "See how well we interact with each other."

Yugi shook his head playfully. Yami was just a little secluded sometimes, that was all, "That shouldn't be a problem; you have 'rock star' practically written on your forehead, and you have a great personality," Yugi stopped, noticing Yami's frown. He usually smiled a little when Yugi complimented him, but now it was like he wasn't even listening. "Something wrong?"

"It's just, " Yami said, walking over to the counter and placing his fingertips on the edge of it, "I don't get along too well with Zach and Jullian; they think that I'm a show off, and that…well. they think along the same lines of your girlfriend."

Yugi sighed. He felt absolutely terrible for Yami. The poor guy had a dream; what was so bad about that? Why couldn't anyone just be happy for him? "Yami…that's-that's awful. But remember, it's not your problem. You know it's not true, and I know it's not true…so it's their problem."

"Yugi, I appreciate that and everything, but I've had this dream…to be known all over…ever since I was little. My parents didn't approve, but I told them that I'd do it, and…" Yami took a deep breath, while Yugi held his. Yami, ever since he and Yugi really began to talk, hadn't mentioned a single word about his past, and neither had Yugi. They were both treading in deep water. "This is my only shot, and if we get turned down because of some rumor…I don't know what I'm going to do."

Yugi bit his cheek, he had absolutely nothing to say to that. It sounded like his parents kicked him out and said that he couldn't come back until this dream was achieved. Yugi himself had no dreams of being rich and famous, so he just couldn't relate. But if he worked hard for something for years and years and it got smashed, Yugi didn't know what he'd do, either. He'd probably lose all hope that life ever had to give.

Yugi sat like that for an unknown amount of time, wondering what Yami could've possibly done to deserve such a punishment. He's never been mean to Yugi, and he's never even come close. Then again, Yugi and his mom never did anything wrong, but look what happened to them.

When the student next looked up, Yami was gone, "Yami?" He hoped that Yami didn't leave, that would just be perfect, but when Yugi looked at the rest of the store, Yami was just staring at the coffee, lost in thought, "Is one of the pots empty?"

But Yami didn't answer.

* * *

_This…this was Ryan's plan all along_, Yami thought, standing next to the coffee pots, but not looking at them. He felt so nauseous at this point and wasn't even sure if he be able to manage keeping that coffee down. How could he have missed it? Even if Yami played the best performance of his life the next night, if wouldn't matter if the manager couldn't see the spark that made the band pop.

He worked so hard, only to be defeated by a lie.

Yami was brought back to reality by a warm hand on his shoulder, and he somehow managed to turn his gasp into a sniff. He looked down at Yugi, holding back his tears, and willed himself to look into his calming amethyst eyes, "I'm sorry, Yugi," He said, "I just feel so…I just can't believe that I let this happen."

Yugi smiled, and that one gesture made the tears disappear, "Don't worry. You worked really hard for this, and once that manager sees you up on stage, he'll sign you guys on just like that." Yami turned so that he was completely facing the smaller, yet Yugi's hand didn't move, "You have something that many musicians don't. You have motivation," He said, and moved his hand down from Yami's shoulder so it rested on his chest, right where Yami's heart was frantically beating, "And you have heart."

Yami nodded and resisted the urge to pull Yugi into a hug. His words sounded so ridiculous, like something like what he was suggesting would never work out in the harsh world that he lived in, but he could feel the warmth of Yugi's palm through his thin shirt, and the kindness that dripped from his eyes; Yami believed that Yugi was right, "Thank you, Yugi."


	10. Chapter 10

"Anzu, are you ready to go?" Yugi asked rather happily, tucking a stray lock of blond hair behind his ear and pushing his ID and some cash into his front pocket. It was Saturday, and Yugi was simply excited, "Sorry it took me so long."

Anzu stood up and turned towards Yugi, "Yep, that's all right, I told Jeremy that--" Her eyes widened as she really looked at her boyfriend, "Yugi, oh…wow. You look…" She trailed off, gawking slightly. A small smile played at her lips as Yugi's cheeks gained a pink hue and he averted his eyes, "Amazing."

"Oh…thanks, Anzu, "Yugi said, fidgeting nervously and twirling his hair between his fingers. Tonight, rather than wearing his long hair in spikes, he decided to straighten it out; now it lay in long, smooth strands, similar to Yami's, but it was slightly shorter and less blond. He was dressed differently, too, in a pair of plain black leather pants that hugged his skin comfortably, pointed black boots, and a new long sleeved blood red shirt silk shirt. The only jewelry he wore was a simple silver chain, and the whole outfit gave him a very clean likable appearance.

"Yugi," Anzu said playfully, and she leaned forward to look closely at her boyfriend's face, "Are you wearing eyeliner?" Yugi nodded, his blush now more red than pink. "Why? You weren't so eager last week to get dressed up." She straightened up and her bright blue eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly almost as if she was suspicious of something.

"Oh, well…you know," Yugi said, walking to the door and grinning, "I just thought that it might be fun if I tried something new." He shrugged the question off, but in truth, Yugi really wasn't sure why he tried so hard to look nice. Maybe he wanted to impress Yami, or maybe he had a feeling that he would be leaving NYC soon, and he just wanted the crimson-eyed guitarist to remember him. Perhaps the answer was simply Yami. "So, we're meeting Jeremy tonight?" 

"Yeah," Anzu said distractedly, "We'll meet him outside of the club." As they walked out of the apartment together, Yugi could almost see the question written out on Anzu's face, 'But who are _you_ meeting with?'

* * *

"So, are you nervous about tonight?"

Yami looked up from his orange soda to get a look at the bartender, Sam. The club had just opened, and people were starting to trickle in, automatically attracted and moving towards the rock beats downstairs, "Yeah," He answered truthfully, "I didn't make a very good impression on the record manager yesterday…I…" He blinked and swallowed, forcing himself to come to grips once more with this possibility, "After yesterday, I don't think that we have much of a chance anymore, and it's all my fault."

"I doubt that," Sam said, frowning and shaking his head, "It takes two to tango."

"Yeah," Yami mumbled, more to himself than anyone else, "And I'm the one that tripped."

As Sam turned away to another customer, a young man with blue eyes and red and blond hair, he smiled warmly at someone behind Yami, and that someone spoke, "I doubt it. I just can't imagine you tripping over anything, actually…"

Yami's eyes sparkled slightly as he unleashed a grateful smile; his heart beat faster at the voice, that voice that he knew, "Yugi…" He said almost breathlessly, spinning around on the bar stool and accidentally tipping his glass over, sending orange soda everywhere. When he got an eyeful of Yugi though, he completely forgot.

He looked absolutely stunning; his hair was long and straight, it looked so soft, and he wore just the smallest bit of eyeliner, though a little went a very long way for him, magnifying and brightening his beautiful amethyst eyes. A silver chain accented a dark red silk shirt, which hinted at a slightly toned slim figure underneath. Crimson eyes traveled south, noting how his black leather pants fit him just right.

Yami stared, most likely looking like an idiot, as Yugi took the liberty of cleaning up the orange beverage with a huge amount of napkins. As Yugi set the glass on the table, upright once more, Yami found his voice, "Yugi, you look…amazing."

* * *

"Amazing."

What truly was amazing, Yugi thought as Yami grabbed his own pile of off-white napkins and helped to absorb the sticky beverage, was that the same exact compliment said by Yami made him feel confident and accomplished, while Anzu's made his feel nervous. He did his best to shrug it off, though. "Oh, yeah. Thank you." Yugi wasn't very used to being complimented, either; he did work in a convenience store, after all.

Within 60 seconds, because of the combined effort, the entire mess was cleaned up, paper towels and all. They both sat down at the bar again, smiling and Yami still admiring Yugi's outfit slightly, while Yugi ordered two orange sodas, "No," Yami told him, "That was my job, remember?"

Yugi raised an eyebrow, then remembered that Yami offered him a drink the previous week; it just seemed so long ago. "Well, I'll buy them now, to wish you luck," Yugi said slowly, a smile dawning upon his face, "And you can buy the next round, okay? After you have your record deal…well, if you still remember us little people, anyway."

* * *

Yami smiled as the sodas were put on the table, and he took a sip of that sweet carbonation, the promise of another visit from Yugi filling his ears. Maybe this wouldn't be so hard, seeing how Yugi was so confident in him…"Deal." 

A few minutes of comfortable silence passed until it hit Yami. The unintentional meaning of what Yugi had just said was clouding his mind. Yami shook his head, and the silence quickly turned awkward as he pushed his drink away. This feeling for Yugi, this love, what was Yami supposed to do about it? What could he do about it?

* * *

Yugi, meanwhile, tentatively nursed at his soda, every once in a while glancing at Yami's clouded crimson eyes through the corner of his own, realizing that his seemingly innocent words were actually poison, "Yami," Yugi asked after a rather large time span of silence, "I…I didn't mean to offend you. I didn't mean anything by it."

* * *

"No," Yami said abruptly, then slowed down, his features softening considerably, You didn't offend me, not in the least. You just made me realize, " Yami took a deep breath, his crimson eyes boring in Yugi's amethyst ones full of wonderment, confusion, and…something else, "That you are the biggest and greatest thing that's ever happened to me." Well, perhaps not the biggest, but definitely the greatest.

Yugi blinked before registering what Yami said, and then a brilliant smile passed his lips; he had such a genuine warm smile. "Yami," He asked, biting his lip though the smile stayed firmly in place, "Would you like to dance?"

* * *

Yugi grinned at Yami's compliment. Suddenly, what he had been wanting to ask him all night didn't seem so out there anymore, "Yami, would you like to dance?" 

Yami blinked a couple of times, his lightly lined eyes widening, "Up here?"

"Yeah, why not?" Yami didn't move, though, and instead stared carefully at Yugi, a question running through his mind. Yugi pegged it, "It doesn't have to be fast. I'm not exactly a pro at that."

"Alright," Yami stood up, and hesitantly held out his hand to the now beaming Yugi, who took it immediately.

* * *

Yami stood up from his chair and hesitantly held out his hand to Yugi. He swallowed a little, unsure of how he'd react to this; he was nervous enough as it was. But when Yugi gently grabbed his hand, it was warm and soft and reassuring. There was no controlling impulse, and nothing cold about it, either. It was nice.

They walked together out to the corner of the red-carpeted floor, all but ignoring the hard rock beat just below them. Yami winced a little; what next? "Umm…"

Yugi gently slid his hand out of Yami's grasp and placed his small hands on Yami's shoulders while Yami's hands clenched; this kind of dance? Yami wasn't sure if he could handle something like this. He blinked, watching Yugi's face watching him…waiting, "Is…something wrong?"

"I've just…" Yami couldn't back away now. He wanted to do this with Yugi, he really did, but what was holding him back was the fact that he was uncomfortable with prolonged human contact. It was almost like he was afraid to touch Yugi; afraid to touch the one person that tried to help him. Yami owed Yugi to try; he owed it to himself to try. He'd been suffering enough; he'd get that record deal, and then it would be over. So why not start now? "I've never slow danced before."

Yugi laughed a little, "Well, that makes two of us. Just…wing it." The way that Yugi smiled; it wasn't mocking Yami, it wasn't pressuring him, either. It was just kindness and acceptance. It made Yami want to fight harder.

The guitarist took a deep breath, then stiffly placed his palms on Yugi's leather and silk clad hips. He winced a little and pulled his hands away, remembering rough hands on his own waist, and how horrible it felt.

But Yugi didn't flinch; he wanted to do this. Yami tried again, and even though his fingers twitched at first, his hands themselves did not jump away, and soon he was calm, "Ready?" He asked Yugi, who blinked and smiled at him.

"Ready."

Both Yami and Yugi began to shift their weight from foot to foot, stepping in time to a beat that only they heard; knew. Yami could feel Yugi's silk shirt beneath his fingertips, could hear his breathing steadily as they moved in unison, and could smell his fresh clean scent. He could see the beauty of his angelic pearly face and the curve of his cheekbones, the roll of his lips. Yami supposed that those lips were warm and soft, just like his hands.

But what if Ryan thought those same things before he kissed Yami? What if those same senses were involved? Yami closed his eyes; Yugi wanted to dance. Yugi wanted to slow dance, and it was Yugi that edged closer to Yami until his fingertips were touching. Yami moved a little closer as well; just a little.

It didn't matter if it was only a little, though, because Yami was having the time of his life.

* * *

Yugi breathed in the scent of Yami's cinnamon cologne as he edged forward slightly and let his fingertips touch. A slight grin passed his face when Yami edged up a little, too. Yugi wanted to get closer, to catch a stronger whiff of Yami's scent, to feel more of his body heat, his leather clothing, but the guitarist seemed so reluctant to even dance.

It seemed to be an internal fight within Yami to touch Yugi at all, let alone get closer. Nevertheless, Yugi enjoyed this moment, this opportunity, because he knew that it was going to be the beginning of something big.

People walked up and down the stairs; they went to the bar, the bathrooms, some of them even left the building entirely, but Yugi didn't see who. He didn't care who, either, and he really didn't care if anyone else cared. It didn't matter what others thought, because they didn't really know.

For the time, Yami and Yugi just spun in slow, slow circles for an unknown amount of time, going at a pace that stayed sweetfully steady no matter what the tempo of the song downstairs was. It was just so nice, and it almost felt like any built up tension between the two of them was melting away; they both wanted this, they both were enjoying this chaste dance, the small contact, everything.

But soon enough, Yami's graceful hands slid away from Yugi's waist, and he smiled nervously down at the smaller. Yugi could almost feel the man's heart beating in his chest. "Thank you for the dance, Yugi, but…" Yugi saw him look at the clock over the bar, and he realized that it was time for Yami to leave; time for Yami to fight for what he fully deserved in the first place. "I have to go get ready now. Will you meet me back here around 10 o'clock? After the performance?"

"Of course," Yugi said, smiling encouragingly at the guitarist; he really did look attractive when he was nervous, "I'll see you then." Yami nodded fervently but almost distractedly at Yugi and began to walk down the hall towards his room, but Yugi spoke once again, catching himself after he almost forgot, "Oh, and Yami?" The aforementioned man spun around, mouth slightly open and his eyebrows creased just a bit, "Good luck, and kick some ass." Sure, he could've said something more heartfelt, but this was all that Yami needed for the moment

He knew everything else inside of him.

"I will, Yugi," Yami said, smiling and showing some of his perfect white teeth, "And thank you…again."

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: This chapter was edited on 7-6-06.

Thanks to all reviewers!

Please Review.


	11. Chapter 11

Yugi watched as Yami closed his door behind him, but not before getting one more crimson glance. Yugi's sides felt old from where Yami was touching him, and even though the guitarist was very stiff at first, uncomfortable, even, before long he was enjoying himself. They both were.

"Yugi," A voice said as Yugi was making his way back to his bar stool for another soda. He turned, and saw that the voice belonged to Jeremy. He looked just a tad miffed at something.

"Jeremy," Yugi said, peering at him closely, "Is something wrong?" 

"Anzu's looking for you," He said, "She was wondering where you were. I think that she wants to dance." 

Yugi, despite himself, began to wonder why Jeremy's eyes weren't green, "Oh…did she send you to come get me?" 

"No," Jeremy crossed his arms, "I offered. She looked a little tired."

_Or drunk_, Yugi thought. "Yeah, I'll…I'll be right there. Let me just finish my drink." Yugi pulled a couple of dollars out of his pocket and laid them on the table, then began to drink his soda as Jeremy traveled back downstairs. He probably would've drunken the stuff one molecule at a time if he could, and he knew that he could have taken it downstairs, but for some reason, another second away from Anzu seemed just a little better in his book. Yugi wondered why he was thinking like this; it made him feel guilty.

Yugi finished his soda, left Sam a tip like always, and went downstairs; at least he'd get to see Yami again later.

* * *

"Yami! I asked for a G!" Zach said heatedly as he tried to tune a G to Yami's F# and ending up cringing slightly at the out-of-sync sound waves.

"What?" Yami asked, Zach's tone finally managing to snap Yami out of his daze, "Oh…sorry, He quickly moved his finger down the guitar and strummed at the string lightly, Zach's joining in a perfect pitch.

"Thank you," Zach said, unplugging both of them from the small amp, though he didn't sound very thankful. Yami took a few deep breaths.

He was feeling weird inside. Yami could still feel Yugi's warm hands on his shoulders, and his fingertips by the nape of his neck. Yami shuttered, but not out of fear. He wanted to hold Yugi again, and always have these feelings inside him. With Yugi around, Yami felt whole; Yami hadn't felt whole since he left Egypt, and he didn't want to be empty anymore.

Yami loved Yugi.

"Yami, what's with you?" Zach asked with an annoyed sigh.

"Nothing," Yami said, shaking his head with a small smile, "Absolutely nothing." Zach eyed him suspiciously, and Yami's smile disappeared when he thought of all of the things that Zach could have been mentally accusing him of.

Just because Yugi didn't prejudice him, and just because Yugi liked him and saw him for what he was, it didn't mean that some others didn't.

Yami sat in silence for a few minutes while Zach strummed up and down his guitar, going through the routine in his head and through his fingers; Yami began to feel nervous again, more nervous than ever before. Maybe he wasn't as nervous as he was terrified.

So many people doubted him; it seemed like Yugi was indeed his only supporter. The odds were stacked against him, just like they always were, and probably always would be. Yami suppressed a bitter laugh as he imagined Yugi's voice, "You'll beat the odds…" And he felt soft warm lips on his own; it was just a flash, though, a nice, unexpected flash.

Where did it come from? He's never…Yami found himself wishing with all of his heart and twisted soul that the next kiss he shared with or gave up to was like that…chaste and soft…not hard and painful…forced… 

"Yami! Jesus, Yami, pay attention!" Yami's focus turned to a rough hand on his shoulder. He knew that hand, and now-pained crimson eyes looked into cold gray ones. He resisted a flinch, "Are you paying attention now, or do I need to wait?" 

Yami shrugged off the hand uncomfortably and scowled slightly, "No, I'm fine…I was just thinking."

"Well, how about you think about this," Ryan said, smirking as if he told a joke that only he found funny, "Sit down, Jullian." Jullian, who must have walked into the room with Ryan, sat down on the opposite end of the couch that Yami was currently occupying, while Zach sat in a nearby armchair.

Ryan stepped back and met the eyes of each member of Sennen Rage. When he spoke, though, he had only eyes for his crimson-eyed guitarist, "I probably don't need to voice this," He raised an eyebrow slightly, "But I thought that I would anyway. You three make up and excellent band, most of the time. But at this point, there is no room for screw ups. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. You'll never get another chance after this." Yami resisted the urge to swallow, better yet, run to the nearest bathroom, "Now, good luck. I'll be watching." Jullian and Zach nodded, while Yami reminded himself to breathe; he was so nervous that his heart seemed to stop. Every word that Ryan said was directed at him. Every insult was to him, and every threat was for him. "You're on in 5 minutes."

Ryan left without another word, but one more heated glance, and Zach went to the door leading to the stage, taking his bass guitar with him. The exit almost closed, but was left open a crack. Jullian and Yami stayed put for 5 seconds, both of them thinking about the same thing, but those thoughts brought them to completely different universes. 

"Jullian," Yami said, managing to break out of his musings on his own to stand up just as the other headed to the exit, two pairs of drumsticks tucked into the back pocket of baggy-but-fitted blue jeans. He turned around at his name, his eyebrows furrowed slightly.

"Yeah," Jullian asked, his hand still on the doorknob, as if he really didn't want to be talking with Yami at all; his eyes were steaming with impatience. 

"Umm, I think," Yami said slowly, tapping his big toe in his shoe, "That Finnid would be impressed if somebody said something…anything…to the crowd before we began playing. It would bring the performance home."

"Well then," Jullian said, raising an eyebrow, "You do it."

"No," Yami countered, "I can't." Yami truly did think that this would clinch it, but he couldn't do it. Ryan would dislike the idea, but if Jullian or Zach said something instead of Yami, then nothing would be said or done about it. Besides, "I may be able to sing in front of people, but…I can't…I can't do it in front of a crowd."

Jullian suddenly frowned, and his hand fell away from the doorknob. It was almost like, for a moment, all of his false thoughts about the tan guitarist fell away, and he saw that Yami wasn't an arrogant bastard or a sex hound. He was a normal person with hopes, fears, and even a public-speaking complex, "I can say anything?"

Yami smirked a little, "Well," He scratched his head, running his fingers through his neat ponytail, "Not _anything_. You know, like they do on TV, in rock concerts."

"Yeah, I got it," Jullian smiled at Yami before turning back to the door, "Like rock stars…like us after tonight."

"Yeah," Yami said softly to himself after he was the only person left in the room. "Just like us."

* * *

"Yugi, are you alright?" Anzu asked, joining the other at their table with an orange drink that wasn't soda in her hands, "You've only danced a little, and the rest of the time you've been sitting here with this weird look on your face. What's wrong?"

Yugi looked up at his tipsy girlfriend. She must've been dancing for a while, because her hair was damp with sweat, and her cheeks were flushed red. "Oh, you know, I'm just a little tired…" He tried to smile, but couldn't. He didn't want to be dating Anzu anymore. He wanted to be dating Yami, and knew that he wouldn't be able to tell her.

Not after everything that Anzu's done for him; she was his friend when he felt alone, they lived together, and maybe at one point they were really in love. Just not now, "Where's Jeremy?"

"Oh, he's getting us drinks. He'll be back in a minute. Such a gentleman, isn't he?" Anzu said, gazing towards the stairs with that same look that Yugi was wearing only moments ago.

Suddenly, the music pouring from the speakers stopped, and Yugi's head turned towards the side of the stage where microphones, a few amps, and a slightly raised drum-set sat. Yugi stood up, his violet eyes alight with flames, and watched intently at his favorite guitarist who strode with the others onto the stage.

Yugi met Yami's crimson eyes which lightened considerably when the Egyptian native realized who he was staring at. Yugi smiled, and Yami smiled nervously back, his bright teeth showing. All was silent, then: 

"Are you guys ready?" A portion of the crowd roared their approval, getting excited. By now the entire population of the club knew of the record manager sitting in the back somewhere, just waiting to get those contracts signed. "Are you guys ready?" The drummer repeated, and this time the roar of approval was louder; Sennen Rage's audience would do anything to help, "Alright then! One two three four!"

* * *

Yami smiled as Mr. Finnid somewhere in the crowd grinned, while Ryan stared, an unreadable expression on his face. Yami changed chords as he played, his fingers running up and down his electric guitar with ease; he knew what he was doing, and with Yugi standing, watching, smiling, beneath him, Yami knew that he could do anything. As soon as he stepped onto the stage and saw Yugi there with his calm amethyst eyes, his hair elegantly framing his face, and his beautiful smile, Yami really didn't feel nervous anymore.

_I'm doing this for you…  
'Cause as I walked into this big bad world,  
When I turned my back and strode away…   
I vowed it would come true._

I saw a gorgeous mountain view,  
The trees were green…the river blue.  
I stretched my hand to touch a leaf,  
You see…I didn't have a clue.

I'm doing this for you…  
'Cause as I walked into this big bad world,   
When I turned my back and strode away…  
I vowed it would come true.

My finger traced its reddish stem…  
The world turned dark, to blood.  
It doused my fingers and wouldn't wash…   
Things weren't ever the same.

I'm doing this for you…   
'Cause as I walked into this big bad world,  
When I turned my back and strode away,  
I vowed it would come true.

The bridge, Yami knew, was breathtaking. His and Zach's melodies flowed in and out of each other, climbed up and down scales, and moved forwards and backwards. Yami smiled inside, though his own breathtaking features were laced with concentration; he was so close. _They were so close._

The music changed back to varying chords, and Yami looked back towards Ryan's stony face and Finnid's impressed expression. At this point, he wasn't trying for a perfect performance for the sake of either of them, or even for his sake for both of them. This was Yami's dream, and he was doing it for himself and for his parents, just to make them proud.

_I'm trying this for you.  
One day I'll come back to your shining world.  
I hope I'll be greeted with open arms.  
After all, I think it will come true._

* * *

Yugi could hardly hold back his applause as Yami's guitar faded out with the bass, leaving an eerie silence behind. Then the whole crowd burst out into it; Yugi smiled and clapped the loudest.

No one could turn away a performance like that, not with the crowd clapping so loud, not with the amount of passion burning in Yami's already fiery eyes, and not with his smile breaking through the darkness as the band left the stage with a satisfied poise. Yugi knew that he was being biased, but he didn't care. He was just so proud of Yami.

Another rock beat started up from the DJ, and Yugi's chest seemed to vibrate with the intensity of the bass, "Yugi!" Anzu said, grabbing his hand and lacing their fingers, "Come dance with me and Jeremy!" 

Yugi really had no choice but to follow her. For the moment. In 20 more of those minutes, he'd break away and go to the bar to see Yami, to talk to Yami, and, most importantly, to be with Yami.

* * *

"Hey, Jullian, that was pretty sweet what you said at the beginning. I never would have thought of that."

"Oh," Jullian said, looking at Yami who really wasn't paying any attention at all, before looking back to Zach, "Yeah, thanks."

"Damn, I'm so nervous." 

Jullian, Zach, and Yami were all sitting in Yami's dressing room; Zach and Jullian were sitting nervously on the sofa, while Yami was idly perched in the armchair, his arms crossed and his head bent in deep thought. He knew that he played an almost flawless performance, lyrics and all, and he knew that he played it with all of the passion that he could.

Yami remembered all of Yugi's kind words to him, especially from the previous day. The smaller's soft fingers brushing the skin on his chest were not calloused or uncaring, but nice and loving.

What if it wasn't enough, though?

Two minutes passed by, and the silence was beginning to get to Yami. He was so scared and nervous and excited because this was going to chance his life. This one moment was going to mark either the beginning of Yami's life or the end of his spirit. 

Yami's head shot up and his whole body went rigid with memories as Ryan entered, his face unreadable as he pulled a folding chair to him and sat down. Did he know? What if he was just toying with Yami? He didn't say a word…nobody did. What did it mean?

Mr. Finnid followed a couple of seconds later, a briefcase in hand and a straight face plastered onto his features. He looked like he made his final decision, but also seemed to be making sure that there was nothing that he overlooked. He stood there for an agonizing 10 seconds; 10 seconds in which Yami couldn't breathe. His heart pounded forcefully in his chest, pushing the muscle into his throat. He couldn't breathe.

"Sennen Rage," Finned started, and everyone in the room seemed to lean forward, drinking in every word and space that the man was spooning out, "Welcome to Strike Records."

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: This chapter was revised on 7-8-06.

Thanks to all reviewers!

Please Review.


	12. Chapter 12

Note: I don't own the song _The Fortress of Tears_ by HIM. By using this song, I am not making any money.

* * *

"Wh-what?" Zach asked after hearing Finnid's acceptance, though he heard the man very clearly. A smile was creeping onto his face as the words apparently ran through his head over and over.

"We did it?" Jullian asked, standing up so that his knees were bent a little. Finnid smiled slightly and nodded. "We did it. Oh my God, we did it…" 

Zach and Jullian both proceeded to smile, babble, laugh, and otherwise celebrate while Finnid continued to wait with that patient smile on his face; he knew that this would take a while.

Yami, however, was frozen. The feeling that was spreading through his veins was absolutely amazing. It was cold and hot at the same time, and his mind was only dimly able to register the fact that his hands were shaking and his lungs were still. His crimson eyes were staring at nothing, yet his mind was full to bursting.

That was it; he did it. He fulfilled his half of the 'contract,' and he was free. Ryan didn't own him anymore, as he had metaphorically already given him away. He was no longer the object of Ryan's cold eyes; Yami had finally broken his gaze, and even though Yami knew that he might not ever heal, this was a start: a big step in the right direction. 

When Jullian and Zach finally sat back down, their mouths still though locked in a euphoric position, Finnid set his briefcase down on a nearby table and pulled out a bundle of papers held together with a binderclip. "Contracts. Now, I think that it would be fitting if next week, not this week, was Sennen Rage's final performance at _The Curse_. A sort-of 'fare-well' concert, if you will. Don't bother writing new music. Play something old…your first piece, perhaps?" His attention diverted to the glazy-eyed Yami, "Do you still have the hard copies?"

"Yeah," Yami said, though he didn't really notice his mouth moving, "I keep all of my songs…always." It was really happening. This really wasn't a dream.

"Excellent," Finnid said, clapping his hands as he returned from handing Ryan the sheaf of documents and a pen. "Alright, read the documents, sign the papers, and I'll see you next week."

Yami nodded, finally starting to get some control over himself, then looked towards Ryan. His face was stony; the only emotion that Yami could see was cold fire smoldering in his eyes. But other than that, there was nothing.

Ryan sighed and initialed page after page with that stony indifference; it was as if his hand was being pulled by some imaginary force that even he couldn't break free from. The last page was signed extremely quickly, as if he was lighting a bomb and wanted to duck quickly.

Either that or he couldn't wait to just blow up the whole area.

Then, with a slight scowl, he pulled that last slip of paper out of the clip, stood up, and gave it to Finnid after dropping the pen and sheaf into Jullian's lap, "I'll see you all on Monday," He grumbled, then left. For once, there were no glances at Yami, no winks, no smirks, nothing. Yami smiled softly into his lap; that really was it.

"Was that something we should know about?" Zach asked, raising an eyebrow and nodding his chin at the document in Finnid's hands before accepting the contracts from Jullian and signing the first page immediately.

"No, its just a manager to manager contract," Finnid said pleasantly, "After you take out all of the lawyer talk it just says that after next week I'm going to be your new boss."

Zach nodded, "Got it," While Yami flat out beamed. It was final now; Yami's dream was fulfilled. He made something of himself, and he was going to be known and famous They were going to have a CD, and maybe they'd even get to go on tour someday. It was all coming true right before his eyes. 

Yami took the packet from Zach with a smile that was, for once, returned. The first document signed over all of Yami's songs to Strike Records with the copyright partially in his name. He signed this readily, as copyrights were always good. Yami still couldn't believe that this all wasn't a dream, and that this was really real. After of all this time, this abuse and tears and pain, Yami was finally free.

There weren't any problems until the last page; if Yami signed the last clause in the contract, then Strike Records would gain the right to move Sennen Rage, including Yami, to any place in the United States for recording or concerts, sometimes just for a trip, but other times, it could be permanent.

"Umm," Yami said, looking up, "How often are these trips going to be permanent?"

"Oh," Finnid said, dismissing the question with a wave, "It's very rare. It hasn't happened yet, actually. The most you'll be away is a year or so, and that's only if you're invited on tour."

"Right. Thanks." Yami said, calming down as he signed the last paper, finalizing everything. About a month ago, Yami wouldn't have asked; Yami wouldn't have cared. A month ago Yugi wasn't in Yami's life. As much as Yami wanted to be a part of this company, he wanted Yugi in his life, too. After all, Yugi was really the reason that Yami signed these papers at all.

"Alright," Finnid said, taking back the papers and placing them neatly in his briefcase. "Excellent job, gentlemen, and I'll be back either during the week or next Saturday to discuss recording a CD." He bowed his head slightly and backed towards the door, "Good night."

Yami bit his lip and clenched his hands; once again they were shaking.

* * *

A few minutes; six, actually, before ten o'clock, Yugi made his way back upstairs. He'd danced with Anzu for about 20 minutes or so, then left her and Jeremy to go at it, saying that he needed some air. It was pretty humid down in the basement, what with all the sweaty, dancing people inhabiting it. 

Of course, that wasn't the reason why Yugi was coming upstairs; the real reason was sitting on a bar stool with his back turned to him, playing with his Sprite, twirling a piece of blond hair around his finger tentatively.

For the first time since Yugi arrived there that night, he felt some doubt and worry towards that crimson-eyed guitarist only paces away. What if Sennen Rage was actually turned down? What if Yami was left down? Refused? Yugi wouldn't know what to do or say to that, not after Yami told him that this was his dream and that he needed it; not after Yugi all-but promised Yami that his dream would come true…

Yugi sighed silently, sucked that breath back in, and once again tucked his blond hair behind his ears before approaching the singer, "Yami," Yugi said, sitting down beside him and feeling the words spill out immediately, "How'd it go? What did he say? Did you guys make it?" His voice sounded feverish and worried; he didn't even wait for Yami to acknowledge him before speeding ahead. Apparently, at the moment, subtlety was not Yugi's calling.

"Yugi," Yami blinked twice before raising his head up so that Yugi could see crimson eyes that he was afraid might've held agonizing tears. Bu they weren't; they were glistening with unmeasured joy, "Yugi, he said yes. We're in…we did it."

Yugi's face lit up instantly, and any trace of worry that may have lined his face melted away, "Really? Yami, that's-that's awesome. Congratulations." Yugi really wasn't too sure of what to do, so he raised his hand and offered it to the guitarist, smiling softly but brilliantly.

Yami glanced at Yugi's hand before grabbing it with his own, shaking it twice, then suddenly pulling the smaller off of his bar stool and into a tight hug. Yugi was surprised, to say the least. An hour ago, Yami seemed too uncomfortable to even touch Yugi, and now he was hugging him? Something must've happened either during or after his performance to fix whatever had gone wrong in his head, and the feeling that it left behind was absolutely wonderful. "Yami-" He started, but was interrupted by a breathless baritone voice. 

"Yugi, thank you. Thank you for believing in me; thank you for supporting me, for being here right now." Yami said this all very quickly, though in a complete different manner from Yugi's babbling. Yugi stood in the man's arms, nonplussed as to what was going on. His heart absolutely melted when Yami let go of him and they looked into each other's eyes, their faces barely six inches apart, "Yugi," His rate-of-speech slowed down immensely, and Yugi found himself hanging on every word, "Things would not be as good as they now, if you weren't here by my side."

Yugi blinked slowly and bit his bottom lip a little. At this point, it was now or never. They'd never get another moment one like this one; it was perfect.

* * *

Yami's eyes widened and his heart seemed to stop beating as Yugi's head tilted and almost slowly moved forward. Their lips softly brushed together, and Yugi almost immediately pulled away, blushing.

Yami's mouth feel open a little and he tried to catch Yugi's beautiful eyes; he averted them. That kiss was not forced or painful or crushing, but rather was soft and sweet and warm, just like Yami had thought it would be. That one kiss truly marked the end of Yami's months of torture, rape, and tears, and was instead the beginning of something kind and caring, just like Yugi was himself.

"I'm sorry," He said, blinking multiple times yet still not meeting Yami's eyes, "I shouldn't have…" He faded off when Yami hesitantly raised his hand and cupped Yugi's cheek with shaking slender fingers. His porcelain skin felt soft and warm under his hand because the smaller's light blush was still intact.

"Please don't be sorry," Yami said, slowly leaning forward, realizing that this was the first time that he's ever done something like this and committing every millisecond and feeling to memory. He would never forget this…never, "You have nothing to apologize for."

* * *

Yugi slid his eyes closed as Yami gave him back the same soft sweet kiss that he offered. Yami lips, just like his voice, were smooth and warm; Yugi has never been kissed like this before, not since his mother, and even then it was nothing like this. His heart was pumping in his chest at at least sixty miles-per-hour, and the only reason that his jaw wasn't shaking was because of Yami's soft and slender palm and fingers gently holding it still. He struggled to even out his breathing, yet didn't care when he couldn't.

Yami kissed him back. Yugi just couldn't figure out what this meant; his brain was simply refusing to function properly yet he knew it all the same. After all of this, starting with Yugi seeing Yami and his powerful crimson eyes on stage and ending with this moment, their feelings towards each other were the same. It was really was nice to feel this way.

When Yugi next opened his eyes, he saw Yami's softened crimson orbs in front of him, looking, studying, wondering, and loving, and noticed that the hard rock beat below them had slowed into a rare slow song that really only played once in a blue moon.

Staring into the fiery light of Yami's crimson eyes and whispering as if anything louder would ruin the moment, Yugi said, "Yami, would you dance with me again?"

* * *

Yami smiled as he was graced with Yugi opening his eyes after his softly kissed him. The guitarist was breathing unevenly through his nose, yet just the sight of Yugi's amethyst irises was able to calm him down; the smaller was so beautiful.

A slow song drifted into Yami's ears; he recognized it as _The Fortress of Tears_ by HIM. He's always loved it. Yami opened his mouth, hoping that Yugi would possibly want to dance again, but was stopped when Yugi whispered his name and Yami's breath suddenly caught in his throat, "Yami, would you like to dance with me again?"

_No one can hurt you now   
In this haven safe and sound.  
No one can save you now  
From this grace you are drowning in…  
Just hold your breath on your way down._

Yami smiled; it was almost like their minds were functioning on the same level. He let his hand fall from Yugi's once again pale face and they laced their fingers together. Yami didn't know who started the action or who accepted it; he didn't care, either. "Of course, Yugi…I love this song." 

"Yeah, me too," Yugi agreed quietly as they walked out once again to the red carpet, Sam pausing momentarily to watch the two with a smile on his face. Yami didn't want to slide his hand away from Yugi's once they stopped, the two palms just seemed to fit so perfectly together, but when Yugi moved closer to him and brushed a bang that was hanging loose from Yami's ponytail away, he knew that those fingers would soon meet again and he gently pulled his own away.

It tickled.

* * *

Yugi put his hands on Yami's shoulders; five of his fingers seemed so cold after being in Yami's grasp, but that was okay. The other only hesitated for a second, if that, before placing his palms on the subtle curve of Yugi's waist. His fingers squeezed slightly, and Yugi wasn't sure who that action was supposed to reassure; it didn't matter now, though, because the look in Yami's crimson eyes and the curve of his smile told Yugi everything that he needed to know.

_This Fortress of Tears  
I've built from my fears for you.  
This fortress won't fall;  
I've built it strong for you._

* * *

Yami didn't know what he was setting into motion, or why he did it, but Yugi was inching closer again; just like last time, though, he stopped when his fingertips were touching. In that moment, Yami felt so much respect for the smaller; Yugi was willing to go at Yami's pace, even though he didn't know why Yami was so nervous and hesitant.

However, for the moment Yami was feeling perfect. With Yugi in his arms he felt invincible to his past, like he could make it all melt away. Slowly, Yami gently moved forward and softly slid his hands across Yugi's small back until his fingertips were overlapping just a bit, leaving a little space left between them; the motion did nothing to disturb their rhythm, and for a moment, Yugi didn't react at all.

_No one can free you now  
From the chains around your heart.  
Don't be afraid now;  
Just dive in the emptiness…  
And hold your breath on your way down._

* * *

Yugi smiled softly as Yami moved just a little closer to him; he didn't pull Yugi at all, and just moved closer on his own. Yugi couldn't remember the last time he felt this warm and safe.

Or maybe he could, and the last time he felt like this was when he was 12 and in his mother's arms. This this time, though, he was in Yami's arms. It felt just as good.

With the smell of cinnamon filling his nose and speeding up his heart, Yugi remembered the way that Yami's heart felt under his fingers even though it was only one day before. The student missed the pulsing beat, and he wanted to hear it again.

Slowly, very slowly, the smaller shifted forwards a little so that his fingers were now laced together around Yami's neck, and he softly pushed himself up against the Egyptian singer.

* * *

Here it came: Yami felt Yugi's arms tighten around his neck, and he knew that he'd felt it before. As confident as he was, his feeling wasn't really true. He couldn't just erase those memories. Next Ryan would push himself against Yami and-- 

--But it was different.

Something was pushing against Yami, but it wasn't Ryan because Ryan touching him was just a memory now. This was Yugi and his petite body, Yugi's fresh scent; Yugi that he had his arms around…

Yami realized that his eyes were closed, so he opened them, and was surprised to see that they hadn't stopped; they were still rocking as one in slow, comfortable circles. 

Yami tightened his arms around Yugi; the smaller's head was leaning on Yami's chest, where his heart was beating strongly and calmly. Yugi was soft and warm pressed against him; touching someone else didn't have to hurt, and being touched by someone else didn't have to hurt.

Yugi didn't hurt.

* * *

_This Fortress of Tears  
I've built from my fears for you.  
This fortress won't fall;  
I've built it strong for you._

The song ended, and Yugi smiled as they both slowed to a halt; he could hear Yami's heart, and it was more beautiful and touching than any song Yugi would ever hear. _Thump, thump, thump_. He could stand there forever, just listening to the crimson-eyed guitarist's own personal melody; he closed his eyes as Yami slid his hands up Yugi's back and hugged the smaller around the shoulders. This moment was just perfect.

"Yugi," Yami said softly, and Yugi nodded into Yami's chest to show that he was listening; he still didn't want to stop hearing that drum, Yugi…I don't know what I'm feeling…what is it?"

Yugi smiled and finally pulled his head back to look Yami in the eye. This was simply immeasurable; he could still hear the guitarist's heartbeat in his head, "Yami," He said softly, noticing that their faces were tilting opposite ways again and were once more leaning together, "I think that it's-"

A loud, unbelievably angry voice stopped the smaller in his tracks. Not now, it couldn't be now, not when, not when they were going to--

"Yugi!" 

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: This chapter was revised on 7-8-06.

Thanks to all reviewers!

Please Review.


	13. Chapter 13

_Oh god…oh god, it is her_, Yugi thought, turning his face away from Yami's just as their faces were about to meet and only pulled his hands away from the other as if burned. Caught in the moment, Yugi had completely forgotten about the brunette; now, however, it all came back with a big resounding thunk. 

He didn't move, though, and simply stared at Anzu with big, almost fearful eyes as his world around him crumbled.

She looked completely livid, and her eyes flashed when he said nothing, "Yugi, what the fuckin' hell do you think you are doing?" She demanded, her normally blue eyes glimmering with fire, and it wasn't Yami's hopeful fire, either. Yugi still said nothing, and could only marvel at how empty his mind was. But even if the smaller was planning on answering her, she didn't wait. With an overdramatic sigh and a shake of her head, Anzu spat, "You know what, I don't care."

At this Yugi blinked heavily and looked at his drunk and angry girlfriend; those two things, Yugi knew, where not meant to go together. Once again, he felt like he was an abused 12-year-old. He didn't know how it happened, or why, or what to do about it.

There really was nothing to do about it.

"Yugi, we're going home." Anzu said in an end-of-discussion voice after a few seconds of silence. Yugi didn't move, though, he only stared and remembered. "Yugi, we're leaving!" She repeated, her voice sharper than before. Yugi's heart seemed to speed out of his chest as he remembered how his Father's tone would sharpen…before… 

But, Yugi thought as Yami's arm twitched next to him, It's different now. His mom did not protect his life and give her own so that he could mentally be worn away by the same thing; this is not what she would've wanted.

Yugi did not move, and he did not speak. His past was screaming in his head, telling him that it wouldn't hurt so much if he just listened, but it shouldn't hurt at all. He finally opened his mouth, was finally going to voice his own opinion…

But apparently Anzu had had quite enough of that, and she impatiently came forward and grabbed Yugi's upper arm, cutting him off, "Yugi, god! I told you we were leaving!" Yugi flinched at the close contact, too shocked to do anything else; Anzu took the opportunity and walked towards the exit of the building, dragging the smaller, still shocked, and slightly heartbroken boy with him.

Yugi felt so nauseous that he couldn't speak. The only thing that he could do was wonder if he had made a mistake. Where, he didn't know, yet why, he was positive. Other than that, his only ability was watching Yami who stood stock-still, watching him with sad, abruptly uncertain eyes. Then Yugi was gone.

* * *

Yami watched as Yugi was dragged out of the club by his so-called girlfriend; all that he could do was watch. 

What had happened? They were having such a good time, and then--

Yami felt a prickling at the corners of his dark eyes. He was just so confused. He should have been happy; he got his record deal! He fulfilled his dream, and got rid of Ryan forever.

Yet, for some reason when Yugi left the nightclub, all of Yami joy was taken with him. Other than himself, Yugi was really the most important factor in Yami's success, and Yami really did like Yugi. He _loved_ him.

"Uh, hey." Yami blinked as an unfamiliar voice spoke to him. He continued to speak as Yami's eyes focused; it was the guy from the bar a few hours before, "Have you seen a pretty brunette with blue-eyes around?"

"Yeah," Yami said, looking past the door, wondering if the feeling that was building in his chest was really the right one. "She left." His tone sounded bitter…icy.

"Oh…did she have a guy with her? He's kind of short, has long tri-colored hair…" 

"Yeah, he was with her; she was pretty angry." Yami replied to the stranger, though his words were really more to himself than anyone else.

"O-oh," He stuttered, probably wondering if the anger from Anzu was directed at him or not.

"No," Yami said as he turned to walk back to his dressing room, but he didn't move otherwise. He wiped the outline of one of his eyes, somehow managing not to smudge the eyeliner he was wearing. He wouldn't have cared if he did. "She's not mad at you, so you don't need to worry."

The feeling inside of Yami's chest finally came to term, and he suddenly felt very angry; the pressure of it was threatening to choke him. He was so angry and sick of being hurt all of the time; prejudiced by almost every single person that he came into contact with, including some that he didn't.

Could Yugi have really been in love with Anzu? Did he know how much that would hurt Yami?

The blue-eyed person sighed; he was apparently relieved at his worries being proven wrong. Then he left the building, perhaps to go find Anzu. Yami sniffed; he really had no clue as to what he was thinking. Yugi's body language and the way that he laid his head on Yami's chest as if he was listening to his heart, it all screamed the fact that Yugi wanted to stay. Maybe he really did love Yami, and that whole thing between them wasn't really a fluke.

Or maybe it was just a misunderstanding, because they got lost in the moment.

Yami closed his eyes, not realizing that he was still in the middle of the lobby in a largely-full dance club. His eyes welled up, and a few warm tears escaped from under the lids. He wanted to get to know Yugi so much, and he just wished that the smaller was back at his side.

His personality was kind and caring and caring and thoughtful, he just seemed so innocent, yet so wise at the same time. The fact that he was cute, and the way that his eyes sparkled didn't matter at all. The smaller believed in him, and he was right in the end, too.

So why was he gone? Because he was so nice? Because he didn't want to be controlling or start a scene? Yami wanted someone in his life like that, yet Yugi walked right out. It happened because he was nice, and because the rumors that circled him just refused to leave.

These problems always brought Yami down, it was just that this time the hole was dug a whole lot deeper, and he couldn't seem to make it stop.

Yami's shoulder twitched and his watery eyes dried up instantly as he opened them. Someone, Sam, had put a kind hand on his shoulder, leaving all of his customers sipping various beverages across the room. "Don't worry," He said warmly with just the right amount of sympathy in his voice, "He'll be back, you just have to wait."

"Really…do you really think so?" Yami asked, creasing his perfectly-shaped eyebrows slightly. Could the bartender be right? He was really the only person from the outside that saw Yugi and Yami's relationship from start to present. Maybe he was right after all.

Sam nodded, raising his own eyebrows just enough to let Yami gain some confidence in him, "Yes, I do. Now come to the bar and you can try a Red Dragon…" 

"No," Yami said with a blank look on his face, an idea forming in his mind. "No…thank you, but…" Yami couldn't wait anymore. He didn't want to feel like this, and he didn't want to keep on going wondering if Yugi really liked him the way that Yami did.

If Yugi didn't want to make a scene, then that was fine, but Yami wasn't going to lose this without a fight. Yami really did love Yugi, and he wanted --needed-- to know that Yugi felt the same.

Yugi saved Yami from his troubles; he saved Yami from a life alone, and now it was time to save Yugi from his. Even if he was wrong, even if Yugi just wanted to be friends, he had to know. He had to try.

* * *

Three concrete squares of the cracked and worn sidewalk and one street crossing. That was how long Yugi allowed himself to be pulled along by Anzu…that was how long Yugi didn't notice that his arm was most likely being bruised by the drunken woman's death-grip…that was how long it took for Yugi to realize that this was terribly wrong, and that he didn't deserve this. It took him that long to realize that Yami didn't, either. 

Then his head seemed to snap, "Anzu!" He yelled, stopping abruptly and pulling his arm away from the girl. She stopped as well, but didn't turn to look at him; that was okay, though, because if she did look at him, Yugi wasn't sure if he would be able to continue. "Why did you do that?" She didn't answer, and Yugi could practically see his own eyes hardening. "Answer me!" 

Yugi couldn't remember if he had ever been this angry in his entire life. It didn't matter that Anzu was drunk. This was her own fault. Yugi had never realized this before. It was his Father's fault, too. He was a drunk, but it was his own fault, not the alcohol's. He was always a jerk; he just blamed it on the intoxication.

The same went for Anzu, too. She used to be nice, but instead of _The Curse_ doing good things and having worthwhile effects on her, she changed. She was just so stubborn towards her problem, and in Yugi's opinion that just turned her into something horrible. That wasn't what others would think, though because Yugi was stubborn, too. It was just a matter of opinion. 

But that didn't stop the smaller from being angry, not after what she said about Yami and to him. At this point the fact that she was drunk wasn't the problem. The fact that her prejudice just might have ruined a relationship was what Yugi was angry about. She had no right and Yugi was just tired of it. "Anzu!"

Slowly, so slowly Anzu turned around. If there was any hurt in her blue eyes, any apology, any remorse as to what was going on what-so-ever, then Yugi would have apologized right then and there, and he would've done anything possible to attempt to make their mangled relationship right again. But there wasn't, not a damn speck. The only thing that Yugi saw was spite, hate, and jealously, "Why were you so close to him?" She yelled angrily, her hands balled at her sides, "Holding hands, with him, of all people!"

"Why don't you tell me, Anzu? I'm sure that you have something to say!" Yugi shouted back at her, his face twisted in rage; his eyes were smoldering at almost a black color, and his heart was hammering in his chest; it was nothing like Yami's calm pulsing.

"Yugi, he's a fucking whore! And you were standing that close to him? You looked like you were going to fucking kiss!"

Yugi felt the presence of someone behind him, but he didn't care. His anger was like adrenaline, and it was coursing through his veins. "At least I wasn't grinding into him for all I was worth!" Yugi snapped, his eyes widening. She was being such a hypocrite. Yugi may have danced with Yami, he's even kissed him, but Anzu was practically having dry sex where all of New York City could see. Tears were building in Yugi's eyes; tears of anger and rage.

"Well, seeing how you won't!" Anzu screamed mercilessly. "Besides, Jeremy's my friend! Don't you know what those are?"

Yugi was absolutely taken aback at that last outburst, and Anzu knew it. His attempts to hold back his tears were fruitless. What she was saying was true, but it was completely below the belt. "Me and Yami are friends." Yugi's voice was so small and so defeated. He was ashamed of it.

"Yeah, you two sure look like it," Anzu said, pushing Yugi aside and pulling Jeremy, who was behind them, forward. She pressed herself against him and started to kiss him hungrily, tangling her hands in his hair. Yugi watched, horrified, when Jeremy didn't pull away. His green eyes changed back to blue. She pulled away from him with a slowness that reminded Yugi of poison, "Jeremy and I are friends, too."

Yugi didn't say anything, and if his tears were still before, they were moving now. This wasn't right, this was sick. This was what drinking did to her, and just like before, the drunken people that he really did care about deep down hurt him in the end. They always did, and always would.

"I thought so," She said with a smirk on her flushed features. Making a rather large show of lacing her hand with Jeremy's, she blinked at Yugi one more time before walking right past the amethyst eyed boy, and back to the nightclub.

Yugi took a deep, shuttering breath. This wasn't happening. Anzu and him were over. On both sides of the relationship, any feelings of amiability were gone.

How could this happen? Yami probably was angry at him now, too. Yugi walked right out on the poor guy. He should have refused to leave; he should have told Anzu that she had a problem, but he didn't. Yugi didn't deserve to be with someone like Yami, he was smart, handsome, a little inward, maybe, but so nice and Yugi just walked away.

For the first time in his life, even after everything that's happened so far, Yugi felt entirely alone. In the past, he's always had someone: his mom, his grandfather, and he always had Anzu, too. But now, his mom was dead, his grandfather was on the other side of the world, and Anzu was right down the street. She was only a couple of blocks away, but she was gone now just like the others. Anzu was more dead to him now than his mother was.

With this hopeless realization, the last bit of anger that Yugi had melted away, and new crystalline tears started to fall onto his porcelain cheeks.

What was he going to do?

* * *

Yami pushed open the door of The Curse; moonlight from the cloudless night toyed with his features, and a soft glow of light was given to an otherwise determined face. He had to find Yugi and set things straight. He had to find out why Yugi kissed him.

And why did Yami kiss back? Was it just out of joy and appreciation, or was it really out of love? What was it? What was going on before Anzu came and tore them apart?

Speaking of Anzu, she was walking towards them, her hand clamped around the blond's from earlier. Her face was flirty and carefree, but her eyes flashed dangerously, "Anzu, where's Yugi?" He asked, keeping his voice as even as possible even though he wanted nothing more than to shout without a second thought as to who heard.

But Anzu only shrugged carelessly, not even pausing in her stride to give the other a straight answer. "Who cares? He's your heartache now." With that, she pushed the guitarist out of the way with her shoulder and walked on, turning to talk to Jeremy with a sickening smile plastered onto her features. Yami flinched at the contact, but it wasn't because of his so-called weakness; it was because he suddenly felt a large surge of anger towards Anzu, and an ever stronger desire to protect Yugi from her.

His conscience battled between the options of yelling at the clueless brunette and continuing on his path. It wasn't a hard decision, though, because Yugi, the person that did so much for him and got him where he was that night, was all alone on the street somewhere, confused, abandoned, and most likely…heartbroken.

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: This chapter was revised on 7-4-06.

Thanks to all reviewers!

Please Review.


	14. Chapter 14

Yami quickly turned his head away from the retreating Anzu and ran in the direction that she had come from only moments before. He couldn't see very far because of the dim streetlights, but soon enough Yugi loomed into his view; the other looked so small and broken, defeated, all because he did for Yami what no one else would. He got to know him, he helped him. Yugi might have even _loved_ him.

The crimson-eyed male slowed to a walk when he was a few feet away from Yugi; he could hear the smaller's sniffs, and Yami once again felt that humongous urge to protect Yugi at all costs, not to mention a certain level of guilt. He felt that he needed to be very sensitive towards the smaller, yet he really wasn't sure how.

Deciding that grabbing his shoulder from behind, even gently, would scare him, Yami walked a little bit past him, turned around, and watched as Yugi's eyes focused and traveled to his own.

He looked utterly depressed: his eyes were glassy, and tear marks could be seen running down his flushed face. But, even looking so upset, with a few stray locks of hair clinging to his face, Yugi looked absolutely beautiful. How could Anzu have left him like this…or at all?

"Yami?" Yugi asked after a few seconds, his voice was so small and distressed, and the way that he said Yami's name made the other think that Yugi didn't believe that he was actually there in front of him. 

Now was the time for that warm hand on his shoulder…two, in fact. "Yugi, what happened?" He said this without thinking; it was quite obvious as to what had happened to the amethyst-eyed boy, and he shouldn't have asked, but he's never had to do anything like this before. He's never had anyone to comfort until now.

"She just…" Yugi started, once again using that small voice, "She just left me for Jeremy, and it was all my fault. I pushed her away, didn't I…" He bit his lip, "I'm sorry, Yami…" 

Yami just stared at him with confused eyes; did Yugi just apologize? Why would he do that? Did Anzu-? "Yugi, why are you sorry?"

"Because I kissed you…I danced with you…I list-" He stopped abruptly, even though Yami would've smiled; he was right about the smaller listening to his heart, but Yami couldn't smile. This situation wasn't right at all. "And then I left you…without a fight or anything."

Yami's eyes softened as he heard this, but he still felt horrible. This wasn't, for the moment, about him and his questions about where their relationship stood, it was about Yugi and changing his own answers about how he thought Yami felt about him, because they were wrong…opposite, even.

"Yugi," He said softly, gripping his shoulders with his fingertips, "You don't need to apologize, okay? I appreciated our dance, and I'd like to again, too." Yami wanted to dance with Yugi forever. He slowly leaned over and brushed the other's face free of hair and tears before kissing his forehead lightly. He pulled back a little and tucked the smaller's hair behind one of his ears, finding a small diamond earring on the lobe; he's never noticed it before, it was so clear and discreet.

"Really?" Yugi asked, bowing his head a little. Did Yugi really think that Yami hated him?

"Really. Okay?"

It finally seemed to click, "Okay, Yami…thanks."

There was a brief pause, in which Yami tried to sort out his thoughts. "Do you…" Yami hesitated for the slightest second, then decided that this really was the best for Yugi, even if it seemed to lean the other way, "Do you want me to walk you home?" He would've invited the smaller to his own house, but he didn't want to put Yugi in any danger. Ryan could have been waiting, even though Yami was 97 sure that he was at some bar getting hammered.

Yugi smiled gratefully and nodded a little, "Yeah…thanks, Yami." 

Yami nodded and moved beside Yugi as he put his arm around the smaller protectively, lovingly, and even a little awkwardly. "Where do you live?"

* * *

"Just down the block," Yugi said, turning his face to look at Yami, who looked back at him with a smile and a squeeze of the shoulder. Yami didn't hate him after all; Yami was walking him home.

Maybe tonight wasn't so bad after all; Anzu who, right? …right?

Yugi nuzzled into Yami slightly; he didn't want to think about it. "Here," He said, and they walked up to the door of the duplex. Yugi dug his keys out of his pocket and opened the apartment, never stepping out of Yami's protective grasp. Yugi just couldn't decide if he wanted to be happy, or sad, or both.

He felt like a mess, and he knew that he looked like one, too, but here Yami was, picking up the pieces of his shattered night and his shattered heart. "Do you…want to come in?" Yugi blinked, hoping that he didn't sound too hopeful. He thought about it, and realized that he did. He didn't mind, though.

Yami only smiled, though, and Yugi did, too. He liked it when Yami smiled. "Sure, but I can only stay for a little…I have to lock up my room and grab my guitar." Yugi nodded, and they made their way into inside of the apartment after silently-but-grudgingly separating themselves from each other. Once inside, Yugi slipped off his shoes and Yami did the same. He dug inside of his head for proper etiquette for this type of thing, but his mind felt blank. What now? He never…he never thought about his part, though words flew out of his mouth as if he did, "Would you like something to drink?"

* * *

"Umm," Yami said, looking around Yugi's living room with an open mind. It was small, yes, but nice and suitably clean. He could see blankets and a pillow under a coffee table; Yugi and Anzu's relationship really must've been…dysfunctional. "Sure. Can I…" He faded off, gesturing towards the couch with his chin and a slightly raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, go ahead. Make yourself at home," Yugi said from the kitchen that branched off from the living room. It looked almost unused. Coincidence, Yami thought not. He sat down a little stiffly on the end of the couch, which was very comfortable. Textbooks, notebooks, and pencils littered the coffee table; the lettering on the notebooks was neat, and sometimes a Japanese character would be erased or crossed out for an English one. Yugi came from Japan; he's never mentioned that before.

Yugi returned with two Sprites, a smile, and slightly watery eyes; Yami decided not to press on the kanji issue, though. "I only have Sprite, is that okay?"

"It's fine." Yami nodded as Yugi came around the table and sat on the cushion next to Yami while handing him the can at the same time. "Thanks." Yami popped the beverage.

"Yeah, no problem. Thanks for walking me home," The smaller's voice was quiet again, subdued, as if he was lost in thought.

A few minutes of awkward silence followed, and Yami searched his mind for something to say, "…Your earring. I didn't know that you were into piercings." 

The subject, however amusing as it might have been to others, didn't have the desired affect on Yugi, "Oh…I got it done when I was 12.. Grandpa wasn't too happy about it, but he did let me keep it." Yugi finally cracked a very small smile; the memory must've been fond to him.

"Your earring is beautiful." Yami said, recalling its shape and size, "It looks like its worth a lot."

Yugi shrugged, and Yami frowned as Yugi's smile turned into one, "I dunno…it was my Mom's, before she died." 

"…Oh." Yami cursed at himself in his head. He was _not_ good at this type of thing, and was drudging up bad memories for Yugi.. Yugi's mom died when he was 12 years old, and that was why he got the earring in the first place.

Yugi smiled softly again, though, not able to hear Yami's thoughts, "But that's okay. I haven't thought about this earring in a while…its my only memento of her…so I don't…forget…"

Yami told himself to stop thinking as his mind supplied him with a whole mess of new questions for the smaller. Just because Yami's past was a nightmare, it didn't mean that everyone else's was. "You…won't forget…I bet that your mom was kind and sweet, right?" Yami didn't know why he was saying this…but he had to say something; he couldn't just keep it at this tone.

Yugi smiled again and nodded, though, once again not able to hear Yami's chides and thoughts towards himself. He creased his eyebrows, "How…did you know?"

Yami sighed lightly…his answer was simple, yet oh so sappy, "She taught you well…she was kindhearted, and so are you…that's why you won't forget, because you are kind." 

Yugi sighed almost unnoticeably and went back to his unopened soda can; he was thinking again, and his smile had long since straightened out. A few minutes of passed; it wasn't awkward, and it wasn't comfortable, it was just silence. It was broken by Yugi, though, as his already glassy eyes filled with tears. Yami could only watch as he started to shake and then spoke in a just as shaky voice, "I have yelled at her…"

Yami realized what his words had triggered. He was not going to win tonight, was he? He put his free arm across Yugi's shoulders and shook him playfully with an unconvincing smile, "Well…she yelled at you first." 

"Maybe…it's just the things that she said. I've never felt that angry before in my life…" Yugi returned softly, his shoulders relaxing as Yami slowly pulled him closer. "And then she…" He faded off, frowning and blinking as if to will away the tears.

"I'm listening, Yugi," Yami encouraged in little more than a whisper, "Maybe it'll help if you talk about it." Yami never realized how much of a hypocrite he was being with that statement, and Yugi couldn't have known.

"She called you a…" He shook his head as he lowered his chin to his chest, "And I just lost it."

"Yugi…" Yami said, his crimson irises widening in anger and gratitude; anger because of Anzu's complete lack of tact, and gratitude because Yugi defended him and told her that she was wrong. For Yami, Yugi snapped that one thread that was fragilely holding their broken relationship together; Yugi was crying because of Yami. "Yugi, you have no idea how much that means to me…and how sorry I am…"

Yugi turned his eyes to the ceiling, "Yami, she was my only friend back in Japan. I mean, we moved to America together and got accepted to nearby colleges just so that we wouldn't be separated. I figured out a while ago that I didn't love her as a girlfriend, but we were still friends until she started drinking."

Yami realized that even though Yugi's head was on Yami's shoulder, the petite boy wasn't really talking to him; he was talking to himself, trying to figure out what went wrong, "…she started drinking, and then he wasn't so nice anymore…I should've stopped them…then this wouldn't be happening…"

Yami, thinking that 'them' was Anzu and Jeremy, pulled Yugi closer to him; how could Anzu have done this to Yugi? How could she have made this poor boy cry? He doubted that it was to protect him, otherwise she would've taken him home. Was it out of spite or jealousy, or was it something else that Yami didn't know the reasoning behind? Was it the drinking? Was Yugi against drinking? And why? Was his motive similar to Yami's?

Yami wanted to ask these questions, and he wanted to know what Yugi felt. He wanted, in mind, to get closer to him and to talk to him because Yugi saved Yami from wandering in his darkness, and now he was coming back to Earth.

He moved his eyes down to his shoulder where Yugi was resting, but he didn't speak. Even though his pale face was stained with tears, and his eyeliner was smudged just the slightest bit, he looked almost peaceful, and his eyes were drooping closed. "But…" He said softly, "I guess that its okay in the long run…because you're here…and I like you, Yami…a lot." 

Yami smiled softly as Yugi's breathing changed a few minutes later; he had fallen asleep. Sure, it wasn't an 'I love you,' but it was better than nothing, and Yugi must've really trusted him to fall asleep right there. That was, for now, more than enough for the guitarist. Placing his and Yugi's unfinished sodas on the coffee table, Yami stood up and helped the smaller, who was still asleep, onto his back.

He blinked; this was the part where he was supposed to think, "Yugi looks so uncomfortable," And relieve him of his socks and pants, leaving him only in his underclothes, but he couldn't. What if Yugi woke up and thought -- not to mention Yami's own past.

Instead, Yami repressed a shiver and wrote a note to the sleeping smaller on what looked like the discarded opening of an English essay. A large part of it was in Japanese. It was obvious that Yugi was homesick.

Before leaving and locking Yugi's front door as he left, Yami covered him with the blanket from under the table and brushed the hair once more out of his face; he was just so beautiful. Yami didn't want to leave, but he couldn't stay; he needed to lock up and go home. It would be inappropriate to stay anyways, why fuel more rumors? He didn't need to drag Yugi into this; he didn't deserve it. Yugi didn't deserve a lot of the things in his life.

* * *

"So…bored of him already? Or are you going back for more after this?"

Yami didn't turn around; he didn't leave, either. He _would not_ fall prey to Anzu's taunts. He would not yell at her or give her what she deserved. As much as he hated to admit it, Yami knew that Yugi still cared for this girl. He was willing to take all of the hurt so that she would feel absolutely none, and the thought made Yami's blood boil. "I just left…he's very upset, you know." Yami's calm voice surprised him; it was so different from the pounding of his heart in his chest.

He could practically hear Anzu sneering, "Why? Did you hit him too hard?"

At this Yami's lips bent into a scowl and his guitar dropped to the ground with a muffled thump. His eyes flashed angrily and his calm voice was now dripping with anger. "No, I was referring to the fact that you abandoned him in the middle of New York City!"

Anzu rolled her eyes, "He can take care of himself." She crossed her arms, "Besides, I don't know what you're complaining about…now there's no one in your way."

Her tone of voice and slightly raised eyebrow completed her accusation. She was accusing him of just what everyone else did, and if she truly believed the rumors, then --

"So you don't care?" He shouted, his realization making him even angrier than what her words even said. He took a step forward and balled his fists at his sides, "You don't care that he could be hurt? Dead?"

Anzu said nothing; she just stared at Yami with that same cocky look, and the guitarist was able to infer her answer, "I don't believe you! Yugi might not have loved you, but you were the one person in his life that he cared about the most! And look what you did! You abandoned him, humiliated him…and all that he can think about is what _he_ did wrong! What about you? Yugi cannot have been the sole reason that your relationship didn't work, but for some reason that's what he thinks! Couldn't you tell that he disapproved of your drinking? Couldn't you have laid off just a little bit?"

Yami finished, breathing heavily, and was not at all surprised by Anzu's cold tone of voice, "Just because he has some issue doesn't mean that I have to deal with it."

Inside of his mind Yami noted that Yugi really did have a problem with drinking, and it seemed like neither of them knew why. But the thought never got to surface, because red eyes flashed angrily, and Yami's voice deepened as his voice went up in decibels. "What about your problem? What about the things that _you_ say to him? Should…" Yami's voice softened considerably and the sharp tinge to his eyes disappeared as he blinked. For a split second his eyes met the concerned ones of Sam, and suddenly he didn't feel so angry anymore. He picked up his guitar and stared straight into Anzu's drunken blue irises…gray eyes…"Should he have to deal with that?" 

Old memories flashed into Yami's mind, old memories that would always resurface no matter what happened. He would never be able to forget, not after he was used and tainted for so long, and not after everything that he had gone through every single day. The stares, the silent accusations, and the fact that almost no one liked him would always be there, no matter how much time passed or where Yami went. He swallowed heavily and walked out of _The Curse_ without a single glance back.

He shouldn't have to deal with this, either. He never should have.

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: This chapter was revised on 7-4-06.

Thanks to all reviewers!

Please Review.


	15. Chapter 15

Yugi sat on the couch the next morning…alone. His eyes were dull from the last night, and his lashes once again held unshed tears. He couldn't stop thinking about the last five minutes or so of his life.

_Yugi woke up early; his alarm clock didn't go off, and he didn't expect it to. He didn't expect Anzu to be home, either. Yugi fully expected her to have spent the night somewhere, like with Jeremy or someone that she didn't hate with all of her soul at the moment. Nevertheless, he stood up and went to their --her-- room to get his clothes so he could take a long shower. He needed one to attempt to just wash his tribulations away, even though he knew that it wouldn't work._

Yugi pushed open the door to the aforementioned room slowly; the TV wasn't on, so he assumed that Anzu was still asleep, but she wasn't there at all. The room looked like a complete mess, yet was so empty at the same time.

The drawers inside of the beside table were pulled out, and all of the clothes inside were gone. The closet was open, and over half of the Tupperware storage containers were missing; the comforter was missing from the bed, as well as everything on the small bureau off to the corner. The young adult stood there for a full minute, looking at how there was nothing left of Anzu's in the small room.

He walked through the house next, turning on all of the lights in turn, noticing that various things of no value to him were gone. Anzu's key ring and car were missing, as well as all of the little homey things and about half of their CD collection. All the while Yugi could only think of how the kitchen light was off. 

It was ridiculous, utterly inane, but Yugi remembered how Anzu always left the kitchen light on. It always seemed to annoy him, especially when he moved out into the living room and slept there, but he never said anything to her; he didn't feel the need to. 

After a few more minutes of hopeless searching under the fruitless hope that maybe she had left a note on the refrigerator, Yugi collapsed onto the couch. The only feeling that he had was loneliness.

But that loneliness didn't last long; something on the coffee table caught Yugi eye that he didn't see it before in the dark. Now that the lights were on, though, he saw written on discarded scraps of a soon-to-be-due English essay penmanship that wasn't his own. It wasn't Anzu's, either. It was _Yami's_.

Yugi-I had to leave…I'm sorry, but I couldn't stay. I had to go lock up at the club. Don't worry, everything will work out in the end, and I'll see you tomorrow morning if you want to talk some more. -Yami

The guitarist's neat handwriting comforted Yugi, even if it was only for a minute. Nevertheless, it made Yugi remember that he wasn't really alone in all of this, and that he had Yami to help him if he ever felt depressed.

Yugi still felt bad, though; he had pretty much melted and started to sob his heart out right in Yami's face, right after he got his record deal.

Yet it was almost like Yami didn't care. Even after Yugi had fallen asleep, feeling more comfortable and safe than he did in a long time, Yami sat with him without complaint, then covered him with a blanket, wrote him a note, and turned out all of the lights before leaving. Yugi wouldn't have been surprised if he locked up, too.

Of course when he woke up the doors weren't bolted shut. Anzu must've forgotten.

She probably also forgot to tell Yugi that she decided that she wanted to move out, too. She just forgot to say goodbye, and forgot to tell Yugi that it was a shame that it didn't work out.

Suddenly, Yugi wiped purposefully at his dreary eyes and stood up off of the couch. He tried to tell himself that none of this mattered now. She hated him. She left. End of story. There was no use in worrying now, and there was no use in crying over it. There was no use in taking the day off from work.

He wanted to call Anzu, yes, but not to get her to come back from where ever she was. Yugi just to make sure that she didn't crash while driving, and that she was safe. Maybe he would even apologize because things didn't work out in the end. At this point, Yugi doubted that they could even be friends anymore, and that was sad, especially since they were friends for so long.

He knew that Anzu wouldn't even answer if he called from the apartment, he'd have to use a pay phone at Cumby's if he even wanted a _chance_ but even then she still probably wouldn't want to talk to him. He had to try though, he couldn't just leave it all hanging.

As Yugi showered, dressed, and left for work, he tried not to think about how much the previous night tipped his life over. Good things came out of it, such as dancing with and kissing Yami, but the guitarist was giving up an awful lot of time just to be with the smaller. Yugi didn't want to ruin that because he couldn't cope. He just had to calm down.

Yugi did, though, the previous night, ruin the rest of his life as he knew it. Before, he could, almost comfortably, pay monthly for his car and half of his rent, along with half of the food bill and half of everything else. But now he couldn't pay all of this money. Yugi knew that this part-time job wouldn't cut it anymore, he'd have to get another one, too. It should have been easy enough; Yugi had a decent mind, and he knew what he was doing. He could easily get a second job _easily_…right?

Yugi held back a sniff as he opened Cumby's and proceeded to a pay phone in the back of the store before even making the first batch of coffee. His heart hammered in his chest as he slipped in two quarters, and his mouth went dry as he dialed the familiar sequence. Yugi remembered the types of things that he called this number in the past. This was far from it.

Now that he was so close to the words, Yugi realized that he had no clue as to how he was supposed to say them to her. This was not going to be a friendly conversation, or even a simple apology. There was so much ground to cover with this one, but he knew that he wouldn't even get the time out of her to start.

He blinked as Anzu's recorded voice floated over the line; her voicemail had kicked in. Yugi shrugged; it was still early, after all She was probably with Jeremy or something, sleeping off one hell of a hangover. He sighed and hung up the phone, then paused as he heard the coins traveling down the chute to join the others in the miniature safe below him. He call again later.

Jeremy. Yugi wasn't sure what he was supposed to think about Anzu's friend.

He seemed nice enough, but then he just let Anzu kiss him, and walked off with her without a thought. Yugi supposed that it was alright, though. He was possibly drunk, after all, and he wasn't Yugi's friend, anyway. He was Anzu's friend. So he stuck with Anzu. Just like Yami was Yugi's friend, so Yami stuck with Yugi.

The small adult allowed himself a small smile as he made his way over to the coffee-maker. Yami, if Yugi was correct, would show up around 10:30 or so; he knew that it was odd of him to know that, but, Yami seemed to have a schedule, and it made a small smile float to the students face; he was on Yami's schedule.

* * *

For some reason Yami woke up very early on Sunday morning.. He did not sleep well, not at all, yet he didn't know the reason for it. He got a record deal and was so close to getting everything that he had ever wanted, but still felt so uneasy about what he had said to Anzu the previous night.

Perhaps he should've ignored her, but he couldn't have just left without a word. Anzu, more or less, had destroyed Yugi. It was true; the previous night Yugi proved that he couldn't see what Anzu had done wrong, and was only think about what he had done and what should have been different.

But if Yugi did do those things, then where would he be now? Exactly where he was before Saturday; Yami just had to say something, he couldn't let Anzu walk around with a blank mind while Yugi sat at home alone because of her.

Yami shook his head and dug his hand into his jeans pocket, where he had his phone number written on a post-it note, just in case something happened later and Yugi needed to talk. Or maybe Yugi just wanted it anyway. It was still early, only a little after nine, but Yami just couldn't fall back asleep. He was wired, but on what he didn't know.

* * *

Yugi decided to call Anzu again a nine o'clock; it was his third time. He knew that he was being a nag, but he just felt the need to talk to her just one more time. He couldn't fix their relationship and he couldn't ask her for financial help, but the more that Yugi thought about it, the more he realized that he just wanted to move on.

"Hello?" An agitated, slightly tired voice answered the phone, and Yugi gripped the yellow handle almost nervously. But why was he nervous? He knew what was going to happen, after all.

"Anzu," Yugi said quietly, and then blinked; he didn't know what to say, "It's Yugi…Anzu, I think that we need to-"

"There's nothing to talk about." Anzu interrupted simply. Her voice only had a small amount of ice coated to it, "We tried, and it didn't work out."

"But…" Yugi sighed as if he wasn't sure what that breath was going to be used for; he was going to try to get her back after all, wasn't he, "Even if it didn't work out, didn't all of those years before it mean anything?" Even over the phone, where Yugi didn't have to look at the other, it was still hard. He never thought that he'd ever have to say this to her.

"Of course it does." Yugi was surprised to hear the emotion in her voice, but then her tone turned extremely sharp; nasty, almost. "But apparently you don't want to deal with me, and quite frankly, I don't want to deal with you. So I left."

"What?" Yugi said incredulously, narrowing his eyes, "I never said that to you." Deep down, though, the student knew that it was true. When he really thought about it, he didn't deserve Anzu getting drunk and yelling at him; he asked her to stop, and that should have been enough for her.

"You know what, Yugi," Anzu said, and Yugi cringed at her angry voice, "When you didn't want me to drink; when you tried to get me to stop…fine, I could deal with that. But then, when you were with Yami, no matter how many times I told you to stop hanging out with him…don't you understand how dangerous he is?"

"Anzu!" Yugi could not believe this. It always came back to Yami, and it always came back to Anzu's jealously, spite, and the fact that she just couldn't take a look at this for what it was. "Have you _ever_ had a real conversation with him? He's not like everyone says he is! Are you…wherever you are because you don't like Yami?" 

"No, I'm with Jeremy because you wouldn't listen to me! When he comes after you, I'm not about to be caught in the middle!" Yugi paused; something was not right about this whole conversation, "Because you don't want to…or because you're afraid to?" She didn't answer; it didn't even sound like she was breathing, and Yugi took his own deep breath before plunging in, "Anzu, do you still care about me?"

There was a long pause, and Yugi could only hear his breathing and something that sounded like his heart. There was another noise somewhere behind him, but he didn't care. Yugi still cared about Anzu, he cared about her a lot, and he knew that he would never stop caring about her. Maybe they could still salvage _something_. If Anzu had to think about his question, then…

The phone went dead.

* * *

"Anzu, do you still care about me?"

Yami stopped dead as he walked into Cumby's and saw Yugi at the pay phone talking to Anzu. That was a very dangerous question just asked by Yugi, and he must have known that before he asked it. Yami frowned when he realized that Yugi probably would have asked even if he did.

The store went cold as Yugi hung up softly and sniffed. He didn't move other than that; his hand seemed glued to the receiver. It took Yami a minute to realize that Yugi was crying.

"Yugi…" Yami said softly, his voice almost like a question as he stepped towards the smaller. She said no; how could she have said no?

Yugi turned around quickly and his hand fell limply to his side. His eyes were swimming in tears, yet he smiled as if he was trying not to care. "Hi Yami." Their eyes met for a minute, but then Yugi broke the connection and wiped at his watery eyes. "I got your note. Thanks for staying with me last night." Yami watched as Yugi took a deep breath and blew out cold air before going to make more coffee; the pot was half full.

Yami followed him, "No problem…" His voice was slow. Yami swallowed a little and put a kind hand on the smaller's shoulder, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Yugi shook his head and sniffed, "Not here…" He gestured to the security camera and a customer that had just walked in. "I'm just…really confused, and I…"

"Well…" Yami said softly, removing his hand from Yugi's shoulder, "Later, then…I'll come back later, and then we can…I don't know. We can go back to your house…or take a walk…whatever you want, okay?" 

Yami was suddenly very glad that he came to the store early that morning, otherwise he might never have known about this, and he wouldn't have been able to at least try to help. Something was nagging at the back of his mind, too: the possibility that this was his fault.

* * *

Yugi blinked and looked into Yami's crimson eyes; he was willing to give up his time _again_, just to help Yugi feel better. "Okay. I get off around one. Thanks, Yami."

Yugi didn't want to think about everything right now; he didn't want to think about _anything_ right now. Before turning to go back to the counter, he lifted his arms and linked them around Yami's waist in a tight hug; he closed his eyes and breathed in Yami's strong cinnamon scent.

Yami had just asked him if they wanted to go and talk. As he stood there in the other's arm, Yugi started to wonder if this get-together was supposed to be a date. At that moment, Yugi realized that he loved Yami more than anything, and he wanted to spend every day after this with him because Yami just cared _so_ much. He always said just the right things, and more importantly than that, _did_ the right things, too.

Yami hugged him back around the shoulders then planted a soft kiss in his soft hair; Yugi realized that it didn't matter if he didn't know if his intentions were to go on something like a date or not.

He wasn't sure what was going to happen later, but if Yami was there with him, then he didn't care.

* * *

Hours later, a couple of minutes before one, Yami walked down the street once again; this time his guitar was slung over his shoulder. He wasn't sure what Yugi was going to do or where he want to go or what he wanted to say, so Yami brought his guitar with him just in case things got awkward or empty.

Yugi came into view easily with the sun at play; he was leaning against the brick wall of Cumberland Farms with crossed arms and a bent knee. He looked thoughtful, almost brooding, but his face lit up a little when he saw Yami, who's hands were tucked into his jeans pockets. 

"Hi," Yugi said with a genuine smile. He raised his head and looked the taller in the eye. Yami saw a glimpse of happiness in his irises, but the rest was chaos. It looked like he had no clue as to what he was supposed to say, or even think. Then those amethyst eyes roamed over to the guitar, and his lips flattened into a frown, "Umm…if you have something else…" 

Yami's eyes widened, and he leant forward slightly, his hands falling out of his pockets, "No, of course not. The afternoon is yours." Amethyst crystals widened a little, and Yami realized how lonely Yugi must've been feeling at the moment; his mom was dead, and it seemed like the two were close. Then Anzu, his only friend for years, left. His situation seemed almost as bad as Yami's when one really thought about it.

And, on top of that, was this sounding like a date? Yami didn't mean for it to be one, but now that he was able to look back on how it all came about…

"So…" Yugi said, walking forward and biting his lip lightly; by now it was obvious that it was a nervous habit of the smaller's. He looked just as confused as Yami felt, "Where are we going?" Yami took a step forward, and finally realized that even if this was a date, it was for Yugi, and if Yugi wanted to think that this was something more or something less, then he could.

"Wherever you want." He smiled, pivoting his head to get the point across. 

Yugi shrugged, "The park?"

Yami walked forward towards Yugi and their fingers laced together again; it didn't matter how, but felt just right to both of them, nevertheless, "The park it is."

* * *

The three block walk to the park was silent but almost a good silent. Yugi knew that he should have said something, anything, but nothing was coming to his mind that he actually wanted to voice. He didn't want to talk about Anzu, and ended up just wanting to walk with Yami, feeling their warm fingers touching lightly with every step that they took.

Yet as they entered the park, one of the only places in New York City with trees and grass and squirrels, Yugi had only on thought in his mind: Anzu. He was well aware of the stupidity of his last question to her, but he really was expecting an answer. A no…fine, great; he could move on. Yugi didn't even want to think about a yes, but, couldn't she even do him the courtesy of answering? What, was he supposed to live on that for the rest of his life?

Yami's thumb lightly caressing the back of his hand brought him back, "Are you okay? You just stiffened up…a lot."

Yugi took a deep breath and realized that Yami was right as his muscles relaxed a little. "I'm sorry…" He blinked, and tears unexpectedly rose to his eyes; he promised himself during work that he wouldn't cry. He felt so weak and stupid always being overcome by his emotions. He shouldn't have been.

Yugi felt himself being gently pulled along by Yami to a nearby bench. They sat down together, and Yami freed his hand to put his arm around Yugi's shoulder, "Why are you sorry?"

"I dunno," Yugi said, unable to put his feelings into words, "I just…you gave up your time today and all I can do is sit here and think."

"Well…" Yami said, shaking his shoulder, "Why don't you talk? After all, I'm here to listen. That's why I asked you."

Yugi sniffed, realizing that Yami was right; if he wanted to help, then the least that Yugi could do was accept it, "I called Anzu this morning, thinking that we could, you know, just talk…sort things out before we officially broke up." Yugi creased his eyebrows, "She said that I didn't want to deal with her, so she left because of that…I never said that!" Yugi wasn't sure why he was yelling at this point; probably because he should have told her that instead of letting her think of it was true. Another mistake.

* * *

Yami's heart stopped beating all together at Yugi's words; this was his fault. He knew that he did something wrong by his --_conversation_-- with Anzu, and there it was. All of his paranoia centered right on this.

Because he couldn't keep his mouth shut, Yugi was here holding back tears in front of him while Yami could only watch. His voice shook shamefully as he spoke, "That's because…I said it."

He could almost hear Yugi's muscles working as his head snapped up; his eyes still held unshed tears, and his face looked terribly confused, but otherwise unreadable. Yami couldn't tell if he was upset or not, though he had a feeling that he knew, "What?"

The older male averted his eyes; he couldn't stand the hurt and confusion in Yugi's, "I met Anzu last night, after I left your apartment. I wasn't going to say anything to her, but the way she talked about you; I told her that it wasn't fair that you had to deal with her drinking; that was probably what happened. I'm sorry, Yugi." 

Yami closed his crimson eyes; drinking always messed everyone up, especially the ones on the opposite end of it all. It wasn't fair, and now it was his fault that Anzu moved out.

Yami went to remove his arm from Yugi's shoulder, but it was held in place gently by a soft hand. Yami stared at the connected appendages, yet Yugi didn't say anything for a long few seconds. "Thank you, Yami."

The guitarist stopped breathing. He didn't get it. He just admitted to the fact that he was the one that snipped that last string of their relationship, and Yugi was thanking him for it? "For…what?"

"Yami," Yugi sighed again, "You were right; I shouldn't have to deal with her refusing to listen to me all of the time. I never would have been able to tell her that, though. Thanks for sticking up for me. Anzu was always the one that stuck up for me before; maybe I should learn to do that for myself now, huh…"

"Yugi," Yami didn't know what to think, and he twisted his hand to hold Yugi's, but he knew exactly what to say, "I like you just the way you are."

* * *

Yugi smiled at Yami's words and felt the guitarist's hand clench around his own. Where would he be right now if Yami didn't care about him so much? If he didn't offer to spend the afternoon with him? And what if he didn't stand up to Anzu for him in the first place? He'd be miserable and most likely at home, wishing that things were different.

Now, even though Yugi was upset, he had Yami, and even though what happened hurt; he knew it wouldn't last forever. Some things weren't meant to work out, and even though if Yugi and Anzu's break-up was ugly, it just had to happen.

They sat in silence for a long time after that, just sitting and thinking. It was nice; Yugi could hear Yami's calm breathing as they sat, sharing the presences. He could imagine himself sitting with Yami today and the next day, too, because he knew that Yami would listen to him. If asked him to stop something, then he would. Yugi had a feeling that he'd never have to ask, though.

After a while, when the silence felt just right, Yugi felt Yami unwrap himself from the smaller and take his guitar out of its case, which was by then on the ground. Yugi, with a little difficulty tore his eyes away from the park's surroundings such the blossoming trees, and the blowing leaves. From inside of the park walls, it was difficult to believe the things that went on outside of them.

Yugi watched as Yami delicately placed his fingers on the acoustic guitar in order to softly strum a soft melody on the strings. He didn't use a pick, but its vocals were smooth and strong. 

Yugi smiled softly at the guitarist as his fingers moved effortlessly across the tightly coiled metal. He remembered the last time that Yami played this song, the one that made him want to stay at _The Curse_ during his second visit. Yet somehow this time it seemed different. Better.

The sound faded, and Yugi moved a little closer to the other so he could place his head on Yami's shoulder, "I remember that. It was my favorite song." It really was, yet there was something he didn't know about it; something that he wanted to know, "Where do you get the inspiration?"

* * *

Yami carefully looked at Yugi's beautifully structured face; the student was an innocent. And no matter what happened to Yugi, he'd always be an innocent. Yami didn't want to taint that with what he's been through, and just as strongly, he didn't want Yugi to pity him for what had happened.

Yami shifted his guitar and leant closer to Yugi until their foreheads were leaning together; Yugi's breath was sweet in his nose; he knew exactly why he wrote it, "This song, Yugi…I wrote it for you." 

Their lips touched again in a sweet, small kiss.

Yami inclined his head back and looked into Yugi's eyes; the amethyst was different now. It looked happy and relieved, "Really?" 

Yami nodded, and both of their heads moved, their foreheads still connected. Yugi's skin on his brow was warm yet still somehow cool in the spring temperature, "Yeah…for you and for you only."

Yugi leaned forward and brushed their lips together again before pulling away, and Yami did the same. After that, they sat there for at least 30 seconds, staring and thinking, "Yami?" Yugi asked, and he bit his lip again, "Does this mean…umm…" He couldn't say it, and Yami didn't blame him.

"I think that it does," Yami said softly, and they kissed yet again, both of them feeling a long-asked question answered, both of them feeling relieved and a tension released and neither of them feeling lonely anymore.

* * *

Yugi didn't know what to think; he felt full to bursting with all of his thoughts and emotions; he should have been sad, miserable, even, but as he and Yami walked back to his apartment later that afternoon with comfortably laced fingers, a sort of satisfaction and contentment rose above everything else.

What was going on between them felt almost weird to Yugi, but it was a nice weird. A welcoming weird. They stopped in front of the steps to his house, still holding hands. It wasn't late or anything, but Yugi had his English essay to do still. It was time that he got to it. 

His thoughts dissolved as Yami slipped his free hand out of his jeans pocket and laced it with Yugi's free one. They didn't speak, and didn't need to. Instead Yugi observed; he observed the way Yami's smooth lips blended into creamy mocha skin, and how that skin stretched gracefully over proud cheek bones. Yugi even noticed how the guitarist's pierced eyebrow glinted in the late afternoon light. How could Yugi have ever loved or thought he loved Anzu that way after this feeling that he was having now?

"Yami," Yugi said softly, and watched as Yami smiled. There was just so much that he wanted to say. "Thank you so much for today...and yesterday...for everything."

Yami leaned forward and kissed Yugi's cheek, then moved to brush their lips together. He leaned back and brushed blond bangs behind the smaller's ear, revealing his small diamond stud, "I'll see you tomorrow, Yugi." 

The student leaned forward and kissed Yami softly back, and then he slid their hands apart and smiled, walking backwards down the street.

Yugi watched the man walk down the sidewalk until he came to the crosswalk. He then smiled brilliantly, cocked his head, nodded, and turned around to walk home, his guitar still strapped to his back.

Yugi smiled and watched his...boyfriend's...retreating back, the song that Yami played him running through his mind softly. Noticing that one of his hands was clenched loosely together, he brought it up to his wondering eyes and opened it slowly.

In his palm was a folded post-it note.

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: This chapter was revised on 7-5-06.

Thanks to all reviewers!

Please Review.


	16. Chapter 16

Warm droplets of clean water spilled over a slim tan body, crossing and racing each other smoothly before pooling at the body's slim feet and continuing down a clean drain, where the other droplets soon followed. Yami, the owner of the small feet, sighed a little and turned off the shower slowly, then crossed his arms over his bare chest as he listened to the water still dripping lazily from the nozzle above him.

He didn't want to look down at his chest and abdomen, as the guitarist had been losing weight lately, weight that he really couldn't afford to lose. He had barely eaten anything even since meeting Yugi. And even though he was extremely happy to have finally made something of their relationship, he was still scared. The fact that his body was suffering more than his unstable mind was what was scaring him. A lot. So he did not look.

Once his just-washed silky hair had drip-dried a little, Yami stepped out of the shower and into a black terry robe. He didn't like to stay exposed for long, and, sure, he was alone in his house, but who knew who would walk in? Yami sighed heavily. 

Then he smiled a little, imagining what Yugi would do if he walked into Yami's apartment and saw him indecent. The smaller would probably blush and bite his lip like he always did when he was nervous, then turn away while Yami scrambled for a pair of shorts or something.

But Yugi would never walk into his apartment under these circumstances; he would probably never step foot into Yami's apartment at all because Yami just couldn't subject Yugi to his other life. That would never rest on the guitarist's conscience.

Yami knew that it was dangerous to keep the state of his house from Yugi; it could ruin their relationship if he refused to tell, but his cupboards carried barely any food, his refrigerator was empty other than coffee, water, soda, and most likely out-of-date milk. His counters were full of various vitamin supplements and over-the-counter painkillers, and his drawers were full of bandages and antibiotic ointments. That was Yami's house, and other than his guitar and CD collection, that was it.

What would Yugi think, Yami thought as he walked into his room and gazed at the frame of his missing mirror, When he sees that I have no food, and only medication? What would Yugi think when he saw that Yami's mirror was gone with cracked shards still clinging to its frame, or when he stepped onto a piece of glass that was mostly likely still imbedded into the carpet?

What if Ryan showed up?

Yami threw his head up and widened his eyes as the thought of Ryan passed through his mind. At the same time the door behind him opened and slammed quickly; he heard more crinkling glass, and was suddenly aware of how exposed he really was; his robe was hanging off one of his shoulders, and the cloth didn't even extend to his knees.

"Turn around, Yami." Ryan's voice came floating --hurtling-- through the air, and Yami found himself frozen to the ground, his eyes turned towards the closet in front of him. He couldn't see a thing.

How could he have been so stupid? How could he have believed the one person in his life that he couldn't trust? Why did he think that Ryan would forget about him? He was still living on Ryan's property for God's sake! Was he that desperate for the happiness that was spreading through him only days ago to forget about everything?

A calloused hand clamped down onto the guitarist's naked shoulder, and Yami's whole body went rigid as the hand tightened and wrenched him around. His manager pushed the smaller into the wall behind him and began to run his hands through Yami's still-damp hair before he could even gasp from his back painfully hitting plaster.

His heart was beating far too fast; he felt dizzy and faint, and then Ryan started to speak dangerously, reminding Yami that if he passed out then nothing wouldn't turn out well. "You bastard." Ryan said softly, shaking his head ever-so-slightly to the side. He smiled, though; it was a cruel, controlling smile, and he pushed Yami farther into the wall as he leaned forward and harshly kissed him on the lips.

Yami's mind froze now, too, and he closed his crimson eyes; he was stuck on the fact that he seriously thought that he'd never have to go through this again, that the only kisses that would be given to him from Saturday on would be from the petal soft lips of Yugi. He really thought that, and was now realizing how ignorant he was being towards real life; he completely forgot how dangerous it was, and how much it hurt.

He gasped as something sharp began to dig into his neck; the feeling spread as a sharp object dug deeper into his skin, and he tried to break away but Ryan held him in place with an arm and a leg. He opened his eyes when the pain ceased a little, and saw a shard of mirror being held in front of his eyes.

There was blood on it; Yami's blood.

But Ryan only smiled. "I want you out. I'm sick and tired of you, Yami, and I want you out of my apartment complex by Friday after rehearsal…your last rehearsal." His cold gray eyes bore into Yami's, "And if you aren't, then you're going to wish that you were. I don't want to see you anymore, Yami. I don't care how good of a fling you are. You are a dirty whore, and I want you out." 

Yami couldn't even blink; Ryan had gone from being attracted to Yami and raping him week after week to hating him in a heartbeat. Now Ryan didn't want him around --he wanted him dead.

The manager, still smiling, brought the glass shard to Yami's quivering collar bone and traced along his bare skin, ending at his shoulder. The guitarist had to remind himself to breathe, yet the air didn't want to enter his lungs and his arms shook horribly as Ryan held tightly onto them.

The Egyptian could feel warm blood trailing down his chest underneath his robe, and he could only watch helplessly as Ryan brought the sharp edge to his cracked lips and licked the crimson liquid off; bile rose to his throat, and he choked it down with a shudder. It burned as returned to his stomach.

Ryan dropped his weapon, then leaned over and kissed Yami once more on the lips. He could taste metallic blood on his manager's tongue as it invaded his mouth. He curled his bare toes fearfully, not understanding what was going to happen next. Before, as terrifying as it was, Ryan wanted him around. Now, he wanted to hurt Yami and get rid of him. Was Yami going to lose his life if he couldn't find an apartment in time?

"No rehearsal today, Yami, and it's not on Wednesday, either. Be there on Friday, with the first song you and your band played at _The Curse_." He smiled and backed off a centimeter with a horrible smirk, "Remember that one? I do…that night was tight."

Yami's eyes widened and Ryan smirked largely at him before walking silently out of the room. Other than the glass, it was as if he was never there, and Yami sunk sloppily down the wall, pulling his robe tighter around him with one hand while he tried to stop his neck from bleeding with the other. It hurt.

The guitarist sniffed and tried to blink back tears. A few, not many, but a few fell anyway. Where was he supposed to go? New York City was a big place, yes, but he wanted to stay here. He lived in a nice neighborhood, other than his own complex, and every apartment was probably filled,. Could he even afford rent? He had some money saved up, after all, who didn't, but would it be enough? 

Strike Records was going to sponsor Sennen Rage, but Yami would not start getting a pay check from them until they starting recording. He had his degree, sure, but he didn't even have a car at this point. He could take a bus to a job, but what was he interested in?

Maybe being a doctor wasn't such a bad idea, after all. He wouldn't have to worry about money, and he wouldn't be in this situation. Sure, he might not have been happy, but he would have been at least content, right?

Except for he wouldn't have Yugi. 

Yami stood up shakily and looked closely at his blood-stained hand. Red seeped into his fingerprints and leaked down into his palm. Ryan wanted him out, so that meant that if he could move somewhere, anywhere by Friday, then Ryan would be gone forever. Everything would be alright, and Yami could move on. He could be with Yugi; maybe even move in with him one day?

The guitarist wiped his eyes with his clean hand. He didn't feel well, not at all, but he would still go to Cumberland Farms to see Yugi. The smaller was the only one that Yami had, and that was fine. He wouldn't ruin it by being afraid.

* * *

Yugi smiled warmly at his boyfriend while the restaurant around them glowed with a dim light. It was about 8:30, and this was Yugi and Yami's first official date. It wasn't an expensive restaurant, not at all, but that was okay. Yugi was just happy to be sitting across from Yami, their hands entwined as they patiently waited for their food.

"So…" Yami asked Yugi warmly, squeezing the smaller's hand with his own left one, "What are you thinking about for a job? Do you have any ideas?"

Yugi nodded a little halfheartedly, a small smile on his face, "Well, I'm filling out an internship form for the New York branch of KaibaCorp. If I get it, it'll give me a paycheck and experience in my field, plus credentials for a later job." It was true, but the form was already filled out, waiting on Yugi's hard drive to be emailed to the company.

The only reason that Yugi didn't send it was because he was scared; if he didn't get this job, then he didn't know what he'd do. If he had to go back home, nothing would work out in the end. Not this time. 

"You know," Yami said, a smirk on his handsome face as he shrugged his left shoulder, "You really don't seem like the type of person to be sitting in a boardroom. Who conned you into it?"

Yugi frowned a little, though he knew by the look in Yami's eyes that his question wasn't meant to hurt. Too bad it did. "My Grandfather wanted me to get an American education so I can take over the Game Shop once he retires, but now that I'm here, I'm not too sure that I want to anymore, It's just that's he's done so much for me, and…" Yugi faded off. His Grandfather would not blame him if he wanted to stay in America; he wouldn't even be upset, because he loved working there. Yugi would feel bad, though, leaving him all alone.

"Hey," Yami said, leaning forward and pulling Yugi's hand closer to him to kiss it, "Don't worry about that stuff right now…that's not what we're doing tonight, right?"

Yugi smiled; Yami always made him feel better, no matter what happened. "Thanks, Yami." The elder nodded, and the waitress chose that moment to place two plates of chicken, mashed potatoes, and vegetables on the table. "Thank you," Yugi said to the blonde woman, and she nodded and left, saying something about enjoying their meal.

Twenty minutes passed, and Yugi slowly ate his food, talking to Yami at the same time about their various interests, quirks…but nothing about their pasts. When Yugi was halfway through his meal, he noticed that Yami hadn't eaten a bite; he only picked and prodded at the food a little distractedly. "Yami, what's wrong? You don't like it?" He gestured with his chin towards the full plate.

Yami's head snapped up, and he flinched a little, cocking his head to one side. "No, no, I'm just…not hungry. I ate a big lunch, that's all." 

Yugi nodded and went back to his own food, but he knew that something was wrong; Yami's eyes had lost that familiar spark. Was Yami lying to him? They had just gotten together, problems weren't starting now, were they? Not after all this; not after everything that they did to get together in the first place.

* * *

Yami watched sadly as Yugi went back to slowly wearing down the large plate of food. He didn't mean to lie, and maybe he could have come up with something else to have told him, but he panicked. Yugi cared about Yami a lot, he knew that, and if the guitarist told the other about his problems and how he couldn't hold down food, then it would lead to other questions. The whole truth would be let out.

If that happened, then Yami would lose everything; he'd lose his record deal, his freedom, and he'd lose any chance of getting away from Ryan. Yami had found in the newspaper earlier that day an apartment offer. It was cheap, and it was nearby. All that he had to do was fill out the forms, put down the money, find a part-time job, and everything would be fine. His life would be great and fun, just like he imagined it to be when he was younger.

And _then_ Yami would get help. He'd be more stable, and would be able to find and benefit from help on his own. He'd be able to contact his family, too. He'd belong to a real family again, like before.

Yami suddenly picked up a fork and started to eat slowly. He knew that he couldn't get all of it in, but he'd try. The food was pretty good…then again, he couldn't remember the last time that he actually ate a meal. This was probably like ambrosia to him.

Yugi looked up at him again and smiled. That was like the fountain of youth.

* * *

Later that night, Yami and Yugi sat on Yugi's couch together, their hands still entwined. Yugi felt a little foolish; how could he have thought that Yami would lie to him? How could he think that Yami had such a bad life? Huge problems?

Yami was living out his dream, how could that be bad? Sure, he had some problems with his parents, but now that he was in possession of a record deal, he could get back together with them. He'd fix what his rightful talent and passion broke.

Around 10 o'clock, Yami slowly, almost self-consciously, untangled himself from Yugi and kissed him softly, saying that he had to go home and that he'd come to the store the next morning and stop by after Yugi got home from his classes. Yugi smiled, his own life really wasn't that bad, now was it? He was just scared of the future.

But everyone was scared of the future.

* * *

Yami sat on the floor of his bathroom at midnight, reminisce of chicken and potatoes forcing their way up his throat. Sweat was leaking down his pale face, landing on the bandage that covered his collar bone and soaking into the blended cloth. His injured skin hurt and burned whenever he moved, but that wasn't even the half of it.

Yami knew that not eating was dangerous for his life, but he didn't think that this would all hit him at once. He must've overloaded his system, and when he ate that heavy food, he couldn't handle it.

The ill guitarist heaved once more before flushing the toilet and washing his face so he could slip weakly into bed.

He was scared that he was wasting away, but that really wasn't the main thing. Yugi was the main thing. Yami ate so that Yugi would feel a sense of security towards Yami, but he couldn't hold it down, and it made Yami feel horrible. It made Yami feel like he didn't deserve Yugi because he was always lying. His thoughts and reflexes just wouldn't let him get out of it.

Yami didn't deserve him. It was his fault that he let everything get this far, and the only way that he'd ever feel like he deserved Yugi and his affections was if he got the apartment deal the next day. If he could prove to himself that Ryan didn't hold him down, and if he could make himself believe that Ryan was really gone, then Yami's mind would truly be healed, and he would be able to start to repair his abused body.

Everything was so close…Yami just hoped that it wouldn't slip away again.

* * *

"Okay, Grandpa," Yugi said, his phone held inbetween his ear and his shoulder, his fingers typing steadily on his computer. "Thank you so much, you don't know how much this means to me…Okay, okay Grandpa. I miss you too…bye." 

Yugi clicked the 'Talk' button on his cordless phone and set it down on the computer table, a smile on his small features. On said phone, he had told his Grandfather that he had met someone, and that he felt bad for doing so much to stay in America, while he was here for his Grandfather in the first place. But the elder Muto was refusing to let Yugi come home unless absolutely necessary; it turned out that he was hoping that Yugi would meet someone and make something of his life. He also told Yugi that if something ever happened, then he'd be welcomed back to Japan with open arms.

The sentiment made Yugi smile, but as he sat at his computer with his palm over the mouse, his face turned serious. If he didn't get this job; if the application sitting in front of him was a failure, then it would be absolutely necessary to move home, back to Japan. He didn't have enough time to get another job, and he didn't have the experience for anything too demanding. That was why he was scared. 

He didn't want to let his Grandfather down. He didn't want to let himself down. After everything that his life threw at him, wasn't he strong enough to somehow make it in this big city known as New York? Wasn't it his turn to succeed? To move on?

Yami was making it in this city, though, and for Yami, Yugi took a deep breath and sent his application to one of Seto Kaiba's employees. This was the only way; his only path. Yugi wanted to stay here to watch Yami's musical career grow, and to feel their relationship escalate.

And for everything to work out, his path couldn't be obstructed.

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: This chapter was revised on 7-5-06.

Thanks to all reviewers!

Please Review.


	17. Chapter 17

It wasn't perfect; no, not at all. In fact, the place that Yami was looking at was no where near as nice as the guitarist's old apartment. It was small, and the only furnishing that it came with was a couch. But really, that was all that Yami needed; it was all that he wanted, too.

"So, what do you think?" The landlord of this complex was a woman. She was quite pretty, actually, but Yami couldn't really bring himself to care. He was just so happy that he could afford the place at all; apartments were more expensive than he thought. All that he had to do now was find a job, because he only had about 450 dollars saved up. Rent was three hundred and fifty dollars a month, not including the deposit that the lady wanted; but if it meant Yami could get away from Ryan, he'd sell his ear if he had to.

"It's great," Yami told her, looking around at the almost clean off-white carpet with only mild attentiveness. There was what looked like a soup stain near the window that overlooked the deserted street below them. "When can I move in?"

She smiled, her business deal caught and ended, "When do you want to move in?"

The guitarist smiled widely, his crimson eyes sparkling, "Either Wednesday night or Thursday morning." Everything was finally coming together. Yami could pack up on Wednesday, and then ask Yugi if he could help him to move in on Wednesday afternoon. His last performance at _The Curse_ was on Saturday, and then everything could be alright again.

As Yami left his soon-to-be home, his pockets lighter from the deposit but containing a new key, he felt dizzy for a split second but really didn't notice it. He really didn't care, either. Nothing could bring him down, now.

* * *

Yugi came home from classes on Wednesday night with a modest smile on his face; in his bag was an A on his last minute English essay, and he really couldn't have been any happier. Things just seemed to be going so well for him, despite all of the awful things that had happened in the last few weeks. 

Yami came over the previous night to watch a movie with Yugi, even though in the end neither of them really saw too much of it. To Yugi, it felt really good, because he knew that Yami really cared about him. It wasn't so good that they came to terms because Anzu moved out on him, but the aftermath really turned out to be worth it. 

A blinking on the answering machine caught Yugi's attention. He almost never had any messages as he didn't have any friends, and his Grandpa lived halfway across the world. Phone bills were expensive.

The student's eyes widened as he realized what this message was. It had to have been from KaibaCorp, about his application for an internship…

Yugi had already decided, no matter how much it hurt him to do so, that if he didn't get the job then he would move back to Japan. If he didn't get the job, then he didn't know what he'd do; there was no other way out.

He knew that Yami would be hurt, crushed, even, but, their relationship hadn't progressed too much. If they had to, then they could move on, couldn't they?

But Yugi would surely get the job, right? He had good grades, and he was friendly, too. Why wouldn't they hire him?

Yugi shook his head and firmly told himself to stop stalling. His arm was as heavy as stone as he lifted his hand and pressed the inbox button, and his heart had seemed to jump into his chest as it beat furiously.

A woman's voice emitted from the dotted speaker, "Yugi Muto, this is a message from the New York branch of Kaiba Corporations, concerning your request for an internship…we are sorry, but there are no openings at this time."

* * *

Yami knocked on Yugi's door early that night, his spirit feeling better than it had in a long time. He was tired, yes, but it was a good tired as he had just finished packing up for his move a few minutes ago. He thought that he would come and ask Yugi for help now so that he wouldn't have to ask him to miss work tomorrow.

The guitarist was feeling a little uneasy about how Yugi would take the move; after all it was extremely sudden and therefore a little suspicious, but he really doubted that Yugi would comment on it. And even if he did, it didn't matter if Yami had to fudge the truth a little because after Saturday it would all be just a memory. A distant memory from Yami's past life.

Yugi was taking a long time to open the door, and Yami was finding his bare arms getting cold because of the late afternoon chill. He was just about to knock again when the door slowly opened, revealing Yugi with his mouth open ever-so slightly and his eyes distant. His hair was ruffled as if he had run his hands through it multiple times. "Hi Yami," His voice sounded so very small as he led the elder into the living room and they sat down.

"Yugi, are you alright?" Yami found his upbeat mood suddenly squashed. Why was the smaller looking so upset? Had Anzu done something, or--

Crimson eyes narrowed slightly as they watched Yugi bring his knees up to his chest to hold himself. He was either ignoring Yami or just not hearing him. His eyes were focused on absolutely nothing, "Yugi, did KaibaCorp call you back?" His voice was soft, and when Yugi sniffed, nodded, and blinked at the same time without a single word, the arm around his shoulder was just as warm and gentle. "It's alright, Yugi, you can find another job, easy. There are probably a million people out there that would love to hire you."

But Yugi wasn't paying any attention to Yami's kind smile and encouraging voice. He only shook his head, and, still looking at his knees, asked so quietly that Yami almost missed it, "Yami, you said that my earrings looked like they were worth a lot." He paused, and the guitarist could see tears rising to blurred amethyst eyes, "How much?"

* * *

Yugi hated himself. He hated how weak and powerless he was in the world that he lived in, and how he was too afraid to face the music and just suck it up. He hated his life and how every decision he made seemed to hurt someone or something around him, and how every path seemed to lead to a dead end.

But most of all, Yugi hated how selfish he was. His mom had died in a futile attempt to try to protect her only son, and other than his memories, the only thing that he had to remind himself of her was his pair of diamond earrings. Yet Yugi just asked out loud the measure of their value.

To Yugi, these trinkets had no value. But he had just asked his boyfriend if he could somehow sell them to keep going on his pathetic trail. Yami must have thought that he was selfish, too. Any second now he would remove his gentle arm from Yugi's shoulders and leave. Or maybe he would yell; he deserved it.

And besides, it was nothing new.

But Yami didn't do that, and Yugi found himself so shocked that he couldn't breathe properly. Instead, the guitarist put his other arm around the smaller and pulled him very close. Yugi, with his nose full of sweet cinnamon, felt his legs fall over the couch, and Yami kissed his temple very softly, "You don't want to do that, Yugi. I know that you don't."

Yugi sniffed and closed his eyes, "I know, and I'll get them back after, too, but I need 400 dollars, Yami, by the end of the month. 1 week. And without another job, I won't even have a chance for a loan or an extension or anything. I need the money now, or I have to move back to Japan this weekend."

Yami didn't say anything, and just pulled Yugi closer to him, more tears falling from violet eyes, "I don't want to leave, Yami; I'm happy here. My Grandpa's so proud of me. I'm going to a good college, and I think that that's really all that he ever wanted out of me, to make something out of myself. How could I let him down?" 

"Yugi," Yami said softly, "I'm sure that no matter what happens, your Grandpa will always be proud of you…always…" Yugi could hear the pain in his voice; if he left, then Yami really would be crushed.

But what could the undergraduate do?

"America is so much different from Japan. Did you know that, Yami? I love it here." The words were just spilling out of Yugi's mouth at this point, and he didn't even have a chance to take a dramatic pause or a deep breath before his next words leaked out, "And I love you, too, Yami."

* * *

"And I love you, too, Yami." 

The crimson-eyed guitarist's heart froze at Yugi's words. He knew that Yugi loved him, it was obvious, but to hear the words in the smaller's voice, and to hear that pledge, was so amazing.

So amazing, that Yami realized that it didn't matter if he was free or not, because without Yugi, it would mean nothing. Without Yugi, Yami would still be alone, and he wouldn't have this opportunity or this feeling of love. If Yugi left, then he would have no chance of erasing his deep wounds and scars.

It wouldn't be worth it if he lost in the end anyway.

"Yugi, I'll do it. I'll give you the money you need." His heart was beating so slow. What was Yami saying? He knew the answer to that, yet at the same time he didn't have a clue.

And Yami knew for a fact that he'd offer it again and again, too, even if he had to feel this pain going through his heart each and every time. His chances for freedom were slipping out of his fingers, and he barely even had a grasp of its meaning.

"No, Yami," Yugi turned his face to look at the guitarist with at least a dozen emotions on his features: hurt, love, sadness, emptiness, and gratitude, "I couldn't--that's--it's too much money."

Yami shook his head, his hair moving a little with it, and cupped Yugi's cheek with one of his hands. The contrast in skin tones captivated him, but violet eyes won the subject of his gaze without even a fight, "I want you to stay here, Yugi. Please take the money, I don't care if you pay me back or not." He leaned forward and kissed Yugi's petal-soft lips very gently, "Because I love you, too. Please take it and find a job. Just stay here with me, please."

Yugi swallowed very heavily, apparently thinking things over with a shady look in his eyes. He very gently pried himself away from the Egyptian singer, and took out his beautiful diamond earring very carefully, brushing away loose strands of thick hair to get to it. Then he leaned over and just as carefully, with the air of handling a very small child, took out the stud in Yami's own lobe. He slid the earring through, and clipped the holder onto it before pulling Yami into a large hug, tears still flowing down his face.

Yami would always remember the soft hands of Yugi brushing his silky locks away and touching his warm earlobe softly. He had a feeling that that would be the very last kind touch that he'd get for a very long while, perhaps ever.

"Thank you, Yami, thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to me, and I promise, one day I'll pay you back for everything that you've ever done for me. I promise."

* * *

Later that night, Yami sat at home, slowly unpacking boxes. He could not afford to move now, not since he gave the money he needed to Yugi…

The sick guitarist did not know what Friday would bring. At this point, he seriously doubted that Ryan would kill him, not right away, anyway, but that meant that the alternative. He knew how much Ryan loved his body, and it was scary.

Yami cried on the floor, leaning heavily up against his bed, for almost the entire night. He was scared; he could not ever remember being this scared in his entire life. He didn't know what was going to happen to him. He didn't know if he was going to die or not.

And what would happen if Yami did get hurt? Yugi would blame himself for everything. He'd put the guilt on himself for every bruise, scrape, and cut on Yami's small body, and he would never, ever recover.

Yet at the same time, Yami knew for certain, given the chance to remake his decision, he wouldn't change a thing.

He'd wear this stud given to him by Yugi forever, because as long as he had it, Yugi would know that Yami meant no harm, and that he was only trying to help. He was only trying to make Yugi feel better, even if his decision was perhaps the most foolhardy thing that he's ever done in his entire life.

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: This chapter was revised on 7-8-06.

Thanks to all reviewers!

Please Review.


	18. Chapter 18

"Yami are you alright?" Yugi looked at Yami concernedly, nudging him slightly with his shoulder as he smiled a little. Yami hadn't realized that even his breathing was shallow and distracted; he couldn't see anything other than his own troubles.

The guitarist blinked and pulled himself out of his mind; only moments before he had completely forgotten that Yugi was sitting right next to him. It was Thursday afternoon, and the two boys were sitting on a bench at the park, the same one from a couple of days ago. Yami had brought his guitar with him again, but he barely played a thing since they sat down. Today his heart wasn't in it.

Yami couldn't think of anything else; he couldn't stop thinking about how his only hope had trickled through his hands like water and drained into the dark sea that was his life. But what else was he supposed to do? If Yugi had to leave, then Yami would have felt so guilty. His mind would never heal that way, and Yugi would be miserable as well.

Yami gave the smaller pretty much all of his savings; he had lost his deposit to the landlord of the apartment that he was going to rent, and Yami was worse off than he was when Ryan told him that he wanted him out. He had spent a good deal of that morning sitting on the floor of his bedroom, trying to think of a way out.

But there was nothing.

He couldn't ask Yugi if he could move in with him as Yugi would think that something was wrong. He would wonder why Yami tossed and turned in his sleep, and why he didn't ever eat. It would simply never work, and he would never be able to get away with it. Yami just wanted Yugi to be happy, and that's why he did what he did.

Hopefully Yugi would never find out about what happened to the guitarist behind closed doors; he was doing a pretty good job of it already. He could keep that up…right?

So Yami, instead of placing his arm on Yugi's shoulder and telling him the truth that they most likely deserved, he turned to the smaller, blinked a few times lightheartedly, and smiled, "Of course. I'm just a little tired today. I didn't get much sleep last night. I'm nervous about Saturday, that's all." 

Yugi smiled, too, and suddenly Yami felt terrible for the fact that he could lie to Yugi so easily. It was as if his mind was telling him that he had to keep this secret away from everyone at all costs, no matter who got hurt in the process, no matter who he had to lie to.

That was another thing that scared him.

Yet whenever the guitarist was around Yugi, even Yami couldn't stay depressed. He was just so glad that Yugi was smiling now, and that he wasn't scared about needing money so quickly. He could breathe for at least a minute before he went looking for another job.

Everything seemed to be working out for now.

But what happened when the time finally came for Yugi to find out what was happening to Yami? Would he ever be happy again?

Yugi yawned a little and rested his head on Yami's shoulder; the other smiled a little at this. Even though that day Yami cried whenever he was alone, he could never cry around Yugi. "Are you writing a new song?"

Yami shook his head and turned his head slightly to kiss Yugi's hair softly; the injury on his neck stretched when he pulled on it, but Yugi didn't notice when his heart stopped and his crimson eyes scrunched in pain. "No, we're going to play…our first song." The young adult's eyes narrowed a little, "Kind of ironic, isn't it?"

"Yeah…it's kind of weird looking back on things that you thought so long ago, huh…" Yami eyes were still narrowed, and his crimson eyes had dulled to something almost black. His head was resting atop of Yugi's, and he ignored the dull pain that was now in his collar bone.

Four months after he wrote the lyrics to his first song for Sennen Rage, he hated them. He hated how they were so full of joy and hope and predictions of a prosperous future. He hated how naïve he was.

And Yami couldn't even play the damn song that night four months ago. Because of that one failure, his whole entire future went downhill. No, it was before that, even. The day that Yami agreed to join a band under the management of Ryan Allen, that's when everything fell apart, and his dim future was set in stone.

Tears suddenly rose to Yami's eyes. He couldn't cry…he couldn't cry…he couldn't cry in front of Yugi, then he would wonder what was wrong, he'd want to know what happened to make Yami cry in the middle of the afternoon, and Yami didn't want to force himself to lie again; he couldn't.

They sat in a miraculous silence for a few minutes, and Yami finally managed to get himself in some sort of control. A few tears had fell, but Yugi didn't feel them; a light rain had started to fall while they sat. He got up quickly and stored his guitar in its case, then returned to his boyfriend, a little closer this time.

The arm closest to Yugi wrapped itself loosely around the smaller's waist, and Yami held him as tight as he could. Even then it wasn't much, though. It was true, the guitarist was tired, and that's why he was too weak to keep his grip for long. It was too bad that his fatigue wasn't from a lack of sleep.

The rain poured down on them lightly; it wasn't a cold rain that caused the flu or anything; it was just a warm shower. As the precipitation got heavier, Yami's hair began to stick to his forehead messily, and he knew that the humidity would damage his guitar if left too long, but he didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay with Yugi and just pretend that life was okay for him.

He wanted to pretend that the next day he wouldn't be beaten or raped or…maybe even killed because he couldn't dig himself out of this hole. Tears formed once more in Yami's glassy eyes.

After a minute the singer found his free hand laced with the smaller's, and the guitarist squeezed it a little. Even though Yugi didn't have a clue as to what was going on in Yami's head, it was almost reassuring to just know that Yugi would be there for him if something ever did happen. Even if it hurt him to do so.

Night fell, the clouds overhead helping to darken the little that was left of the day, and Yami knew that their little date was very close to coming to an end. "Yami," Yugi said quietly, shifting a little and squeezing Yami's hand himself, "I have to go now; I need to finish an assignment. Will you walk me home?"

The guitarist nodded into Yugi's hair and they stood up together. And even when Yami looked into Yugi's content face and eyes that sparkled despite the darkness…he still cried; Yugi didn't even know.

* * *

Late that night, after Yami had gone home and after Yugi had taken a shower, slipped into cotton pajamas, and finished his assignment, he sat on the couch, staring at a blank spot on the wall. His brow was furrowed just slightly and his eyes saw absolutely nothing.

Nothing than the sight of Yami, rain falling from the heavens, and tears running down a smooth tanned face.

* * *

Yami walked into Cumberland Farms that morning with a heavy heart. He couldn't help but think that this was going to be the last night that he ever saw Yugi again. He wondered if he'd ever be able to look Yugi in the eye after this rehearsal; he wondered if he'd be given the chance.

Since when was Yami so afraid of things? When he moved away from his parents, the guitarist wasn't scared at all. He was so confident that he'd make it big with nary a fight, and even when he stepped on stage for the first time, Yami wasn't scared. He was so nervous and excited that he was jumpy, and his entire mind blanked.

He sighed, then watched as Yugi smiled at him. There was something in his eyes, something that the guitarist could just not put his finger on. It made his heart hurt. 

"Hey Yami," Yugi said, looking the guitarist up and down. Yami was once again wearing a loose shirt; he wasn't wearing a bandage on his collar bone as he wanted to let it breathe in hopes that it would heal better, but his skin burned whenever tight cotton, leather, or anything else, for that matter, touched it.

"Good morning," Yami said, feeling as thought the day was anything but. Yami once again barely slept at all the previous night, and spent a portion of that morning emptying his stomach of the unused bile inside of it. He felt weak and shaky, but he had to keep going. 

He had to try.

The next couple of minutes was spent fixing a cup of black coffee, but at this point Yami doubted that he could even trust himself to drink it. He felt as if his body was shutting down, but for some reason his mind was just refusing to lie down and die like it probably should have.

And Yami was scared…again.

As he fished in his pocket for change to pay like every customer did, then held out the money for Yugi to take, followed by a morning kiss, the strap of his guitar case rubbed against his collar bone. Yami winced heavily, only inches away from Yugi's lips, and his hand clenched the other's painfully.

He jumped away, his face a portrait of shock and pain, futilely trying to disguise it with another emotion; Yugi noticed anyway. There was no getting around it. Even as he tried to cover up the ugly wound, Yugi stared at only that one spot, a look of utter confusion and fear on his face, "Yami…what…what happened?" His voice was shuttering slightly, and even after he finished speaking, his mouth remained hanging open, his eyes both narrowed and widened at the same time.

"Oh…" Yami did his best to brush it off, but he was still recovering from the pain shooting throughout his system, the shock that Yugi actually saw a little of what Ryan had done to him. He didn't realize that he was once again lying to the one person that he would rather die to do so to, "It was nothing…just an accident."

* * *

Yugi stared at the mark on Yami's collar bone in absolute horror; he felt tears prickling at the back of his eyes, but for some reason he couldn't seem to bring them to the front of his lids. He wanted to cry, he really did.

And when he spoke, Yugi's tone was an uncharacteristic mix of skepticism, worry, and fear, "It--that--Yami, that doesn't look like an accident…" He dropped his arms to the counter, and his fists clenched as cloth hit plastic with a dull thump, "Someone…someone is hurting you, aren't they?"

Suddenly, everything came back to Yugi…all of his thoughts about Yami when he first saw him that night in _The Curse_, and how he had a suspicion that he was being raped.

But he had forgotten. As the college-student started to get closer to Yami, and when Yami started to smile and laugh more, when they finally danced and kissed after what seemed like an eternity, he truly thought that everything was alright.

But he was wrong. He was wrong, things like that don't just go away. They keep coming, and he should have known that Yami would have been hurting on the inside, even if he didn't show it on the outside. 

His mom never showed it on the outside; Yugi's mother was always smiles and hugs and walks through the park. Inside of her heart, though, it was obvious that she was hurting. Scars like that don't just fade away, no matter happened afterwards.

Yet he still wouldn't cry.

* * *

Yami froze dramatically; even his heart seemed to stop at Yugi's words. What was he supposed to do? He couldn't tell Yugi where this injury came from; he knew that it was a stupid thing to not do, and that it was really Ryan finally breaking through and cracking him from the inside, but--

"Yugi…Its nothing." He tried to keep his tone light and carefree, yet it still shook, tearing his feeble lies right from the seams. There was nothing that he could do now, was there? His mind started to shut down, making instinct the only thing left to him that could form words and sentences. That wouldn't turn out well, though. Instincts were impulsive, and more often than not impulses hurt.

"Yami, please…" Yugi faded off, his violet eyes begging for Yami to say something constructive, but they both knew that that just wasn't going to happen. An abused mind wouldn't let it happen, and it would keep fighting until the end, even if it was for the wrong reasons. 

"No Yugi…No." His voice was hard and stubborn…dark, even, but there was nothing he could do to stop the words from coming out of his mouth. His mind could barely comprehend what was going on as it was, "It's nothing. And I don't want to talk about it, so drop it."

"Yami." Yugi's voice turned from worried to hurt. Yami had actually done something to directly harm Yugi, hadn't he? But the compassionate part of the guitarist would do nothing to wake itself up, and the only things that were left behind were selfishness and fear.

"Yugi, I told you that I don't want to talk about it!"

When did Yami ever raise his voice to anyone? And how could he yell at Yugi, of all people?

At his unbelievably harsh words, Yugi's violet eyes suddenly widened considerably and his voice started to stammer and stutter as he spoke brokenly, "But, Yami, why won't--didn't--didn't I, have I ever--" He couldn't even finish the sentence, and the smaller's head dropped and his eyes closed as he started to shake a little. He was absolutely nonplussed.

Yami could only watch helplessly, his eyes still darkened in rage at Yugi, yet inside he was feeling both incredibly angry and ashamed at himself for even thinking to say something like that to the sensitive boy…

But his mind told him not to apologize; it told him not to put a kind hand on Yugi's shoulder. He was told to do nothing. 

So Yami didn't do a thing. Slamming the Styrofoam coffee cup down on the table with rage from an unknown source, the guitarist left, the bell sounding oddly cheery as the door closed slowly behind him.

* * *

Yugi listened with a shaky fear as Yami left the building. He would not move, could not move. The only thing that was even available to him for that painstaking moment was uncontrollable shaking; even his toes inside of his sneakers seemed to quiver and…when Yami left, only when Yami left, Yugi felt that could cry now, too. The tears slid onto the arms of his long-sleeved shirt, staining the green-cloth considerably to a color that reminded him of a black forest.

Yugi wished with all of his soul that he could have just taken away the last conversation that he and Yami had. That was horrible; he could never remember such a painful conversation, even his last conversation with Anzu did not hurt as much as this.

And it proved 100 percent that something really was wrong with Yami. It proved that someone was hurting him, and it proved that he didn't want Yugi to know about it, no matter what his broken mind had to do to achieve it. He might not have been being raped, but something terrible was happening, and there was nothing that he could do to stop it.

The smaller sniffed largely, halting his thoughts for a single second. He realized with a deafening crash that Yami was scared of what was happening to him, and he thought that by telling Yugi it worry, disgust, or put him in danger.

Yet at the same time, no matter how much Yami cared about Yugi by feeling the need to lie to him, the smaller knew that the guitarist would now want to distance himself from Yugi, and that he wouldn't come to his apartment later that night. He wouldn't come to the store, either.

Yugi knew that his boyfriend needed space through all of this, but what if he gave the elder too much? What if he left him alone for too long, and something happened? What if he died? What if he died, too, and Yugi could only watch like before?

The bell hanging above the entrance of Cumberland Farms rang again, and a young customer walked in, smiling to herself about something that had obviously gone right that morning.

Yugi wiped blurred eyes hurriedly, hitching a polite smile onto his face as they exchanged a meaningless good morning to each other. He couldn't be thinking about this right now; he had a job, and he had responsibilities.

Yet Yami was his number one priority, and the only thing that he could do to possibly make things right was call him later that night and apologize for no reason. He had to try to make Yami feel better and think that his secret was safe. After all, that was the only thing that he could do.

* * *

"Yami, are you even listening to me?" Ryan's voice cut through Yami's mind like butter, and the Egyptian flinched heavily as the sound reached his ears, making him almost drop his guitar in the process.

Yami hated himself. How could he have done that to Yugi? Was it only to protect his secret? Was that all? Even if he did want to protect Yugi's mind and spirit from the world that he lived in, did he have to be so terribly blunt and rude about it? Couldn't he have apologized? Or not said anything at all?

"Sorry…I just have a lot on my mind." Yami hated how soft his voice was, and that the only place where he could have a real conversation with his manager was out in the open. Otherwise…

From the minute that Ryan walked through the door, his cold gray gaze seemed to be on Yami. Nothing else, just Yami. Not Jullian, not Zach, not any of the tables or chairs or instruments, and not the fluorescent light that was shining down on them from the ceiling. Just Yami. That gaze was full of hatred, anger, and the ever-present lust that seemed reserved for only Yami's lithe body. He would look at nothing else.

That scared him, too.

"Well, tomorrow night, at eight-thirty, Mr. Finnid will be coming in to talk to you all about the dates set for recording an album for the band." His voice became harder than normal, "You had better be paying attention then."

Yami nodded, "Okay…got it." Yet Yami could see in his manager's eyes that he had no intention of letting Yami see Finnid; he looked as if he never wanted to let Yami see the light of day again, metaphorical or otherwise. His body seemed to tense in fear just thinking about it.

"Right," He said, then finally tore his attention away from Yami's darkened eyes and slid his gaze across the room to the other two members of Sennen Rage, "You guys sounded good today. Let it stand as a marker to show how much you've all improved. I'll see you all tomorrow night, for the last time."

The next five minutes went horribly slow for Yami as he tried to pack up his guitar and leave as soon as possible, ahead of both Jullian and Zach and definitely ahead of Ryan, but it all came rushing forward as he felt a hard familiar grip on his shoulder. "Let me walk you home, Yami. I need to speak with you about something…something important."

The knowledge was quite clear to everyone in the room that Yami lived in one of Ryan's apartments, so Jullian and Zach left without a glance nor a word, and Yami was left all alone with his worst nightmare. 

Ryan steered the stiff guitarist out of the empty nightclub; his grip shifted from his shoulder to his upper arm somewhere at the exit. Yami couldn't do anything to break away. He was so weak, so tired, and so ashamed that he let things get this far. Somehow, above all else, he was also terrified that Yugi would never want to speak to him again, or that he'd never get a chance to.

"What the hell are you still doing here?" Ryan yelled angrily, tossing Yami carelessly through the front door once they reached the duplex. The singer stumbled clumsily into the living room, trying to take deep breaths to calm himself, but nothing could calm him now, "I thought that I told you that I wanted you out!"

Yami couldn't speak, and he only numbly shook his head as he tried to force his legs to move, to force his throat open to scream so that someone, anyone, could come and save him. But nothing; his body would do nothing for him, just as he could do nothing for his body.

Ryan walked forward quickly and wrapped his hard fingers around Yami's neck. His tough grip forced open the wound that just barely started to heal on his flesh, and all breathing capabilities left him as Ryan wrestled him to the ground with no effort by hooking one of his legs around Yami's and forcing his leg to bend. Once Yami was flat on his back, Ryan pushed himself on top of the smaller and breathed heavily into the guitarist's ear, "If you don't want to leave, fine. You can stay here with me…forever."

Yami didn't want to let this happen; he didn't want to be raped and invaded anymore, he didn't want to be hurt. But as Ryan unbuttoned his shirt and started to harshly nip at the wound on Yami's collarbone, he knew that this would happen again and again, and that it would never stop.

If Yami made it through this night; if he had any possible way to talking to Yugi after Ryan was done with him, then he would tell him everything. He'd apologize and ask for forgiveness, and if Yugi ever wanted to talk to him again after what he did, he'd ask for help, too.

He didn't care what that meant; he didn't care if he lost his record deal, or if he was kept in the hospital until his health had improved. Nothing mattered anymore.

After his fight with Yugi, Yami realized that he needed him, and that he really did love him. His dream would be nothing if he couldn't share his success with Yugi, the one person that really made all of it possible in the first place.

But until then, he could only try to hold back whimpers of pain and fear as the world around him went just a little bit darker with every unwanted touch…nip…bite…scratch. He could only try to breathe as Ryan laughed at every little noise that the guitarist made as he continued to make Yami scream and bleed helplessly, and the only thing that Yami could really do was beg for that darkness to take him over and lead him to a place where nothing hurt anymore.

Yet the darkness never came, and even in his mind, he could not escape. Instead of the dark making him blind, it made him reluctant to want to speak, because what if Yugi couldn't help, and everything just got worse?

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: This chapter was edited on 7-6-06.

Thanks to all reviewers!

Please Review.


	19. Chapter 19

Yami could barely register the phone ringing; it rang and rang, yet he did not have the strength to stand up. He didn't even have the strength to pull the blanket closer to him and weakly curl his knees up to his bare chest. He felt so nauseous, but he didn't have the will to walk to the bathroom.

At this point he didn't even have the tears to cry.

But who was calling him? Who would care about the fact that he was lying weak and broken on the floor of his apartment, alone and cold? Did anyone actually care about him anymore?

Yami couldn't think. He just saw a pair of violet eyes floating out of his mind before he fell unconscious again.

* * *

Yugi sadly hung up the phone and curled up on his couch, books spread forgotten over the coffee table in front of him. The student had tried to call Yami at least five times that night, but the guitarist wasn't home, and he didn't even have an answering machine. Yugi could not reach him.

Either that, or Yami really was mad at him, and was ignoring him.

Sighing deeply and pulling a blanket over his thin body, Yugi closed his suddenly tired violet eyes and lay back on his pillow. He wasn't sure of anything anymore; maybe Yami really was mad at him for overreacting about this whole thing. Maybe Yami really did just have some sort of accident.

Maybe it was Yugi's fault that they were both alone at this point.

* * *

Yami scrubbed; he scrubbed for so long at his thin flesh, but no matter how much he rubbed the soap and washcloth into his body, he could not get this feeling away from him. He felt used, shameful, and scared. That was the feeling that Yami wanted to get rid of the most: the fear.

He knew that nothing that was supposed to happen tonight would actually happen. He knew that he wasn't going to be able to tell Yugi anything, and that was because of his own weaknesses, flaws…fears.

He tried to have the conversation in his head; he tried to think about it, but every time he let his thoughts get away from him, as thoughts often did, all that Yami could think about was Yugi hating him for lying and for yelling at him the previous day for no reason.

And even though Yami knew that Yugi would do absolutely nothing of the sort, he knew that that was what he really deserved.

He knew that he deserved whatever Ryan was going to do to him tonight, too. He deserved it because he was merely thinking about taking away Yugi's innocence. He was simply thinking of exposing perhaps the only pure thing in his world to a realm that he just didn't belong in. 

Yami wanted so badly to let Yugi in, but could he really bring himself to do it? Was it really so important for Yugi to know what was going on? Couldn't Yami just apologize for yelling and make something else up? Anything? Was telling the truth about something that Yugi didn't necessarily need to know really worth risking their relationship?

The guitarist slowly stepped out of the shower and hugged his frail body, trying to comfort himself; he was so sore and ached in so many places, but he was still expected to continue on. He was still expected to live in so many worlds at once. His career, his relationship, and the nightmare that was tearing all of it apart at the very seams were somehow supposed to exist in harmony, but Yami just couldn't do it anymore.

After tonight, when both Yami's relationship and his music career attempted to jump new hurdles and evolve, where would that put Ryan?

Ryan, who was so jealous of Yami, furious that his plan to put the guitarist down forever backfired on him…what would happen with that? Was the man really capable of murder? Yami knew the answer to that. He just couldn't think about it.

He couldn't stand the sight of his apartment, either. His living room was a mess; there was crimson on the carpet from where Yami bled from his various cuts and wounds. Through everything, Yami couldn't understand how Ryan always missed his face. Did he actually think Yami to be beautiful, or was he trying to hide from everyone?

And no matter what room he went into, Yami always caught his scent; he was always reminded of the way that Ryan smelled. He could not get the essence of too-strong cologne and alcohol out of his nostrils or out of his mind. It made him sick, and Yami was very sick that morning, violently, even. He hated this part of his life, and was really starting to wonder if any of it was really worth it.

Was anything worth having your body defiled and broken or having your decency ripped away for all to see the nothing that protects you? Was it really worth all of the lies and rumors, the pain? Was he really that desperate?

Yami really was that desperate, and as he slowly got ready to walk out of his apartment that late-afternoon, ready to go to _The Curse_ and sit there and wait, wonder; he knew that if Yugi hated him and never wanted to speak to him again, he'd be desperate all over again, just to keep the horrible constants that he was so used to.

The phone rang right before he left through the door; Yami knew that this call was going to be from Yugi, but he didn't want to answer the phone. The guitarist still didn't know what he was going to do about his problem. He wanted to confess; he wanted to let Yugi know what was happening and try to somehow assure him that everything was going to be alright, but what if that wasn't possible? What if he had to lie again? What if he lied without even realizing it?

What if that instinct inside of him kicked in again and he yelled; what if he told Yugi that he never wanted to see him again? What if he really said something to damage everything, and made it so he couldn't even put the pieces back together again?

In any case, the phone wasn't a good place for a conversation like this, no matter which way this path took them. Yami just stood almost crookedly, staring; the phone rang --five, six, seven--

And then it stopped. It was obvious that Yugi had broken the connection, as that phone would ring forever if someone let it.

And he left as quickly as he could, because if that phone started ringing again, Yami didn't know what he'd do.

* * *

The walk for the guitarist to the club was uneventful to outsiders. Cars rushed by him, honking horns and speeding; the machines were lined up on the sides of the road, just waiting for someone, owner or otherwise, to come and take them away. 

Maybe that's how Yami's was feeling all those months ago. Maybe he was just waiting for someone to come and take him away when he worked in that small Café, and maybe, when that someone, Ryan, did come and find him, he was that otherwise: a thief. And maybe now, with Yugi, maybe that was really who was supposed to take him away now.

Yami was so confused; he couldn't decide if he thought that Yugi was angry at him or not. He couldn't decide if he wanted to talk to his boyfriend about everything that was going on. It would be easier for him, perhaps, if he told Yugi about Ryan, but at the same time it would be terrible for the smaller. If he didn't say anything, then it was just as good as Yami damning himself, and wouldn't Yugi be depressed by the end of it anyway? 

All of his thoughts were dead ends, and finally the guitarist somehow settled on talking to Yugi when he saw him that night and letting the flow of the conversation help him to decide as to what he was going to do.

It was still early, though, only seven o'clock. Maybe he could run through his chords, practice a little. Maybe he could even try to catch some sleep now that he wasn't in his house. Yami just couldn't feel safe in that place. How could he? 

Yet as he walked into his dressing room, Yami just couldn't help but feel like he was still in Ryan's apartment. There were no better memories here than there were at that place.

Dropping his guitar onto the couch, Yami decided that he'd go to sit at the bar. Even if no one was there yet, at least in the lobby Yami could remember things that made him happy. He and Yugi had met there, and they had danced and kissed, too.

He frowned when those thoughts didn't bring him the remnants of the smaller's fresh clean scent, and suddenly his heart rate picked up and he felt his ears pop silently. Why was he body acting like this? Had his mind finally just shut down from the constant abuse and fruitless thoughts? And why could he suddenly smell strong cologne and alcohol?

His thin arms and shoulders locked into place. Yami could not move. His body would not let him move, and hard hands were suddenly moving down the nape of his neck. Arms circled around his shoulders, and before Yami could realize that his breathing had hitched and he felt dizzy, his collar was on the ground, and the guitarist's bruised and beaten neck was revealed.

"Don't move…" Ryan whispered into Yami's ear with a large, drunken smugness, while the smaller tried to make himself think or force himself to breathe. Nothing worked. 

"We're going to make this memorable."

* * *

Yugi was one of the first people in the club on Saturday Night, dressed casually once again in jeans and a simple jacket. All day, he had tried to think of something to say to Yami, but nothing seemed right.

First and foremost, the student wanted to let Yami know that he knew at least a little of what was possibly happening, and that they didn't have to talk about it if he didn't want to.

But that was just the thing. Yugi did want to talk about it. He wanted to try to help Yami, and he wanted to show him that things didn't have to be this way.

But what did Yugi really even know? When he got right down to it, he knew absolutely nothing. Perhaps Yami was just in a bad mood that day, and he didn't want to talk about something embarrassing that might have happened. Or maybe it really was nothing at all, and the guitarist was just upset because Yugi was prying so much.

He had even tried to call Yami again about an hour before he left, but the guitarist didn't pick up then, either. Since, once again, Yami didn't have an answering machine, Yugi knew that there was nothing that he could have done. He didn't know where Yami lived, or even what his plans were for the morning and afternoon. He never got the chance to ask. He knew that it proved nothing, that Yami really could have been elsewhere that day, but he just had a feeling that the guitarist really was there, watching the phone with an unreadable look on his face. _Ignoring him._

"Something wrong, Yugi?" 

The student looked up at the kind face of Sam, who had placed a Sprite in front of him on the counter. His eyes were, as always, kind and caring. Yugi knew that if he wanted to tell Sam something, then the man would keep it a secret, and try to help with whatever the problem was, just because he cared about everyone.

Didn't Yami understand that? Didn't Yami understand that Yugi wanted to do the same thing for him? That he was only caring about Yami like this because he loved him so much?

Yet just like Yami, Yugi only shook his head at the man and took a sip of his drink, while the music blared at an almost ridiculous level downstairs. He could barely even hear the bartender, and they were right next to each other, "Why's the music so loud?"

The old man shrugged a little as he wiped out a glass with a red colored rag, "I suppose that its in some sort of celebration for Sennen Rage moving on to bigger and better things. The place is packed tonight, you know; I've never seen so many people here before, and I've been here for a long time." The old man chuckled a little, glancing down at his glass as he gave it a little shake.

Yugi smiled a bit, glad that he was still capable of such a simple notion, then raised his head to look the other in the eye, "Have you seen Yami? He's usually here before performances, but…"

A glint in the old man's eyes told Yugi that he knew exactly what Yugi was worrying about. "He's just nervous; for as long as I've known Mr.Atemu, he's been more of a thinker. Never a speaker. Whenever he has a problem, he likes to think about it. That's why he always here at the bar. I never really speak to him…so he can think in peace." 

Yugi nodded sadly, his small grin gone. So with this testimony from Sam, maybe Yami really was upset at Yugi for prying. The guitarist never really liked to talk about things that concerned him, right from the beginning. And when he did, they usually came out with tears and quite a bit of mental anguish. Yugi shouldn't have forced that on him.

But he still wasn't sure of what he should do. He could either sit here and sip at his soda until people came demanding liquor, or he could go to Yami's dressing room and try to talk to him. Even if the guitarist just wanted to ignore him or kick him out, Yugi knew that he would never be able to forgive himself because Yami needed something and Yugi wasn't there to give it to him.

He was being stubborn, he knew, but maybe if he just was with his mom that night before she died, and maybe if he didn't listen to his father just that once and went to his mother, then maybe she wouldn't be dead right now. Or maybe they'd both be dead, but that was just it. He couldn't know.

Yugi, deep down, hated himself for that decision that he didn't make, and he somehow felt that going to see the guitarist was the right thing to do, because he couldn't just do nothing.

Not again.

* * *

Darkness.

Everything was dark inside of Yami's head. And he didn't care. Yami didn't want to see; he didn't want to open his eyes and see Ryan watching him, staring lustfully at his exposed and broken body. He didn't want to avert his eyes and see his hands bound in front of him by his own leather belt. 

He had to inhale all of the smells around him, but again he didn't want to. He knew that he himself reeked alcohol and cologne and bitter sex yet he wasn't drinking. Ryan was, though; Ryan never stopped did he. The guitarist wouldn't have been surprised if Ryan was sipping something toxic as he watched Yami lay still with his cold gray eyes…the scent made him nauseous, but Ryan would hurt him again if he vomited…

_I don't…I don't want to be hurt anymore…_

So Yami only listened to the hard rock beat around him and felt the very floor vibrating with every pulse. The music was louder than usual tonight, much louder, but he supposed that it was okay, because--

Because no one on he outside could hear him cry. Only Ryan saw, and Ryan didn't care because Yami was finally broken.

No one wanted to keep something that was unfixable.

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: This chapter was revised on 7-4-06.

Thanks to all reviewers!

Please Review.


	20. Chapter 20

In…out…in…out…in…out… 

"Get up, Yami."

…Still…

_I…can't…_

It was true…completely true. Yami could not move, yet he did not know why. His whole body seemed to be paralyzed, and when he tried to make his muscles obey his mind a sharp searing pain shot up and down his spine. He knew that he was bleeding profusely because of the unclean feeling on his skin.

"I said get up." Ryan's tone was harsher this time, but what could Yami do? "Finnid is going to be here in ten minutes."

Still, Yami wouldn't move. He had truly given up, hadn't he. A couple of months ago, if Ryan had told Yami to get up and get dressed, then he would have done it by now. He would have walked out of this room as if nothing at all had happened, and his face would have been dry and completely void of tears.

…But not now. Now Yami was nothing more than a broken cowering puppy with clenched eyes; he was nothing more than a small child crying silently after being scolded for no reason, and if he ever walked out of this room again, Yami knew that he wouldn't be able to act as if nothing happened.

But was he really expecting to ever leave again?

"Look at me, Yami." The man's tone had gone from harsh to quiet and dangerous, but even this could get no reaction out of the guitarist. Yami knew that Ryan could hurt him again; he knew that by not obeying this simple command he was putting his very life in danger, but why couldn't he bring himself to care?

_I don't want to be hurt anymore…_

Was that the solution? If… he brought Ryan right over to the edge and made Ryan kill him, then would the pain end? Would anyone ever hurt him again? Could anyone ever hurt him again? Was it worth the risk?

"GET UP!" Ryan yelled, though even his anger-ridden voice wasn't loud enough to carry past the loud rock beat just below them. Why wasn't his cruel voice making Yami afraid? Why wasn't his heart beating rapidly in his throat like it used to?

Yami felt the leather belt that bound his wrists burn his skin as it was harshly pulled away, and hard sweaty palms forced their way underneath both of his arms as his thin nude body was suddenly lifted into the air. His feet dangled underneath his body for a minute, and then they came crashing into the ground as he was slammed into the wall.

Yami gasped as this position brought back memories, so many memories. His skin started to quiver; he remembered this. He remembered Ryan's palms, sticky with sweat, running up and down his exposed body before he…he… 

"Do you _want_ Finnid to see you like this, Yami?" Ryan asked slowly, softly, though his words didn't form a question at all. He leaned forward and started to bite and nip at the guitarist's already bruised and torn lips. Yami moaned, trying not to let anymore tears fall. The only thing that was holding him up was Ryan. It's always been that way, hasn't it?

Had Yami done anything for Sennen Rage that someone else couldn't have? What if he was only here because of what was happening now? That really did make Yami a whore, didn't it, a prostitute, because he was in this band in return for sex.

Jullian and Zach didn't deserve that; they didn't deserve a guitarist and singer that was only there because he was able to satisfy the manager. His listeners didn't deserve that, and his fans, if he had even one fan, they didn't deserve that, either. 

Yugi didn't deserve it; he didn't deserve to be with someone as broken and tainted as Yami. He deserved someone better, someone who could deal with their problems. It didn't matter what Yami wanted; he didn't deserve anything like the care of such a kind loving person; he didn't deserve the diamond earring hooked onto his lobe, and he didn't deserve the kind kisses that he and Yugi shared. 

All that Yami deserved were the attacks on his lips and tender skin. He deserved every cut and bruise and every tear, even if in only a couple of minutes he wouldn't be able to remember why anymore…

_I just want it to stop…I'll give anything…anything…_

Tears started to fall down Yami's clean face again as Ryan forced his tongue into Yami's mouth and searched around, trying to find any territory at all that he hadn't already stolen. His knees went weak and he was already shaking, yet Ryan's fingers were still marking his tan skin with ugly purple bruises. How much longer could this go on?

_No…no more…_

What if Finnid did walk in and see Yami? What would he think? Would he think that Yami was enjoying this? Would he think that Yami asked to bleed and hurt and cry? Would he tell Sennen Rage that he wouldn't manage them anymore?

"Please…stop…" Yami managed to slur into Ryan's mouth, paying for the action by being forced to breathe through his nose and getting a scent of…him. "No…"

Yami wanted this record deal; he's wanted it ever since he was a little kid, and even in these past few months, all the pain that he's been through, he couldn't let that be for nothing. He couldn't do that to himself…

_Is…is there anything that I can do anymore?_

Suddenly, so suddenly that Yami almost gasped at the sudden loss of sticky humidity from his lips, Ryan pulled away from him. A sick smile was twisted onto his drunken features; His eyes gleamed with lust, anger, want, and-- 

…Hate.

Before Yami could even shudder at the cold edge to Ryan's irises, he gasped at the sensuous squeeze given to him and felt bile rise to his throat. Ryan only laughed, and lightly ran one of his padded fingertips over Yami's hard nipple before turning them around so that rigid fingernails skated up shivering skin before coming to a rest at Yami's bruised and bleeding neck.

He squeezed.

Dulled crimson eyes widened at the pressure on his torn skin, and Ryan cocked his head slightly to the side. Was he thinking about something? Was he trying to decide what he wanted to do next? What…what…

All thought left his head as Ryan squeezed harder, and a just healing bite mark on Yami's jugular broke open and blood started to flow inbetween Ryan's fingers, forging a stream that ran down Yami's thin chest.

Yet still he squeezed.

Yami flinched; he couldn't breathe. Ryan was supporting him by his neck, squishing his esophagus. Was he trying to kill him after all of this time? After all this, was this really where Yami was going to die? Was this where all of his hard work was going to stop? In a painful, humiliating death?

Ryan let go of Yami's side, and the guitarist fell slightly, his legs refusing to hold his full weight. More pressure was put on his windpipe, and he sputtered weakly as he felt the blood being wiped clean from his quivering flesh. He wanted to close his eyes and look away, but, as Ryan lifted his bloodstained hand and tasted Yami's coppery life-blood, he couldn't force himself to avert them. It was a morbid fascination that Yami wanted no part in, but he didn't have a choice. 

Ryan slowly tasted the line of Yami's blood that lay on his fingertip. Yami only watched, struggling to breathe and trying not to pass out. If he did that, then everything would be over.

Once he pulled that bloodstained finger out of his mouth with a grotesque slurping sound, Ryan smiled; it was a terrible smile, different even from the other lust filled stares. His lips were curved in a way that spoke of nothing but hate even though they weren't even moving. 

Slowly, so slowly, Ryan reached his hand into the back pocket of his jeans, while Yami only stared, wondering what was going to happen to him next. Right from the beginning, ever since the first time that Ryan raped him, Yami knew that he didn't want to die. No matter what he thought or said, no matter what being killed would fix for him, he didn't want to die. Not yet.

When that hand was brought back in front of Yami's face again, in Ryan's clenched fist was a long thin piece of plastic. He saw Ryan's arm stiffen for a moment, then out of the slit of plastic emerged a thin strip of metal. Ryan was holding a box knife in his hand, a box knife…and he was still smiling.

Yami flinched again, his toes curling while his legs shook as he tried to hold himself up. The only thing that was holding Yami up was Ryan, and Ryan's hold on his neck was bruising and suffocating; he couldn't breathe. _He didn't want to die._

"Ryan…" Yami could only manage out mangled syllables; that was the only air that his manager would allow him, and even those few uttered words was enough to rob Yami of his small supply of oxygen, "Please…stop…"

But Ryan didn't listen to his choked pleas, and slowly, torturously, he brought the thin, sharp blade to the corner of Yami's eye, near the bridge of his nose. Still smiling, the man pressed down on Yami's flesh, "Scream…" He whispered, twisting and pushing the blade down, forcing Yami's perfect face to convulse in terror and pain, "Let everyone know that we're here…"

Yami only failed in biting back a wet sob; why would Ryan do this to his face? Why would he be this blatant and mark Yami where everyone could see, unless--

He cried out as the blade slid down his face and tore the flesh apart; lukewarm blood seeped down his face, followed the natural curve of his nose and cheek, and flowed down into his mouth. He didn't want to swallow it, and choked slightly as it threatened to leak down towards his stomach; sputtering, he spit it back out, and crimson liquid dribbled down his chin.

Unless this was the end of the line, and Ryan was going to mark Yami as his own one final time before finally killing him off. If Yami was dead, then his body could not heal. Everyone that saw his still, lifeless face would know; they would know that this mark was by Ryan, and that Yami was too weak to do anything to save himself. That he didn't because it was the only reason as to why he was there in the first place.

Ryan took his time tearing his way through Yami's tanned cheek; he watched the blood spilling from it as if it were a waterfall suddenly turned crimson. Yami flinched with every thread of skin that was broken, with every drop of life that leaked into his mouth. He tried to blink blood out of his eye, but it entered the external organ anyway, burning and stinging.

His lip split at the corner as Ryan's knife dug into it, and he could do nothing to stop the sudden barrage of blood that spilled into his mouth. It flew down his throat, and he gagged, but at the same time he still could not breathe.

The knife fell to the ground with an almost silent clatter, and Yami dropped to a boneless heap on the ground, gasping for air and choking on his own blood. Ryan had walked away from the guitarist, and Yami tried to curl in on himself; to hold his knees to his chest and pretend that he wasn't there, but he couldn't; he couldn't move anymore.

Prolonged blood contact was forced onto his sore eye, and pink tears started to escape from it; he couldn't tell if the tears were from natural reaction to the intrusion, the pain, or anguish.

A robe was thrown at him; it landed on his side, but he took no notice of it. He did nothing to try to cover his exposed body with the thin fabric. What was the point of being covered with something…by anything…when it could just as easily be ripped off?

"You had better be on the stage at 9:30," Ryan whispered in his ear, "If you don't want Finnid to see you now, fine, but on the stage everyone will see. Everyone will know." He paused, then picked up one of his hands and ran his rough fingers through Yami's sweat-mussed and tangled hair, "Because that's what you want."

He stood up then and left, but his own personal scent of alcohol and cologne and the feel of his skin on Yami's wouldn't leave. When Yami heard Ryan speaking to someone outside of the door, telling him, probably Finnid, that Yami was no where to be found, his moans of lust and pleasure were all that Yami could hear.

Ryan would be always be with him, matter what Yami did, and he didn't want Ryan to be in Yami's mind. He didn't want this nightmare seared into his soul; he wanted fond thoughts.

He wanted Yugi to have all of his heart and all of his mind.

But Yami didn't deserve Yugi Yugi was too good for Yami, wasn't he?

Yami loved Yugi; Yami kissed him and hugged him and spent time with him, but that whole time, since the first night that they met, Yami had done nothing but lied. He fibbed and yelled and did everything that he possibly could to keep away from Yugi the fact that he was a dirty whore. He did everything in his power to shield Yugi from his life, yet in the end the small kind boy was tainted anyway.

Yami was just like Ryan, wasn't he? It didn't matter to Yami what Yugi would lose; it didn't matter that Yugi would be upset when Yami was hurt after being unable to move out of his home; it didn't matter to Yami that he yelled at Yugi to vent his own fears and frustrations. As long as Yami's secret was safe, nothing mattered.

And that made him worse than Ryan, because Yami was hurting more than just his victim. He was hurting himself, too.

* * *

"No…I'm sorry, Finnid…I don't know where he is."

"Really?" There was a pause, "Will he show up for the performance? After all…this is Sennen Rage's last one here. It would be a shame…"

Another pause followed this one; it was more hostile, "Yami will show up…he had better."

Yugi didn't listen to anymore of this conversation. Two men were standing in front of Yami's dressing room door; one of them, an almost young fellow, looked anxious and disappointed. The other one looked calm and collected, almost as if he knew exactly what was going to happen.

Yugi thought that the calm man with the dull gray eyes looked familiar, but for some reason he didn't really care if he knew him from somewhere or not. All that Yugi felt was a cold, sinking depression that settled inbetween his lungs and his stomach.

Yami did not show up for his meeting with his new manager; was he really that angry at Yugi? Was he really so upset with him that he didn't care about his record deal anymore? Was the guitarist really so angry that he would risk that much just so that he wouldn't have to see him?

Sighing and trying to bite back bitter tears, Yugi turned around and went back to the bar. He probably should have gone back to his apartment, but he didn't want to have to sit in his home all alone; he didn't want to have to realize that the reason that he was alone was his own fault. Yugi knew now that he was alone because he was weak. He was naïve and stupid.

His mom was dead because he couldn't stop his father, and his father was dead because he couldn't make him stop drinking. Anzu left because he couldn't feel comfortable enough around her to talk about his problems, and now Yami hated him because he was trying to pry into his life, because he was under the impression that life in Yami's closet was as bad as, or worse than, Yugi's.

So he sat at the bar, happy that more people were there now, happy that Sam was busy with the other customers that were demanding intoxication. He was glad that he could still let tears slip quietly unnoticed from his violet eyes.

Yugi didn't deserve consolation; hermits didn't live alone because they liked company, after all.

* * *

Yami sat alone in his dressing room for a long time; he had faded in and out of consciousness for an unknown amount of time., and had no clue how close he was to his final performance, the one performance that he wasn't going to be able to perform in.

The guitarist's eyes were open, he knew that, but everything was coming into focus so slowly that he might as well of been blind. While his eyes slowly adjusted, Yami's broken heart beat in fear, because if Ryan came back into the room…

The blood had crusted to Yami's face, and even though crimson blood was no longer flowing into his mouth over his cracked lips, Yami could still _taste_ the metallic color, and he could still _feel_ the thick liquid getting caught in his throat and choking him…

He could still feel Ryan's hands on his neck…he could still feel Ryan slamming into him, moaning his name; would Yami always feel these things? Would he ever get a night's sleep again where he felt comfortable?

Would he ever get out of this room again?

Yami knew that he wouldn't. Ryan had sliced his face apart, and the injury was just too obvious to be ignored. It was too conspicuous to say that it was merely an accident, and because of that obviousness, Yami knew that Ryan was prepared. He was prepared to end Yami's life and blame it on something else.

He would blame it on a whore that Yami hired, and he would say that Yami was too cheap to pay up, so drunk that he ended up trying to take someone else's life first. 

But what was Yami talking about anyway? He knew that he could not stand up; it took all of the energy that he had to just sit up and lean against the wall; all of his will to just pull that tainted robe up over his shoulders and cover his exposed chest and anatomy. 

So how could _anyone_ expect him to go out there and sing a song about the life that he wished he had, a song about the life that he probably should have had.

Was that Ryan's plan all along? To give himself an excuse to hurt Yami? To give himself a _reason_ to make Yami want to give up, because Yami couldn't go out there and continue to himself?

Maybe that was the best for him, to give up, because he couldn't keep lying to everyone. He couldn't keep lying to himself, or to Yugi, either.

"I should have told him…" Yami whispered to himself, ignoring the pain in his spine and thighs to bring his thin legs up to his battered chest, "I should have told him…"

Yami should have told Yugi everything right from the beginning. He had so many chances, but he squandered them all. Every time that Yugi was there to talk, and every time that Yugi asked him if something was wrong, Yami had told him no. Yami had told him that everything was alright, but nothing was ever alright.

He just wanted to make Yugi happy; he just wanted to hold something over Yugi's shoulders for him, and wanted to make his life a littler easier to live. After all Anzu was so horrible to him, and he had lost a job opportunity. How could Yami tell Yugi that he was being _raped_ practically right in front of him? Wasn't--

--Wasn't that the reason? 

It had to have been. Yugi's happiness meant so much to Yami, but what if it really was just because he didn't want to lose his record deal? What if he was just using Yugi's feelings as a scapegoat, an excuse? Would Yami really do that?

More tears leaked out of the guitarist's irritated crimson eyes, and his torn skin started to burn with the intrusion of salt.

Ryan was going to kill him in a very short time, and even though Yami sadly accepted this fact, he could not figure out what made him act the way he did. Yami knew that he loved Yugi, and that Yugi had helped him through the hardest part of him life.

Yugi knew nothing about Yami's problem, yet he still was somehow able to help him. He did so much, but it wasn't enough.

Were Yami's actions some kind of subconscious _revenge_ for the fact that Yugi's hardest wasn't even enough? Was Yami that bad of a person? Would…would anyone even admit to thinking like that?

"I should have told him…" 

Suddenly the area around Yami stopped moving. The music in his ears stopped playing, and the room's shaking with an external amplified bass level halted. Yami's heart picked up again, and his stomach jumped terribly in his body. It was 9:30; how long had he been sitting there for?

He was supposed to be out on the edge of the stage, waiting for his last performance. Yami was supposed to sing, but he couldn't. He couldn't move, and he couldn't feel the quivering of his nerves…of his very _soul_ that came with being a musician.

How could he sing? How could he even _try_… 

He heard buzzing now; all of the people downstairs in the basement, _every single one of them_ was waiting for the band to start playing; _every single one of them_ was wondering where the lead guitarist and singer of the fame-bound Sennen Rage was. 

Jullian and Zach were on stage, probably looking from side to side, getting angry because once again, Yami had let them down.

The door to the stage of Yami's dressing room flung open. It bounced off of the wall, and if the door wasn't made of metal, it probably would have cracked. Crimson focused very slowly on cold, drunken, gray eyes, and he wished that he were unconscious, because Yami still didn't want to die.

He still didn't know what was going to happen, and that was all that he wanted, deep down. When Yami really thought about it, he realized that the only thing that he wanted since the day that he joined this band was knowledge. The knowledge of what was going to happen the next day, and what was going to happen when he went on that stage.

For months, he knew that he would go on the stage and play. He knew that no performance was perfect; no act was without flaw. Because of that…because he was only human, Yami would go into his dressing room afterwards, and he'd be stripped, and beaten, and raped. He knew…

But now he knew nothing. Yami was not religious, he never was, to tell the truth. What was going to happen to him once he died? Was he going to go somewhere? Was there really a heaven or a hell? Were souls reincarnated…regenerated? Or was everything black when your eyes closed for the last time?

Yami's eyes could not leave Ryan's…he saw Ryan's arm move to his jacket pocket, but he didn't look to see what it was. There were so many things that could do the job and _so many ways_ that Yami could die, but he didn't want to look. He didn't want to know if it would kill him slowly, and he didn't want to know if his mind would shut down instantly.

Yami was lifted up again. Ryan grabbed his neck once more with a single hand and dragged his lithe body up the pale wall. If Yami looked at it then the plaster would have been smeared with remnants of spilt crimson.

He didn't feel much discomfort or the loss of oxygen because he wasn't breathing anyway. Air was simply refusing to enter his lungs. Did this mean that Yami was going to die on his own terms? Was Yami actually pondering _killing_ himself? Was…was that why he couldn't breathe?

Something hard pushed up against Yami's temple; a gun, a silenced gun, at that. Ryan was planning on killing Yami with a gun; tears started to form in his lost crimson eyes.

…At least it was quick…right? 

"Why…weren't…you…there…?" Ryan whispered, but really, it wasn't a question. Ryan knew full well, but for some reason, he still wanted to hear it. He wanted to hear it right out of the guitarist's mouth.

He wanted to hear that _Yami_ thought that he was weak, that _Yami_ knew that there no way out, and that there never was.

Yami didn't answer. If he wanted to, he could have sent that air to his lungs; that hour of not moving at all gave him enough strength to keep his standing position, but still, his legs were still shaking, and his very skin was quivering in fear. His mind, though, was oddly clear.

He wouldn't answer though; he wouldn't give Ryan the satisfaction of hearing the _truth_ come out of Yami's mouth, even if they both already knew it, even if they both knew that Yami was naïve and trusting…dim…Yami would not tell him.

"Answer me, Yami…" Ryan whispered, and in his ear Yami heard a distinct click, the click of a gun being cocked. Ryan didn't really care, did he. He didn't really care if Yami answered him or not, because within the next minute or so. Yami would be dead, and gone forever.

The last thing that Yami would smell would be liquor and strong cologne; the last thing that Yami would hear would be the buzzing of club-goers right in the next room. His last taste would be coppery blood running down his throat, and the last thing that he would feel would be remorse and sadness…emptiness…guilt…cold…

The last thing that he would ever, ever see would be cold, gray eyes… 

Not violet, though, not kind, sweet, caring violet. Not Yugi. Yami would die, and Yugi would still think that Yami hated him. Yugi would never know what happened to Yami, even if Yugi heard it from Ryan. Even if Ryan told him, Yugi would still never know. He'd never know how much Yami loved him, and how Yami never meant to make so many bad decisions. He'd never know that it was all a mistake. He'd never, ever know.

"I should have told him…I should have told him…" Yami whispered over and over, finally tearing his crimson eyes away from Ryan to look at nothing; to look at the nowhere that he got in life…at the nothing that he was able to accomplish. "I should have told him…"

"Told who?" Ryan asked, still using that sickly heavy voice, "That kid? Yugi? Wasn't that his name?" The manager's face went from inquiring to almost disgustful very quickly, "You want to tell _him_? You want to tell him that you're nothing but a whore? That the only reason that you have a record deal is because of me, and because you're good fuck?" He paused again, looking at Yami with not hate…but loathing, "Is _that_ what you want to tell him?"

Yami blinked, his eyes losing focus again. Was that it? Did Yami _really_ want to tell Yugi all of those things? Or, did he want to tell him something else? Something that meant just as much, but in not so many words? Something like…_I'm sorry_…

Because that's what Yami was. He was sorry. He was sorry that all of this happened to them, and that he let things get so far without a single truthful word. He made a living that was so glamorous by doing something that was unforgivable in every Book in existence.

And now he was sorry for something else, too. 

"I…" Yami said slowly, wondering what he really did to deserve this, wondering what he really did to deserve to die. He deserved the rape, and he deserved the sorrow that he felt, but did he deserve something as potent…as permanent…as _death_? "I…" He swallowed, knowing that once he said this, his life was over, but he had to. He had to give himself closure, just in case his soul was doomed to limbo for the rest of _eternity_, "I hate you."

The whole world stopped spinning. All of Yami's senses, all of Yami's pain, disappeared for a single, infinite second, while Ryan's gray eyes flashed. They flashed with deserved hurt. But he wasn't really hurt. He was pissed, and he was angry at the fact that after everything that he did to break Yami, he would not stay down. Yami _could_ not stay down.

So the manager stepped back, and with barely a second of aim in which Yami didn't even have the thought to fall back onto the blood-stained ground, he shot.

The bullet entered and left Yami's side just after the gun emitted a short whistling sound; fabric and flesh was torn away from Yami's very bone, and blood splattered in all directions. The guitarist, though, he didn't make a move. He didn't scream, he didn't flinch, and he didn't cry.

Yami did…_nothing_.

It was almost incredible, that after Yami thought that he was going to die in that split second of eternity, he didn't. He could still feel something warm and something cold spreading through his veins at the memory of speeding metal flying through his skin.

And then time started going again, and it hit Yami that he was in pain, terrible pain. He felt like he was going to be sick, but his stomach would not eject the small amount of bile from the organ. All of his mind's attention was focused on this freezing…burning feeling.

He fell back and hit the wall; for some reason his legs would not let him fall, and his white robe was turning darker and darker by the second. Finally Yami's thin arms slid down his slender torso and instinctively pressed down on the wound with all of the small reserves of energy that he had, but it wasn't enough.

He would not look at Ryan's livid face. Before it was morbidly interesting, but now it was just…chilling…all of the muscles in the man's face were twisted in pure rage, and his teeth were clenched as he held onto the smoking gun with a shaking hand. "You hate _me_? You honestly…you honestly hate me? After all that I did for you…after all that you accomplished because of my connections…after I gave you somewhere to live…a job…YOU HATE ME?"

Ryan shook his head, then came closer to the now shaking young-adult in front of him. He grabbed Yami's neck again, but his grip was not hard. If Yami had any will at all this point he could have slipped out of his grasp with barely any energy. But that was just it; he had no will.

"No Yami…" Ryan whispered, "You don't hate me; you hate yourself. You hate yourself because you reduced yourself to a whore…you reduced yourself for fame, and for money. You only hate yourself…" Ryan turned just slightly to the side, and instead of raising the gun to Yami's head to deal the last blow, he brought the pistol to his own temple, and his thumb cocked it once more. 

"…No…" Yami whispered, shaking his head madly, his breathing coming in quick short gasps; suddenly his voice became so loud, so desperate; he couldn't remember the last time that his deep voice sounded like this, "No! Don't! Please…please don't!"

But Ryan didn't listen. He only spoke, still whispering, a direct contrast to Yami's rushed pleas, "This is your fault, you bastard…I hope that you always remember this." 

And then he pulled the trigger.

* * *

Yugi sat at the bar for a long while, thinking and crying. Sam had left him alone. Yugi knew that the man cared, but it was nice to know that Sam would be there, just in case Yugi wanted to talk. It was nice that the man knew to give Yugi space.

Before the student knew it, the clock above the bar was reading 9:20. Yugi didn't want to go downstairs to see Yami perform though, because he knew that the guitarist wasn't going to. Yami never walked through the front door that night, and even if there were a side door that he could go through, Yami would have come out, he would have came to get a soda, to say _something_, wouldn't he?

Didn't their relationship mean _more_ to him than that? Yami wasn't selfish like that; Yami wasn't selfish at all.

The man gave Yugi _four-hundred dollars_. He could have used that money for something…something that he may or may not have needed, but he gave it all to Yugi. Didn't that mean that he cared? Didn't that mean that they really were in love, and that they could work it out?

Yugi sniffed, tears threatening to spill over his eyes again. Or maybe, maybe that's just what Yugi was wishing, and that Yami would come to the store the next morning, demanding all of that money back. After all, he's never gotten into a fight with the guitarist before. He didn't know what Yami got like when he was angry…

The loud rock music below dimmed to nothing, and Yugi heard the DJ announce the band, Sennen Rage. The crowd cheered and clapped, but for some reason, Yugi somehow didn't feel like he should have been down there with them. He really didn't belong in a place like this; he knew that right from the beginning, and…

…If Yami didn't want him there, then what was the point? A constant? Something to do? Was he here because there was no where else for him to go? Maybe New York City wasn't where he was destined to be. Maybe Yugi should just pack up and go back to Japan. His Grandpa would be happy to see him, and happy for the help in the shop, even if Yugi did have to drop out of college.

"What a disaster…"

Yugi's head shot up from his hands; Someone was sitting next to him now, and he noticed that the noise down in the basement had turned into a buzzing, almost like angry bees. Yami wasn't there; Yami skipped out, and whether he wasn't there because he was angry at Yugi or ashamed at himself, it was all because of the student.

But Yami wouldn't be ashamed, he had every right to angry at the smaller. Yugi was nosy and prying; he was the one that was to be ashamed…

"Did Mr. Atemu not show up?"

Yugi looked at his neighbor's face. It was one of the people from next to Yami's dressing room, the one that was looking worried and anxious. "No, he didn't. I'm not even sure if I _can_ sign them now…if the lead singer is that irresponsible…to just skip a performance. But he's so talented…" 

There was a pause; Yugi didn't feel like joining in the conversation, otherwise he'd let slip that it was his fault that Yami wasn't there, and he couldn't bear to have to explain that. Sam was also silent, probably quietly disagreeing. Yami was responsible. 

Yami was the best guitarist that any of them have ever seen. 

The man sighed, "I'm…going to go talk to the other members of the band…see what they know. I hope that they can change my mind, otherwise Sennen Rage will be no more…and before they even hit the charts." He really did look upset; he was a professional, after all. He could see the talent that literally flowed through the band's veins. He knew that Yami and the rest of the crew had promise and passion, and he knew that they could make easily in the rough world of music.

And then he was gone, down the stairs…almost slouching. Music really was a tough business, but Yami deserved it anyways. Yet because of Yugi…he was going to let it all go.

Yugi stood up and started to walk away from the bar; maybe he could go downstairs and try to find someone…anyone…that might have seen Yami around the city. Sure, NYC was big, but people were different outside of nightclubs. Most of them led nice, respectable lives; any one of them could have seen the guitarist with the fiery eyes.

Or maybe Yugi could tell their new manager. Yugi numbly supplied with the man's name. Maybe Yugi could tell Finnid that it was his fault that Yami wasn't there, and that Yami deserved another chance. He could tell Finnid that they were just having a hard time with everything…

Yugi shook his head, going back to his original horrible plan. Finnid would never buy that, even if he did want to see Sennen Rage prosper. This was business, not elementary school, after all.

But Yugi never made it past the hall.

"No! Don't! Please…please don't!"

Yugi's very heart stopped and the blood began to run cold in his veins. That was Yami; Yugi knew his baritone voice. That was Yami screaming and pleading for somebody to stop something. 

What if…what if he was in danger? What if he was screaming all night, and Yugi couldn't hear him because of the loud rock music? 

He turned the corner, trying to make his legs work right. They were shaking so much, and he had to clench his fists in order to stop their twitching. The feeling that he was getting was not a good one. It was scary; he hadn't felt this way since--

He put his hand on the doorknob to Yami's dressing room; it was cold, and as Yugi turned it, he got the sudden fear that it was locked, and Yami was in there…hurt…alone…dying…just like his mom, and…

And he couldn't do anything about it.

But it wasn't, and Yugi's whole world stopped as he put pressure on the wood to make it open. His whole life was going to change in this moment, even if that fact hadn't quite hit his thoughts. He was sweating a little, but all that Yugi felt was cold, and then time went back to normal, and the door pushed back.

"This is your fault, you bastard…I hope that you always remember this."

Yugi was having a hard time letting the scene that he saw enter his mind; it was Yami, Yugi knew that, but it didn't look like Yami at all. There was a huge gash down the length of his face, near the center. Blood was caked to his lips, cheek, and nose…

But that wasn't the half of it. 

The guitarist was weakly holding his side with two hands, more crimson, the exact tone of his now-dulled eyes, was leaking past his fingers and into the terry robe that was precariously thrown over his slim body. His posture was not like normal; it was not confident and it was not proud. He was scared. Yami was frightened and lost, and Yugi had never seen it.

His eyes were unfocused and just as terrified as his posture. What was going on?

And there was a man in front of him, too. holding Yami's neck. His other hand grasped a gun that was pointed to _his own temple_. That man was the man that--

The fact hit Yugi like a stone brick in his abdomen; that was the person from only an hour ago that…

…That said that Yami was nowhere to be found.

Yugi suddenly felt sick; his head started to swim with a sudden knowledge that forced itself to the front of his consciousness, and then the man's arm moved as he determinedly pulled the trigger of his own death-weapon. Yugi heard a shrill, quiet-but-loud whistle, and he saw blood splatter in every direction possible as this person's head literally exploded.

This man had just _killed himself_ as revenge…to _Yami_.

He was right. Yugi was right from the very beginning. Someone _was_ hurting Yami. They were raping Yami Yugi knew it the whole time; he knew what was happening, yet he didn't do anything about it. _He didn't do a damn thing._

The man slowly, so slowly fell to a motionless heap on the ground, and suddenly nothing in Yugi's head mattered anymore. Suddenly none of his thoughts made sense to him, nothing mattered except for--

What mattered anymore?

Someone was behind him now, his voice sounded familiar, but it was so much more scared and shocked than before, "Oh my God!" The man yelled, and Yugi recognized him as the person that was going to go see the rest of Sennen Rage…wasn't Finnid his name? "Oh my God…" And then his presence was gone to Yugi, and he heard that same voice out in the lobby, screaming:

"Someone call an ambulance! We need an ambulance right now!"

There were more voices now, and more people started to yell. He could hear people stomping up the stairs to see what was going on. They were all asking who was hurt, because they all wanted to know. They all wanted to see, and they all wanted to talk.

No one knew anything, did they?

* * *

Yami's mind told him to gag as he was rained down upon by Ryan's own blood; he heard the bullet, but it didn't register. It didn't register when Ryan's loose hand around Yami's neck fell away as the man dropped to the ground, and it didn't register when he hit the carpet with a dull lifeless thunk.

Yami stood there; he couldn't think of anything else to do.

_This is your fault, you bastard…I hope that you always remember this…_

It was his fault; it was his fault that a human being, that someone with a part in this world just…died…Yami killed a man. 

No, he didn't pull the trigger, but it was his fault. It was all his fault.

His legs finally gave out under him, and Yami fell to the ground in a heap; his mind finally told his body to react, and he retched as the full meaning of what happened hit him. 

_This is your fault…_

He heard screaming; someone was yelling to call an ambulance. It sounded like Finnid but that would mean--

--That would mean that he knew, and that would mean that soon, everyone would know Everyone would know that Yami was a whore, and everyone would know that he was a murder, that he killed someone. They'd all know.

The guitarist's face twisted as his retched again over to the side. He was crying now, too. The injury on his face had broken open with his sudden movements, and more blood was leaking into his eye and mouth. He coughed, trying to rid his throat of bile and blood, but nothing worked. He couldn't the taste out.

He was all alone. 

"Yami…Yami, can you hear me…please tell me that you can hear me…please say something…"

Yugi, that sounded like Yugi, and…those arms that suddenly wrapped themselves around Yami's thin and broken body, those kind arms felt like Yugi's, too.

It was, wasn't it? Yami couldn't open his eyes anymore; he wouldn't let himself, because then he'd see Ryan's dead body right in front of him. He'd see glazed gray eyes staring back at him, and he'd see what he did. Yami didn't want to see. He trusted that it was Yugi, because…

…Because Yugi was the only one that would ever come near him anyways. He was the only one that held Yami like this. He was the only one…the only one that cared.

"Yugi…" He whispered, his voice weak and hoarse, "Yugi…I…I'm sorry, I didn't…I didn't…"

He couldn't talk anymore, but that was okay to Yugi, he supposed, because Yugi held him close; he rocked him back and forth, and he told Yami that everything was going to be okay, that no one would hurt him anymore…no one.

And Yami believed Yugi, because Yugi never lied to him. Yugi was always nice, and he was always kind, and even though Yami yelled at him and wouldn't pick up the phone when he called, Yugi was still there for him.

And so, with Yugi whispering that he loved him in his ear, Yami let blackness claim him. Yugi was there, and Yugi wouldn't let Yami fall forever.

Yugi was the one that always picked Yami up, after Ryan dropped him down.

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: This chapter was revised on 7-4-06.

I was very reluctant to revise this chapter because it is the climax, but apparently it needed some major work. I hope that it's better now than it was before.

Thanks to all reviewers, past and present!

Please Review.


	21. Chapter 21

Time, in the past, was always relative to Yugi. Things didn't really seem to happen slowly or quickly, and very rarely did the pace ever change at all. But--

--But that's wasn't how Yugi felt in Yami's dressing room. For an unknown amount of time, everyone's actions were all so fast, rapid, and _connected_ that Yugi's own were lost in a complete and utter daze. He didn't know that he was moving, or where, and he didn't know that he was breathing. Was his heart even beating in his chest? 

Just like everyone else in that nightclub, just like the people down in the basement that were buzzing and moving and wondering, Yugi knew nothing.

Thoughts couldn't have been looked at as an option, and maybe they weren't necessary, either. Yugi's mind was blank. There was nothing: no thoughts, no desires, and no emotions. There was nothing to ponder and no choices to be made; yet it was okay, it had to be okay.

If Yugi could think; if he could put what he was feeling into words, or if he could figure out exactly what had just happened in his world, then he'd have to let everything hit him; he'd have to realize that it was all true.

And Yugi didn't want to let it sink in, not now. He couldn't.

In that dazed and almost confused state, Yugi wasn't even sure of how he managed to cross the room, or how he got out of the doorway. How did his knees manage to stay steady?

Yet at the same time, it was so perfectly _clear_ to Yugi. It was as if he was looking through a thick piece of glass into another dimension, one where nothing that _ever_ happened _ever_ affected him.

But in the back of his mind, Yugi knew that his life was never going to be the same again. Never.

He was sitting on the ground now, but he couldn't remember ever leaning down. He couldn't remember bringing Yami's frail form into the curve of his body, but he didn't need to remember, did he. He knew that he did it.

Was it worth more to remember, or to know?

Yugi felt his mouth moving; It was somehow amazing to him that he could form the lip shapes and syllables necessary to speak; it was frighteningly shocking that his voice wasn't shaking as horribly as it could have been, "Yami…Yami, can you hear me…please tell me that you can hear me…please say something…"

Turning his face and attention away from anything and everything else in the world, blocking out all of the sirens that he could hear faintly in the distance, the people only meters away, Yugi stared; he stared into Yami's face, at his closed eyes, the blood that was both caked and damp clinging to his pale tan face. He looked at his cracked lip, his shaking flesh.

How could this have happened? What did Yami ever do to deserve something as horrible as this? What could anyone have _ever_ done to deserve something like this? Who could who could have ever been so _cruel_?

The seconds ticked by, yet Yugi could only stare. The guitarist's breaths were starting to become faster, shallower, "Yugi…" He whispered, and the smaller could feel the pain and _determination_ that it took him just to speak, "Yugi…I…I'm sorry, I didn't…I didn't…" He faded off, unable to form words any longer, and his face convulsed slightly.

It was obvious how much pain he was in.

Yugi suddenly became aware of the fact that his jacket was soaked with a strange moisture; it was Yami's blood, from his hip, his face, and who knew where else?

Yugi didn't want to think about it.

Yami was apologizing.

But what did Yami do? What was ever said to him that made him want to apologize in a moment such as this?

"Yami…" Yugi whispered; Something was not right; something wasn't feeling okay anymore.

Yami wasn't responding; his breathing was so faint. He felt so heavy. "Yami…" Yugi looked back at the guitarist's still-beautiful face: His skin was smooth underneath all of that crimson, and there were no creases. Yami couldn't feel anything anymore, could he, because he had shut down from the pain. It was so much that his body had finally decided to take some mercy on him.

The small adult sniffed. Yugi wouldn't cry, he couldn't cry. Nothing was wrong with him. It was Yami. _Yami_ should have been crying. Yami should have been trying to hold back those tears, because Yugi knew that he would. He wouldn't want to cry in front of anyone, ever.

Yet the tears came anyway. They leaked slowly down Yugi's pale face and landed in the other's mussed and tangled hair. His breathing was quiet, no hysterical sobs were yet overcoming him and he didn't know why, but he was grateful that he still had at least _some_ control in his life.

Yugi pulled the lifeless body of his boyfriend closer to him; underneath the smells of sweat, cologne, and alcohol, Yugi could still sense Yami's spicy scent. Underneath everything, Yugi knew that Yami was still there.

"It'll be alright Yami," Yugi whispered, but he knew that Yami couldn't hear him, "It'll be alright, just hang on…"

None of it mattered anymore; it didn't matter if Yami hated Yugi, or if Yugi was afraid that Yami would reject him. Yugi loved Yami, he loved him with all of his heart, and no matter what, he'd stay by him, even if Yami couldn't…or wouldn't speak.

He held the guitarist's limp body close to him; Yami was unconscious and his breathing had slowed considerably. He was bleeding for an almost unknown reason at a completely unhealthy rate, but the smaller still only held him. He held the one person that cared about him for thousands of miles as tightly as he could without being too forceful, and rocked him and whispered that he loved him in his ear. Yugi couldn't do anything else. He was just too lost.

There was simply nothing that he could do for Yami anymore.

Nothing mattered: not the sounds that kept getting louder or the people that didn't care. All that mattered was the two of them.

Yugi couldn't even tell if there was even _going_ to be the two of them after tonight. Once again, he didn't know. 

Just a little of the situation seemed to click inside of Yugi's mind. Was Yami _dying_? He was bleeding, comatose, just raped, and…

Another tear fell down Yugi's face.

Yugi knew since day one, but he didn't say _anything_. He didn't talk to the guitarist about anything, and he didn't ask if something was bothering him. He didn't even tell Yami that he was there just in case he wanted to _talk_.

And now, it was too late. Everything went too far. No amount of words could help the guitarist now.

What would happen if Yami actually died? Yugi would be all alone in America. There would simply be no reason for him to remain.

What was a college education anyways? Yugi didn't want to stay here if he was going to be all alone. He didn't want to go back to living in solitude; not again.

After his mom died, Yugi felt so alone. That was his fault, too; it was his fault because he didn't say anything, his fault because he didn't do anything. It was Yugi's fault that he was alone for so many years. It was it was it was.

And then Anzu came into his life, and everything was okay. It was all okay for so long, but he couldn't talk to her about everything. He didn't know why, he just…couldn't, so she left. 

She was gone because he just couldn't confide in her. He just wasn't capable of being a real boyfriend for her.

"Come on, son…come on, let go…let go now…"

Someone was gently pulling on Yugi's arm. The sirens weren't going anymore; after so much noise they had finally reached their destination. They were coming to take Yami to the hospital…away from Yugi.

But Yugi wouldn't let go. He wouldn't let go of Yami; he couldn't. Yami loved him, and Yugi loved Yami back. How could he let go? He couldn't make the same mistake again; he couldn't leave Yami, not when Yami needed him the most.

So Yugi ignored the man. He ignored whoever it was that was trying to pull him away from the limp form in his arms, and only held him tighter.

"Come on…he needs help, you _have_ to let go."

Yugi couldn't let go of Yami, though, no matter what thought came to his foggy mind. What if he died and Yugi never saw him again? What if Yami died and it turned out to be all Yugi's fault? He couldn't keep doing this; he couldn't keep making mistakes at the expense of other people's lives. It wasn't fair of him.

If Yugi had just stayed with his mother instead of going to his room like he always did, then things would have been different. _Everything_ would have been different.

Whether for better or for worse, Yugi's life would have changed completely; he had that much power over his life that he had simply couldn't control. He didn't know the consequences of his actions, though --who did?--so he couldn't see the future.

That's was Yugi's mistake, wasn't it? He just didn't know anything, and that, apparently, was his only mistake as a child. He was being punished because he was only human.

But that didn't mean that he wasn't sorry.

"You have to let go!" Yugi heard a pause even though he wasn't listening, "Someone, I need some help over here."

Another pair of hands attached themselves to Yugi's body, and the student flinched.

What if this was a mistake? What if Yami _died_ because Yugi could let go of him? What if someone else's life ended because Yugi just didn't know what his actions foretold?

Why couldn't Yugi know anything? Why was he always denied the knowledge that would carve the way that his world spun?

Suddenly there were too many voices, and the stench of alcohol was just too much. The hands on his arms were simply way too strong, and he couldn't hold on anymore. Letting his surroundings control his movements, Yugi finally loosened his grip on the man in his arms and was immediately dragged off to the side of the room. People started to fuss over him immediately, talking to him all at once. _Don't worry, he'll be fine…Everything will be alright…We'll take care of your friend…_

Yugi felt so cold without Yami fitting into him; he felt so empty knowing that he couldn't do anything to help the guitarist, and it hurt to realized that he wasn't even good enough to help the other when he needed help the most. Yugi was helpless, wasn't he?

The student had never changed anyone's lives for the better. His parents were dead, and Anzu had picked up and left, too. His Grandpa was all alone while Yugi was getting an education, and what was that for? A few measly dollars after spending so much more?

And Yami; now Yami could be gone, too.

Yugi suddenly realized that his eyes were clenched tight. It was the only thing that was stopping him from letting loose any more tears; it was the only thing that was keeping him from hysterics…

"Please open your eyes…you need to look at me…I have to see if you're okay…"

Yugi was fine. _He was fine_. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him. _Nothing was wrong with him_. Yami needed help, not Yugi. Yami needed the attention. Yugi needed nothing. He didn't deserve all of these people around him; he didn't have any reason for their care. 

So why was someone trying to pull up one of his eyelids? Why were people talking to him and telling him that he needed to cooperate? Why were they saying that they knew that he was scared, but if he didn't do what they told him to, then he could be hurt even more?

Yugi's violet eyes opened quickly at his thoughts and these people's words: _scared_. He was…wasn't he? Yugi was afraid that once again he was going to be all alone. He had never realized that before, even though he felt that emotion every day of his life. He had noticed how sensitive his mind was until that one stranger's words.

He didn't notice how strong the stench of alcohol and cologne and sex was, or how much blood stained the carpets and smeared the walls. There were so many people in the room; too many for Yugi to count in his disoriented state.

But where was Yami?

Yugi felt the overwhelming urge to find the guitarist; to wake up from this dream and see his soft smile and those wise crimson eyes. He just wanted Yami to take him into his arms and tell him that this was all a lie; that someone had planted something inside of his head, and that he would protect him from them. He wanted Yami to tell him that everything was okay.

But that wasn't what Yugi saw. It was so cruel that reality was the exact opposite of his dreams, yet there it was.

They had a stretcher in the room now, and Yami was on it. They were strapping him to the cot and taking his blood pressure, looking for pulse. They were gazing at his face, and looking at each other. Stray eyes would glance at the dead body behind them before flicking back to other matters.

That was the body that had told Yami that it was all his fault. It was the person that had told the guitarist the that he hoped that Yami would remember this forever. That voice was so cold and full of hatred; there was no compassion or remorse at all; there wasn't a single shred of guilt for making Yami feel this way, and there wasn't any shame for invading the small adult's body…the tears that he made fall.

Slowly, so slowly Yugi looked back towards Yami's torn and broken face. His eyes were open, but the crimson was dull and glazed with tears. They were unfocused and staring up towards the blank ceiling. He was so lost and thrown and injured.

He looked like he was ready to give up and die. 

And then nothing was slow anymore. Yugi's thoughts suddenly started to speed around his mind; they crashed into each other and raced around. Reality and nightmare bounced off of the other and mixed with everything. There was no barrier between everything in Yugi's mind, and he could no longer tell which way was up or which was down.

"Deep breaths…sir, you need to calm yourself!"

But Yugi couldn't calm down. He couldn't stop his mind, and he couldn't stop his heart. His body was out of control, and there was nothing he could do to take charge of his thoughts or his breathing. What the paramedic was asking of him was impossible.

Yami looked like he wanted to die, but that would mean that he didn't want to be with Yugi anymore. It would mean that he didn't love Yugi. Yugi's feelings…meant nothing.

Yugi couldn't stop thinking, and he couldn't stop crying. His breaths were making him hysterical, but no matter what anyone told him, no matter who grabbed his wrists and told him that he needed to calm down, no matter who yelled for more help, it didn't matter.

Bile rose to the back of Yugi's throat and he threw his head to the side as he forced himself to get rid of it. Why were the corners of his eyes going black? Why were everyone's words suddenly mixing together?

He was dizzy, so dizzy, and tired, so tired.

"We need another ambulance! He's gone into shock!"

* * *

_Everyone can see…every knows._

Yami's tired red eyes were hazy and everything was blurred and fuzzy. The sounds in his head were muffled and he couldn't comprehend what people were saying, yet he knew because it was obvious. Everything was obvious now. He couldn't hide anything anymore.

Yelling people with powerful voices told all of the club goers that seemed to flood into the lobby to go back downstairs. They wanted every person there to leave.

Of course…they didn't want anyone to witness something as _ugly_ as this.

But it didn't matter what the officials wanted, and it didn't matter what the police or the law itself ordered. What were a few people to society as a whole? What could one person ever do to change the entire human race?

Nothing.

Everyone knew now, but they would never understand. They all _knew_ that he was hurt, and that someone had tried to kill him, but they didn't know _why_, or for how long.

Yet everyone would pretend. They would all pretend that their version was the right one, and they would all spread more rumors. They'd just build up off of the ones that _He_ had spread, and once again, no one would know. Everyone would stare and whisper and gawk, but no one would actually know the truth. 

Just like before.

Nothing came out of what had happened, did it? Yami was forced to bleed and scream and suffer rape, but nothing changed. He was still a whore, he was always a whore, and Yami would always _be_ a whore.

And no one would know why. No one would know that he was trying to fulfill his dreams and show his parents that he could; no one would know that he didn't like being forced into sex, and no one would know that he cried himself to sleep at night.

No one would know that it was all his fault.

But they still muttered and whispered; they still stared. And even when the last person was forced down the stairs and into the basement, they still did it. They would never stop.

And Yami couldn't do anything but let blackness claim him again, because no one was there for him. Even Yugi was gone though he didn't know why. It didn't really matter in the end, though. Yami just wanted Yugi to hold him and whisper in his ear because he felt almost safe then.

It was almost like a starry sky with something like hope for him to look at.

But now it was a cloudy night.

* * *

Yugi opened his eyes. He felt groggy, and even though his thoughts were still jumbled, he felt now like they were going slower than they ever had before. They were just _vibrating_, as if they didn't matter. But of course they did, as every single one of them was demanding attention. Yugi just couldn't give it to them.

He tried to move.

But he couldn't. The action was available to him, and even though he still felt weak he could move his head a little to the side. He could bend his knees slightly, too, but they wouldn't actually shift.

And then it suddenly hit him. Yugi was tied down.

A whimper escaped his mouth before he was aware that it had happened. What was going on? Why couldn't he move? Why was the ground shaking, and what were those sounds?

"Calm down…" A soft voice said to him, "Take deep breaths…you'll be okay."

It hit Yugi rapidly: he was in an ambulance, and the feel of the metal all around him was choking him. He was surrounded by so many instruments and so many people, it was blinding. Something was pinching the back of his hand, an IV, but why? What had happened? 

He remembered that he had passed out, but why? What had happened?

_Yami. _

"Where's Yami?" Even Yugi's voice sounded tired and cracked. Things were slowly leaking into his mind: the blood that covered his jacket, how cold he felt. 

So many memories hit Yugi all from behind. Every action that his muscles made was there, and every inch of boyfriend's beaten and crimson face. It was all too much.

Yugi began to struggle against the binds that held him to the stretcher.

It was slow at first, but after he had everything, after he had Yami's tear stricken face in his head and the body of the man that did it to him, he couldn't help it. Yugi was scared again; he didn't know what had happened to him, or why he was in this ambulance. He didn't care what the paramedic's answer was, either. Yugi just wanted to be with Yami; he wanted to talk to him, and he wanted to be able to tell Yami that it was going to be alright.

…And he wanted to be able to mean it.

"Calm down…you don't want to hurt yourself. Just calm down and take deep breaths. You can see your friend when you're strong enough, but if you don't calm down then we can't let you."

Yugi sniffed as tears started to cloud his vision again. He wanted to keep struggling and break free so that he could show them that he was fine. He wanted to show them that he was _strong_.

But Yugi wasn't strong. He was weak and he couldn't stand up to anyone. He never could. He couldn't figure out things unless the answer was right in front of him, and he couldn't even keep moving against the straps that held him in place so that he wouldn't hurt himself.

He could only become limp where he lay and blink tears out of his eyes while someone saw that he wasn't okay and that nothing was right. They saw that he was confused and hurt and upset, and made a soft soothing noise before sitting down and holding Yugi's hand. They wanted to _help_with genuine sympathy, and genuine knowledge of what had happened.

"Its okay…" He said. It was Sam. He must have followed Yugi into the ambulance. He cared that much, "Everything is going to be okay."

No matter how grateful Yugi was to the bartender for forcing himself to watch young man cry for another that could have been dead, it still wasn't enough.

Yugi wished that it wasn't him; he couldn't help it.

He wished that it was Yami holding his hand, and he wished that it was he that was hurt, and that Yami, who was probably strong enough to look, would hold him and take away all of his pain until their worlds were right again.

Because even if Yami did lie to him, and even if he had been keeping secrets and hiding from the world ever since they had first met, he did it for a reason. He did it because he loved Yugi and didn't want him to get hurt.

Just like Yugi didn't tell Yami everything that night when Anzu left. He lied too.

But they couldn't hide it much longer. Even though the truth hurt, they couldn't bury it forever. But they'd both try to resist, until something like that happened again.

Love hurt. 

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: This chapter was revised on 7-4-06.

...I just want to apologize to anyone that has read this chapter in the past. It was quite possibly the worst thing that I've ever written, and I'm very very sorry. It took me hours to finish the revision. 

Thank you to all reviewers, past and present! Future, too! 

Please Review.


	22. Chapter 22

Yugi did not want to open his eyes. He knew where he was, he knew why, and he knew what had happened. He could even remember being wheeled into this room and letting a doctor check his vitals before falling into an exhausted faint.

And he knew who else was there, too. He knew how, and when, and why… 

But that wasn't why Yugi wouldn't open his eyes. There was another reason for that altogether.

For all of the things that he _didn't_ know, all of the things that he was afraid of, all of the mysteries that would solved once he opened them. That was why Yugi was more afraid than ever before in his life; with only _one_ exception.

If Yugi was asleep, or at least, if everyone thought that he was, then he wouldn't have to face it. Nothing was real when his eyes were closed. When everything was black, everything was all alright. Yugi didn't have to admit a single thing to himself, and in his fear and cowardice, that was okay. It was thing that seemed flawless.

But even through his fear, Yugi wanted to know where Yami was. He didn't know where he was taken to the previous night, or if Yami had-

Yugi couldn't help it; no matter what he wouldn't open his eyes. It didn't matter that he wanted to know because the guilt of his cowardice was tearing away at him. He couldn't; he had no will to try.

Tears built up rapidly, giving the patient no chance to try to stop them. They felt hot against his lids, then pooled at the corners before sliding slowly down his cheeks. He sniffed heavily, trying to hold it back, but he couldn't. He felt so alone, all alone, and it was his fault. It was his fault that that he had failed Yami with all of the things that he should have done, but didn't.

All that Yugi ever seemed to want was knowledge. Right from the very beginning, from the very first time that he ever saw the man on stage, he just wanted to know more about him. And later that night when he saw him in the lobby…

A sob.

The guitarist intrigued Yugi. He just wanted to know more about him. And deep down, Yugi just wanted so badly to fall in love with him. Otherwise he never would have spoken to him at the bar for that first time.

Or danced with him. 

Or kissed him.

Or cared.

But then, as time went on and Yugi began to talk to Yami, when he began to learn about his hopes and dreams during their conversations at Cumberland Farms, that was enough. And Yugi, for the first time in so long, got a feeling inside of him that he never got with Anzu. It was contentedness, and it was love, too. It really was.

But Yugi knew that it was something else, too: it was him forgetting. He had started to forget what compelled Yami to him in the first place; that danger, those wise eyes, that look of sadness, and what he saw…on that night.

Taking deep breaths that he almost choked on, Yugi turned over onto his side. The hospital bed wasn't too comfortable, but he didn't care; someone had taken the IV out of his hand. There really was nothing wrong with him after all; just the guilt.

It was true; Yugi felt guilty because he had actually forgotten that Yami was being beaten and…

He couldn't admit the word to himself.

Yugi didn't do it on purpose; he didn't fully know everything for a fact even though he was almost positive of it, and he didn't even know Yami too well back then. Or even now. There was just so much going on, so much that was running through his head all of the time.

But he always felt just a _little bit better_, just a little safer, and happier… 

…Whenever Yami was around.

So he pushed back those feelings; he pushed it all away, and he told himself over and over again that just because he was confused and upset it didn't mean that the guitarist was, too. It was fine. Everything was okay.

But it wasn't. Yugi was wrong. There was something wrong with Yami, and the sudden love for the guitarist just pushed it all aside.

After all, all that Yugi ever wanted was for those feelings of loneliness and sadness to go away; he just wanted to feel whole, and Yami seemed to be the only person that could do that for him. He could make Yugi whole--

--But at what cost?

Another sniff escaped the student, followed by a very quiet sob. He still couldn't open his eyes; he was so afraid that it would be all his fault again. But he didn't mean to. He didn't do it on purpose. _He didn't._

"I'm sorry, Yami…" Yugi said slowly and clearly, not allowing his sobs to get in the way of the apology that almost no one could hear, "I'm sorry…I'm sorry…"

He couldn't stop saying it, but it would never be enough. He could say it for the rest of his life, never stopping, never breathing, but it would still never be enough. Yami was forced to live with his burden all alone, even though Yugi was right there for him to talk to. He couldn't, however, because the student just never opened that door wide enough.

And now, who knew if Yami was living at all?

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

He didn't hear someone come in, and he didn't hear them sit down, either. Yugi didn't even know that another person was in the room until they spoke softly and interrupted his mantra. 

"Please…don't be sorry. You're the only one that shouldn't be."

Yugi froze, instantly recognizing the voice: it was Sam. He was still there? Didn't he have a family? Somewhere else to be? Someone else to talk to, or something else to think about?

Yugi bit his lip lightly. Sam really did care, didn't he?

He cared that much.

Violet eyes opened slowly, and pale moonlight drifted lazily across the room into Yugi's irises. He owed Sam that little bit of respect, at least, and he really did want to know what was going on, no matter how afraid he was of learning the truth. He owed it to Yami, and he owed it to himself.

But for a short moment that lasted a long time, Yugi still couldn't speak. He didn't know what Sam was talking about. This _was_ his fault; Sam didn't…couldn't…know the whole truth. Only Yugi himself knew that, it was just that he never had the will or the sense to be honest with anyone.

Even himself.

Yugi's voice was so soft; he didn't know anymore. He couldn't figure out what he wanted to do or think or understand. "I'm sorry." 

He was afraid.

He closed his eyes again. Yugi knew that he owed so many people every ounce of courage that he could muster, but there wasn't any to give. The boy couldn't handle this, not again. He couldn't handle the sight, or the feeling. He couldn't. Not anymore.

The tears came again.

Sam did not speak further for the moment, but he didn't leave, either. Yugi heard the soft scraping of a chair, then silence. There was silence for a long time.

A kind hand appeared on Yugi's thin shaking shoulder, "He was asking for you. Mr.Atemu, I mean."

At the man's words, Yugi took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. He felt something inside of him welling up, but he was so unfamiliar with it. He didn't know what it was.

Maybe it was hope.

Because if what Sam said was true, then Yami was still alive, and he could still think. He could even talk.

…

But there was still so much, so many things that could be wrong, so many things that _were wrong_.

And Yugi didn't care. He didn't care what those things were, and he didn't care if anyone else had anything to say about it, either. Yugi was going to help Yami; he was going to do everything that he could to help Yami get better. He just wanted…

For a moment Yugi's mind seemed to halt in its crooked tracks. He didn't know what he wanted. But past what he _wanted_, Yugi longed for something with all of his heart. He longed for…Yami.

Yami, at his best. Happy. Confident. Not afraid.

And so Yugi spoke again. He turned his pale face away from the soft moonlight enhancing his features and rolled quietly onto his stomach. Sam's hand fell away from his shoulder with a silent thump, and the student looked up into his kind eyes. "Can I…can I see him?" His voice was still quiet, but it was laced with something:

Determination.

Yugi had to help him; he had to help Yami get back to whatever he was before he came to America in the first place. He had to do what he set out to do on that Saturday night so long ago. Things had to get better, because Yugi didn't know what he'd do otherwise.

The student was watched with a quiet intensity for the next couple of seconds, in which Yugi felt his heart rate go up. Why was he being looked at like that? If a doctor said that he couldn't get up and walk around, then Sam would have told him that. That wasn't what Yugi cared about at all; he wouldn't have minded if he was bedridden.

It must have been-

Just as Yugi's eyes started to widen with his next thought, and just as his heart started to hurt with the mere air of it, Sam blinked, his thoughts resolved, and nodded solemnly, "Yes…I asked a doctor to leave his door unlocked for us."

Yugi took another deep breath, suddenly realizing how tired he was; how much he needed to have a night's sleep that wasn't drowning in loss and loneliness and pain, "Okay…" He blinked, unsure for the moment of the validity of his words, "I want to see him." 

He really did. Yugi had to make things right, but more importantly that:

He wanted to.

Even if Yugi had to remember every painful childhood memory that was locked away in the deepest chasms of his mind, Yugi wanted to save Yami's. He wanted to dry Yami's tears, even if Yugi had to cry a million himself. He didn't care anymore. He didn't care if he was miserable for the rest of his life.

He just didn't want Yami to be.

* * *

"Yugi…"

Yami's voice was raspy and weak. He could only breathe out of his mouth; it was the only option left to him because of the tubes running through his nose. He felt wires jutting into his flesh, string holding his skin together. The very blood inside of the guitarist's body seemed to burn like the bile in his throat, but he couldn't see through the darkness to find out why.

He felt like he was falling; it was always at the same pace. He never sped up, or slowed down, or even hit bottom. _Was_ there a bottom? Was this where Yami was doomed to be for the rest of his existence? Was this some sort of limbo--punishment--for what he did or didn't do in his life?

Was this what he deserved?

"Please…"

It was, wasn't it. Yami killed a man. It was his fault, and it didn't matter if he didn't really pull the trigger, because he _wanted_ it to happen. The guitarist wanted Him to fall forever like Yami was now. He wanted Him to die so that he'd never come back, so that He could never hurt Yami again.

But murder is permanent, _unforgivable_. 

It's immune to rationalizing.

Whatever was being said about Yami right then, whatever the people in the clubs or on the streets were saying, none of it could be any worse than the truth. No one would guess that he killed his manager, no one would guess that he wanted it to happen, or that deep down he was happy because of it. 

No one.

Only Yugi. Only Yugi would know, because Yugi saw. He saw what had happened, he had seen Him dead on the ground in front of Yami's body. He had seen Him bleeding out of the wound to his temple, and he saw Yami covered in His blood…

Was it even worth it now? Was it even worth all of the wires and oxygen and doctors, when Yami didn't even want to live anymore?

He didn't want to keep fighting, he couldn't anymore. It was just too much. There were so many rumors, so many people that hated him and didn't believe in him. Too many people used him and beat him and hurt him and yelled at him and raped him…

And if Yugi hated him, then what was the point in anything anymore? If Yugi thought that he was the murderer that he was, then there was no use in even trying anymore. If Yugi, the only person that even _attempted_ to believe in him was gone…

…Then the struggle wasn't even worth it anymore.

Yami clenched his fist as tightly as he could, and the IV in his hand pinched his flesh. It hurt.

"Why?" 

No one loved him anymore.

* * *

He almost fainted at the door. 

"…Yami…"

Tears started to gather in his eyes.

Sam's hands appeared at his shoulders.

The walk was over.

The wait was over.

But the pain would never leave, would it?

Bile rose to the back of his throat, and Yugi put both of his hands to his mouth as if that would stop the taste that rubbed against his esophagus. It actually hurt to breathe; it hurt for his heart to beat in his chest. It hurt to think.

It hurt to see.

The sight in front of Yugi didn't even look like the guitarist anymore. Yami was lying flat on his back on a hospital bed, and there were tubes to help him breathe sticking out of both of his nostrils. Every once in a while a hiss could be heard from the other side of the room.

Two wires were protruding from his side opposite of the two observers, and another one was inserted into the back of his nearest hand. Yami's crimson eyes were closed, and every couple of moments his features would clench, as if trying to fight off a bad dream.

Or a bad memory. Sight feeling thought fear…_pain_…

Yami's voice was muffled as he spoke a few syllables; Yugi hoped in vain that the tubes that were helping him to breathe were also responsible for twisting his tone into the heartbreaking sound that was registered, but they weren't. "Yugi…" 

The smaller wiped the tears from his eyes and sniffed, barely managing to defeat a sob; he couldn't cry; he couldn't let himself. He didn't deserve to cry. He didn't deserve anything.

Not the fact that he could breathe or walk…run…

He didn't deserve for Yami to struggle, just to say his name. He didn't deserve for Yami to even remember him, let alone ask for him, or want to actually see him when he couldn't even open his eyes.

A light pressure on his shoulders brought the smaller back to reality, and with a small jolt he realized another mistake that was being made in his guilt:

His selfishness.

This was not about Yugi. Yugi was not hurt; he was not in pain; he could utter more than one word at a time and he didn't need help just to breathe. He didn't need help to get the one thing that should have been free in his life. 

His footsteps seemed to echo blindly around the bland tiled room as Sam released him and Yugi took torturously slow steps towards the guitarist's bed. He could not go faster, but he wasn't even sure if he'd take the opportunity. He was just so scared.

He didn't know what to do; he wanted to apologize to Yami for all of the mistakes that he had made, but this wasn't the time. He couldn't take advantage of the fact that Yami was probably floating in and out of consciousness, unaware of what was going on around him.

He couldn't apologize and not give Yami the chance to speak without the ability to clearly think.

If Yugi was going to do one thing right, then that would be it. He had to be fair to Yami, because no one else was.

No one else ever gave him the chance to declare the truth, or to speak his mind.

Yugi could do that, though, even if Yami didn't know what Yugi did, or what he was at fault for. He could still start over on his own, and he could still make things just a little bit better. He could give Yami the respect that he earned and deserved.

Yugi heard Sam close the door behind him as he sat as quietly as possible in a chair and moved closer to Yami's bed. When he was this close to the guitarist, Yugi could almost see the pores on his face; he noticed that someone had taken out his earrings and replaced them with the stitches that were now neatly lacing the wound on his opposite cheek.

Yugi lifted his hand up to the clean white sheets and placed it gently over the other's. He didn't clench or squeeze or put pressure on the palm because he didn't want to hurt the guitarist, but the contact was there. The contact was all that they needed.

"Yami…" Yugi whispered, not wanting to break the fragile mood, "Yami…" There were no tears attached to Yugi's words; no sniffs and no sobs. He didn't know why, but he wasn't sure if he liked it; he wasn't sure what it meant. "I came to see you…if you can…hear me…" 

The guitarist's fingers moved just a little under Yugi's palm, and violet eyes watched almost fearfully as Yami opened his crimson ones. They took a long time to focus, and even then, when no more light would appear in his pupils, his gaze still seemed dim and lost.

Yami turned his head slightly and looked at Yugi, who bit the inside of his lip and gazed right back. He tried to think of something happy, like the time that he and Yami had danced in the club. or when they walked around the park , but none of it was returning. He couldn't get the sight of Yami crying silently on the stretcher out of his mind; it wouldn't go away.

He sniffed. Yugi couldn't help that, either. "Yami…" The guitarist blinked, then turned his crimson eyes away from Yugi to look at the ceiling. The smaller could see the beginnings of tears on the bottom of his now-clean eyelids. There was hesitation in both his voice and his actions; he did not want to say this, did not want to be in this position. Yami did not want to…live.

"I guess that you…know now…"

And it broke.

Yugi couldn't do anything; he didn't know how to stop the tears that were suddenly flowing down the guitarist's face and into his injuries. He didn't know how to stop the shaking of his hand underneath his palm; he couldn't soften his shuddering breathing, or say anything to make him feel better.

This was the low. This was where Yami was going to let it all out, where he was going to cry and cry until he fell asleep or passed out, because there was nothing else that he could do. He couldn't walk away; he couldn't yell, or sing, or play his guitar. He couldn't think properly, or even hold back his tears. This was the bottom of the chasm.

"Shh…" Yugi whispered, gently massaging the area around the needle in Yami's hand, "Its okay, Yami." But it wasn't. "We'll fix this." He didn't know how. "We'll get through this, I promise." An empty vow; that was all that it was.

After a while, a while that Yugi couldn't even count, Yami had stopped crying. His eyes still were open, but they weren't seeing anything. There wasn't anything in that room that he could bear to look at, was there? Yugi could tell that there were so many things going through his head.

He was so confused and lost and afraid.

Yugi closed his eyes, an arrow piercing him right through the heart with his own old memories: this was how Yugi felt before. This was how Yugi felt all those years ago.

What he was feeling and what Yami was feeling were the same.

It was exactly the same.

He leaned over and brushed a few stray strands of blond hair out of the guitarist's pale face.

Yugi hated feeling this way. He simply loathed the ball of emotion that seemed to settle in his chest even though he didn't have any more tears to cry. He hated the dry sobs and the longing for comfort; he hated the fact that no amount of assistance would ever be enough.

Very slowly and quietly, so that he wouldn't disturb Yami as he closed his eyes, Yugi stood up and gently slid next to the other in his bed, carefully maneuvering around the wires that were helping the guitarist with the physical pain and weakness. The weakness that might not ever go away.

Yami instantly froze, though, and Yugi closed his eyes again, finally fully understanding everything. He was trying not to move, trying to let Yami get comfortable, and trying to show him that not every touch was bad. He wanted Yami to know that he didn't have to be afraid of soft contact, and that Yugi didn't want to hurt him.

"Yami…" Yugi whispered, breathing slowly and caringly, sharing his body's warmth with the one next to him, "Yami, I love you. I love you…" 

At the kind whispers like the wind, Yami slowly and hesitantly settled back into the pillows that he was propped on before letting his eyelids and face muscles relax. Yugi closed his own eyes and nuzzled carefully into the guitarist, showing him that there was still something known as love in this world; something known as compassion and purity, rest, and…

…Comfort.

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: This chapter was edited on 7-4-06.

Thanks to all reviewers, past and future!

Please Review.


	23. Chapter 23

It was still dark; so dark that the only light available was the moon that shone through the window, which cast a pale glow on anything and everything that it could reach. Though it didn't quite reach the corners of the room, the two figures in the center were easily distinguished. It was almost painful.

Yugi was wide awake. His eyes had no wish to close, and his mind had no will to sleep. He knew that he should have at least tried, but once he closed his eyes, he just wanted to open them again. Yugi just wanted to watch; he wanted to watch and make sure that nothing happened to Yami while he slept…that no one came to hurt him anymore…that no one came to make him uncomfortable.

But Yugi was too late for that.

Yami was hurt; someone had hurt him, badly. And it was too late to try to make Yami comfortable, because he was in pain. Yugi saw his pale face…how his split lip was just barely clotted at the corner…how in his sleep he did nothing more than shift his shoulders uncomfortably because of the wound to his side; the wound that could have only been a gunshot. 

"Yugi…" Yami whispered piteously, clenching his tired face and squirming in his sleep, "Yugi…it hurts…" Slowly, the guitarist shifted his hand up over his abdomen until it met with Yugi's, and the smaller rested his hand over the other's, trying to let Yami know that he was still there. He wasn't going to leave.

"I know, Yami," Yugi said softly, "I know." He didn't know what else to say, because there _was_ nothing else to say. He wanted to tell Yami that things would get better, that he'd get through this…but he couldn't. How could he? How could Yugi say something optimistic and reassuring when he couldn't even believe it himself? How could he lie to Yami? How could he do that on purpose?

How could he tell him to be brave when Yugi couldn't even squeeze Yami's hand in fear of hurting him?

He was so afraid…so afraid that Yami wouldn't be the same again, that he wouldn't be able to get through this, but he didn't know why. Wasn't Yami somehow always there for him? Wasn't Yami always available to give a kind hand or word?

So why? Why couldn't Yugi trust him to help himself?

Was it because Yugi hadn't healed yet? Could he not trust Yami to heal from rape because Yugi himself couldn't stop thinking about it? Stop hurting from it?

Yugi wrapped one of his hands around Yami's very softly, not putting any pressure on it at all. He wanted to believe that Yami would get through this, he really did, but even now, 8 years after his period with it concluded, Yugi was still thinking…still crying over his mother's death…his mother's rape.

And this had actually happened to Yami. Yami had actually had to suffer through the pain, the lies, and the humiliation; he had to think about it everyday, and dream about it, too. In Yugi's mind, it would be impossible to move on. There would be no way…_no way_ to forget. Yami would remember…forever.

"Yugi?"

Yugi's head shot up from his gaze at Yami and he looked towards the door, blinking away the tears that had momentarily risen up in his eyes. It was Sam, looking in on the two after about twenty minutes of solitude. Only his head was peeking through the door, and he looked tired, yet glad at the same time: glad that he could help, "Yugi, the doctor wants to see you for a minute."

Yugi creased his eyebrows, thinking for a moment that there really was something wrong with him. However, he dismissed the thought after only a second, realizing that he wouldn't even be in here if there was a problem, "About what?"

Sam smiled warmly, but Yugi could tell that the gesture was only some type of attempt at making the smaller feel better; it was obvious that the bartender was also troubled: Yugi could see it in his eyes and in the way that he avoided looking at Yami, "About…" He faded off, then shook his head, opening the door fully so that he could step inside, "Don't worry, you're not in trouble."

Yugi blinked, frowning. If this wasn't about him, and he wasn't in trouble, then it was definitely about Yami. Yugi wasn't sure if he would be able to handle any more information about the guitarist. As it was, the little knowledge that he had was swirling around in his head at an alarming rate.

But he had to…it wasn't a matter of wanting to learn and not wanting to…it was a matter of being strong for Yami in his time of need. If Yugi could help him by learning more about his problems, then he would learn. He'd learn until there wasn't any other space for anything else in the world.

There was a slight pause, in which Yugi looked at Sam silently and squeezed Yami's fingers gently. There was no reaction, which must have meant that Yami had fallen asleep again. Yugi resisted the urge to wake him up…after all, some of the worst things in the world only went on in one's head.

"Okay, I'll be there in a minute."

* * *

The doctor looked at his clipboard as Yugi stepped out into the hall. He closed the door behind him, "Mr. Muto, I'm glad to see that you're doing better. You had recovered quite nicely."

Yugi smiled sadly and nodded, reluctant for some reason to meet eyes with the doctor. His tone sounded nice enough, but his face looked almost hard…hard from what, Yugi didn't know, "Thank you." He paused, listening to the buzzing of the silence that revolved around the graveyard shift, "You…wanted to talk to me?"

He was still looking at his shoes.

The doctor nodded, flipping through the sheaves of paper in the clipboard, "Yes…I thought that I should bring you up to speed on the matter of Mr. Atemu."

Yugi nodded, trying his best not to gulp. He couldn't blink, either…otherwise he might have cried, "Okay…" He sniffed, "Is…is Yami okay?" 

The doctor tapped the board with a black pen, "Yes…and no."

Yugi frowned, looking up to the doctor's face without specifically studying his features. 'Yes and no' were two opposites…how could the doctor answer any question with two completely different answers? That was as bad as saying, 'dead and alive.'

But there were also so many ways that Yami could recover…

And so many ways that he couldn't.

"He's very underweight," The doctor started, looking closely at his papers; Yugi was terrified to hear the beginnings of a list in his voice, "And from the blood tests that we've been able to conduct so far, he's severely malnourished as well."

Yugi remained silent, guilt once again seeping into his mind: he had never noticed. He had seen Yami walk into Cumberland Farms so many times; he'd seen him buy so many cups of coffee…newspapers, lottery tickets, but…when had he ever bought food? Once? Maybe?

How could Yugi have missed that? He crossed his arms, forcing himself not to turn around and cry. He wanted to just stay still and listen, but one of his hands managed to fight free of his opposite arm and traveled unchecked to cover his mouth. Yugi tried to take deep breaths. The doctor waited a moment;

"He also has a gunshot wound," The doctor began again after another short pause, "It's not _too_ serious, but we have to look out for it because of his weakened state. The same goes for the injuries on his face, collar bone, and neck."

Yugi nodded, chewing his lip underneath the shield of his palm. This was terrible; he knew that Yami was injured, and it was bad enough to see it, but to hear it…to hear out of a doctor's mouth that Yami was in danger because of the fact that he couldn't eat…because of the-

"There's one more thing that I have to tell you," The doctor began again, looking more uncomfortable now than throughout the entire conversation. Yugi knew that this was coming; he knew what was going to be told to him next…what was going to be made unbearably real to him next. Tears appeared in his eyes, "Mr. Atemu was-" 

"No."

Yugi blinked, and in his shock the tears disappeared. His hand fell away from his mouth. That was not his voice…and even though he knew who it belonged to, he wasn't sure if he could bring himself to believe it. He remained silent. 

"I'll tell him," Sam said, grabbing onto Yugi's shoulders, "I'll bring him home, and talk to him on the way." 

Yugi's silence was a shocked one. He had never heard Sam raise his voice like that before…and even though he didn't know the man that well, he hadn't ever imagined him to be even remotely capable of a tone like that.

He was really caring. But why? Why did this man care so much? What did he see in Yugi and Yami that made him want to protect their relationship and make it stronger? What had the two of them ever done to deserve it?

The doctor backed up a couple of steps, obviously not phased at all by the protective attitude that Sam had suddenly attained. "Okay. I'll leave it to you."

Sam nodded, then turned to Yugi and spoke; his voice was back to its kind and quiet intensity, "I'll go pull the car up front…you just finish up here."

Yugi nodded and managed a quiet thank you to the old bartender. He left, then turned back to the doctor, who was scribbling something down on one of his documents. Yugi's voice was soft when he managed to find it once more, "Is there…is there anything else?"

The doctor shook his head, then looked up at Yugi, smiling softly, "No, that's the worst of it. All that's left now is his recovery. We'll keep him here until Thursday morning, just so that we can keep an eye on him," He paused again, possibly wondering if he should risk revealing this information next, "After that…he may need counseling, but only time will tell."

Yugi nodded, once again suppressing tears. He had a feeling that Yami would never give in to counseling…not after he worked so hard to keep all of his problems away from everyone…not after he had lied to so many people…"Okay, thank you." He looked back towards the door, wanting to go back inside and sit with Yami some more.

The doctor noticed and shook his head a little, "I'm sorry, but you can't go back and see him. Technically you weren't even supposed to see him at all tonight. Visiting hours start tomorrow at 10:30. Come and see him then, okay?"

Yugi continued looking at the door. What if Yami woke up and saw that he was gone? Wouldn't he worry? Think that he was abandoned again?

The doctor must have noticed, because he let out a very small laugh, "Don't worry, he should sleep right through the night. And if he doesn't, I'll tell him that you're coming back tomorrow."

"Okay," Yugi said, turning back around to look at the doctor. "I'll be back first thing tomorrow." It was a promise.

The student held out his hand and shook the doctor's own. His palm was quivering, yet Yugi didn't care. Things like that didn't matter to him anymore.

The doctor was still smiling a little, "By the way…I couldn't help but notice your similar appearance to Mr. Atemu. Are you brothers?"

Yugi shook his head, grinning a little at the doctor's own and what his question reminded him of, "No…we're dating."

Suddenly the man frowned, and Yugi was suddenly aware of the mistake he made…the mistake that he made because he trusted this man too quickly. But now…there was no going back, was there.

Yugi just made the situation worse; the air dropped from cold to freezing.

The man released his grip on Yugi and, with his smile gone and replaced with a frown, strode off down the aisle. He didn't say anything else.

Yugi leaned against the wall and watched him go. For the millionth time in an impossibly short while, Yugi's mind had completely halted. He couldn't believe what had just happened…or the danger that he just put Yami in. He wasn't even thinking…he didn't realize that-that someone would _care_ so much…

How could he of? He's never had to deal with this kind of thing before.

But what if Yami was going to be hurt now because of it? Would someone really do that? Would someone really compromise Yami's safety and chance of recovery because of a preference that he had? Had Yugi just sealed Yami's fate for the worse?

Yugi wiped at his eyes; he was just now realizing how tired he was. He wondered what time it was…but then again, it didn't really matter. He wished that he could go back with Yami and sit with him while he slept, but…

Now Yugi was wondering if he would ever be let in again.

A kind familiar hand appeared on Yugi's shoulder. "Are you ready?" Sam asked, completely unaware of what had just happened in that very same hallway.

Yugi decided to ignore it; it was nothing, just some freak thing that had happened. It would never bother them again…right?

"Yeah," Yugi said, trying his best to put something bright in his voice even though there was nothing for him to give. They walked right past the reception-desk, where a woman was in a heated argument with a man with a hard face. Yugi turned his head away from the pair, acting like it had nothing to do with him.

But of course it did.

"Sam," Yugi said quietly as the two of them stepped out of the hospital and into the cool night air. For some reason the pale moon reminded the student of Yami, and how much he just wanted to go back and whisper sweet things into Yami's ear. But he couldn't, and instead continued to speak to Sam, ignoring the yearn in his heart, "I…wanted to thank you for everything that you've done for Yami and I."

He really wanted to know _why_ he had done it, but that was none of Yugi's business. He shouldn't have to know…he should have just been grateful.

Sam shook his head and smiled a little as he led Yugi to the passenger's seat of his old-fashioned car. _It fits him_, Yugi thought as they paused outside of the door. He was glad that he could still think like that; that not everything reminded him of the tough times ahead.

"Its no problem," The bartender said as he reached out a thin hand to grab the door handle, "I just like how much you two do for each other. Its nice to know that there are still people like that in this world today." 

Yugi frowned, and even though he knew that Sam's words were supposed to make him feel better about everything that was going on, they didn't. For some reason, Yugi was just reminded of everything that was wrong, and what was supposed to be said to him in the car. 

It seemed like there was nothing that he could do to temporarily run away from his troubles. It seemed like they'd follow him around forever, no matter how many cars he saw and related with their owners. His life had changed, and he didn't like it.

He didn't like what he was going to be forced to talk about for so long. The only thing that he did like about all this was that he was going to be able to help the man that he loved…if he could figure out how.

His train of thought reminded Yugi of something else: what he was supposed to 'learn' during this car ride.

He appreciated everything that Sam had done for him of course, he really did, but…Yugi didn't want to have to hear it out loud; he didn't want to listen to the truth come out of someone's mouth; the words that have been replaying themselves over and over in his head for twelve hours: _Yami was raped…Yami was raped…_

"Sam," Yugi whispered slowly, not even noticing how high and cracked his voice sounded, "Can you…not…" He faded off, shaking his head and wiping his eyes again. But not because he was tired.

"Of course not. I wasn't going to say anything," Sam said, showing off just a bit of that wise intelligence that he must have had inside of his mind, "I wouldn't dare go trekking into that territory…its none of my business."

Yugi sniffed, then quietly thanked the man again as he slipped inside of his car. It was selfish and terrible of him, but…Yugi didn't want to hear any of those words out of anyone else's mouths…he didn't want to hear it from Sam, or from any doctor or any nurse.

Yugi wanted Yami to tell him…because only when Yami felt comfortable enough to say something…would Yugi be able to move on as well.

The ride home was almost silent, yet at the same time, it wasn't terrible. Sam's presence made Yugi feel almost comfortable; his words about how a nice police officer had brought his car to the hospital made Yugi feel almost happy inside.

But Yugi didn't want to be happy. He wouldn't be, not really, until Yami was able to put everything behind him. For good.

Then they could both move on.

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: I'm sorry that we're at a really slow part of the fic right now. But I've gotten some advice on how to make it go a little faster, and hopefully I've accomplished that. As for when it'll pick up...I don't know. Hopefully soon, because I hate writing boring stuff!

Okay...I drew up an outline the other day. The only way that this outline will work and satiate everyone (including myself) is if I do a sequel. However...does everyone/anyone want a sequel? I'm almost 99 sure that it won't be some cheap knock-off. In my head, I'm 100 sure, but really...I don't know what you guys are thinking. Plus, I know how long this story is getting, so if anyone is waiting for it to end completely...:shakes head: Never mind, it's depressing thinking about that. So...its up to you...almost. Sequel...or not?

It sucks that as soon as someone tells me that they like the fact that I switch POVs...I don't. Irony sucks, and as soon as I think of another way to have Yami think about his misery...then I'll put it in there. :cries:

Guess what! I know how to use it's/its properly now::excited:

This chapter sort of served as a little cheat sheet to show you the goals that I have in mind for the rest of the fic. If you don't get it at all...well, then ask. Maybe I'll tell you. Maybe.

Thank you to all reviewers! And a special thanks to Pharaohess1 for listening to me yammer on and on about how to fix this fic. I think I got it, but...there's still angst...I couldn't get rid of it. Sorry!

Please Review.


	24. Chapter 24

"Grandpa…do you care that I'm gay?"

Yugi held the phone to his ear and cheek as if it would have fallen if he didn't. He wasn't inside of the house for a moment before he went over to the phone and dialed the familiar digits to Japan. For some reason, it felt almost _good_ to be able to dial those numbers and know that someone would pick up, even if it wasn't a reasonable hour for them at all. It felt good to speak in Japanese, because it made him feel comfortable; it made him feel like nothing had changed.

Even though it did.

"Yugi," His Grandfather's voice sounded almost strained on the other side of the line. The student knew that it was an awkward question to ask, and he knew that it was going to be awkward either way for the man to answer it. But he couldn't help himself. He _had_ to know if what he was feeling was really wrong. He had to know if he had the _right_ to walk into the hospital the next day. He had to. "Are you alright? Why would call in the middle of the night to ask something like that? Isn't it late over there?"

"Do you?" Yugi's voice had turned to desperation in a very short amount of time. He wasn't exactly sure why. He wondered…he wondered what his mother would think. Would she care about his preferences, or would she come to hate him for it? Yugi didn't know; he'd never know. He'd never get to learn anything about her. Never.

"No, of course not," His Grandfather said matter-of-factly through the phone line, "I don't mind at all." It was obvious to Yugi that the old man was doing his best not to sound worried, yet a little of that feeling leaked through the next few sentences anyway, "Did something happen? Did somebody hurt you?"

Yugi shook his head even though he knew that his Grandfather wouldn't be able to see him. He leaned back against the wall, gripping the receiver in both of this hands and fighting back the tears. He wasn't hurt. No one had done anything to him; no one had touched him. But he was still crying, "Somebody…somebody…"

He couldn't say it.

"What? What happened Yugi?" His Grandfather sounded panicked, and it hurt Yugi to know that he was the one that did it, "Who hurt you?"

"Not me," Yugi said into the phone, his voice barely a whisper, "Yami, somebody…somebody _raped_…Yami…" With his entire body shaking, Yugi slid down the plaster wall on his back until he hit the ground soundlessly. _Yami was raped._ Yugi said it…he made it real. He couldn't take it back now, there was no pretending that it didn't happen.

It was happening again…he was being forced to watch the people that he loved suffer, while he only sat idly by. He did nothing. He couldn't do anything. He was weak.

His Grandfather said nothing. He probably couldn't…not after what happened to his daughter; not after he watched Yugi going through this once before. He didn't deserve it again. He didn't even deserve it the first time.

Yugi continued speaking a few seconds later, the silence unbearable to him, "And I…they might not let me in to see him, but I have to see if he's alright…I don't want him to…to…" He couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't talk. Tears were leaking down his face and onto his trembling hands. They slid down onto the cold plastic of the shaking phone.

"Shh…" Yugi took a breath at his Grandfather's voice, "It's alright, Yugi…it's okay. Yami will be fine, okay? I'm sure that you can see him tomorrow. I'm sure that no one will care, okay?"

Yugi didn't believe him; he couldn't believe a single word that was being uttered to him, but somehow it managed to calm him down nonetheless. He didn't speak anymore, but instead let his Grandfather continue to talk. It felt good…it reminded him of his mom, and when they would go for long walks in the park:

_Yugi was crying. He didn't mean to, and he wasn't even sure if he wanted to, but the tears that were leaking down his face were uncontrollable. He hated his life; he never wanted to go home and get beaten and watch his mother get beaten ever again. He hated crying, and how his face would feel sticky and hot and cold at the same time. He just wanted it all to go away. _

"Shh…" A kind voice whispered, and Yugi felt himself being picked up into the air. He heard a soft rustling heartbeat next to his head, and then he snuggled closer. He loved the sound of his mother's heartbeat; it used to calm him and make him not want to cry anymore. But not now. Now the only thing that would stop his crying was the fear: the fear that he would get hit harder if he didn't. "Shh…"

Yugi shook his head and buried himself further into his mother's arms. He wished that she could hide him from everything that he was afraid of, but that would be wrong. If she hid him, then how could she hide from anything? She couldn't, Yugi knew that, because she already was protecting Yugi from the things that he was afraid of.

It was just that it was never enough.

"I love you, Mommy," Yugi whispered when he could breathe enough to speak again. He felt like he could never say it enough; that one day he'd never get to say it again. He hated that feeling, too, because he wasn't sure what it meant. Or maybe he did, and he was afraid to acknowledge it.

"I love you, too, Yugi, never forget that, okay? Will you promise me?" Her voice was soothing as the woman rubbed slow circles around and around on Yugi's back. The small boy sniffed, the tears finally subsiding a little. He wondered what the two of them ever did to deserve what was happening to them. He wondered if it was all a joke, and if it would ever end.

He wasn't sure if he wanted it to, though, because it might not end well. He wasn't sure if he wanted to be alone, or be in pain instead. He wondered if there was a difference.

"It's going to be okay, Yugi. This won't last forever." Yugi could hear the slight crack in his mother's voice, and wondered if she was going to start crying, too. But then again, she didn't cry too often, and certainly not around Yugi. She was too strong for that, unlike Yugi himself. "I promise…things will get better soon."

His mom was lying to him when she said that everything was going to be alright, and his Grandfather was lying now too. Yugi's mom promised that things were going to get better, but did they? Did things really get better? The abuse stopped, but it was too late to fix anything because she had already died. His dad had died, too, because of all of those things that were supposed to get better…how could that have been better? How?

And how could his Grandfather say that Yami was going to be fine? He was beaten and raped. Yugi's mom couldn't recover from that…she _died_ when it all got to be too much. She was never coming back, even though she promised that things were going to get better. She promised, and yet…

…

Yet Yugi couldn't bring himself to mind. He wasn't sure if they really believed in what they were saying to him, but he wouldn't ask. If he did do that, then he'd have to be afraid of the answer. If he did that, then there would have been no point in all of those walks to the park with his mother. There would have been no point of calling home to talk to his Grandfather. Yugi wanted the comfort, no matter how many lies were going to be told to him. He wanted the comfort…no matter what the cost.

There were too many things to be afraid of; he didn't have to add sweet nothings to the list.

The student closed his eyes, grateful for what his Grandfather was doing for him. He wondered if the man knew of the bitterly sweet times that he was bringing up, but that didn't really matter, either. Those were _his_ times with his mother…no one else needed to know about them…because they were almost all that Yugi had left.

He felt his breathing even out a little, and knew that he was going to fall asleep soon, right there on the kitchen floor. His Grandfather was still talking…about what, Yugi wasn't exactly sure, but it felt good just to have that voice there. A calm hand rose to Yugi's earlobe and grasped the tiny diamond stud that was embedded in it.

"I love you Grandpa," Yugi whispered, and his Grandfather stopped talking in order to return the favor. Then he hung up, telling Yugi that if he ever needed to talk, then he'd always be there, no matter the time…or the cost.

Yugi's sleep that night wasn't bothered by nightmares. When he walked into the door that night, he didn't think that he was going to be able to sleep at all because he was afraid of what would come to him in the darkness. He never would have been able to, either…if it wasn't for him mother.

_I love you, Mom…I love you._

* * *

The next morning went by horribly fast for Yugi. He woke up before the sun even rose, which meant that he didn't get much sleep, but he wasn't tired; besides, the floor wasn't the most comfortable place to sleep anyways. He called in sick to work, leaving a message on his boss's phone that there was an emergency and that one of his friends was sick. He hoped that he didn't put his job on the line, but then again, he didn't care, either. 

Yami was more important.

He stopped by Cumberland Farms and bought Yami a coffee; the vanilla kind that he knew he liked so much. But then…after he paid for it and started back to his car…he had to throw it out. Yugi knew that the coffee reminded Yami of his mom, and how much he have been _missing_ her. Yami's _dream_ was to make it big in the music business, and to Yugi, it sounded like Yami was working that much harder just so that he could see his mom again.

Yami's musical career was in _danger_ because of what had happened only about 12 hours before. Yugi didn't want to have to remind him of that. He was guilty of so many other things as it was.

No one stopped the student as he made his way into the hospital, and only a few people even bothered to look at him. Yugi wondered how much the doctor that he met the previous night was trusted, and if he was even respected in his department. Maybe he was actually the only one that cared.

By the time Yugi reached the floor where Yami's room was, his hands were shaking a little and his head felt almost light. The obnoxious fumes that always came with hospitals were swimming around in his nostrils, and he started to feel nauseous on top of everything else. He choked it down though; he didn't care.

The door to Yami's room wasn't locked, which Yugi took as a sign that Yami was making some progress at least in the physical department. He hoped that it wasn't a fluke, though. A doctor's mistake could break Yami at this point if the guitarist was really as bad off as Yugi had convinced himself he was, and a doctor's purpose fault…that would be even worse.

Yugi opened the door soundlessly and stepped inside without any hesitation; if there was then he might have forced himself to turn back for some rationalized reason. The space was darker than the hallway that Yugi was just in, yet it was still light enough to see into every spot and corner.

Yami was still sitting in the hospital bed, in almost the exact position that Yugi left him the night before. He looked tired; the whites of his eyes were a pink that looked almost dulled to gray. It was obvious to Yugi that he had been crying for a long time, and had just recently stopped. For some reason Yugi had no tears to cry. It was as if he was used to seeing Yami like this, even though it was only his second time.

He hated it.

"Yami," Yugi smiled as warmly as he could and walked over to the bed at what he thought was a normal pace. He sat down in the same chair as the previous night and tried not to think about how pale Yami's skin looked…or how drawn it was.

There was a long silence after that, in which Yugi once again took in Yami's appearance: it looked almost no different than before, which meant that he must not have slept very well. Yugi could only imagine.

The breathing tube was taken away from Yami's face, but for some reason the guitarist was breathing erratically. Yugi knew that it wasn't from a lack of oxygen, and felt his heart sink as the guitarist sniffed and fought to hold back tears, "I…thought that you left me."

* * *

Yami hated himself. He was weak and afraid. But most of all…he felt alone. Even though Yugi left while Yami was sleeping, and that he knew that Yugi couldn't stay because of hospital rules and his own health, when the smaller left the room and didn't come back… 

Yami had never felt more alone.

Before it was different. Before, when Yami didn't have anyone anyways, he didn't feel too lonely. He felt empty, but not lonely, because no one had ever filled that hole in his heart.

But it was different now. He had Yugi, and he loved Yugi more than anything. Even though deep down Yami knew that Yugi would come back that morning, he was still afraid that he wouldn't; that Yami would have to try to get better himself.

The worst part about that was that Yami wasn't sure if he could ever recover, even with Yugi by his side. The doctors hadn't actually told him anything yet, but he could still hear them talking…he knew what they said. He was underweight, hadn't eaten in months. It was amazing that he had somehow managed to continue walking and working, let alone looking healthy for so long. They said that it was obvious that Yami had been raped…for months. He was lucky that he didn't have an infection or any serious rips and tears.

They said that Yami was pretty well off for having so many things done to him.

Yami didn't think they had a clue. How could they think that he was well off at all? How could they assume anything about him? They hadn't talked to him about it, or found out _why_ he was hurt and betrayed…how could they pretend to know _anything_?

"Yami," Yugi said softly, and Yami brought his head up slowly to look into Yugi's kind violet eyes. It didn't matter that Yami couldn't think very clearly, or that his entire body felt tired and weak because of the amount of medication that he was on: Yugi could still make him feel just a little better, even if it didn't matter in the long run, and even if it meant nothing to his broken body. Yugi cared, and that was enough.

Even if it wasn't.

"I won't leave you, okay? I can't stay all of the time, but I'm going to come as often as I can, and I'll call you from work too if you want me to."

"No." Yami shook his head and raised his free hand to wipe his eyes clear of any tears that might have built up. His thumb ran across the jagged edges of his stitches, and he failed in holding back a wince, "I'm being stupid. I knew that you were coming back. It's just…" He didn't know what it was. He didn't know why he was thinking like this, or why he didn't trust Yugi to care about him when he was needed. He couldn't figure it out.

Yami frowned; he was just so confused inside. He had no answers to anything, and he didn't know where to look to get them. At this rate, he really would end up alone.

A warm weight appeared on Yami's hand, and he knew that Yugi had moved a little closer to him; his breathing pattern changed a little, "I know how you feel…" He took a breath, as if preparing himself to say something painful. The moment passed though, and something that might have been a smile passed Yugi's lips. It wasn't, though. Yami knew how Yugi smiled, "And don't worry, I won't leave…I promise."

Yami nodded, but couldn't bring himself to smile, either. He just couldn't believe Yugi. He knew that the smaller wasn't going to leave, and that was just reinforced by his words, but he couldn't think that Yugi knew what he was going through. He couldn't believe that Yugi knew his thoughts and hopes…his fears. He trusted Yugi when he said that he did, but…deep down he knew that he couldn't. Not yet.

Maybe not ever.

* * *

_Maybe I don't know how he feels…I mean, I felt lonely and afraid when I was in the hospital after Mom died, but…can I really say that I know what he's thinking?_

Yugi still sat in the hospital room, holding Yami's hand. It was about an hour after he had arrived, but Yami had fallen asleep long ago; it wasn't long after their 'conversation.'

Now that he had the time to think about it, Yugi realized that he _didn't_ know what Yami was thinking, or feeling. It was wrong for him to say that and pretend that he understood what Yami was going through when he really didn't. At first, way back when Yugi first met him, it really seemed that way. Maybe, when all of those other variables were taken out, their situations seemed identical, just on different parts of the spectrum.

Now though, Yugi wasn't so sure. Yami had a lot of pressure on him, and every decision that he had affected him in some way. He had so many people to impress, so many others that he had to gain trust from. And then there were his dreams that he couldn't get to no matter how hard he tried, because no matter how hard he worked, nothing seemed to go his way.

Yugi's thoughts were nothing like that. He was so incredibly wrong that he knew that he should somehow apologize, but he also knew that that would be impossible. What was done was done, and even though it probably hurt Yami quite a bit, anything that Yugi said would end up hurting him more.

They'd both lose in the end.

But Yugi wasn't lying when he was talking, he just wasn't thinking all of the way. He felt lonely when he was 12 and his parents died, and he could remember asking his Grandfather to stay with him all day, even when he was sleeping. He just didn't want anyone to leave, because he felt like something would happen to them next.

It took a lot for Yugi to come to America, and his Grandfather was proud of him for doing it. But now he didn't want to go back; he had Yami, and…even if Yami had lost some of his respect for Yugi because of his reckless words, it was obvious that Yami still wanted him there.

So did Yugi, for that matter.

The door opened behind them. Yugi's head snapped back towards the entrance, his mind flooding with a million new thoughts, all of them concerning what a second doctor might think of his relationship with Yami. His Grandfather didn't care, and while that felt nice, his Grandfather was still only one man.

The doctor this time was different, which both gladdened and worried Yugi further. It could have been someone that didn't care about their orientations…or it could have been another person that _did_.

It was a woman, "Hello," She said kindly in a pretty young-but-mature voice, "I'm Dr. Margaret. And you are?"

Yugi blinked and swallowed, seriously wondering if he should talk to the woman at all, "Y-Yugi. Yugi Muto."

She nodded and smiled; the red hair that framed her face bobbed slightly as she walked, "I'm going to be Yami's doctor until he leaves in a couple of days." She paused, "You might have met Dr. Claude last night, but…after some careful consideration he decided to pass him along to me."

"Okay," Yugi said slowly, still eying the woman carefully. She looked familiar to him, but he wasn't sure of where he might have met her. Maybe he saw her at _The Curse_ once. Either way though, he didn't know what to think of her as he wasn't aware of what she knew. He could have been walking right into the same corner as he did the previous night, and he didn't want to go through that. Not again. "Umm…could I ask _why_ he decided to leave?" He chose his words carefully, hoping to have successfully maneuvered away from possible trouble.

It seemed to have worked, because Dr. Margaret smiled again as she set a small Styrofoam tray down on a table opposite of Yugi, on the other side of Yami, "Don't worry, he won't bother you anymore." She paused again and picked up a needle and a cotton swab, concentrating as she casually conversed, "I'm his superior, and have threatened to report him to mine if he continues to act like he was." She suddenly turned stern, though she still smiled a little, "I didn't appreciate the way that he acted towards you, especially after you've been through something as terrifying as this."

Yugi's heart fluttered in his chest at an unhealthy yet exhilarated pace. He felt so grateful towards the woman that it was hard to put into words, "Thank you…that means a lot. I wasn't sure what was going to happen today, actually…"

"Well," Margaret said, "He shouldn't be bothering either of you anymore, and if _anyone_ gives you any trouble, come tell me. I'll help you out."

Yugi nodded, thanking her again as he studied the IV in Yami's hand. The area around it was bruised a little, and his fingers were almost limp in Yugi's hand. He hoped that Yami would regain some strength soon.

His fingers suddenly jumped to life at Yugi's thoughts and clenched his hand painfully. The guitarist's whole arm stiffened, and Yugi's eyes jumped up in fright at the guitarist's reaction to something painful. "What's going on?"

The doctor paused, both of her hands out of Yugi's line of sight, "His medication. It makes him really sensitive to the other needles that he needs to have administered, but sadly there's no way around it."

Yugi's violet eyes went back to Yami's hand and arm, which had both relaxed dramatically. He could almost feel Yami's leisurely pulse through his fingertips, "Is he really that sick?" What a pointless question.

Margaret paused again, and Yugi could hear the crumpling of what sounded like a bandage. He looked up to see that it was, "He is pretty sick, but he's doing than expected. I wasn't planning to take the oxygen away from him until tomorrow, but he's doing fine on his own. His reactions are also pretty good. The only thing that I'm really worried about is his nutrition, because he has injuries that need to be healed, but they can't until his system is stronger. That's why he's on so much medication…to fight infection."

There was another silence; far from awkward, this one sounded _afraid_, "And, what about…everything else?" The student was happy that Yami was doing better than the doctor had expected, but even then, he still wasn't healthy…he wasn't okay. There was so much that medication couldn't fix; sometimes it couldn't even _help_ it. There was too worry about, and not enough mind to do it.

"I don't know," She said sadly, "I can't help you with that, because I don't want to give you wrong information. I'm going to say at least counseling, but that's up to him. There's nothing that _I_ can say to make him seek further help…I'm not sure if he needs it. I can't do anything until it directly affects his health." She smiled reassuringly, "Right now though, he looks like he's going to be fine. He has a strong will to survive."

"Yeah," Yugi said slowly, "He must." He looked at the doctor again, trying not to watch Yami's face as it cringed a little at Margaret's prodding and cleaning of his gunshot wound. He wished that Yami was awake so that he could hear Yugi telling him that it was going to be alright. He felt almost like his mother…trying to make the people that he cared about feel better even though there was almost no way out. He knew now why she lied to him…for the same reason that he was lying to Yami.

"Can I bring him any food or anything?" Yugi asked, squeezing Yami's hand slightly as he squeezed first. He wanted to help Yami get what he needed of his strength back, but he wasn't going to bring anything that he couldn't use. He didn't want to make him feel bad.

The doctor thought for a minute, "No, I'm sorry. Not yet. I'm going to try to put him on some solid food tomorrow, but it'll be most likely soft stuff; almost like baby food." Her voice sounded sad, "It doesn't look like he's had anything in his stomach for months. And anything that he did…he probably vomited right back up. We'll see what he can hold down tomorrow, but if that doesn't work, or if he refuses to try…we might have to bring in a food pump." Yugi's eyes widened, wondering if Yami would purposely put himself in that much danger…if he really was that sick, "I'm sorry, I really am."

Yugi was sorry too, because he was suddenly forcefully reminded of their date just about a week ago, if that. Had Yami gone home after eating with Yugi only to throw up what he forced into his system? Yugi was concerned that Yami had lied to him that night, but he had cast it off, telling himself that he was foolish. But Yami was really lying to him that night…but once again, it was just so that Yugi didn't have to worry.

What would happen if no one lied to anyone to spare their feelings? Would the world be better off, or worse than it already was? Would Yugi ever know?

"Okay, I'm all done here," Margaret said, throwing away the used gauze and bandages, "Visiting hours get over a little early today, but I'll come and get you when you have to leave. Maybe I can sneak you a few extra minutes."

"Thanks," Yugi said, smiling up at her. He like Margaret…she was nice. And what was even better was the fact that she didn't care that Yami and Yugi loved each other. It was better than almost anything that he could have asked for at this point.

He looked back at Yami's closed eyes and slightly pained face. There was an almost indiscernible line of sweat over his brow, and Yugi took a tissue off of the bedside table and wiped it off very gently, leaving liberal space between his fingers and the gouged injury down his skin. He noticed that the red line was almost like a tear…as if Yami had cried blood.

Better than _almost_ anything.

* * *

Yugi stayed very late that night, well past dark. He had slept a little in the chair where he sat, but he always took great care so that he'd never let go of Yami's hand. The guitarist woke up a few times…but he wouldn't speak. It was like he didn't even know that Yugi was there. 

Yugi couldn't even bring himself to cry, though, because he didn't want to hurt Yami. Yami was hurt enough as it was.

Was there even room for recovery anymore? Or was Yami's entire mind plagued by guilt and sadness?

The student left that night with a heavy heart. He knew that he wouldn't be able to skip work the next day, as he didn't even get full permission for what he managed to skip. His life was going to have start again soon, regardless of what Yami felt or what he thought. Their lives were different…maybe too different.

Yugi couldn't do what he wanted to do anymore because of the responsibilities that life threw at him without care of where they hit, or who they hit when they missed and flew behind him.

He left that night, oblivious to the tears that Yami started to cry as soon as the door closed behind him.

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes:breathes: Okie, you know that you are sleep-deprived when your own writing makes you cry.

You know, I'm really angry. I was all excited because I finished this chapter a week ago...A WEEK AGO, but I couldn't update because the site was down on Friday::cries: But its up now, so I suppose that that's all that matters. Sorry for making this so late!

I think that I did a little plot-wise with this chapter. I didn't really add too much, but its still too soon to let Yami do anything. There's so much that everyone's thinking, though, and I'm trying to put those thoughts with different starting and ending points so that it doesn't get too dull. I probably failed miserably, though.

And we have a new character! Margaret. I like her, which is good. It was a little tiny break from angst, but any break is better than none, I suppose. I don't know how she's going to help Yami or Yugi, but she's great for lightening the mood...and who knows, maybe I'll ditch my outline (Like I haven't already done that. Pft.), and give her more of a purpose. For now that's up in the air.

I wanted to combine two chapters into one to get out of this bland-spot, but this one was long enough as it is. Bleh.

Thanks to all reviewers! Yay reviewers:hugs reviewers:

Please Review.


	25. Chapter 25

At work the next morning, Yugi could not take his eyes off of the clock. Even when he had a customer, and there really weren't many, he just couldn't concentrate, and ended up giving a couple of people the wrong change, each time in their favor. Luckily for the student, his customers were honest, and politely corrected him of his mistake. After each incident, Yugi tried to get his mind more on his job, but then he would be staring at the clock again just a minute later. In fact, the young adult should have gotten a pay cut, or a warning…a pink slip…_anything_, but, he didn't. When his boss called Yugi back on Sunday night, he interrupted Yugi's rushed apology and excuse to tell him that it was alright; he wasn't in any trouble. The employee was happy with just that, but then his boss did something extremely unexpected: He gave Yugi a half-day on Monday, so that he could straighten out anything else that was going on.

Yugi was so happy that he was almost driven to tears.

But…at the same time, Yugi became worried, suspicious. What would his boss have said or done if he knew _why_ Yugi skipped work and needed another half-day off? Would he care that Yugi's orientations were different than his? Would he have been okay with it, or…would he have acted just like the doctor, and refused to do anything more?

Yugi pushed the thought out of his head very early that morning, but it was still lingering in the back of his mind. He just couldn't forget about it. He couldn't forget about the fact that his life was going to be even more difficult now because of someone that he loved. Not only that, but he couldn't help it, either.

Finally, around 9:30, the fill-in that was going to be taking over for Yugi arrived and wished him luck as he got comfortable behind the cash register. Yugi smiled politely and thanked him, but as he was walking out of the door…he couldn't help but wonder about something.

* * *

"Mr. Muto." Yugi heard a voice calling his name as he made his way through the hospital that afternoon. He turned around to see Margaret walking towards him, her clipboard in hand, "I'm glad that I caught up with you. I wanted to talk to you before you saw Yami today."

Yugi felt one of his eyebrows raise slightly; his heart rate went up, too, "Oh? A-about what?" He didn't realize how nervous he really was. What if something went wrong with Yami? What if the doctor was wrong about something? What if-

"It's nothing bad," Dr. Margaret smiled reassuringly, and Yugi was able to breathe a little easier, "It's actually good news. Your friend is getting a little stronger, and we were able to get some food into his system as well. He's kept it down for quite a while, but I still like to check in on him every once in a while."

Yugi nodded and blinked a few times, wondering why he wasn't feeling as happy as he should have been. Something still didn't seem quite right, but he wasn't sure what it was. He decided to ignore it, even though there wasn't much room for that anymore, "Do you know when he's going to be let out?"

Furrowing her eyebrows, Margaret paused for a minute and consulted her clipboard. After flipping through two pages for a couple of seconds, she turned back and smiled at Yugi, "Thursday." She paused again, though not long enough to warn Yugi of her next thought, "I don't mean to intrude, but…does he live with you? Or anyone? I'm not sure that I want to let him live by himself so soon, especially not after what happened." 

Yugi forced his eyes to the ground, "No." Yami didn't live with him…the thought actually hadn't crossed Yugi's mind…and even if it did, it was only for a fleeting moment. Yugi didn't know anything about where Yami lived, or even how to contact him…other than his phone number, the two young adults were completely cut off from each other…

In more ways than one. 

"Can-" Yugi's voice was suddenly very soft. He felt ashamed of himself for some reason, "Can I just go and see him now?" Tears started to prickle in the back of his eyes, and he just managed to suppress them. Would things have been different if Yugi knew more about the guitarist? Or would they have just gotten worse? Would they have changed at all? Did destiny have that much of an influence on their lives?

Did Yami do anything to deserve the cards that he was dealt?

Through his own thoughts, Yugi heard Margaret sigh softly through her nose and felt her hand on his thin shoulder. Though it was a gesture that came with the training, Yugi could still feel the pity and kindness that she felt for him, "Yes, you can. I'm sorry to have to keep bringing things like these up, but…it's the only way that things are going to get solved. Do you understand?"

Yugi raised his head but couldn't bring himself to look into her eyes. He settled on a loose lock of red hair and nodded. But it was a lie. He didn't understand. He couldn't understand anything at that point.

"Yami's sleeping right now, but I don't blame him. There isn't much to do here. Go ahead."

Yugi nodded again and turned away from her with a small thank you. He could still feel her sympathetic eyes on him.

Yugi didn't want Yami to stay in the hospital for longer than necessary; after all, he knew how lonely people got in hospitals from experience. But what if something happened when he alone in his house? What if he got sick, or had a bad reaction to a medication? What if…what if something worse happened…something that Yami had complete control over?

Yugi's quiet footsteps quickened against the tile in the hall.

* * *

A few minutes later found Yugi seated in his usual spot in Yami's room, Yami's hand in his own. Dr. Margaret was right: Yami was sleeping. But it wasn't an exhausted sleep, or a scared one, either. The guitarist looked almost peaceful lying on the hospital bed, and if it wasn't for the fact that they _were_ in a hospital, then Yugi might have believed it.

It was just too bad that he couldn't.

Yami's breathing pattern changed a little, and Yugi sat straight up in his chair as Yami's hand muscles moved a little, too. A small smile flashed on Yugi's face when tanned eyelids fluttered before opening and revealing ruby red eyes. Yugi was glad to see that just a little of their normal spark had returned.

"Hi," The smaller said in a quiet voice, trying to abolish the awkward silence that had settled on the two individuals.

"Hi," Yami returned in a voice that was just as quiet as the other's. It surprised him; Yami's voice was usually more confident than this. He hoped that he could get it back.

There was another difficult silence, in which Yami would try and try again to meet Yugi's eyes, but every time that crimson touched violet the connection broke and the silence became even more obvious.

Yugi didn't know what to do. He didn't like the way that he couldn't talk to the other, but at the same time, he had nothing to say. After something like that had happened, was there really much to say anymore? How did Yugi know that he wouldn't send Yami off of the deep end and depress him further? What would happen if he lost the spark in his eyes again? What if it never came back?

But then again, Yugi had to take the chance. It was like Dr. Margaret said: you have to talk about it; the painful things have to be brought up in order to solve them. And Yugi didn't want Yami to forget only to have the memories dredged up again. That would be too painful, "So, umm…how-how are you feeling?" 

Yami blinked, and Yugi forced himself to try to build some type of defense that he could use to aid Yami. He failed horribly, not knowing what to do, "Better," Yami said slowly, "I ate a little this morning…it's been a while…" He stopped, and turned his head the other way.

Yugi could only nod and squeeze Yami's hand a little in reassurance. He was glad that Yami was opening up a little to him, even if he already knew the news that the guitarist was telling him. The fact that Yami could trust him felt good…even though in the end it was barely anything at all. 

Nothing else was said for a long time. Yugi tried not to look at Yami so much, and to instead stare at the impersonal vases and portraits on the walls. But just like the at Cumberland Farms, Yugi's gaze kept floating back to the same thing.

"Yugi?" Yami asked after quite a while of silence, "Could you…help me get over to the window? The doctors don't want me to be moving yet, but…I…" He stopped, and Yugi blinked furiously, tears clouding his vision once more. He understood what Yami was trying to say; that he felt helpless, and that he couldn't do anything without anyone's help. He felt like if someone came into that room with the intention of hurting him…they'd easily get away with it. No one would know…again.

Yugi stood up quickly, not realizing that he was still holding Yami's hand. The guitarist gasped and pulled back his hand quickly, feeling the effects of the IV shifting in his skin. He looked at Yugi nervously, fear fading his eyes to black, "Yugi…"

Yugi turned towards the other as his hands met with the edges his chair, "Don't worry…I'm not leaving. I'm just going to move the chair."

Yami smiled at Yugi a little, but Yugi turned his head as soon as he saw it. That was not Yami's smile. That was not Yami. As much as the musician wanted to forget and tell Yugi that he was feeling better…it was all a lie. He wasn't feeling better at all, and wasn't helping anyone by lying about it. But he still did. He felt he had to, didn't he? He just _had_ to keep the constants in his life…

Once the chair was closer to the window, Yugi returned to the side of the bed and sat down next to Yami, "Are you sure you want to try this?" 

"Yes," Yami said, his tone sounding almost desperate, "They wouldn't even let me eat alone this morning. Someone sat by me the entire time…Yugi, I _hated_ that. I felt like…like…" He broke off, sighing and shaking his head. His messy hair shifted with his face.

The smaller tilted his head a little and sighed. He hated this. He hated how someone could have the _nerve_ to do this to Yami. He hated how someone so strong could be broken down just because of one uneasy thought, or one fear. How one dream could be the cause of so much pain.

Yugi leaned over slightly and cupped Yami's cheek in his hand. Yami looked up at him, but still couldn't get his eyes. Yugi didn't mind, though…he had a long time to see those eyes, because he wouldn't ever give up on it. Yami would get through this…Yugi would through this.

He kissed the Egyptian on the forehead very lightly, so that Yami wouldn't feel pressured or overwhelmed. Fortunately, the other didn't flinch. If anything, he relaxed more, "It's okay…you don't have to say anything. Come on, I'll help you."

It took about five minutes to get Yami settled only a couple of feet away. Yugi was slightly shorter than Yami, so it was difficult to get him supported comfortably. The guitarist was still weak as well, so Yugi had help him walk after only a couple of steps. The smaller had to avoid all of his injuries, and Yugi could tell that the IV needle was bothering Yami even though Yugi was trying to keep some slack in the line as he dragged it along with them. But Yami say didn't say anything about the pain. It was obvious that he was trying to prove something to himself.

Once he was situated, Yugi sat down next to him in another chair. Once again, an awkward silence followed. Yami was just staring out of the window into the courtyard, watching only a little bit of sunshine sliding through the clouds and onto the small trees that inhabited the area. There were only a few patients out in the fresh air; it was slightly chilly that day. Yami just looked content to be staring at something new. Either that, or he didn't realize that it was there.

Whirling around in his head for a topic, Yugi said the first thing that popped into his mind, "Dr. Margaret said that you could leave on Thursday. You can go home."

* * *

_You can go home._

Yami's very heart stopped in his chest when he heard Yugi speak. Home. Home. Home.

Yami didn't have a home. He couldn't call that a home…there were no good memories…nothing that he wanted to remember; the only thing that Yami could associate with that apartment was Ryan. And Ryan…was dead. Yami killed Ryan. He killed him. He didn't have a home. He had no where to go back to.

"Yami? Yami?" Yugi's voice sounded frantic, but Yami couldn't bring himself to react to it. He felt the smaller's warm hand slide into his, then squeeze, trying to bring Yami back to his world, "Yami!" 

Yami squeezed back, he squeezed as hard as he could, but it was nothing. His head started to spin, and his heart was beating way too fast. His stomach was churning angrily inside of him, and he moaned from the intensity of it, "Yugi…I can't…"

He didn't have a home…he had no where to go…he didn't deserve to have a home, or a family, or anyone to care about him at all. He _killed_ a man. He _killed_ Ryan. _Killed him_. 

"Yami, are you okay? Let me help you…come on, give me your arm, I'll get you back to your bed. Come on…you'll be alright…it'll be alright…" Yami heard Yugi talking to him, but even though he heard the words and understood what they meant, he couldn't do anything. He felt so sick…so weak…guilty. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty.

"Yami!"

And suddenly…it was gone. Yami could breathe, and his heart wasn't hurting him anymore. He wasn't dizzy, either. Realizing that his eyes were closed, Yami opened them slightly to find Yugi sitting right in front of him on the bed, looking up at him with wide afraid eyes. Yami couldn't meet his amethyst irises…he couldn't, but he didn't know why.

He was back on the bed, but he couldn't remember how he got there; he didn't remember moving, whether it was the getting up or the getting back down. There was something sticky sliding down not only his hand, but his hip, too. He didn't like the feel of it…it was all too familiar to him.

"I…I…" Yami couldn't talk. He felt disoriented, and he wasn't quite sure what was going on. Yugi just kept staring at him, and with no warning at all, Yami found himself delving deep into his shining violet eyes. He couldn't help it; tears started to form in his eyes, "I don't have a home…"

He didn't belong anywhere.

* * *

Yugi sat on the hospital bed directly in front of Yami, staring directly into his crimson eyes. He didn't like what he saw; it was dull…dull like the blood the seeped out of the ripped skin on the back of his hand. His gaze was thin, like the neatly sewn stitches that ran down the line of his face. The spark was gone, like the darkness that was invading the guitarist's world. 

Yugi didn't know how he managed to get Yami back into that bed, or how he remained physically unharmed other than the broken cut where the IV sliced his flesh; but he was grateful for it. Time in that minute of crisis passed so quickly…yet the fear that came from it just refused to leave. His heart was beating so fast…and he didn't know what had happened. What was wrong with Yami? And why did he have such a paroxysm after Yugi had told him he could leave? Did he not _want_ to leave?

…But that didn't make any sense…

"I don't have a home…"

Yugi's face twisted in complete confusion at the guitarist's words, "Yami…I don't understand. Of course you have a home. And you can go back to it…"

Yami shook his he head, crystalline tears brimming to the lids as he tore his eyes away from Yugi's, "No…no, I can't. Yugi, I can't go back there…it was…was _his_ apartment…I can't…"

"Yami…what-"

And then it hit him. Whoever…whoever was the one responsible for hurting Yami, was the one that owned the apartment where he must have lived. But how? How could Yami have survived that at all? How could he even sleep in his home night after night? How could he have kept quiet and moving forward? Was that even possible?

And now that he was gone…now that Yami's captor was gone…he was feeling guilty. And how could he not feel that way? Just before he died, that man told Yami that it was all his fault. That he was a murderer. 

And Yami believed him with all of his broken heart and mind. 

But it wasn't his fault…it wasn't his fault; he didn't do anything.

Yet it didn't matter. It didn't matter if Yami thought that he was guilty or not. He was afraid, too. He was afraid that that man would come back and hurt him again.

Yugi sniffed, feeling more like Yami now than ever before. The previous night he was convinced that they were different, but they really weren't. They still had the memories. They would always have the memories. And no matter how much they both wanted to forget about it all…it would never leave.

"No," Yugi said after a long moment, shaking his head with a completely different purpose, "No, you do have a home. With me. You're home is with me."

* * *

"You're home is with me." 

Yami's mouth dropped open; he couldn't quite grasp what Yugi had just promised him. _With him?_ With Yugi? Yugi didn't mind the burden? He didn't mind having someone so broken and lost in his life? Did…did he really care _that much_?

Yami's voice sounded hoarse in his head and in the air around him, "Really? You would…you would really do that for me?"

Yugi smiled sweetly and moved a little bit closer to the guitarist, "Really." His smile broadened a small margin and his hand found Yami's again. He didn't seem to mind the blood seeping from his skin at all, "You're paying my rent this month, aren't you? That apartment is as much mine as it is yours. Okay? You'll always have a home…" There was a pause, "Yami, I love you."

* * *

"Yami, I love you."

Yugi was determined; he could not, at the moment, think of a time when he was more determined to do anything. Yami would get out of that hospital, he would have somewhere to live and someone to love him…and no one to hurt him. Ever. He'd get better…even if it took them the rest of their lives.

"…Yugi…" Yami's voice was almost a whisper, and the smaller was at a loss to see him pressing his fingers underneath his eyes, holding back tears, "Why? Why do you care about me so much? What did I do…?"

Yugi leaned forward a little and brought the older man into his arms; he carefully settled down and let Yami relax in his grip. Yami's body fit well into his, and the warmth that radiated from his body just felt so reassuring, "Everything…and nothing at all," He said quietly, "I'm in love with you…and that's all that matters, okay?"

Yugi felt the guitarist nod a little into the long-sleeved shirt that he was wearing, "Okay." Yami stopped speaking, and for a split-second Yugi thought that he had stopped breathing as well. But then he started again in a painful strained voice, "Yugi…"

"Don't say it," The smaller quietly intervened immediately, "You don't have to. Not now," Gentle fingers started running through smooth-yet-unkempt long hair. Yami didn't have to say that he loved Yugi back…Yugi knew. And he didn't want Yami to say it; not until he could say it and not feel hurt.

They stayed in that position for a long time, and under the layers of hospital antiseptic and soap, Yugi breathed in Yami's cinnamon scent. He didn't know why, but before, he thought that he was never going to notice it again; that it wasn't important enough. But of course it was…it was Yami. 

"Yugi," Yami said, breaking the silence that had lost its awkward traces long ago, "Would you…stay with me today?"

The student didn't even hesitate. He didn't let the fact that he had class stop him from saying yes immediately. He didn't care about school at that moment; it didn't seem important to him at all. He could make up classes or assignments any time, but moments like those…he'd never get them back again.

And who knew how many they had left?

* * *

Yami was supposed to be sleeping; who knew, maybe he was. But as soon as Yugi left the room to go and find a nurse for him, salty tears started to run their way down Yami's face.

Yugi couldn't know. He couldn't ever find out that this was beating him, and that he was lying when he told Yugi that he was feeling better. He wasn't. His stomach felt sick and queasy, and his head was dizzy again. He was always dizzy now.

But Yugi still couldn't know. The student would feel so guilty for somehow not being there for something that he had no clue about. Yami wished that Yugi had never found out about what had happened, because he knew that the smaller was really hurting inside. And even though Yami couldn't tell Yugi that he loved him, he still did. He loved him with all of heart. 

And because of that, it wasn't fair for Yugi to try to shoulder some of the weight of Yami's guilt. Yami didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve Yugi's kindness and acceptance.

He only deserved the pain, not the relief. He only deserved to die. Deep down...he _wanted_ to die.

He had killed a man.

* * *

"His gunshot wound ripped open." 

Yugi stood outside of Yami's room while the guitarist was resting, embarrassed to look into the eyes of Dr. Margaret. He had messed up by helping Yami move to the window, and even though he had called a nurse as soon as Yami fell asleep, it didn't help the matter. Yugi didn't want to worry the other, but that was the mistake. He should have been worried, because something went wrong. 

"You tried to move him, didn't you? I told him that he couldn't…but…" Her voice momentarily softened, "I guess that I can't blame him."

Feeling that the waters were a little safer, Yugi raised his head and watched the woman's face carefully. She was looking at Yugi with a mixture of pity, concern, and anger, "You _do_ realize that we have to be careful because Yami is weak right now and his injuries will take a long time to heal. I know that you were only trying to do the right thing, but Yugi, what you did was stupid."

Yugi blinked, "I know. I'm sorry. I just…wanted to help him." He couldn't do anything anymore. There was just no way that he could help Yami; he didn't know how, and every time that he tried something, it always ended up being the wrong thing. But what was he supposed to do? Just let him sit there and be miserable?

…Yami was miserable anyway, wasn't he?

"The best way to help him now is to just let him get some rest." Margaret paused again; it was obvious that she was forcing herself to make a decision. Her personal feelings were intervening with her medical training; that was clear for all to see, "You can go back in there…but don't disturb him. Just let him sleep. Got it?"

Yugi nodded, completely satisfied with the fact that she wasn't going to kick him out. After all, it was what he deserved. "Yes. But I have a question."

"Hmm?" She inquired, pulling out her clipboard as if on reflex. The previous altercation was dropped, and the atmosphere had switched back to friendly, "What is it?" 

"Can Yami still leave on Thursday, or did I ruin it for him?"

The clipboard disappeared, and Margaret peered down at Yugi through a smart pair of glasses. Her expression was thoughtful, "I'd say yes, but after what just happened, I'm very nervous about letting him live on his own. I don't think that he's ready for that yet."

Yugi couldn't help but smile; it felt great to do so, "You don't have to be nervous. He's not living alone. Not anymore."

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: Yes! I am back! It's been...two weeks, maybe? Anyways, I think that I've picked up the pace a little bit, because Yami is finally going to move in with Yugi::cheers: So all of those reviews a million chapters ago saying that Yami should move in with Yugi...:smiles: YAY!

I have decided something, and this chapter just reinforced it: I like it when Yugi is dominant. There aren't too many of those...but I like it. I like it a lot. :smiles broadly:

So, on Yugi's side of the spectrum, we have determination and something that looks like happiness when you squint really hard. :squints: But over in Yami's metaphorical pot of gold, we have...angst. But it was kind of like fluffy angst! Because there was fluff! And who doesn't love fluff!

Thank you to all reviewers! I seriously get so excited when I see your reviews! They just all make me so happy!

Please Review.


	26. Chapter 26

_Yami Yami Yami Yami_

Yugi sighed and crumpled up a piece of notebook paper for the third time that morning. It was Tuesday now, and even though Yugi had skipped school the previous night, it didn't mean that he didn't have any assignments. Not wanting to fall behind and having finals only a week away, he had emailed the professors of both of his classes for the day and luckily got responses back. The only problem now was getting the work done; it was proving to be difficult.

As usual, Yugi was trying to catch up on his papers while the store was empty, but he just couldn't concentrate. He had so much to think about; he just couldn't clear his head.

And he knew exactly why.

Even though Yugi was happy that Yami was not only getting out of the hospital soon, but also moving in with him, the student still felt uneasy. He knew that when Yami came to live with him, his smiles wouldn't be real, and any shows of affection that he offered would be distant. It wasn't his fault, and Yugi wasn't angry at Yami for it in any way, but…he wished that things didn't have to be like that.

Sighing, Yugi closed the thick textbook that he was doing research out of. He knew that he wasn't going to go to school with no assignments done, and it wouldn't be worth it anyways. He still couldn't concentrate on anything, even if he was finally granted the ability to count out correct change.

What Yugi wanted to do more than anything was to just be able to sit by Yami's side. Or maybe…maybe what he wanted even more than that, was to have Yami be able to sit by _his_ side.

It must have been a combination of the two.

The time passed too slow for Yugi to possibly count, but finally, after a day that had more customers than usual, Yugi's shift had started to come to a close.

When there were only a few minutes left until the student could leave, a girl about Yugi's age walked into the building. She didn't seem to be a customer, though, and walked right up to the counter, staring. He stared back, trying not to raise an eyebrow or chew his lip, and instead smiled politely, "Can I help you?"

The girl smiled broadly, pulling a local tabloid out of her messenger bag, "Do you know Yami Atemu?"

* * *

Yami was still in bed on Tuesday afternoon; he was staring out the window, wishing that he was out in the courtyard instead of being layered in white crisp sheets. He was given a new gown and green hospital pants, but that was probably only because he had stained them with a good amount of blood. The wound on his side prickled painfully with every movement, but Yami didn't complain because it meant that he was healing. 

The guitarist wondered if his mental anguish was a sign of healing; maybe it was just a punishment for his being weak. He wondered how long it would last…and if it would leave a hole in his heart when it was gone. Maybe Yugi would fill it…or maybe he would just make it bigger, because Yami couldn't give him what he really needed in life. Yami was always the one that needed things.

He could never find anything to give. What _could_ he give? Pain? Sorrow? Fear? Who would want that?

There was a soft knock on the door; Yami didn't bother saying anything because of the fact that if someone wanted to enter, they would, regardless of what he said or wanted. Truth be told, right now Yami just wanted to be alone. He didn't want to see or talk to anyone except for Yugi, but Yami was already told that the student would have to work a full day and then go to class. He said that he would call, and Yami couldn't blame him for having to get used to normal life again, but…he missed him.

Yugi was the only one that didn't make Yami feel alone.

The person entered, and Yami, feeling far too tired and unmotivated to do much of anything, did not turn his head away from the window. He did not speak, or even acknowledge that fact that the person was there, if not for the slight stiffening of his muscles.

"Mr. Atemu, could I speak with you for a moment?"

Yami finally turned his head, having never heard this voice before; it sounded so professional, so authoritative. He blinked and opened his mouth slightly when he saw who was right in front of him: it was a police officer.

* * *

"Do you know Yami Atemu?" 

Yugi couldn't do anything but gawk, his heart racing a million miles an hour. Why was that girl holding a magazine in her hands and asking him about Yami, of all people? What was going on? "Why would you ask?" He inquired slowly, trying not to give anything away. There were just too many people that would hate them for being a couple…too many people that would overreact when they saw…and not enough people that would just leave them alone.

"Oh, you just look so much like him," The girl answered, flipping through the magazine until she came to the desired page; she held it in front of him, pointing to a picture of Yami singing and playing his guitar. Apparently she had no clue that the two were connected, "That's him. Isn't it weird?"

"Umm, yeah…" Yugi answered, unable to force his nerves to calm down. His bottom lip was inbetween his teeth now, and all that he could do was try not to look too guilty. His eyes were glued to the bolded caption in gold letters: _Yami Atemu's Anguish Exposed._

The girl put away her magazine and looked up at Yugi again with sad disappointed eyes, "So you don't know him?"

Yugi paused for a minute, feeling his conscious lock into a crisis. What was he supposed to do? Was he expected to deny the fact that he not only knew Yami, but loved him, too? Wouldn't that hurt their relationship?

But on the other hand, if he slipped and said the wrong thing when the girl pressed him with questions…Yami could be in trouble. What if he told her about their relationship? Or…what if he told her the little that he knew of Yami's past? What would happen then?

"No, I've never heard of him, I'm sorry."

The girl nodded, then turned to leave, "I'm sorry to have bothered you."

As the bell on top of the entrance rang twice, signaling the opening and closing of the door, Yugi fell back on the stool behind the counter and buried his face in his hands, wondering why he didn't have the tears to cry.

After all, he had just realized that he was going to have to hide his very life from everyone. No one would be able to know about him and his alternative lifestyle, just because he was a guy.

It made him feel cold. And empty.

Still not having shed a tear, Yugi stood up and turned off all of the lights to the building before locking the door for the lunch break. His shift was over now, and there was only one location set in his mind: the hospital.

At least there there were at least a few people that could accept him and Yami for what they were…even though there were also a few people that couldn't.

* * *

"Could I speak with you for a moment?" 

Yami's face was rigid; he had completely forgotten. Of course the police were going to speak to him; someone had _died_. Yami had _killed_ someone. They were…they were probably coming to tell Yami that as soon as he got let out of the hospital, they were going to have to take him into custody.

He wasn't going to get to live with Yugi. After everything that Yugi did to make sure that Yami at least had the _chance_ to feel safe and happy, it was all going to be for nothing.

And Yami didn't want to go to jail.

"I…I…" Yami didn't like to stutter, but he couldn't help himself. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say. Was there anything to say at all? Tears started to prickle in the back of his eyes, but he knew that they were never going to fall.

The police officer instantly dropped his professional demeanor, and his face became a lot less rigid as he pulled up a chair and sat down next to the guitarist, "Don't worry, you're not in trouble. I just need to ask you some questions. It's basic procedure."

Yami blinked a couple of times, trying to calm himself down, "What kind of questions?" His voice was quiet; he did not want to talk about this. He did not want to tell this stranger his deepest thoughts; thoughts that not even Yugi knew of. He was afraid of the reaction…from both himself and Yugi.

Taking Yami's response as an affirmative, the officer took a small tape recorder out of his pocket and pressed the record button. He kept the device clenched in his hand, "This is officer Rosland, making a report for the incident on the evening of June 24, 2006. Is it true that you are Mr. Yami Atemu of New York City?"

Yami nodded, then answered in a low voice, "Yes." He didn't like how straightforward this was going to be. What about all of his thoughts, reasons and feelings? Those couldn't be answered in one word, or even one sentence. If he was going to be forced to speak, shouldn't he be given the chance to say it in detail, with all of his story to back it up? Didn't he at least deserve that?

The officer paused, then tried to look Yami straight in the eyes. The guitarist avoided his gaze and looked at the IV in his hand instead; it had been moved slightly closer to his thumb to avoid the new injury. He concentrated on it, but even the sticky shine of the sheen on his hand could not deter him from the question, "Could you describe to me what happened that night? Start from a couple of hours before, if you could."

Yami shook his head and breathed heavily through his nose, "I don't think that I can."

The officer frowned at him, though it wasn't one of annoyance. It was of pity. Yami hated being pitied; he wasn't sure if he deserved it, "I know that this is hard, but we have to make a re-"

"Five months ago," Yami interrupted quietly, "It started five months ago. I couldn't possibly…start…" Yami stopped. He didn't want to do this; he couldn't do this.

He started to get dizzy again, and he felt like he couldn't breathe.

* * *

Yugi walked through the doors of the residential wing of the hospital, holding a rose in his hand; he had stopped at the hospital gift shop before coming up to buy it for Yami, who's room looked so bland and impersonal. Sure, he was only going to be there for a few more days, but Yugi wanted those couple of days to be comfortable. 

As comfortable as they could be.

* * *

"Mr. Atemu?" Yami heard a click; Officer Rosland must have turned off the recorder, but the guitarist couldn't realize it. He was too lost in his head…too lost in the memories. 

"I killed him…it's all my fault," Yami whispered, his mind not controlling his words. He couldn't control anything, could he? "I told him that I hated him and I wanted him to die, and he got so angry…" The guitarist's hand reached his mouth, but he couldn't seem to find the strength to clench his fingers.

Rosland moved closer to Yami, but all that the patient wanted to do was run away. _He didn't mean to, he didn't mean to, he didn't mean to_; How could Yami have taken a life? How were the people that Ryan associated with affected? What about them? What about all of the lives that he had ruined by just taking away one that might have deserved it?

"Did…Mr. Atemu, did you pull the trigger?" His voice sounded urgent, as if he really didn't know. How could he of? He wasn't there. No one was there. No one except for Yugi.

"No, no I didn't, but I might as well of, I wanted it so bad…I didn't want him to live…I didn't want him to hurt me anymore…" Yami didn't want to tell this man anything; he didn't want him to know what had happened to him, or how the only reason that he got into the band at all was because of how he looked…he was so shallow…such a whore…

"What did he do to you?"

* * *

Finding the correct hall almost immediately, Yugi started down it, trying to put a little of a spring in his step. It proved difficult, as he was still reeling from the girl that spoke to him at Cumberland Farms, but he tried anyway. Yugi thought that he was overreacting. Sure, there was an entire article about it in a tabloid, but really, how many people could believe those? How many would even read them? Right? 

He stopped dead when the student saw a familiar face blocking Yami's door. It was Margaret, and she looked grave. All of Yugi's attempts at a smile blew away and he started walking again, his pace uneven and rigid.

Smiling only slightly at the rose still clenched in Yugi's hand, Dr. Margaret shook her head, "I'm sorry, but you can't see him right now."

Yugi blinked, his lips slightly parted in a frown, "Why? What's wrong?"

The woman held up her hands in a gesture of defense, "Calm down, nothing's wrong with him, his stats are getting better every day. A member of the police department is just talking with him right now. He'll be out in a minute."

"B-but," Yugi stuttered, trying to convey his feelings and opinions about this into words and failing, "But what if he…he's like that…doctor?"

She shook her head, smiling a little broader this time. Yugi didn't understand, and felt his shoulders harden a little in frustration. It created a ball in his chest, "It's okay," She said again, "Officer Rosland is my husband. I've asked him to take the case."

* * *

Yami only shook his head at Officer Rosland's query. He couldn't say it. He could not tell this man what had happened to him; he'd surely ask why, and Yami did not want to tell him that. He didn't want to tell him how he got where he was in life. 

…But where was he? In the end, he was stuck in a hospital, weak and helpless; where he belonged. If the guitarist was just a little bit stronger; if he could have just held on to his loneliness and realized that it wasn't going to last forever, then maybe things would have stopped long ago. But now it never would. It was too late.

"Will you tell me?" The man asked again. He had no idea how hard this was for Yami, and even though the guitarist knew that it wasn't his fault, he just wished that he would go away and leave him alone. He didn't know anything; he probably didn't even _deserve_ to know anything. Yami wanted everyone to just leave him alone; where he was _before_ he met Ryan. Where he was when he wasn't happy, but he wasn't in pain, either.

"He raped me," Yami finally said, unable to take it anymore. He would always be unhappy. He would always be alone, and he would always be in pain. If the whole world wanted to know…then let them know. "He raped me for five months…so I killed him."

* * *

"Husband?" Yugi asked, feeling like this was some sort of bad joke; then again, if this Officer Rosland was anywhere near as nice of a person as Margaret…then maybe it wasn't so bad after all. 

"Yes," The doctor replied, "I thought that you two have been through enough, and judging by past experiences, I didn't want to take the chance of hurting either of you again. My husband specializes in these kind of cases, but I'm not sure that he's seen anything _this_ extreme. But I'm sure that he can handle it."

Yugi nodded, wishing that there was some way that he could repay her; he couldn't give her anything that didn't have some sort of string or ragged edge attached. That was just the way his life worked. "Thank you so much…it means a lot. I was afraid that someone would confront Yami on this…and make him feel even worse."

Before Margaret had time to even think of a response, the door to the hospital room slid open and a man in uniform with hazel eyes and a smooth face emerged. Yugi was disturbed to see that he did not look happy.

"Excuse me," Margaret said politely, stepping aside with her husband; her voice lowered quite a few decibels, but as Yugi stepped back to give them some space, he could still hear her every word, "Is there any case against him?"

Officer Rosland shook his head, but still, he did not look pleased, "No, there's nothing at all. This one will end up dropped, because Mr. Atemu did not do anything."

Dr. Margaret took her husband's hand, frowning with an uncharacteristic amount of sadness in her eyes, "Then why do you look so upset?"

There was a pause before he answered, his tone heavy and glum, "Because he thinks he did. He thinks he killed the rapist."

But Yugi did not hear the final exchange of the conversation. He was already inside of Yami's room, whether he was supposed to be or not.

* * *

Yami told him; he had told a complete stranger of his secret…his sin. And now there was no going back. Even if he didn't pull the trigger, it didn't matter; he wanted it. He wanted Ryan to die, and to burn in the deepest pits of Hell. 

For something that Yami did.

Yami wanted to be famous. He wanted to prove his parents wrong and fulfill this dream…and he would have done _anything_ to get there. He did. He paid for it all, in the worst way imaginable.

"Yami," The guitarist looked up as his name was called, and quickly, instinctively, he wiped his eyes of any traces of tears or perspiration. As he was pulling his hands away from his face, the fingernail of his thumb grazed the injury and stitches one of his wounds; he flinched. "Yami?" It was Yugi; Yugi always came to save him when he was down. Maybe one day the guitarist would be able to keep himself up for once.

"Yugi." That was all that Yami said; he barely even acknowledged the fact that the smaller was there. Yet that didn't stop Yugi; he came right over to him, and, ignoring the chair, sat on the bed.

"Are you alright?"

Yami didn't answer; he didn't want to lie, but he felt like that's the only thing that he was living. For over _five months_ he had lied to everyone; and he's known Yugi for about two. Since then, how many times has he told the smaller the complete truth? The only time that Yami could recall was when he spoke of his parents and why he came to America. And what had happened then? He almost completely broken down.

"Don't worry," Yugi said softly, wiping what Yami had missed off of his face; he completely missed his injury, "You don't have to talk, but I'm here to listen. I'll always be here; promise."

Yami nodded. No one was ever this kind to him, even from the beginning. Yugi was the only one who really seemed to care. Yami was always able to talk to him, while the other was always willing to listen. And even when they had first met, Yugi was the first one to say something nice. He was the first one that was able to give Yami real confidence in too long a time. Yugi deserved the truth, even if he didn't in so many other ways.

* * *

"He raped me," Yami said dully, obviously trying not to put the emotion in his heart into his words, "For five months, he beat me and raped me and told me that I was a whore. And it was…all too much." 

Yugi's blood stopped flowing in his veins and his skin went cold when he heard the tone of voice that Yami was using. It sounded so _wrong_. After all of this time; after all of the lies and excuses, Yami was finally opening up. Yet it wasn't worth it to Yugi. What was the point in learning all of this information that he already knew, if it wasn't really Yami that was telling it to him? If it wasn't helping him to heal or to understand, then the only thing that this confession was doing was creating more of a problem; more tears, more sadness, more pain.

But Yugi didn't dare interrupt Yami, he would never do that, not when the words seemed important to _him_, at least.

"I wanted to tell you," Yami continued in that bland voice, "I really did, but…I was so _afraid_ that you'd leave me like everyone else did."

Yugi couldn't help it; he had to ask, "Who left you?" He thought that he already knew, but there was so much more to it than that.

Yami sniffed; his head started to fidget very subtly, as if he was shaking, "My parents…I was so _hurt_ when they told me not to come back until I had made it, and I was _so close_; I was afraid that if I told you what was happening, then someone else would find out, and I would lose it all." And finally, Yami's voice started to crack with emotion, "But I'm going…going to anyway, aren't I?"

"No," Yugi said strongly, turning around so he could sit right in the crook of Yami's arm. He grabbed his fingers and wouldn't let go, "You are not going to lose what you worked so hard for; it's all going to come back to you, and you're going to end up making it and showing your parents that you did it." He paused, realizing that he might have been sounding a little harsh, "They still love you, Yami. They probably miss you as much as you miss them."

"What if they don't?" Yami asked, "What if everything was just some ploy to send me away forever?"

Yugi blinked and moved a little closer to the guitarist, "Don't say that. It's not true, and even if it was, there are still people that love you. I love you."

"I know," Yami said, his voice almost to the point of whispering, "That's why I was so afraid to expose myself; I couldn't stand the thought of losing you."

Yugi squeezed Yami's fingers again, thinking. Yami was so…distrusting of people, it was like everyone that he encountered found some reason or another to dislike him. Yugi was willing to bet that the other members of Sennen Rage cold shouldered him all of the time…and his manager. Who knew what his manager did to him to make him feel to unwanted…

"Ryan," Yami said, settling back into his pillows; his eyes were glazed, as if a medication was just starting to kick in, "That was…him. The man who…" He faded, the breath coming out of his mouth turning into the long deep breaths of slumber. Then he was gone, and Yugi knew that it was a good sleep; not a rest plagued by nightmares.

The student kissed his boyfriend softly on the side of the head and snuggled closer to the warmth of the other's body. He wouldn't leave now, even if he was planning to. Before closing his own eyes, he saw the rose that he bought lying discarded on the vacant chair near the bed. The only thing that could make this room personal was an actual person. That person was Yugi.

Before fading off to soft black, Yugi saw one more thing appear in his mind's eye: it was a flyer, for a club named _The Curse_, and band named Sennen Rage, who's manager was called Ryan.

It clicked, and Yugi knew, but right then it didn't matter. Now was not the time for such thoughts, not when Yami already had so many of his own. What was done was done, and the only person that would ever really know was the person that was lying right next to Yugi, struggling to recover, and to make everything right again. And even he…would never really know.

Across the room, peeking into the opening of the space, a woman with red hair and a kind face smiled softly. She closed the door as she left, and walked down the hall with her husband, both of them wondering if things would ever really be okay for them like they both hoped.

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: Damn it! I turned Yami into a wuss:pissed off: Look what I reduced my fanbase into:hugs Yami: Don't worry, I'll make you better someday:cries: 

I tried to make this chapter really climactic and important, but I couldn't, though it wasn't from lack of trying. What happened here should have been really important, but I feel like I came up short. :sighs: I did try to add in some suspense, but that probably didn't work either. :shakes head:

About Officer Rosland and Margaret: Umm...yeah, that came out of nowhere, but I thought that it was a nice...thing. It was a little tiny break from the unending angst (because at least _some_ people are happy in this story), and it's going to smooth out a little of the plot in upcoming chapters. (By the way, there are 31...wow...this fic is huge..._and_ a sequel? I must be out of my mind)

Note: I hate to say it here in the author's notes, but I didn't want to add any more to this chapter. Please realize that while Yami told Yugi what had happened and who had did it, he did not say one major thing/thought to Yugi, so Yugi could not be shocked by it, and he could not deny it. It is very important. Please remember, and keep it in mind so you aren't floored later in the story.

:sighs: More notes about the actual chapter: I think that this ended up a little slower than I intended, but then when I thought about it this chapter was really important for upcoming points in both this fic _and_ the sequel, because I have written an outline for it. Yes, I have written an outline for the sequel. I am mildly proud. :shrugs:

:throws confetti: I have broken 400 reviews! And all of you reviewers helped:hugs reviewers: That makes me so happy:happy:giddy: Thank you so much!

Please Review.


	27. Chapter 27

_Yugi did his best to exit Yami's hospital room as quietly as possible, but every step that he took seemed to get louder and louder. He didn't know what time it was, but it had to have been late; the moon's pale light was shining through the window of the dorm. Sleep had eluded him for hours; he didn't realize how tired he was. He wondered why he was even allowed to stay past visiting hours, but then realized that Margaret or her husband must have had something to do with it. It made him happy to know that the two boys weren't alone in all of this, and that not everyone was going to force themselves on them._

The student turned around quickly when he heard rustling behind him, and was just able to make out the faint line of drowsy crimson eyes in the darkness, "Yugi?" 

Said Yugi sighed a little, but it wasn't loud enough for Yami to hear, "I'm sorry Yami, but I have to go home. I'll come back tomorrow, okay? After work?"

There was a long pause; he could see the guitarist shaking his head in disagreement, "Don't you have school?" Yugi didn't even have a chance to answer before Yami continued, his voice stronger than before, "Please don't keep missing important things just to see me, Yugi. You'll regret it later if you don't graduate."

"Yami…" Yugi said, trying to figure out what he wanted to say. It wasn't like skipping a few days of school was going to put him in danger of failing; he was a pretty good student. Something else was itching to be put out in the open, though, and Yugi took the latter opportunity instead, "Yami, you are important to me; I like coming to see you and spending time with you. Don't worry about it."

"No," Yami said, "Yugi, I see how distracted you are; you have responsibilities, and I'm not one of them. I'll be getting out of here in a few days, and we can spend more time together then." He paused again; it was a little strained, "I…I can last a day alone, alright?"

Yugi knew that he wasn't going to win this battle; it didn't matter that Yami was probably feeling the multiple side-affects of drugs. He wondered where this strength and stubbornness was coming from. Maybe it meant that the guitarist was finally feeling better, "Okay Yami," Yugi said, "But I'll call you after I get home from my classes. It should be about eight or so. Is that okay?"

"It's fine," Yami said, already closing his eyes a little, "And…you're coming on Thursday, right?" He sounded almost doubtful about something; Yugi just hoped that his own drowsiness was affecting the way that the other sounded.

"I'm taking the day off of work; it was already cleared for me," Yugi said, grateful that his boss was still being so kind; then again, they were his personal days, "Get some rest, Yami. I love you."

* * *

Yugi sighed as the memory was brought back to him; he was behind the counter of Cumberland Farms on Wednesday morning, feeling more rested than he had in a while. But because of that, his mind was more aware; his thoughts were clearer than they had been as of late.

And all of those thoughts were focused on one thing: Yami's rapist.

The previous night, when Yami had told him that the person's name was Ryan, it didn't seem to click. Yugi was tired, and was feeling _so bad_ for Yami that he didn't want to bring it up at all. It was safer for them to just sleep in each other's arms.

But now…there was nothing else that Yugi could concentrate on.

He couldn't get the fact out of his head that Yami had to go through every day knowing that right next to him there was a man who lied to everyone just so that he could inflict pain on him. To know that if he made just _one_ mistake, then he'd have to pay dearly for it. And Yami had managed to keep it a secret for so long. Too long.

The things that Ryan must have told him; that he wasn't a good guitarist, that he was only in the band because of what he could do for Ryan…That wasn't what Yami wanted, it wasn't even close. Yami wanted to make it big in his profession, and amaze millions of people with the things that came out of his heart. Most of all, though, he just wanted to amaze his parents and prove to them, as well as to himself, that he could do anything.

Now Yami was going to have a hard time doing anything…especially proving to himself that he was better than that, and that he could get over it.

But what could Yugi do to help? In respect to Yami's feelings, the previous night he hadn't pressed the issue. Because of that, he had lost his chance. He couldn't bring it up again, not without making Yami feel worse than he already was.

He could hope that it would just blow over, but there was no chance of that. Things anchored in people's minds don't just blow away like dust in the wind.

They just don't.

* * *

Yami flipped through channels of the TV in his room with no aim whatsoever. He wasn't used to watching cable, and didn't really even have the will for it at this point. There were too many people in these sitcoms and dramas that just blew off all of their problems and made mistakes that were instantly forgiven.

Why couldn't Yami's mistakes be forgiven? Why was he going to have to live with his past for the rest of his life?

Yami's life wasn't a television show. It wasn't a romance novel, where things got happy at the end just because. Maybe things would end up getting better for Yami, but he wasn't going to bring down everyone else just so that he could climb back up the cliff that he was pushed off of. 

Sure, he had told Yugi so many hours ago that he didn't want him to keep missing school, and that was true, but…it wasn't what Yami wanted. The guitarist wished that Yugi was there with him right now, dropping everything else that mattered, and sitting with his hands entwined with Yami's own. That was what he wanted, because it made him feel important…and wanted…and loved.

Yami needed Yugi because he made the pain just a little bit less. He made Yami feel like he had a purpose in this world. But at the same time, Yugi did not need Yami. The smaller boy was just there because he wanted to be, like he had said the previous night. Yet what would happen when Yugi lost interest, or when he found something that had a better hold of his attention? Would he leave?

Would Yami be left alone again?

That was most of the real reason why Yami didn't want Yugi to spend so much time with him. It wasn't that he didn't like Yugi's company, he just didn't want to lose it for good. 

Sighing a little and turning off the television set, Yami turned his head back to the clear window. The weather was a little better than it had been the last couple of days, and sun could be seen filtering through the thin clouds overhead. A glass of water sat on Yami's bedside table, yet he had only taken a few sips. He was feeling better, he supposed, like he could get up and walk around a little bit, but the doctors said to wait until he was going to go home with Yugi. He needed to save his strength.

The gunshot wound on the guitarist's side was actually starting to scab over, which was a very big deal inside of Yami's fuzzy mind because of the amount of fear that he had when the injury on his collar bone took just as long to do the same thing. His body was finally starting to get a little better.

The doctors had taken out his stitches, too, but they wouldn't give Yami a straight answer when he asked if he was going to have a scar. He hadn't seen Margaret for a while, either. Even though she liked him, Yami knew that there were other patients with more serious injuries that she had to tend to. But still…it hurt a little.

The guitarist was also given a small amount of food from the cafeteria. It made him feel sick a little while after he had consumed it, but he was able to keep it down with no problem. He was lucky that the issue was found out before it got to the point where it couldn't be fixed.

Well…one of his issues, anyways.

"Yami Atemu?"

Yami snapped his head away from the lit window and blinked when he saw who was there to see him, "Mr. Finnid."

It was his record manager.

The man nodded; he looked a little odd in casual clothing, but then again, he looked odd anyway, standing in the doorway to the guitarist's room, "Yes. Could I come in?" 

Yami did his best to sit up; he hoped that it wasn't obvious that he winced, "Of course." He tried to hide the fear in his voice; he wanted to know why Finnid was there, but hoped that it was good news rather than bad. He had no clue what to expect. 

Yami's manager entered the room, holding what looked like a magazine behind his back. The guitarist looked at the man's ear; he did not want to see what was hidden in his eyes. Sitting down, Finnid smiled, "So, how are you feeling?"

Yami shrugged, "Better." He lied; he didn't want to get into the matter with this man. He couldn't even remember if he was there to see what had happened.

The manager nodded, "When are you being released?"

"Tomorrow." The small talk was making Yami uncomfortable. It made him feel like something else was dying to be said. The nature of the news could swing one of two ways; one way would make everything seem to be worth it. The other…would make everything worse, to the point of no return.

"That's good; the hospital doesn't suit you," Finnid continued, talking as if there was nothing wrong at all, as if he didn't see the thoughts that were blazing in his guitarist's head, "Do you-" 

"Mr. Finnid," Yami interrupted, his breathing rapid, "I don't mean to be rude, but…why are you here?" The singer looked into the man's eyes, trying to figure out something, _anything_. But all that he saw was murky water. 

The man sighed and pulled the sheaf of papers out from behind his back. It was a magazine, and was opened and folded to a page brandishing a picture of Yami himself. The caption, _Yami Atemu's Anguish Exposed_, jumped out at him in big bold letters. His mouth went dry, "Yami," Finnid began, "I don't want to come right out and say this, especially not after all that's happened, but…"

Yami blinked, wishing that he were dreaming, or gone…or dead. This was not happening, Finnid was not going to say what Yami knew was going to come next. It wasn't going to happen. It wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't.

"Too many rumors are flying around, and Strike Records does not have the stability to deal with the magnitude of what has happened, at least not at this time. So for now, and perhaps indefinitely, Sennen Rage will not be produced by our company."

The room went cold, yet through everything, Yami thought that he heard something as Finnid got up, probably not able to deal with the expression on the other's face, and walked slowly out of the room, leaving the tabloid on the chair.

"I'm sorry."

* * *

Stepping out of his car that night, Yugi smiled a little at the fact that his school year was almost over. He had picked a college that got out very late in the Spring, but he didn't mind at all. Yugi had always liked school, even if he didn't exactly know why. Finals were next week, and Thursday was Yugi's last day of classes. What was even better was that he only had one, so he could come home and spend more time with Yami, just like the two of them wanted.

Friday night was going to be the night that everyone at his school celebrated the end of the year and consequentially got wasted, with Monday being clean-out for everyone that boarded. Neither of those things had anything to do with Yugi at all; it made his small smile even greater.

He was at the door, and wasn't expecting this voice to come floating out of the early night air, "Yugi."

The student froze, truly thinking that he was hallucinating. He had never expected to hear this voice again. There was breathing down the steps; it was true. "A-anzu?" He turned around.

It was her.

She nodded, wringing her hands as if she was nervous, "Yeah, I…I just wanted to-to talk to you." She stopped. Yugi didn't even start, one line defeating all of the others and claiming every ounce of his attention.

_Anzu, do you still care about me?_

All that he could do was gape. This was not happening. Anzu couldn't be back. She was gone, she left. She left, and wasn't going to try to come back into Yugi's life. She couldn't, too much had changed in such a short time. He couldn't fit her back into his life. There was just no way.

The student didn't even speak; he just stood and watched.

"I wanted to apologize," Anzu said slowly and softly, doing her best to look into Yugi's blank eyes as she walked up the stairs to meet him, "I did a lot of things that weren't fair to you, and I'm sorry."

The other still couldn't think of anything to say; he wasn't sure if he forgave her, but…there was still one thing that he knew with all of his heart. He said it, not caring what came out of it; he refused to let her hurt him anymore, "Things can't go back to the way that they were, Anzu. I'm sorry." He really was sorry about that, but he wasn't going to do anything about it. Not anymore.

There was nothing left to salvage out of their faded and broken relationship. There was no way to try.

The girl's blue eyes blinked, "I know," She said sadly; she really did look remorseful, "But I still wanted to…apologize."

"We both did dumb things," Yugi said, realizing that maybe he wasn't fair to her all of the time, either, "In the end…it just wasn't meant to work out." She nodded, agreeing to Yugi's statement; something that hadn't happened in a while. There was another pause, in which Yugi looked at his hand that was still resting on the doorknob, "Do…do you want to come in?"

Anzu shook her head, "No, I don't have much time, I have a date with Jeremy tonight." 

Yugi nodded, grinning politely, "I'm glad." 

"How…how are things…with Yami?" Anzu asked, blushing a little in the dim light of the outside light; it was obvious that she was regretting the things that she had said and did, "Are you two still…friends?"

The smile gone from Yugi's face, the boy nodded. He had to say it, he had to be honest with her, because that was the thing that was most responsible for their failed relationship, "He's moving in tomorrow." 

Still, even though Yugi wanted to be honest with the brunette, he could not tell her everything; that was Yami's business, and Yami's business alone to share with who he wanted to. Yugi had no weight in the decision…at least he didn't think that he did.

Anzu looked shocked, but at the same time, she didn't look too angry. At the most, she was a little hurt, "Oh. So you two are…?" 

"Dating, yes."

There was a large hesitation from the girl, and Yugi half-expected her to just get into her car and leave. But she didn't. Instead, a small smile glowed from her lips, "I guess…that things worked out for both of us in the end, huh."

"Yeah," Yugi agreed.

The other took a very small step forward; a deep preparing breath was obvious, "Yugi, I haven't drunken since…that night. Yami had said something to me as he was leaving The Curse; he said that you shouldn't have had to deal with my problems, and he was right. I'm sorry."

Yugi only nodded, smiling inside at the thought of his boyfriend, but then frowning on the outside. He wondered if Yami would ever be able to handle a confrontation like that again. 

"He cares about you a lot, and I'm glad for that." 

Silence.

_Do you still care about me?_

She turned around to leave, all of her thoughts and words extinguished. Anzu held herself a little higher, a little happier, because her conscience was now cleared, and she could go on with living her life. 

"What about you, Anzu?" Yugi called after her, letting go of the door and following her down the steps, "Do _you_?"

Anzu stopped, then turned around to face Yugi, remembering the same conversation that he was, "…Yes." She said, and Yugi blinked, not expecting it, "Not in the same way that Yami does, but I do. It took me a long time to figure that out, Yugi. I do care about you."

"…I…I care about you, too, Anzu." Yugi said, "I wish you the best of luck with Jeremy."

She smiled and nodded. Then she walked away, and Yugi knew that he would never see that girl again. And even though it made him a little sad, he didn't mind too much. That long chapter of his life was finally over, and Yugi knew that he could now deal with the things that she helped him with on his own now.

Anzu never knew about his father or mother, but she still helped, just because she was there.

Yugi turned around again and walked inside of his apartment, going directly to the phone to call Yami and to tell him what had just happened.

Things were looking up.

* * *

The phone rang. Yami listened to it, and listened to it, and listened to it. He felt like he had been in this exact position before; where someone was calling him, but he just _couldn't_ answer the phone. It hurt.

He knew that it was Yugi calling. He knew that Yugi was going to ask him about his day and if he felt lonely at all, and then he would say that he missed Yami while he was at school. Maybe he'd tell him a cute story about something that had happened during the day.

Yami couldn't deal with that…not with the tabloid that was still open in his lap. It was a lie; everything was a lie. No one knew anything, they didn't know why, or how.

But so much of it ended up being the right information. It made Yami feel so sick; he got so dizzy when he read on paper that Ryan abused him for months. When he saw that they knew that Ryan was dead and that he shot himself… 

When he realized that so many other people were going to read this, too. Yami's secret was no longer safe…Yami was no longer safe. His dream was in ruins, and he'd never release a CD. He'd never play music in a band again, because he would play with no one other than Sennen Rage. That was his first. That was his last.

Zach and Jullian had to have known by now. They were also without jobs…without a band. And they probably also knew why Yami was in this hospital, and why they were suddenly without a record deal. It was so obvious. It was right in front of their faces, but they never knew the truth.

They never wanted to know, and they never cared. Now it was too late, and their anger and hatred for Yami just might have gotten worse. He ruined everything because he just couldn't hold on anymore. He ruined everything because he killed someone, and everyone found out.

He ruined everything for everyone…including Yugi.

He wished that the smaller was there in that bed with him again, holding him as he slept. It felt so safe, so unlike how Yami felt now. He wanted Yugi there, because Yugi never pushed him for information, and Yami would be able to tell Yugi everything in his own time, and then heal from it, once Yugi told him that he didn't mind at all.

But this time…Yami just wasn't sure if Yugi would be able to forgive him for his mistake. After all…he had just lost his dream.

What kind of person lost their dream after they worked so hard for it? What kind of person could mess up so badly? Yami had made the biggest mistake of all, because he had ultimately ruined a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. He'd never see his family again, and he'd never get to sing the songs that came straight from his heart.

A tear leaked out of Yami's eye, burning the healing flesh on his face all the down to the crack that tainted his mouth. He leaned back on his bed and hugged his arms to his chest, wishing that he could bring himself the same warmth and comfort that Yugi could.

But he couldn't, and all that Yami could think about were the words that were spoken to him when his world crumbled around him for good.

_Sennen Rage will not be produced by our company._

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: Umm...:points to a far desolate corner of the globe: I'm going to go over here for a minute...:nods:

:runs away:

:randomly singing the themesong to Gravitation: I recommend this. I really do. All of them.

Anzu. That part was terrible and I wish that I could have just left it out, but the fic would not have been the same without it. Think about it...Yugi's life, nor the story, would have been complete without them coming to terms. I needed that. :bashes Anzu with a pan because she loves Yami: But I still don't like her.

...Do I really have that many typos? People have been telling me that a lot lately, and I find that weird because I do proofread. :shrugs: I'll try to get better, but I'm too stubborn to get a beta. I guess that I'll just have to proofread...more. :shrugs: Okie.

:smiles: This fic, without author's notes or anything, is now over a megabyte! That's _huge_. :smiles:

I love reviewers. I really do, every single one of you. And if I had the money or the resources, you would all be getting fruit-baskets. :hands out metaphorical fruit-baskets with hand-made Thank You cards on them:

Please Review.


	28. Chapter 28

"Hi Yami," Yugi greeted, opening the door of Yami's hospital room for hopefully the last time. It was early Thursday morning, and the student had just arrived to the guitarist's dorm to take him home. To _their_ home.

He peered almost excitedly at the other, happy to see him waiting in a chair instead of the white bed. There was a thick cotton bandage where the IV used to be, and it was obvious that another dressing was covering Yami's gunshot wound under his tank top. He looked tired, as if he didn't sleep well the previous night. Yugi guessed that he was just a little nervous.

After all, when Yugi had called before Yami hadn't picked up, so he must have been sleeping. He had a lot to rest up for.

"Morning, Yugi," Yami said quietly, blinking his ruby eyes slowly. Overall, he did look better; a little healthier. But still…there was something wrong that Yugi just couldn't put his finger on. He decided to just let it go.

Yugi smiled back, then took another glance at what the other was wearing; a pair of fitted jeans that looked just a little bit too loose on him and a black tank top. Yami chuckled softly at his gaze, something that Yugi was glad he could still do, and cocked his head towards a suitcase, backpack, and acoustic guitar near the door.

His small smile didn't manage to last, though, and Yami's eyes got that faraway look again, "Officer Rosland…he offered to go pick up some of my things…from…"

He stopped, and looked away. Yugi's heart rate picked up. More than anything, he wished that this could all just go away. He wished that the painful memories of the past months would simply fade with the bruises and injuries, but that wasn't how it was going to work, was it?

And even then, if Yami's wounds ever did heal, then there would still be the scars that would stay with Yami until the day that he died. Even after, they'd still remain.

Yugi walked over to Yami as calmly as possible and knelt down beside him. He wasn't sure what to say…after all, he'd said it all before. Yami just wasn't getting it…he couldn't understand that he didn't do anything wrong, and that it was all over now. Then again, Yugi wasn't really expecting him to. He wasn't expecting it at all.

Yugi still hurt.

"Yami," He said softly, placing a gentle hand on the other's thin shoulder, "It's all over now…it's okay to just put it all behind you. I know that you won't be able to forget what happened, but still…it doesn't have to influence the rest of your life. Things are going to be different, I promise."

Yami didn't answer, at least, not with words. He only looked at Yugi best he could, then leaned over and pulled him into a tender hug. He breathed deeply into the smaller's shoulder, calming down, and Yugi closed his eyes, breathing in Yami's spicy scent. He hadn't been embraced by Yami for a long time, and even though the intent was different in almost every possible way, it still felt good to be in the gentle arms of someone warm and caring.

Slowly but surely the guitarist started to calm down, and Yugi leaned back, studying Yami intently. He placed a kiss on his forehead and stood up, reaching for the guitarist's hand. It was time to go home.

* * *

Officer Rosland of the New York City police department was very close to one of the empty dressing rooms of the popular nightclub _The Curse_; the one that had changed so many people's lives for the worst. Ducking underneath the yellow tape that barricaded the door, he made his way inside, wincing from the smell of dried blood and bacteria that instantly hit his nose. 

His one goal was to get Yami Atemu's guitar. He had taking an instant liking to the kid and his boyfriend, despite the irregularity of their relationship. He wanted to help the young man with the immense guilt that he was feeling, but sadly, the only person that could do that was the guitarist himself.

Still, though, Rosland wanted to help, so he thought that he'd come by and grab his instruments, along with clothes and some other belongings that were taking residence in his apartment.

…And he thought that the apartment was bad; the dressing room was covered in blood. The pale carpets were stained a metallic crimson, along with a portion of one of the white walls. A small bullet hole tore through the drywall; it was obvious for anyone to see.

Other older, faded stains were scattered amongst the room, too. Rosland suddenly felt a large amount of pity for the two boys, even more than he did before. How long was the guitarist being abused for before anyone found out? _Did_ anyone actually find out? Or was it all too late?

Turning his head away from the ugly stains and blinking, the police officer found Yami's guitar case and picked it up, then headed to the door. The smell of blood was making him dizzy, even though it had never seemed to affect him before.

Then again, a lot of things happened in that room that he had never seen before.

* * *

Yugi glanced over at Yami for what seemed like the hundredth time. The two of them were in Yugi's car, waiting for a stop light to give them grant to the road. Yami's suitcase, guitar, and bag were in the back seat, put there by Dr. Margaret, who was still willing to help even though it had nothing to do the guitarist's health. She wished them luck and waved as Yugi pulled out of the lot.

The light turned green, and Yugi drove through the intersection, once again chancing a look at Yami; he had barely said a word all morning. It seemed a little odd that he wasn't speaking, one would be glad that they got out of the hospital. There just…seemed to be something wrong. Something else.

A lot of terrible things had happened to Yami; he had to remember and realize things that didn't happen everyday to everyone. And even though it would take a long time for Yami to accept it and move on, Yugi thought that he'd at least talk a little…Or even _smile_. He wondered what was wrong.

"Yugi." Yami's deep voice cut through the silence, startling the driver out of his deep thoughts. He looked over to the guitarist, but Yami was looking out of the window. It was like he was talking more to himself than to the other, "Mr. Finnid came to see me yesterday."

Yugi blinked, wondering what this was all about. He hoped that nothing bad had happened, "Really?" He turned back to the road, not wanting to cause an accident, "That was nice. How long did he stay?"

There was silence, and Yugi's hands tightened on the steering wheel in a nervous response. The car slowed down, matching Yugi's quiet voice, "Yami?" There was no response; Yugi spoke a little louder, "Yami?"

Once again Yami didn't say anything. Yugi abandoned all attention towards the road and stared intently at the other, who's shoulders had stiffened a considerable amount. Yugi's heart seemed to beat as fast as his voice rose, "Yami? Yami, say something." He was getting worried. 

Yami still wouldn't talk, though, and Yugi, under a fit of panic, pulled over to the side of the road. The guitarist had just gotten out of the hospital after a major upset; what if something was wrong that the doctors didn't catch? What if something new had just surfaced?

Carelessly putting the car into Park, Yugi turned and leaned over the seat divider, trying to look into Yami's face, "Yami, what's wrong?"

Finally, the guitarist responded by shaking his head a little, "I'm fine. Please…just keep driving." His voice was calm, but Yugi knew not to be fooled. Yami was hurting about something, and one look into his eyes would tell the student exactly that.

But at the same time, what could he do? Yugi didn't want to push Yami into anything; he didn't seem to be in the frame of mind where it could be taken in stride. The student remembered happened the last time Yugi tried to push him too far…that was when everything went over the top and down lower than either of them could imagine.

So, not knowing what else to do, Yugi pulled back out into traffic and gave most of his attention to the road. A small part was still on Yami; his thoughts were always on Yami.

Ten minutes later the two were almost back to Yugi's apartment, soon to be _their_ apartment. Neither of them had spoken, but that was only because neither of them knew what words to voice. When they passed Cumberland Farms, though, only a few blocks away from Yugi's apartment, Yami spoke up in a smaller voice than Yugi had ever heard him use.

"He…told me that the record company wasn't going to produce our band." 

Yugi parallel parked as the last couple of words were uttered, but…for some reason, he just _couldn't_ bring himself to be surprised. After everything that had happened, including the young woman with the tabloid…Yugi couldn't even blame the man. As sorry for he was for Yami…he just couldn't.

"Yami," Yugi sighed soundlessly, turning back to the guitarist who was still looking out of the window, staring at what was most likely nothing at all, "I…I'm sorry."

"No," Yami said heavily, opening the door and getting out as if his pain was holding him back, "Don't be sorry, you didn't do anything wrong. I…I don't care, really. I just…thought that I'd tell you." 

"Yami-"

"No." He saw the other bowing his head as he spoke, "Please, just…forget it. I don't want to talk about it. Really."

The only thing that Yugi could think about as the guitarist opened the back door and took his things was that he was lying. Of course he cared. Of course he wanted to talk about it, and of course he wasn't going to forget it. Yami was crushed, and he didn't know what to do about it.

"Are you coming?" Yami asked with a small smile through the window of the vehicle. "And…" He hesitated, then leaned forward into the car very slowly to give Yugi a soft kiss with his own soft smooth lips. The smaller felt a little more pressure on the uninjured side of Yami's lips than the other, "I just wanted to thank you again…for everything."

"It's no problem, Yami. I'm really glad that you're here."

Yami smiled at him with that sweet smile again before continuing up towards the door. Yugi got out of the car and followed, wondering whether smiling or frowning was the right thing to do.

Maybe the right thing to do…was nothing. Maybe there was nothing that either of them could do about it, and they'd have to trust the world around them to make everything alright in the end. After all, it was time for the world to pay them back for everything that had gone wrong before.

* * *

Yami stood inside of Yugi's room, helping to empty his suitcase into one side of their closet. Their wardrobes looked similar, but Yami's clothes were just slightly bigger and were a little more extravagant than the other's. It almost made him smile.

Yami looked at the bed behind him as the last of his shirts were hung on the rack, "…Yugi…are-are we going to be sharing a bed?" Yami didn't know why he sounded so awkward when he said that. It was just that he hadn't ever shared a bed with anyone before, and because of…what had happened…he wasn't sure what would result from it.

What if the nightmares started again when they brushed shoulders in their sleep? What if Yami couldn't get out of it and ended up hurting Yugi? His worries at this point were overpowering his wants, because for the moment, Yami didn't want to be alone…especially when he slept.

"Do you want to?" Yugi asked, looking up from his examination of Yami's clothes. His tone was nonchalant, but Yugi could see the hidden worry and curiosity in his amethyst eyes.

"Well-" Yami was spared the trouble of answering by the reverberations of the doorbell around the room. He mentally sighed, realizing that he didn't know what his answer was going to be. He _wanted_ to, he was sure of that, but at the same time, he was _afraid_.

"Hold on," The business student said, turning around and closing the closet doors at the same time, "I'll be back in a minute." 

Yami took a shuddering breath and collapsed onto the clean bed as Yugi left the room; he sunk a little into the mattress, then winced when the injury on his side was pulled on. Yugi was being so kind to him; he always had been. But how would he be treated when he finally came face to face with Zach and Jullian again? Would they blame him for what had happened, or would they support him and let him move on with them?

He really didn't know, because while he _wanted_ to believe that he'd be accepted into the group and treated better than before, he just wasn't sure. That record deal belonged to Zach and Jullian just as much as it belonged to him. They must have felt so cheated and wronged because of the sudden loss of their jobs; they couldn't even play at the club anymore because of him.

…Would they just dump him and get a new singer? Wasn't that all that he was worth to them? The two boys didn't even like him; Yami knew that almost for a fact, so didn't it make sense that they would replace him given the slightest chance?

Yami couldn't go to another record company; even if Zach and Jullian did decide to let him back in the band, their deal was a once-in-a-lifetime chance. They knew _no one_ else with connections to the business, and without them, there was just no opportunity. Besides…Yami wasn't even sure if he had the will to try.

He had no job, and no time to get one, either. He remembered how Yugi was in this situation not long ago, and even though Yugi still hadn't gotten another job, he knew that his Grandfather would be there to help him no matter what the cost. 

Yami knew that Yugi would do the same thing for him, but…he just couldn't feel like he deserved it. There was just no possible way to pay Yugi back for everything that he'd done.

There was no possible way for Yugi to figure out just how much he'd helped.

* * *

"Mr. Muto, it's nice to see you again."

Yugi smiled and nodded at the police officer standing at his doorstep with a guitar-case in hand, "Officer Rosland…it's nice to see you again. Thank you for coming all this way."

The man smiled politely back and stepped inside of the apartment when Yugi moved aside, "It's no problem. I'm just glad that I could help you two." He paused, looking around, "Where's Yami?"

"Oh, he's in the bedroom," Yugi said, gesturing behind him, "Why? Do you want me to go get him?"

"No," Rosland said quickly; maybe a little too quickly, "Actually, I wanted to talk with you. Without Yami."

Yugi furrowed his eyebrows, feeling the familiar beat of his speeding heart, "What? What happened? Is something wrong?"

"No, no," He said, placing the guitar on the ground and nodding towards the front door, "There's nothing wrong with Mr. Atemu. You see," They both stepped out onto the front steps, where the morning sun was shining weakly through striped clouds, "I was at his apartment this morning before he left the hospital, getting his clothes and things, when the phone rang," He paused, letting Yugi take everything in little by little, "Now, I wasn't going to answer it, but I wasn't sure if any family members or anything would be calling from out of town." 

Yugi felt a little impatient, "Well…who was it?" It obviously wasn't any family, and if it was a bill collector or something then he would have told Yami himself. So what could it had been if it wasn't a problem with his health?

"It was a woman from an apartment complex in the city. She was wondering if Yami was going to move in or if she should start advertising again. Did you know that Yami was planning to move?"

Yugi shook his head, his eyes narrowing for something that he might have missed, "No, I didn't. When was he supposed to?"

The officer shrugged, thinking back to his phone conversation, "Umm…last Wednesday or Thursday, I think she said."

Yugi blinked…one week ago…That was when Yami gave him all of that money to pay his rent, wasn't it? Yugi's stomach flipped inside of him when he realized what that must have meant; what had happened to Yami because of it…_Oh no…_

"You know, I'll ask him about it." Yugi said, nodding faintly, struggling to calm his heartbeat and breathing, "Thanks for everything, though; I really do appreciate it."

There was a pause; Yugi felt eyes boring into his mind. He didn't like it, "Is there something wrong, Mr. Muto?"

Yugi shook his head and spoke to the man even though he couldn't quite meet his eyes, "No. Nothing. But I have to get going now; Yami's waiting for me." He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down even though he could feel tears prickling in the back of his eyes, "Thanks again." 

"It's not a problem," He said kindly, though still looking a little curious as to why Yugi was suddenly looking so awkward, "If you ever have a problem, just call the police department or the hospital. Margaret and I will be there to help whenever you need it." He bowed his head a little in respect, then turned and went to his police car before driving away to some other engagement that he had to attend to.

Yugi, now holding his breath to stifle his sobs, walked slowly over to the couch and fell onto it, holding his knees to his chest and his hands to his face as he let the tears finally slide down his cheeks.

It was _his_ fault. It was his fault that Yami was where he was today because he couldn't get away. He was supposed to move…he had the solution to get away at his very _fingertips_, but then at the last minute he changed all of his plans and risked his life…just for Yugi. He lost his job and his dream of ever seeing his parents again just so that Yugi could continue living in America. He was too upset to realize what that meant.

And what was even worse…was that Yugi was _glad_ that Yami was there with him instead of somewhere else without him.

The sound of footsteps met Yugi's ears, but he ignored it. He knew who it was, and why, but still, he couldn't acknowledge the fact that Yami was there. If he did, then he'd have to tell him everything. He couldn't lie to him. Not anymore. Not after everything that had happened.

"Yugi…what happened? Who was that at the door?"

* * *

Yami walked out of Yugi's room a couple of minutes after he left, wondering who it was at the door. He was feeling a little better now, and was actually feeling a little thirsty. He hadn't felt that way in a long while; maybe he was even a little hungry, too. To tell the truth, he wasn't sure.

What he saw though made the guitarist go dizzy; he felt like he was going to faint. Yugi was lying on his side on the couch; he was _crying_. Who was it at the door? Did Anzu come back and say something to him? Or was it someone else that had somehow hurt Yugi in the past?

Yami didn't care _who_ it was, though; someone had made Yugi upset enough to cry, and that made the guitarist _angry_.

But above all, what made Yami go weak and dizzy was the fact that he was _afraid_. By the way the smaller was sobbing, someone had tried to hurt him in a way that perhaps no one had before. And Yugi had been hurt badly before, Yami was sure. If _anyone_ ever harmed Yugi, Yami wasn't sure what he'd do.

He couldn't live without Yugi; it was a fact. And he wouldn't forgive anyone that tried to harm him, not after he came to see Yami _every day_ at the hospital, and after he opened the doors to his home without a second thought.

He'd protect Yugi even if it cost him what little life he had left.

"Yugi…what happened? Who was that at the door?" He tried to ask the smaller, but Yugi wouldn't give a response. He didn't even acknowledge the fact that Yami was standing in the same room as him. He made a second attempt, "What happened, Yugi?"

Yami thought that he saw Yugi shake his head a little, but he couldn't just leave him there, even if that was what the smaller wanted. Instead he just walked over to the couch and sat down beside him. Placing a kind hand on his back, Yami rubbed his hand around in soft circles to try to calm down the smaller's sobs, "Shh…" He whispered, hating the sound of his boyfriend's ragged breathing. He wondered if Yugi felt the same way when he was crying…

They sat there for a long time; Yugi did his best to abate his sobs, while Yami tried to clear his head. He still felt dizzy; he wondered why.

"Yami?" Yugi asked after a couple of minutes of silence, "What were you going to use that money for? The 400 dollars that you helped pay my rent with." 

Yami's eyes widened a little; he was saved, though, because Yugi still wasn't looking at him. Why would the smaller ask something like that so long after Yami gave him the money? "Why would you ask something like that?"

Yugi sighed heavily, his tears gone and his sobs subsided. He sat up and looked Yami straight in the eyes with his own watery ones, "Were you going to move into another apartment last week?"

Yami couldn't answer; that was what Yugi was so upset about. Judging by his guitar near the door, Officer Rosland had come by with some news about what he was supposed to do the previous week. He put his arm around the smaller and pulled him closer, breathing in his fresh scent, "Yugi-" 

"Yami, why did you give me that money if you needed it for something important?" Yami tried to speak again but Yugi cut him off before he could even start, "If you didn't…if you didn't do that then you wouldn't of…of been…" He couldn't finish, and then the tears started to come. They slid down his delicate face and dripped onto the gray t-shirt that he was wearing. He kept blinking, but it didn't seem to do anything to help him. 

The guitarist just couldn't believe it; Yugi thought that it was _his_ fault that Yami was hurt the way that he was? He thought that 400 dollars would have changed the course of his life? There were so many reasons that Yami was taken advantage of like he was, and there were so many reasons as to why his life would never be the same, but Yugi was not one of them. If it wasn't for Yugi…then he would have been dead by now.

It was so amazing that Yugi cared so much for Yami. It was so amazing that he was sitting here crying his eyes out just because he cared about Yami _so much_. It felt so different to Yami…it felt so good, but he didn't Yugi to keep crying on his benefit. Yami didn't deserve it; not after everything that he did.

"Yugi, don't ever think that that was your fault," The guitarist said strongly, "You didn't do anything wrong, okay?" Yugi didn't look convinced; tears still continued to slip from his eyes. Yami slipped his other arm around Yugi's shoulders and pulled him into a hug, trying so hard to make Yugi feel better like he deserved to.

"But Yami," Yugi said softly, "How do you know?" He clasped his arms around the other's back tightly, "I just…I can't…I just don't understand how something so horrible…"

Yami held Yugi tighter, "Please…don't say anything. Yugi, I gave you that money because I couldn't stand the thought of you moving away. I didn't care what happened to me, okay? I would…" He stopped, blinking furiously, and his next words were whispers, "I would go through it all over again if it meant living with you forever."

Yami didn't care about his band, or his job, or _anything_. Just Yugi. Yugi was the only one that mattered to him, because when he held him and Yugi held him back, Yami felt like the most important person in the world.

"I love you, Yami…I don't ever want this to happen again…never again…" 

Who knew…to Yugi, maybe Yami _was_ the most important person in the world.

"I love you, too, Yugi."

* * *

It was late, almost eleven o'clock at night. Yugi and Yami sat on the couch for almost the entire day. They just talked about things that didn't really matter, like politics and silly traditions that they had back when they lived in their home countries. Yami even mentioned going out to look for a job after he got a little stronger. It was the best day that either of them had had in quite a while, because they got to spend the whole day together.

Yugi had to work on Friday morning, so he told Yami that he would sleep on the couch so he wouldn't have to wake him up. Just by the way that Yami asked him his question that morning, Yugi knew that Yami was nervous because even though he knew that he wasn't going to be hurt anymore, when one was sleeping there were just no promises.

It was almost like Yami was _embarrassed_ to be having these nightmares, even though he had every right in the world to have them. And they would disappear one day, even if that one day was somewhere far in the future that never seemed to get any closer.

Yami had turned in at about ten; he still wasn't up to speed quite yet, and the medicine that he was taking seemed to make him drowsy. Yugi wasn't sure if Yami ate anything that day; it was obvious that the student wasn't up to taking care of someone like the doctors had wanted him to. Yami was a grown man, and he could make his own decisions. Yugi was never good at telling people what to do. He hoped that Yami would just learn on his own that things wouldn't get better unless he fixed them.

Then again, what kind of saying was that? There were some things that would _never_ get better, even if they tried.

But even through all that, Yami still wanted to stay with Yugi. Yugi blamed himself before for everything, but after hearing Yami say that he wanted him to stay in America more than anything...it just made Yugi realize that he wanted them to stay together, too, and that he was crying because they almost couldn't. What had happened when Yami was going to move wasn't anyone's fault, they were just doing what they thought was the best. But now that they were together and were staying that way, because that _one little detail_ seemed to work out for them in the end, there was one little glimmer that would carry them both to the finish.

It made Yugi want to help Yami get through this that much more.

Putting down a notepad that he was scribbling on, the student stood up to check on Yami before going to bed himself. The room was dark and the TV was off, something that Yugi wasn't used to seeing when he walked in there.

By the thin light of the hallway, Yugi saw Yami on his stomach, breathing through his mouth that was just partially opened near the center. Soft locks of damp hair were framing his tan face; he had taken a shower a little bit before falling asleep. The injury that went down the length of his face was seeming to get a little better.

Maybe Yami was starting to get better, too.

Bending down and giving the guitarist a soft kiss on the cheek, Yugi pulled the sheet covering him a little higher on his frame and left the room, whispering a soft goodnight and well wishes to the person that, at that moment, was the most important to him in the entire world.

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: Hmm...maybe too much, too quickly. I don't know. I'm trying not to make this into a race to the finish, but it sort of seems like it. :shrugs:

I've never done a scene following an OC before. I hope that it turned out alright. My intent was to fill in a few empty spaces in the chapter, and also to make things a little more eerie. Something purely from an outsider was needed, I think.

:stares: At least eight chapters to cover the span of one week? ...WOW! That's either really impressive or really sad. Maybe it's impressively sad. :frowns:

Umm...yeah. I'm thinking that I should put more plot in this story (and I'm not the only one. :smiles:). The only problem is that I get so caught up in everything else. And I'm still following my outline almost perfectly, so it'll still end like I've been planning.

Next Chapter: You are going to fall off of a cliff. And I'm going to push you.

Thank you to all reviewers! It makes me so happy when I check my mail during homeroom and don't have enough time to read everything. :smiles:

Please Review.


	29. Chapter 29

Note: I lied (by accident, I promise). This chapter, as I told everyone in the last chapter, was supposed to have a cliffhanger; the fic was also supposed to be 31 chapters long. After some careful consideration, I have decided to split this chapter into two parts (along with moving a chunk of the next chapter over here...don't ask), therefore making the grand total of Sennen Rage 32 chapters. :nods: If any of you have rented parachutes, I will gladly pay the fee. :stupid smile:

* * *

Yami woke on Friday morning feeling weak and uneasy. He had not slept well the previous night, still afraid of the nightmares that he knew would plague him. Sure, he knew that his medicine would make him feel drowsy, and it did, but…he still couldn't rest for more than three hours or so at a time. Inbetween those intervals he would toss and turn on the bed, wishing that he didn't actually have to sleep. 

More than anything, Yami just wanted to go out into the living room and watch Yugi as he slept peacefully, having no worries about the things that would come to him in the darkness. Yami had only watched Yugi sleep once, and he really wanted another opportunity to do just that.

Then again, maybe what Yami really wanted was to sleep _next to_ Yugi; maybe he would have been able to sleep comfortably with the smaller boy next to him. Yugi always somehow made him feel just a little bit safer.

And if Yami didn't ask Yugi about their sleeping arrangements before, then he probably would have been able to sleep that night. Yugi only offered to sleep on the couch, Yami knew, because he didn't want to make him uncomfortable, not because he didn't want to wake him up.

Yami opened his eyes for the last time at about ten o'clock; his stomach churned uneasily inside of him, but he had no desire to eat or even drink. Dr. Margaret and some others had told him to eat even if he didn't feel like it, but Yami felt that he knew better. If he had something…then he'd just throw it back up again. He didn't want to go through that anymore.

At the same time, though, Yami knew that he was going to have to take his pills, because those really had been helping him feel better; his injuries had finally started to heal at a pace that he was happy with.

Then again, he would have been happier never having those injuries at all.

It just wasn't going away. Yami thought that with every morning he woke up safe, he'd become happier and more trusting, but it just wasn't happening. Even now, almost a week since…since _that night_, Yami was still afraid of the nightmares, and was still afraid that someone would come back and hurt him again, even though there was no one that would. He didn't know why he felt that way, or how to make it feel better.

…Maybe there was no such thing as better for Yami…

The guitarist walked into the small kitchen about a half-hour after he got out of bed, wearing a pair of jeans and a gray t-shirt. There were two orange prescription bottles on the windowsill over the sink; one was a special vitamin supplement, and the other was a pill to help speed healing and prevent infection in Yami's wounds.

However, that was not what the guitarist saw. Taped right under his medications was a yellow note with Yugi's semi-familiar handwriting on it. Smiling softly, Yami raised his hand and took the note off of the stained wood:

_Good morning Yami,  
I had to work today; I'm not sure if I told you. I'll be home around 1:30, but if you feel up to it you can come down to the store. If you don't, though, just rest up and eat something and I'll see you when I get home.  
I love you.  
-Yugi_

Yami looked up from the note and put it into his pocket, that small smile still on his face. While swallowing the pills with just a little bit of water, Yami pondered on how much he loved how Yugi always thought of the little things and managed to make him feel better, even if it was only a little bit.

Glancing over at the refrigerator for only a half a second and losing his smile for just as long, Yami walked out of the kitchen over towards the front door, slipping on his shoes to do just what Yugi asked him to.

* * *

Yugi looked up from his text book and smiled broadly when Yami walked into the store. It was like when they only just barely knew each other, and Yugi got butterflies in his stomach whenever the guitarist's ruby eyes focused on him. Now what he saw was intense beauty, but still so much of that sadness. 

"Good morning, Yami," Yugi said brightly, hoping to spread some happiness to the other, "You got my note?"

Yami nodded, then pulled the small piece of paper out of his jeans' pocket; it was a little wrinkled, "Yeah, thanks."

Yugi frowned a little, "Are you okay? You seem a little tired." The student mentally berated himself for bringing the subject up; of course Yami was tired. He wasn't going to get a good night's sleep for quite a while. It was obvious that he was going to have a hard time closing his eyes for a long time to come.

But it was too late to take back what he said.

Yami shrugged, "Yeah, I'm fine. I just…" He faded off, not sure what to say, even though he knew the exact answer and exactly how to say it. He closed his eyes momentarily, still trying to think of something to voice that wouldn't make Yugi worry. When he couldn't think of anything, a tan, shaking hand rose up to cover the face of his tilted head. He looked like he was trying to hold back tears.

Yugi, feeling terrible for what he had done, quickly removed himself from the cash register and went to Yami's side. He shouldn't have asked him if he was okay; it was tactless. Yami wasn't going to be okay for a long time; it was possible that he would never recover. So why would Yugi voice it? "I'm sorry, Yami," He said quickly, "I shouldn't have said anything. Why don't-"

"What are you doing tomorrow?"

Yugi stopped in his very tracks, and instead of looking towards the guitarist's face he focused on a point near his middle, "What?" Why would Yami ask him that? Only a minute ago he looked like he was about to cry. What had triggered the sudden change?

Yugi tore his eyes away from nothing and looked up to gaze into the guitarist's face. He was _smiling_, and his eyes seemed to hold none of the sadness that he walked in with. What was going on?

"What are you doing tomorrow?" Yami repeated patiently, that grin still plastered to his face, "Do you have to work?"

Yugi shook his head, trying not to look as bothered as he really was, "No, I…I have Saturdays off." He couldn't help but ask, "Why?"

"We should go out tomorrow," The other said pleasantly, looking down at Yugi with those sparkling eyes, "We can go to the park, like we did on our first date. We can bring sandwiches or something and spend the whole day there."

Yugi's mouth almost dropped. It was amazing that Yami would suggest a date so sweet, but…it was _terrible_ at the same time. The initial shock of the guitarist's mood swing had worn off, and Yugi now understood what the other was doing. He was trying to block out _all_ of his pain and suffering, because it hurt him so much to realize how disruptive it was to his _and_ Yugi's life.

As much as it proved to Yugi that Yami truly cared, that was not how he wanted the other to show it. He wanted Yami to try to accept what had happened to him and get better because of it, otherwise everything would be a lie, and it wouldn't matter at all. Yugi didn't think that it would be the Yami that he truly loved.

But what could Yugi say to Yami to make him realize that? There really wasn't much, unless he wanted to either make Yami angry or depress him to a point that neither of them wanted to see. He could only accept what Yami was offering to him, even though a little part of him deep down wished that Yami would keep this charade up forever.

"Okay, I'd like that. We can do it tomorrow afternoon, okay?"

The guitarist then did something that Yugi really wasn't expecting: he pulled the smaller into his arms and kissed him deeply, holding him as close to his chest as humanly possible. Yugi's mind literally shut down, and he could not think properly. This was not Yami; Yami was never this aggressive. _Never._

And Yugi didn't realize that he wasn't comfortable with it until the guitarist traced a ring around the outside of his lips with his tongue, trying to gain entrance into his small mouth. The smaller pushed him away gently and smiled up at him, trying not to let his nervousness show through in his eyes, "I have to get back to work. I'll see you when I get home, okay?"

"Okay," Yami said softly, then smiled that broad smile at him again, "I love you, Yugi."

"I love you, too, Yami." Yugi said, and watched as the guitarist left the building, holding himself high. The cashier took a deep breath, and only allowed one tear to escape his eyes. He had really thought that Yami was going to get through this, but now…

They were both starting to lose hope.

* * *

Yami's honest intent was to go back to their apartment. He had no desire to travel anywhere beyond that, but that was not where his feet unconsciously led him. He went right past what he and Yugi now called home, and ended up at the front doors of _The Curse_, where he walked so many times before. 

For the entire trip, Yami's mind was completely blank. He wasn't thinking about the stunt that he had just pulled in Cumberland Farms, because he hadn't realized that he had done it. He hadn't realized just how good Yugi had tasted when their lips were connected, or how much of a high he had achieved when he was in total control.

It felt…it felt _good._

Yami stopped on the sidewalk when he came into the vicinity of tinted-black glass doors and windows. The reminisce of yellow tape that bore the insignia of _Police Line: Do Not Cross_ was stuck to the very corners of the windows, and the mere hint of what happened almost a week ago made Yami feel sick inside.

_'The mere…thought…'_

Images flooded into Yami's mind; so many memories. All of those nights…the pale light, the sweat and blood and fear and longing…the loneliness…and it always…it always ended in blackness. He was taken and beat and mistreated and raped and…used. Yami was used for a man's purposes, until he wasn't wanted anymore and thrown aside.

Wasn't that what Yami had just done? He pushed himself onto Yugi with no warning whatsoever; it was obvious that the smaller man was neither expecting nor anticipating what Yami had done, and once the shock had worn off…he had pulled away.

Yes, he had told Yugi that he had to get back to work, and that was part of it, but there was another reason: Yugi didn't want that. The student wasn't in this relationship for pleasure or sex, at least not yet, and Yami had no right to expect it of him. He had taken advantage of Yugi, just like Ryan had taken advantage of him so many times before.

But why?

Yami knew why, even if it took a deep gaze into the empty lobby and bar of the nightclub where he used to work to figure it out. He didn't want to tell Yugi of his nightmares, or about the fact that he was afraid to sleep. He didn't want to voice his weakness, even if Yugi was probably more aware of it than even Yami was.

Once again, he let his fear and uncertainty take control of him and turn him into a completely different person. Once again because he was afraid to face his reality he had hurt someone that he cared about. Who knew how shocked and upset Yami's parents were when he left because he was afraid of losing lives? Who knew how afraid they were that they'd never see their son again?

And now Yami would never know. He lost his job, his record deal, his very band. The only thing that Yami still had, other than Yugi, was his ability at playing the guitar. And even that…Yami wasn't sure if he even had the will or strength to try ever again. All of his efforts were in vain, and all of his hope was gone.

All that Yami could do now was keep going, and let his fear take control of his mind…

And his soul.

* * *

That night, Yami and Yugi were in their room, watching a movie. They were sitting very close together, and both of their hands were entwined in the other's. Yugi's head rested comfortably on his boyfriend's shoulder; everything seemed to be alright again. 

_Yugi had gotten home that afternoon to find Yami sitting on the couch, reading a novel that he must have found somewhere around the house; Yugi thought that it looked faintly familiar. It must have been Anzu's. _

And when Yami saw the smaller, he just stood up, book marking his novel with that grace that Yugi had come to know him for, and pulled him into one of those soft hugs that he had fallen in love with. This was the Yami that he had fallen in love with.

"How was your day, Yugi?" He asked him, kissing his forehead softly, "I missed you."

Yugi melted in the embrace of the guitarist, and they stood there for a long time, together.

The movie went to a commercial, and Yugi wondered what, in fact, the movie was called; he couldn't quite remember, but then realized that it didn't really matter. He'd recall the title soon enough; after tonight, though, it would just be trivial knowledge.

A bowl of popcorn sat abandoned on the closest bedside table, along with a couple of bottles of vitamin water; Dr. Margaret had recommended the liquid, saying that it was good for them. Yugi wasn't hungry, and knew that that was fine for him as he was a healthy weight for his height and he would eat when he did want it.

But Yami; he should have been eating _something_. Yugi didn't think that he had anything since he had gotten home the previous day, and that was scaring Yugi quite a bit. Why wouldn't the guitarist eat if he knew that he'd get extremely sick if he didn't? Was it something along the lines of pride…or was he afraid that he'd find that he still couldn't keep anything down?

The student risked a glance at the other; Yami was watching a commercial for some restaurant or another; his irises were glazed over in deep thought.

Or maybe it was something else.

"Yami?" Yugi started, his voice rather timid. He wasn't sure if this was the right thing to say to the guitarist, but then he realized that if he didn't say something, nothing would change. Things _had_ to change. Yami _had_ to accept everything. If Yugi let the guitarist forget what had happened, then there would be a hole in his personality that would never feel right to either of them. Neither of them would be happy, "Are you hungry? I don't think that you've eaten today, have you?"

He hated acting like a mother to a small child; Yami was an adult and should have been able to make these kinds decisions on his own. The sad part, though, was that he _couldn't_.

Yami's face changed from musing to one of nothing at all, "No." He said simply, "I'm not hungry. I don't need to eat."

"But…" Yugi tried, almost wishing that he hadn't said anything at all. Almost. "You have to eat something, or else you'll get sick again. I…" He bit his lip, realizing something that he knew all along but never really voiced, "I don't _want_ to see you sick again…I want you to get better."

There was a long, pregnant pause, and Yugi raised his head off of Yami's warm shoulder, wondering what was going to happen next. He wondered if Yami was mad at him for putting on the spot like that, or if he was just upset because he knew that Yugi was right.

It was neither. Turning his head, Yami looked Yugi straight in the eyes, something almost terrifying gleaming in that crimson. Two slender fingers grasped Yugi's chin lightly as Yami's head tilted and moved forward. Just before their lips met Yami said something that sent the smaller's mind reeling:

"I am better."

* * *

The movie ended at almost eleven o'clock that night. Yugi had fallen asleep long before the climax of the film, yet the bright flashes and loud majestic music didn't seem to phase him at all. 

Yami smiled softly at his boyfriend as the screen moved to a commercial, preparing for the next showing of a different movie. He looked so peaceful as he slept, the artificial glows of the television set magnified how pearly and clear his skin really was; it was amazing how something powered by electricity could have such an effect on someone.

Yami disentangled himself from Yugi very gently, and laid the smaller's head on a pillow so that his neck wouldn't be sore the next morning. He didn't want to leave Yugi all alone in such a large bed after they sat together for such a long time, but as the guitarist leaned down to brush Yugi's hair out of his face to give him a soft kiss on the cheek, he realized that it might have been for the best.

Yami had told Yugi that he was better; he just wasn't sure if he wanted the other to know that he was lying or not. If Yami went to sleep on the couch, it would have been a dead giveaway; Yugi would know instantly that Yami's words and confident actions were just a charade.

But Yami was afraid of what might have come out of it, so he slept on the couch that night, wishing that he was just a _little_ stronger, so that when Yugi's hand unconsciously met his during the night, he wouldn't have to panic.

* * *

"Yami?" Yugi walked into his and Yami's bedroom early on Saturday afternoon, his face calm and serene, a total opposite of the previous night. He had woken up at about three in the morning, and was alarmed when Yami was not there. The student found him on the couch, his blankets twisted around his distressingly thin form. Yugi could only go back to bed; there was just nothing else for it, "Are you almost ready?" 

The guitarist, who was putting on a pair of what looked like dark hiking boots, looked up and smiled at the smaller; there was just the faintest color of purple around his eyes, "Yes, I am. Do you think that we should bring jackets?"

Yugi shrugged, amused at the fact that neither he nor his boyfriend had the sense to watch the news before they made outdoor plans. Then again, the plans were just thrown into the student's face; the thought of that made him frown, and he did not want to dwell on it. He promptly got rid of it, "It might. Would you mind grabbing mine for me?"

Yami smiled again, his ruby eyes gleaming, "Not at all." Yugi watched him step forward into closet to grab their jackets. He stopped, staring at something near the floor that must have been leaning against the wall. The only things that were on the carpet inside were Yami's guitars. He was obviously pondering whether or not to bring them; the decision was causing his eyes to glaze over and unfocus uneasily.

The student stared at the man with pity; he hadn't played his instruments for a long time…who knew if he would ever have the strength to play again? "Yami?" Yugi started to walk towards the taller man, but Yami's head snapped up at his first moment and he smiled warmly at the smaller again.

"Is there anything else that you wanted?" Yami asked, reaching inside to grab the coats.

"Uh, yeah," Yugi said slowly, the reason for him coming into the room in the first place returning to him, "What do you want to drink?"

"Some of that vitamin water," Yami replied after barely a moment of thought, two jackets in his grasp, "If we have any more."

"Yeah," Yugi said, already turning around to walk away, "We have plenty."

The student sighed heavily as he walked back into the kitchen, though not loud enough for Yami to hear. Yugi just couldn't get over what Yami had said to him the previous night; that he was _better_. It just brought everything into perspective for the student, and it made him realize even more than before that Yami, instead of recovering from the attack on his body and mind, was instead getting _worse_.

Something was manifesting itself in the guitarist's mind that wasn't helping things at all. He was under the impression that something was right when it was really wrong. The problem, among others, was that Yugi had no way to come out and ask what that problem was, because Yami didn't think that there was one. Yugi didn't know how he could help, or if, maybe, there was any help to be had at all.

Yami walked into the room just as Yugi was placing two bottles of vitamin water on top of the sandwiches in a cooler that he had dug out of storage. He hadn't gone out on a picnic in a very long time; or maybe he never had, and was just given the mini-fridge as a gift. He didn't know; he didn't care.

"Are you ready?" The guitarist asked, walking over to Yugi and planting a very soft kiss on his forehead, "It's a little cloudy out so it might rain later, but I think that we'll be alright."

Yami took his hand, squeezing gently, and the two of them went out together to, hopefully, have some fun, and maybe learn a thing or two in the process.

* * *

"And he would always jump into the water; I remember how he would used to splash Mom, and I'd laugh every time." 

Yugi and Yami had been sitting in the park for a few hours; at first they just discarded the food and laid down, looking at the sky and noticing how every once in a while the sun would come out and shine before hiding back behind the clouds, teasing them every time their eyes got used to the light and their skin got used to the warmth.

Before long, though Yami and Yugi had started to talk, pointing out silly little things like the squirrels running around in the grass, glad that there were barely any people around so they could run and play without worry, or the statue that was resting a little ways off, a small chunk taken out of the figure's leg.

Things seemed to be good, like before when nothing actually was; back then Yami and Yugi had a strong connection and a building relationship that got better with every time they saw each other. Now that things were supposedly getting better, though, Yugi was afraid that their bond would wither, and they'd feel like they really weren't meant for each other after all.

But that wasn't true; Yami and Yugi _had_ to be meant for each other. After everything that had happened to them, and after they did _so much_ to make sure that they stayed together, it just _couldn't_ have been a fluke.

Yami and Yugi were meant for each other…this was just one more obstacle, as it were, that they had to face before that path was really clear.

For quite a while, Yami and Yugi told each other stories about their hometowns and countries; Yami enlightened Yugi about his first dog and how much he loved it when they took little swims on the banks of the Nile, even when they weren't supposed to. Yugi never had a pet, and even though he told the guitarist that, he didn't want to tell him _why_ he couldn't get one. He couldn't tell him that his father had the tendency to beat him when he asked for the slightest thing; his mother couldn't, either.

Yugi wondered why he couldn't tell Yami about his past. Maybe he wasn't fully over it, even after all of this time. Maybe Yugi _still_ hadn't accepted his past, even though it had happened eight years ago, and he had forgotten about it only months before he met the guitarist with no one to stand by him.

Yugi hoped that Yami would get over his problems quicker and easier than him; after all, Yami _was_ the stronger of the two.

After a while, the conversations had drifted into the light breeze that was blowing across the park, and the two boys began to eat their little homemade meal together. Yugi wasn't expecting Yami to have much other than a sip of his water, and he wasn't going to say anything about it, either, more than reluctant to ruin the nice atmosphere that they had managed to create.

But Yami surprised him. He did eat; maybe a little too much. It alarmed Yugi that Yami would pick up an entire 6 inch sub and eat it as if he did that every day. He didn't; he hadn't done it in years, if ever. Wasn't this dangerous for his stomach? Wouldn't he end up rejecting it?

"Yami?" Yugi asked a while after the guitarist had finished eating, completely losing his own appetite and wrapping up his sandwich in plastic before putting it back in the cooler, "Don't you think that sub was a bit much?"

The guitarist stretched largely on the ground; he was now on his back and was enjoying the few minutes of sunshine that the clouds allowed. He turned his face, with his arm resting on his forehead, to smile sleepily at Yugi, his eyes twinkling, "What do you mean?"

"Well," Yugi said slowly, trying to find a way to put this that wouldn't hurt Yami's feelings; he really couldn't find one, so he plowed on, making up his sentences as he went along, "I mean, you haven't eaten anything in a long time. Is all that food really good for you?"

The guitarist yawned, his lips pointed up in an obvious contented smile. The sun disappeared again behind the increasingly darkening clouds, and this time, when the light had diminished, a soft drizzle started to fall on both of their heads, disturbing the grass that they sat on. It was just like Yami had predicted: rain.

The guitarist sat up, blinking slowly and gazing at the purple-gray clouds that danced overhead. He crawled forward a little and sat right in front of Yugi, looking at him with those wide wise crimson eyes. He leaned forward and kissed Yugi on the lips before resting his forehead on the smaller's, "I don't see why it would be," He said quietly, while the rain started to fall a little faster.

Yami stood up and held out his hand to Yugi, "Come on, it's raining; let's go home."

Yugi didn't know what else he could do. One sentence had once again managed to scare and confuse him more than a million could from anyone else. As of late, whenever Yugi asked Yami a question about his personal health or wellness, the guitarist, ever patient, would just answer with kind words and a sweet or searing kiss. Shouldn't he have been getting annoyed by now? Shouldn't he have been telling Yugi that he wanted to live how he wanted to live, and it shouldn't matter if it wasn't exactly right?

If that was what Yami had said in response to his worries, then Yugi might have forgotten the whole thing. He might have apologized and kissed Yami softly, then forgotten about it forever. Maybe he wouldn't of; Yugi would never know.

But the fact was…Yami didn't do that, and he always answered kindly with the tolerance of a man twice his age. Yugi knew what that meant, but he wasn't happy about it. And he certainly wasn't satisfied, like others might have been in the same situation.

After all, Yami knew that Yugi was right.

* * *

Yami felt warm, comfortable, and almost safe. He and Yugi had come home about a half-hour ago, and were now sitting on the couch with no television and no music. It wasn't like they needed it; the steady beating of each other's hearts in unison was enough to entertain them both for hours. 

Yami had his arm wrapped around Yugi's waist, and Yugi was leaning heavily against Yami, asleep. The guitarist had never noticed before how tired Yugi must have always been; he never looked like he was. And Yami _knew_ that he never looked it, too, because Yami loved to look at Yugi. He was just too beautiful to not.

Yami couldn't help but close his eyes, he was just too cozy to fight it, and Yugi nuzzling softly into him wasn't helping matters, either. There were so many consequences of this simple action, Yami knew, but for the moment he didn't care. It was almost like Yugi sincerly believed what Yami was trying to tell him, and that made him think that he really had healed. It didn't matter that he couldn't sleep the previous night; it didn't matter that his stomach was churning almost painfully inside of him.

The guitarist fell sideways onto the couch-cushion, and Yugi, still asleep, curled right up next to his chest as they fell asleep together, happier and warmer than they both had felt in a very long time.

Except for that deep down, neither of them were, and they were just too afraid to admit it.

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: I was so proud of myself for sticking to this outline, but then while I was writing this chapter, I realized that there was something else in my head that was just screaming to happen. It just seemed almost like Yami to do something like this, you know? I feel like its almost IC for him to try to put on a mask and pretend that everything's alright, even though he's really hurting inside. This chapter really wasn't supposed to happen at all. It just did. 

Let me tell you something. I was almost pulling my hair out over this chapter. I just couldn't decide what I wanted to do, and I ended up writing huge chunks of it over again. Then, I squished two chapters together and wrote a little bridge in hopes of concealing it all from you. :sighs: I hope it worked. :crosses fingers:

So much happened here; it was insane. By breaking it up it lengthened the fic and dragged in some more suspense, but then the next chapter would have been...screwed up. Even more than this one was. :shakes head:

I'm just going to shut up now. :sighs:

Oh fuck...I just remembered...On Saturday, June 10, 2006, at 12:00 PM, my life with be over because of the apocalypse. Do you know what will happen on Saturday, June 10, 2006 at 12:00 PM? Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters will end in the States. Yeah, it already ended in England (or around there), and who knows where else, and I don't think that it'll end in Egypt for a while. Nevertheless...it's ending here, and I'm going to die, wracked with sobs. :nods: Then I'm gonna go to my friend's house and watch Descendants of Darkness, Gravitation, and Loveless all night (though we'll all die of exhaustion somewhere around Gravitation).

Thank you to all reviewers (and readers...I should thank you guys more often) for sticking with this fic:hugs you:

Please Review.


	30. Chapter 30

_'This is your fault, you bastard…I hope that you always remember this…'_

Yami couldn't breathe…he couldn't think. All that he could stare at were the cold gray eyes that bore into his as the man before him uttered his final words. Blood dripped down Yami's skin and mingled with his sweat; it seeped into skin and open wounds, the tainted liquid bonded with him forever. He wanted to fall and never remember, but he knew that he would until the day that he died. He knew that he was going to stay conscious for this, because that was what he deserved.

This man was going to die because of him.

A gunshot rang out through the air, and as warm blood that wasn't his mixed into his own, all that Yami could do was scream as he tried to push everything away.

* * *

Yugi was jolted out of his warm and comfortable sleep by someone moaning in a quiet scream. He almost didn't know who it was, and actually started to scrunch his face in slight annoyance, before he realized where he was and who was holding him. _Yami._

But it was too late; as soon as Yugi opened his eyes, he was forced to close them again because his stomach had fallen out of its proper place; with a tremendous heave and effort, Yami had managed to push him off of the couch even in his sleep. Yugi gasped, now fully awake, and hit his head on one of the nearest sides of the coffee table before landing on his stomach.

The student groaned; he hadn't hit his head on something that hard since…_Dad_…but now was not the time to be thinking of such things. That man wasn't worth the thought at all. Yami was worth the thought…for some reason Yami was hurt.

Groaning again, Yugi pointed his toes and raised one of his pale shaking hands to the side of his head, where warm sticky blood was leaking. The injury hurt, but not too much; the same was true for the amount of blood flow. The student blinked a couple of times and rotated all of his limbs just to make sure that he still could, then raised himself onto his elbows, grateful for the fact that he didn't pass out.

_I'm okay,_ Yugi thought to himself after another couple of seconds of quiet silence. He breathed a sigh of relief, knowing quite well that neither he nor Yami were ready for another hospital trip; they've had enough of that place.

_Where's…Yami?_

Yugi went cold when he realized that something that should have happened…didn't; Yami didn't show any concern for the incident. It was as if he didn't know that anything happened at all.

Yugi began to stand up; something was very wrong. "Yami?"

Very wrong indeed.

* * *

Yami still couldn't breathe. He felt so sick, and he knew that if he had tried to stand up then he would have fallen over; his head felt that light. It was dark, and he couldn't see very well, but the guitarist was wondering if it had anything to do with the time of night at all.

He couldn't think, either. He was upset and scared…about _something_, but he just couldn't remember what it was, it must have been too horrible to even try. Did Yami even want to remember? Tears were prickling at the corners of the guitarist's eyes, too. Did he have a dream? Or a nightmare? Why was he so scared?

"Yami?" A voice called out to Yami in the darkness of the room, followed by a soft weight on the couch cushion beside him. He knew who this person was…he knew that they meant a lot to him. Their voice always made him just a little bit happier, but at that moment, it was doing nothing but saddening him further. He couldn't remember this voice, especially with the worry and hurt that accompanied it.

He said nothing in return; after all, he still could barely breathe. 

"Yami."

Still nothing…still no memories, and still no voice.

"Yami." The voice now sounded alarmed and urgent. Why did this person care about him so much? What did he ever do to deserve it? "Talk to me. It's Yugi. What happened?"

Yami swallowed; the saliva felt bland and warm in his mouth, as if he were about to throw up; his stomach still felt the same way. _Yugi…_ The name sounded too familiar to him, as if the word had slid off of his tongue a million times before, and ran through his mind twice as much. He wanted to remember…he wanted to remember _Yugi_.

The guitarist turned his head just slightly to the right, and suddenly, concerned violet eyes flashed out at him through all of the mist and fog in his mind. It was shocking.

Everything came flooding back.

* * *

Still holding his head, Yugi slowly got to his feet, wondering if he was dizzy or not. He looked at Yami, who appeared to have his head in his hands, so lost in his own thoughts. 

Yugi had thoughts of his own, too. It was obvious that Yami had a nightmare, but what was it of? There were really so many things that the guitarist could have been dreaming about, and none of them were pleasant. Yugi was just wondering which experience Yami was remembering…or maybe this was a new one all together. Each one would result in a different reaction, a different feeling.

What emotion was forced onto the guitarist this time?

Yugi sat down on the couch next to the other, but got no acknowledgement from Yami at all. He was still lost in his head; what was he thinking about?

"Yami," Yugi repeated, wondering whether it was safe to touch him or not. Their contact when the two boys were asleep was probably what had stimulated the nightmare in the first place; what would happen while the singer was awake?

Was a negative response better than none at all?

"Yami," Yugi said a little louder, now becoming desperate and dropping his hand from his head. Yami wouldn't talk…he wouldn't even blink; the student saw crimson eyes in the dim light from the kitchen, but these weren't Yami's eyes. They couldn't have been. "Talk to me. It's Yugi." Yami could talk to Yugi, couldn't he? _Couldn't he?_ "What happened?"

Finally, after so much worrying and doubt and depression, Yami slowly turned his head to look into Yugi's eyes, and just a little of the spark returned. It actually looked a little like Yami.

Except for that it wasn't. Even though the guitarist finally understood that Yugi was in fact there…he was just staring. His breathing was uneven, and he looked dazed, as if he was only just learning how to see. His focus missed Yugi's own completely, and instead landed on the injury on his temple. He stared with his mouth hanging open slightly, as if the crimson blood reminded him of something buried deep in his head. 

Yugi knew what Yami's dream was about.

He didn't say anything, though; not yet. He was…he was scared. Yami was going through some type of fit, but Yugi didn't know how to get him out of it. Was there any way that he could help? Or would Yami have to get through this on his own? Could Yami even beat this by himself?

Did either of them really expect any hope to be left?

Yugi blinked; he really had lost hope, hadn't he? He didn't think that the events of the previous day had affected him so much, but if was obvious that they did. Everyday, Yami was burying himself deeper and deeper into his own mind, and if it went on long enough, Yami would never be able to get those feelings back. He'd be a shell, and there'd be no way to peel it off.

Yugi didn't want to let it get that far; he really didn't. But what was he supposed to do about it? He promised himself before he even knew Yami's name that he would help him with his problems, and now that he was so close…he realized that he had truly bitten off more than he could chew. There was no way to help; he was just too powerless.

Yugi started as Yami's arm twitched, and then his eyebrows instantly furrowed. What was Yami doing? "Ya…mi?"

The other's tan hand rose slowly and surprisingly steadily towards the point that his eyes were fixed on. He watched his fingers scissoring ever-so-slightly, and hitched his breath as if his own breathing would disturb Yami's movements. Yugi could almost _see_ his injury reflected in the other's eyes…he was so fixed on it; too fixed on it.

The guitarist didn't answer him, and soon the tips of his three central fingers lightly touched the liquid on the younger's flesh. Yugi winced ever-so-slightly, the salt on his pads of Yami's skin irritated the new wound, but otherwise he didn't move. He wanted to know _why_ Yami was acting this way, or if Yami even knew the answer. He just wanted Yami to be able to guide himself…so that he could be happy.

But sadly, it just wasn't going to happen, was it?

"Yami, stop!" Yugi said frantically, shaking and cringing under the pressure that Yami suddenly put on his forehead. The guitarist was ripping skin and drawing more blood with his thrusts, and it really did hurt. Yugi felt so tired all of a sudden, the rain pouring down from the dark sky lulling him into a fatigue that wasn't appropriate for the circumstances; he just wanted it all to stop, "Yami!"

But Yami didn't even look like he was listening. He slid his finger's across the smaller's cut, his movements easier because of the layer of slippery blood underneath them. He did pull away, but not before Yugi was almost crying with confusion, trying his hardest not to pull Yami's arm away and hurt him. He didn't understand this…he didn't know what Yami was doing, or why…

Why wouldn't he listen? 

Yugi watched with glistening eyes as Yami rubbed his blood between his fingers and thumb. It fascinated him, and took all of his attention; Yugi was no longer there. The student could only watch. 

Yami continued to move his fingers back and forth for a few minutes, staring as if nothing else in the world could interest him. Was Yami thinking about something…or was his mind as blank as his eyes?

The guitarist's fingers suddenly started to shake, and his eyes were no longer blank. They were wide and shining…with fear.

"I did it, Yugi…" Yami said, his voice almost a whisper; he was still looking at those fingers, "I did it. I killed Ryan."

There was a silence so deafening that Yugi couldn't even concentrate on his own thoughts. The only thing that he could hear was the nothingness that captivated the air that he was breathing.

Something moved swiftly next to him, but for some reason Yugi just couldn't notice. It finally seemed to click in the student's head what Yami had said to him; that he _killed_ that man. Ryan.

That wasn't what happened…it wasn't.

Yugi raised his head as it had apparently fallen. When his eyes focused, he remembered that something had moved next to him, and he realized who was gone. Yami was a couple of feet in front of him, shaking terribly as he did his best to get to the bathroom.

He stumbled, and even though he didn't fall and kept on going a split second later, Yugi could have gotten to him. He could have stopped him and held him and let Yami cry as he tried to let his life build back to something normal around him. Yugi knew that this turn of events was going to end the stage of Yami's _recovery_ where he tried to forget everything and act as if nothing was wrong. Yugi knew that Yami wasn't going to try to kiss him like before for a while, if he ever did again.

For a split second, Yugi wondered if he would miss it. The thought flew from his mind, though, when the bathroom door slammed. His heart fluttered uncomfortably when he heard the distinct sound of a lock clicking into place.

He jumped up from the couch, earning a throb from the injury on his head that only recently stopped bleeding. He didn't care, though, and, not letting anything sidetrack him, ran to the bathroom where Yami had holed himself up.

Everything was just about to get worse, and Yugi knew it.

* * *

"Yami!" Yugi shouted through the door of the bathroom; he banged a fist on the wood, his actions matching his scared and frantic words, "Yami, come out! We need to talk about this!"

The guitarist only shook his head as he collapsed onto the floor, only half-aware of the fact that Yugi could not see him. He tried to hold back tears, but didn't know how long the effort would last him. His efforts never seemed to last very long.

Yami was sick of crying. He was sick of holding back tears and letting them loose when everything became too much. He was tired of trying to beat his problems when they always seemed to overpower him in the end. Yami didn't want to lie to himself anymore, and he didn't want to lie to Yugi.

Yami wasn't better; he fully understood that, now. He thought that maybe if he just pretended that he was healed and acted like a normal person in a normal relationship then he'd forget all of his problems and he'd truly get better. But he couldn't. No matter how Yami acted when he was awake, his subconscious would always remember what had happened in his past; it would never let him forget.

And because of that, Yami would never be able to move on like he wanted to. He didn't deserve it, and even though he wanted to forget about that entire chapter of his life, he couldn't. He didn't deserve to. 

After all, Yami had killed a man.

He was so close to forgetting; he was so close to being happy. In the end, though, just like everything else, all of his hopes and dreams were ripped away from him. He'd never be happy. Never.

The guitarist's stomach churned painfully inside of him; he had never felt this sick before, even when he would throw up everyday. Lunging himself towards the toilet, Yami emptied what he had eaten previously from his stomach. The acid that was used to start digesting the grinder burned his throat as he vomited, and those tears that he was holding back started to fall down his face as he realized something. The still-healing injury on his face burned, too, from the salt.

Yami was just going around in a circle. For years, he had been sliding through periods of booms and busts, where he was sometimes happy and just sad for the rest of it. A circle didn't ever have a start.

It didn't have an end, either.

* * *

"Yami! Yami, come out! We need to talk about this!"

Yugi banged on the door as hard as he could. He didn't have a key to the bathroom, as he didn't think that he would ever need one. And even if he did…he wasn't entirely sure that he would use it. He didn't know what would happen if he ran inside of that room; he didn't know what Yami would be doing, or if he would be able to stop it. He didn't know if he would push Yami over the edge.

The guitarist didn't answer, but Yugi heard his ragged breathing; Yami hadn't done anything drastic. Yet.

Would the guitarist really end it all? Did he really feel the need to commit suicide? A lot of things had happened to him, yes, but…it wasn't like he was all alone. He had Yugi. Yugi tried to do everything to help Yami, it just…it just wasn't ever enough. He couldn't help Yami with his problems because he didn't know how far the roots clung. He didn't know everything that Yami was thinking about, even though he tried understand him as much as he could. 

Yugi messed up this time, though. For a split second, for that one swift moment, he thought that things were getting better, and allowed himself to fall asleep in Yami's arms. He _knew_, though. Yugi _knew_ that Yami was still having a hard time with everything, and that only a couple of days before he was afraid to share an entire bed with Yugi, let alone a small couch.

And look what was happening now.

Shivering though there was no cold to shy away from, Yugi softly leaned against the door of the bathroom as if it were his boyfriend. He supported the uninjured half of his forehead on the brown wood of the door, and closed his eyes, wishing that something…_anything_ would just go right for once. Yami didn't deserve this; he didn't deserve any of the fear or betrayal that he was feeling. He shouldn't have felt the need to lock himself in a bathroom to get away from it all.

"Yami?" Yugi asked softly, trying to keep his voice straight, and almost succeeding, "Yami, are you alright?"

Again, the guitarist didn't answer him. All that he heard was Yami depositing the contents of his stomach into the toilet, then silence. Yugi knew that Yami was crying, because he really was getting better for a couple of days. He was smiling again, even if they were only for short periods, and he was able to eat something and keep it down for the first time in what must have been months. Now, though, since Yami was getting sick again, he must have felt like it was all for nothing.

_"I did it, Yugi. I did it. I killed Ryan."_

Why? Why would Yami think something like that? He didn't do it; his manager had shot _himself_, the student saw it with his own eyes. Why would that thought even _cross_ the guitarist's mind? Why would Yami believe that with all of his heart and soul? 

_This is your fault, you bastard…I hope that you always remember this._

Yugi suddenly felt the need to throw up, himself. Yami didn't believe what that man had said to him, did he? Could he have said or done something that was the final straw for the deceased manager? Was that why all of this was happening, and why Yami was having such a hard time accepting it?

But Yami didn't do anything. _Nothing_ that he said or did would have stopped that…that _bastard_ from doing everything in his power to make Yami miserable. Even if Yami just sat and watched while he was being mentally and physically tortured…that man probably would have killed himself anyways.

He probably would have said the same thing, no matter what.

Yugi sniffed and flattened his palm against the thin wooden door. For the past seven days, Yugi was slowly losing Yami to something that he didn't even know existed. The guilt was killing the guitarist from the inside and out.

And even though he now knew what they were fighting against, Yugi was still afraid…that it would be too late.

* * *

Yami sat against the wall of the bathtub, trying in vain to forget about everything and anything that he could. But not even the rancid taste of the bile that kept threatening to invade his mouth could make him forget about what day it was.

It was _Saturday night._ Every Saturday before this for about four months, Yami had played a new song at _The Curse_. Every single one. And every Saturday, he walked into the building wondering if he was going to come out alive. He always knew what was going to happen, but he never knew when it would end. Maybe even before Yami moved in with Yugi, he knew that he was going around in circles, never to make anything of himself.

He just never acknowledged it.

This was the first Saturday, above everything else, where Yami realized that his dreams really weren't going to come true. It was scary.

But what about Zach and Jullian? He hadn't seen them since that night a week ago. What if they were up on stage at that exact moment, only a few blocks away, playing a song that Yami wrote straight from his heart, about _his_ dreams and nightmares? What if they got someone else to sing them? 

Yami would never know, though, would he? He would never see those people again, because he had finished that chapter of his life and thrown it away. It just didn't work, though, because Yami still had so many pages of that book that were plaguing him. He couldn't get rid of them, no matter what he did.

The guitarist couldn't deny it any longer; he had killed Ryan. It was all his fault, and he lost everything that he cared about in the process, only to gain all of his fears and doubts in larger amounts. He couldn't pretend that they weren't there.

Yami would never be able to kiss Yugi like he wanted him to, now. He couldn't give the student the relationship that he deserved. The only things that Yami could offer to Yugi were his bad feelings, guilt, and dependence. And who would want that?

The guitarist, feeling tired and shaky once more, buried his head inbetween his knees as another wave of nausea washed through his stomach. He couldn't empty it, though, as there was nothing left.

Yami had nothing left anywhere, and there was no way to get it back.

"Yami," Yugi said quietly through the door; Yami couldn't even understand him, even though he could hear him clearly, "Yami, please. Please unlock the door. Please let me help you…"

Yami closed his eyes, "I killed him, Yugi…" His mind was black, and he didn't have the faintest idea what he was saying. He only knew that he was right, "I killed him…and I don't deserve to live anymore. Not after…not after what I did."

It was true…it had to be. Yami didn't deserve to live anymore. He was just too afraid…to do anything about it.

* * *

"I killed him, Yugi…" Yami's voice was tired, and empty; he sounded like he was going to give up any second. He sounded like he was going to die. "I killed him…and I don't deserve to live anymore. Not after…not after what I did."

Yugi couldn't remember what he thought or said next. The next thing that he could remember was him crying into the phone in his kitchen as he dialed 911 with shuddering fingers.

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: ...uh...

Let's start with the fact that this is late. I have finals, and actually skipped studying time to write this chapter out for you guys. If I didn't, then I wouldn't be able to post for another two-to-three weeks because I'm going on a mini-vacation thingy. Speaking of which...next week's chapter is going to be late, too. I don't think that I'm going to be posting again until the 30th. :hugs you: But please don't leave me!

This chapter was really hard for me to write. I don't whether it was the fact that I've had a lot on my mind lately, or...wait, that's the only reason. I've had a lot on my mind lately, so this chapter was hard to write. I've been frazzled as of late. :pouts:

Okay, please remember with the next chapter that Yugi was 100 percent correct to call 911. Even though Yami wasn't actually going to kill himself, he was locked in a bathroom which holds a lot of stuff that could get the job done. Yami really could have been trying to commit suicide in there. Just be happy that he's not. I thought that would have been a little cliched, and don't forget about 20 chapters ago what Yami said about suicide. :nods:

There was something very significant and disturbing in the middle of this chapter. The first person to get it right will get a one-shot written of their choice. They get to make up the pairing and plot, and I will write it. If you are the lucky first, I will tell you with a reply.

Thank you to all reviewers::hugs: I'm almost at 500::sniffs::bawls: I never in a million years thought that I'd get this far! When I first started writing fanfiction, my goal for a story was 100. This is just...amazing. Thank you so much.

Please Review.


	31. Chapter 31

Yugi was so numb. He knew that he was crying, and maybe he was hiccupping a little, too, because he felt dizzy, but he couldn't really tell. Yugi had lost the ability to feel…he couldn't feel _anything_.

The student couldn't take it anymore; nothing ever seemed to go right for him, and even when it did, it didn't stay that way for long. His parents were dead, and even though Anzu had come back to apologize, she had left him, too. Yami was the only person near him that cared, and he was so afraid of something that wasn't even there anymore…that he wanted to…to _commit suicide_.

What did Yami do to deserve that?

…_Nothing_.

He was crying behind the door; Yugi heard the guitarist at it from his spot on the couch. His breathing wasn't loud, but just the way that the air shook told Yugi that the man was trying to hold back hysterics. Yugi wanted to go in there so badly just so that he could hold Yami, but he didn't know what would happen…so he didn't.

There were paramedics in his house; he wasn't sure of how many, but just one was far too many. Never in a million years did Yugi ever guess that their presence would be required, but there they were. A couple of them were crowded around the couch near the student, making sure that he didn't pass out or go into shock. Maybe they remembered him from before.

"Do you feel dizzy?" One of them asked; she was taking his pulse. 

Yugi blinked and nodded a little, his mouth hanging open just a bit. He didn't have the will to close it, "A little." The two words that he managed to utter made him lose his breath. He didn't feel well.

Someone had cleaned out his head injury, and it was bandaged now. But just because his wound was covered and no longer an immediate danger to him, it didn't mean that the effects still weren't there. It didn't mean that the healing process would be any better.

The woman's voice cut through to Yugi's consciousness again, "Just take deep breaths; in through your nose and out through your mouth. Everything will be fine." 

Yugi wanted to believe her…he really did. But he just couldn't. Yami wasn't answering the paramedics as they knocked on the bathroom door; maybe he couldn't. Who knew what was going on in there? What if Yami was crying because he had already done something that he couldn't take back? What if his last couple of breaths were going to be taken…alone?

What if Yugi never saw him again? 

"Yami…" Yugi choked on a sob. He was edging closer to hysterics now, and if that happened, Yugi didn't know what would come next. His breath caught in his throat, and the air around him went cold. This didn't feel like his home anymore, not with all of these people that he didn't know around him…not with his boyfriend locked in the bathroom, ready to give up the one right that should have been guaranteed to him…

Everything snapped, and more tears started to flood down Yugi's pale face; he couldn't breathe anymore and ripped his arm away from the doctor's so that he could curl in on himself in order to bring himself comfort in a comfortless situation.

The only person that could help him now was Yami. Yami was the only person that could dry Yugi's tears anymore, but he couldn't because he was the one that was making Yugi cry. He didn't mean to, Yugi knew, but he was; Yami was so lost and confused inside of his own head that he just couldn't understand the world around him. The saddest part was that it wasn't the guitarist's fault at all.

The only person at fault was the person dead; Ryan was gone, yet he was somehow still ruining Yami's life.

Maybe he was the one making Yugi cry…not Yami. Because Yami would never make Yugi cry. Never.

Someone was shaking Yugi's shoulders, "Hey, come on. Don't cry." He wasn't listening; he wasn't sure if he could. The woman wouldn't stop, though, apparently fixated on making the student feel better, "Why don't we go for a walk. It'll take your mind off of everything. The fresh air will do you good."

Suddenly, at the person's words, Yugi didn't feel very weak anymore; he didn't want to cry as much. He raised his hands off of his knees and looked the medic in the eyes, a feeling of determination in his own. "No."

He couldn't leave. If Yugi left the house, then he truly would have been giving up on Yami. If he left…then it would have meant that he didn't think that Yami would walk out of that bathroom alive.

And he would. Yami would get through this. He had come so far already, it would kill the both of them if he gave up now. Yami was finally in a mutual relationship with someone, even though for so long he couldn't make those kinds of choices himself; he wasn't allowed to. But not anymore. Things were different for him now, just like Yugi promised. He was _so close_.

Yugi had to keep his promise, and Yami had to help him.

Neither of them could give up. Yugi was going to be strong this time, and stay for Yami no matter what. He wouldn't leave, even if both his body and mind demanded it of him. He wouldn't.

"Are you sure?" The woman asked, noting that Yugi was still crying a little, "We can come back in a couple of minutes."

"Yes," Yugi said. "I'm sure."

A couple of minutes was the difference between life and death; a save and a murder. The night that his mom died, Yugi had left his parents alone for only a couple of minutes. Those couple of minutes had changed his life forever.

If Yugi had walked into Yami's dressing room only a couple of minutes earlier, then maybe things would have been different. Maybe Ryan wouldn't have died, and maybe Yami wouldn't be locked in that bathroom. A couple of minutes was all that it took, and Yugi would be there this time. 

Yugi would be there when Yami needed him the most.

A crash reverberated around the room, and all of Yugi's haphazardly built resolve suddenly melted in a flash. That was the sound of a body crumbling to the ground, and only one person in the house could have been falling.

The student jumped to his feet, his mind blank, but his eyes filled with fear.

* * *

"Mr. Atemu!"

Yami didn't recognize that voice.

"Mr. Atemu, can you hear me?"

He didn't recognize that one, either. Who were these people?

"You don't have to feel this way!" The first voice called out to him again, "You don't have to think that you don't want to live! There's someone out here that cares about you so much!"

Yami felt dizzy; his mouth had gone dry and warm, as if he was going to be sick again. His side throbbed uncomfortably as if the gunshot wound was ripped open. Were these people…paramedics? And why were they here at all? What was going on?

A voice that sounded like his own floated around in Yami's head; he almost didn't recognize it: _"I killed him, Yugi…I killed him…and I don't deserve to live anymore. Not after…not after what I did."_

Yugi thought…Yugi thought that Yami was going to _commit suicide_? When did things get that bad? Did Yami really want to die?

"No," He whispered to himself, "No, I don't."

So why would he say something like that?

_Because you don't deserve otherwise._

He couldn't understand; Yami didn't want to die, he had never wanted that, but at the same time, he knew that if he did end up dead, then he would deserve it. The guitarist had never done anything beneficial to help someone's life; he had lost Jullian and Zach the chance of a lifetime, then caused…caused his manager to lose his entire _life_.

Yugi loved him…Yugi wanted him around, but he couldn't understand _why_. Yami must have been hurting the smaller so much every time he cried or admitted to himself that he was weak. He had been forcing himself upon the smaller for the past few days because he thought that that was what Yugi wanted, but he couldn't have been farther from the truth.

Yugi was just…Yugi was just happy to have Yami alive and trying for him. That was all; nothing more.

Yugi really did love Yami. He was willing to wait forever if he had to, just so that Yami could move on. But Yami wasn't happy with that. Yami was afraid to admit that terrible things had happened to him; he was afraid to admit that every day for months he truly thought that he was going to die.

But Yugi didn't care. Yugi could see that Yami didn't want to be alone, and loved him for it. He loved Yami just because he was…_there_. He was simply the person that Yugi wanted to be with, regardless of the bad things that went with it.

Yugi loved Yami, and Yami loved Yugi back. He just couldn't see it, because he didn't think that he deserved it.

But maybe he did. _Maybe...maybe I was...I was wrong._

What if Yami really wasn't at fault for anything? What if he joined Sennen Rage because he had a dream, and because he thought that someone would help him achieve it? Was that the one thing that Yami was mistaken about? Did the one person that was supposed to help him just take advantage of him after he realized how lost and naïve Yami really was?

And what if that person kept taking advantage of Yami because he had no where else to go? What if there was simply no way for Yami to escape, and _that_ was why those things kept happening to him?

And what if Yami started to get stronger? What if something happened to him to make him want to fight back? What if Yami started to gain some confidence because something _good_ had happened to him for once?

In the end, what if Yami wasn't the one who was desperate for attention and a way to escape? What if Yami was left alive so that he suffered until he tried to end it all?

What if Ryan killed himself and blamed Yami so that Yami would blame himself, too? What if it was a last resort…because Ryan was afraid that he'd lose his influence on Yami forever?

…What…what if this was all right?

Yami closed his eyes. Ryan was dead, but none of that mattered. Somehow, when he had told Yami that he wanted him to remember his death…he had immortalized himself in both Yami's mind and soul. He was still alive in the guitarist's dreams and nightmares, and that was just what the man wanted.

Even in his death, Ryan was still ruling Yami's thoughts and actions…his very life. By instigating his own suicide, Ryan had fulfilled the final mission in his sick life: to try to create another.

Maybe Yami really did want to commit suicide, even if he never thought it. For the last couple of months, his entire life was consumed with the will to survive...the hope to outlive Ryan so that he could just go on with his own life. Now that Ryan was dead, Yami just couldn't decide what he wanted to live for anymore. He couldn't figure it out. 

He didn't understand that Ryan was still there, and that Ryan was still killing him.

"But he's gone…" Yami whispered. He was dead; Yami's manager was dead, and…Yami himself didn't have anything to do with it, did he? If that was true…then he couldn't tear down Yami's wall. Not anymore. Maybe that was all that was left for Yami to do. Maybe all that he had to accomplish before he was healed was build that wall back up.

Blinking, Yami realized that he had tears in his eyes. Was all of this true? Was he really not at fault for anything that had happened to him? Did Ryan really beat and yell at Yami just because he could, or because he was jealous of the passion and talent that Yami possessed? Was…was that really…the only reason?

It was confusing…and so much harder to think about, but maybe that was really the truth. Yami would try…he would try to think like this, even if it wasn't right in the end. Perhaps nothing was true in Yami's life.

Except for Yugi. Yugi was real, and Yugi was true. If Yami thought with this new possibility in mind, then maybe he and Yugi could really be happy and move on. Maybe everything would fade naturally, instead of being shoved into a corner only so that it could resurface at the worst possible time. Yami didn't want that to happen again. Not when he really thought that things were getting better.

Pushing one of his hands underneath him to brace himself, Yami wiped away some of the tears that were running down his cheeks. He leant his back against the wall and stood up, but a wave of nausea coursed through his body once again. His head was swimming on top of his shoulders, and Yami was almost positive that his vision was going black at the corners.

Was it really too late? Was Yami going to die here anyway? After so much pain and suffering, was Yami's body going to give up on him when he finally realized that maybe he was wrong?

He couldn't give up, though…Yami couldn't just die here; he couldn't leave Yugi all alone. The student had told the guitarist once that he didn't want leave America because Yami was there. What would he do if Yami wasn't? Yugi had a good thing going for him here in the states; he had a job and was going to college so that he could make something out of his life.

Would he really throw that all away if Yami couldn't make it?

His legs were shaking horribly, though; Yami couldn't take a step. His head was light, and his stomach was spinning. Was that his heart that he heard beating frantically in his head? Were his lungs really expanding into his chest? Why was his hip still bleeding?

Yami didn't know; he couldn't see, and the floor melted out from under him.

* * *

"It's okay. He's still breathing. It looks like an injury was ripped open on his hip, but no weapons or pills are in sight. I think that he's going to be okay." 

Yugi's stomach melted in his chest; Yami was okay. He was alright. He wasn't dead, and he wasn't _going_ to die, "Can…can I see him? Please?"

The doctor looked at him and blinked; Yugi understood what he was thinking. They were still in his house, and because of what had happened Yami was going to have to be brought to the hospital whether they liked it or not. But still…he was going to be alright. Yami was going to get better.

If the man had told Yugi that he couldn't see Yami, then the student really would have been fine, as long as he got to go with Yami in the ambulance. He wasn't going to leave the guitarist; not after all of this.

"For a minute," The paramedic said, "They're getting the stretcher now."

"Thank you so much," Yugi said, then followed the man into the room.

Yami was lying on the tiled floor on his back, with his legs propped up against the wall; his eyes were open a little. His face, though pale and almost sick looking, was peaceful, as if he had finally figured out something that he never knew before. Previously, when Yami's face looked like it did then, it scared Yugi.

Now, though, it gave him hope. He didn't know why, or what had happened in here while the door was closed, but Yugi saw a light that wasn't ever there before. Then again…maybe it was right in front of his eyes, and Yugi had just never noticed it until now.

"Yami," Yugi said softly, as if anything louder would ruin the moment that was being built. The student felt as if this was some kind of new beginning…as if after today, everything would start to improve. He was wrong, of course; it would be ridiculous to expect a perfect life, but things really were going to get better.

Yugi could feel it.

He leant down on the bathroom floor next to his boyfriend and took his hand. Yami's shirt had been removed; it was torn into pieces next to him, and a bandage was once again wound around Yami's waist. The guitarist's chest was tan, but somehow still looked pale. He was very thin.

Yami squeezed Yugi's hand back as if he wanted to prove that he was really there. His eyes were focused on the ceiling, "Hey." He sounded tired, but at the same time, it was a good tired. Yugi couldn't remember the last time that he was so optimistic about things; he hoped that it would last.

Yugi bit his bottom lip, feeling as if he was about to cry. He squeezed Yami's hand back, not knowing the reason, "How are you feeling?" 

Yami blinked, obviously thinking about what he wanted to say, "I…don't know." Again, the guitarist blinked, and his crimson eyes traveled around the room once before locking onto Yugi's violet ones, "I didn't…mean to make you worried. I just…can't stop remembering all of this. I don't know when it's going to go away."

Yugi sniffed, remembering everything: his mom and dad, his problems as a child. He would never forget.

"It's not."

Yami swallowed at Yugi's words and his breathing picked up a little; he was still so afraid. The student wished that he could take away all of the other's pain, yet in the end there was nothing he could do, "But it'll get better, I promise. I told you that things were going to change, and this is where it's going to start. I know that you're afraid and scared right now, but Yami…_that_ won't last forever.

"You'll remember for the rest of your life, but that's just how things work. You _won't_ be afraid, though. Not as long as I'm here. I promise you…I'll protect you," Yugi blinked, realizing that there were a few tears in his eyes; he just wanted this to fade away, even though he knew in his heart that it never would, "And no one will ever hurt you again."

Yami was crying, too; Yugi wasn't sure why, but the guitarist had to do it, didn't he. He wasn't going to get better unless he accepted both his past and his present, but once he did that, his future was free for him to exploit. These tears were the beginning of that journey.

"Your head," The guitarist said absently. Yugi's words were still running through his mind, even though he tried to make it seem as if they weren't, "I…I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I just…lost it." His eyes were closing now; everything was just too much for Yami to handle at the moment. He squeezed Yugi's hand again, and Yugi squeezed back as a stretcher was wheeled right next to the door. "Forgive me?"

"Don't worry about it," Yugi whispered, only letting go of Yami's hand as a medic came to usher him away, "I already have."

* * *

Yami stayed at the hospital overnight. He didn't have any dreams, but woke up every few hours just because of a _feeling_. He didn't know what that feeling was, but it scared him. It was as if he was waiting for something that would never actually come, but at the same time Yami was wondering if he'd be waiting forever.

Every time the guitarist opened his eyes, though, after feeling afraid, he felt just a little bit better when he saw who was with him. Every time Yami opened his eyes, Yugi was there, smiling gently at him as he brushed long blond bangs out of the singer's tired face. Yami remembered when it wasn't Yugi watching him when he opened his eyes; it always…it always used to be Ryan. 

But Ryan never made Yami feel the way he did now; Yugi was the one that always managed to make him feel stronger.

At the same, though, Yami couldn't speak; when he looked at Yugi, Yugi would just look back, and then the guitarist would just close his eyes again. What was there to say? Some things were just meant to be worked out in silence, and this was one of them. Both of the boys could easily figure that out; both of the boys accepted this, if nothing else.

While trying to fall back asleep, Yami wasn't sure what to think about; there were so many sides to the same story that were running through his head, and he just couldn't decide which one he thought was true. Or maybe…he was missing a whole other piece of the story, and he was wrong on every front.

In the end Yami just decided to ignore them all. He knew that he was going to have to think through all of this someday, but he wasn't sure where to start. He didn't know what questions would arise from the others that he wanted to ask.

Yami had never gone to anyone for help before, even though he had needed it on more than one occasion. Maybe it was time to swallow the little pride that Yami had left…because he wanted to be there to get it back.

He wanted Yugi to be there when he got it back, too.

If Yami was going to get better for anyone, it was going to be for Yugi. It was going to be for Yugi because all of Yami's good times, like when the two of them danced, or when the two of them kissed, seemed to have Yugi in them.

If Yami got better, then there were going to be more good times to come, and the guitarist wouldn't give up that chance for the world.

* * *

Dr. Margaret watched Yugi looking at her with thoughtful eyes outside of Yami's hospital room. She must have been so upset to find that the two of them were back at the hospital after only a couple of days; it must have been so discouraging.

"So, how's Yami?" The student asked, biting his lip again as the doctor started to go through her clipboard. Yami was very sick, Yugi knew that, but for some reason…he just _felt_ like things were so much better than before. He didn't know why.

Margaret looked up after a moment and took off her glasses in favor of resting them on her red hair, "He's okay, I suppose. His stats only went down a little since he left a couple of days ago, but even a little could be dangerous because he's still so weak. Has Yami been feeling dizzy as of late?"

Yugi blinked, his mood dropping, "I don't know. He's hasn't really been talking about how he feels…he ate an entire grinder this morning…I should have known that something was wrong." He did. He just didn't do anything about it.

"I suppose that's my fault," The doctor said, which surprised Yugi; he was expecting a reprimand, "I should have given you a proper eating schedule, but I guess that I trusted you two a little too much. My mistake."

"It's okay," The smaller replied, shrugging, "If you did…I don't think that Yami would have followed it, anyways. He hasn't been himself lately."

"What do you mean?" Her tone was inquisitive and just a little too urgent.

"He's been…very aggressive lately." Yugi told her, "I think that he was trying to forget about everything, but…it just backfired. He can't accept it yet, even though after tonight I think that he realized that things aren't going to just go away."

"Even so," She replied, "That's dangerous. He could have endangered his life even more than he already has…he could have even gotten you hurt." 

Yugi blinked; he had never thought about that. The idea wouldn't sit right in his head; Yami would never hurt him. "It's going to be okay now, though, I think."

"Let's hope so…" The woman didn't sound convinced.

A minute or so of strained silence passed between the two people; Yugi started to fidget a little, uncomfortable with the total lack of noise in the hall. He didn't like it, "Umm…do you know when Yami can leave? I don't think that he likes the hospital setting too much…" 

"Tomorrow," She said, and Yugi looked up at her, surprised. He didn't think that Yami would be released so soon; was that even safe? "But only if you follow a couple of guidelines that I'm going to give you. Yami condition _will_ get worse unless we catch it now. He has to be careful."

"Well…what are these guidelines?" Yugi sounded suspicious, but he was more curious than anything; he was willing to try whatever it took to help Yami, because as much as Yugi hated to admit it, the guitarist needed help. Neither of the boys could solve this on their own; they've already proved that much.

"Well…I'm going to give the both of you a schedule; basically, Mr. Atemu should be eating a little every two or three hours, not a bunch all at once. That actually does more damage than good. And…" She paused, then blinked as she looked at her clipboard one more time, "I want him to get a counselor."

Yugi hung his head a little; he remembered how a week ago Margaret had told him that she couldn't demand a counselor until she was absolutely positive that the need for one was affecting Yami's health. Maybe Yugi should have suggested it to Yami…maybe _he_ should have figured that out on his own. 

"Hey," The doctor put a kind hand on his shoulder; everyone seemed to be doing that lately, "Don't get upset. A counselor's going to _help_ Yami get through this. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I know," Yugi said, "It's just…maybe if we told him that sooner then he wouldn't be here right now."

Margaret shrugged, "Better now than never."

"I guess that you're right," Yugi conceded. Another silence followed. "I'm…gonna go and sit with Yami now. I'll tell him what you said." Margaret smiled at him, and Yugi turned around to step back into Yami's room; the number was different, but the inside looked exactly the same.

"Yugi?" Margaret called after him just before the student opened the door. He turned around, hoping that nothing else was wrong, but she had dropped her clipboard down to her waist, "He'll be fine. Things have to get better."

"I know," Yugi said, "And…I think that they've already started to."

With one final smile, Yugi opened the door and stepped into Yami's room. 

It must have been about 6 o'clock in the morning, as the sun had already risen. Yugi wondered when he dozed off, because he didn't remember sitting in the room for that many hours. Maybe he didn't sleep at all, and the time just seemed to pass because for once, Yugi wasn't scared. He didn't know why, but he felt almost…happy. 

Something good was coming.

The light on Yami's bedside table was glowing, and the guitarist himself was sitting up in bed. He looked tired, but not tired enough as if he was going to fall asleep at any moment. It would take time for him to wake up fully, and that sort of time couldn't be measured in hours or days. It had to be measured in feeling.

"Good morning, Yugi," Yami said, scooting over a little on the bed. His eyes were shining, but Yugi wasn't sure what that gleam was. He didn't know if he had ever seen it before.

Yugi sat lightly on the edge of Yami's mattress; he didn't know if Yami would take what he had to say correctly. "Yami…I have something that I need to tell you." He turned to look into the guitarist's eyes, and now saw nothing but alarm. He was still uneasy…about almost everything. That would take time to heal, too. "No, it's nothing bad. Please don't worry, it's just something that Dr. Margaret…suggested to me." 

"Oh," Yami's shoulders relaxed a little; he was only mildly relieved.

Yugi bit the inside of his lip, then slid right next to Yami on the bed. He didn't know how close he could get without worrying him, but when Yami raised his hand to put his arm around Yugi's shoulder after adjusting the cord of his IV, Yugi knew that it was okay to move a little closer, "A couple of minutes ago she told me-"

"Wait," Yami suddenly interrupted. Yugi stopped and looked at him with his mouth opened slightly, but the guitarist didn't look so much afraid or angry as he was _anxious_. "Yugi, I have something to tell you, too. I just…don't know what you'll think of it."

"Well, there's nothing wrong with suggesting it," Yugi said, wondering what Yami had to tell him, "I'm sure that it'll be fine, whatever you want to say." Yugi hoped that he could keep that promise; the mere abruptness of Yami's intrusion made his chest strain in apprehension, "Go ahead."

Yami took a deep breath, "I think …that after what happened last night, I just can't sit and think by myself all of the time." Yugi frowned, noting that he was there for Yami to talk to if it was needed, but the guitarist starting speaking again before Yugi could get anything out, "I know that you're more than willing to talk to me when I need it, but…I don't think that I'm ready for that. Not yet."

Yugi blinked; was Yami going to say what Yugi thought he was going to say?

"I think that I should get a counselor, even if it's just for a little while. Is that okay?" 

Yugi could have laughed, but instead leaned over to give Yami a kiss on the cheek, "Yami, I think that's great. I'm so proud of you."

Yami grinned a little, obviously not used to the compliment. Then he blinked, looking thoughtful, "Didn't you have something to say?"

Yugi grinned, too, and snuggled closer to Yami and all of the warmth that he had to share, "Not at all. You've already said it all." He kissed Yami on the lips this time, and was happy when Yami pulled away, hesitated for a fraction of a second, then tilted his head and kissed Yugi back, just as lightly as the one that he was given.. This was Yami. This was the sweet, mutual Yami that he had grown to love.

And he knew that Yami wouldn't be this way all of the time, as his thoughts would change as his memories and mood shifted. But Yugi would take all of he could of the good, and help the guitarist get through all of the bad, no matter how long any of it lasted.

After all, Yugi and Yami were in love, and that was what happened…when lovers fell for and away from each other.

They helped their partner back up.

* * *

Later that day, only moments before Yugi and Yami came home for good, the phone rang in the apartment and the answering machine picked up after four rings:

"Mr. Yugi Muto, this is an operative from the desk of the New York branch of Kaiba Corporations. We are pleased to inform you that an opening for an internship will become available two weeks from today's date. If you are still interested in this position, we would be happy to add you to our rosters. Congratulations, and Welcome to Kaiba Corp. America."

**_To Be Continued_**

* * *

Author's Notes: I'm not sure that I liked how that was written. :scratches chin: I just can't pick it out. Maybe it's because I'm not at my house right now. (Meaning that the update was written while I was on vacation.) I guess that I'm just feeling a little off. Nevertheless, I hope that you liked this chapter, as...there's only one left. :sniffs:

The reviewer that guessed what the disturbing part was in the last chapter was Pharaohess1! Hooray for her! A large number of you got so close...but she actually guessed twice because she reviewed so early, and put the answer in a review for chapter one. If you want to know, then check it out! Anyways, she won a oneshot that I have so fondly labeled, "Pirates." Check it out...no angst!

Thank you so much to all reviewers! I hit 500::cries: That is just _so_ amazing. I love you guys::hugs:

Please Review.


	32. Chapter 32

"I…" Yami's voice was quiet; he blinked, yet it did nothing to clear his vision, "I don't know."

The overhead fan swirled in lazy circles over his eyes. His breathing was slow and labored.

"Well…what do you think?" The psychiatrist asked from the other side of the room; she had a kind face and her dark hair was pulled back out of her eyes, "You don't have to know…what do you really think?" 

"I think…" Yami bit his lip and he blinked again. His hands clenched the front of his button up shirt tightly, "I think…"

_This is your fault, you bastard…_

The guitarist's heart stopped beating, "I think that it was my fault."

It was Tuesday; Yami had taken a bus to the hospital, and was now sitting in a stuffy white room, trying to respond to questions that simply did not have answers. He had asked for this, and he knew that he had, but when it came right down to it, Yami couldn't. He couldn't do it.

Not yet, and not ever. 

"Do you really, or is that what Ryan told you?" The woman's tone had taken on something made of both pity and inquiry; Yami didn't like either, as this matter was none of her business. How foolish he had been to think that talking to a complete stranger about his problems would have made a difference.

Nothing made a difference anymore, did it?

Yami turned onto his side, facing the wall opposite of his new doctor; he couldn't even remember her name, "I don't know." How many times was he going to have to say it? He didn't know anything; he'd _never_ know anything.

There was just too much to think about.

A chair was scraping across the linoleum floor; it shifted once more as it became occupied, "If you don't…want to talk about something so big quite yet, how about we talk about something smaller?" 

Yami shook his head, but he wasn't sure if the psychiatrist could see it, "I don't think so."

"Why not?" 

Yami didn't answer her, even though for once he knew the exact answer. There was nothing _little_ in Yami's life. Everything was connected, no matter how small or insignificant it was. Everything reminded him of everything else.

"Mr. Atemu?" Nothing. "Mr. Atemu?"

The guitarist wiped at his tired eyes; more than anything he wanted to just be with Yugi. Yugi never pressed him for information, but was always there when Yami was ready to share.

But Yugi was still at work, and was getting ready to take on another job in just two weeks. He had finals at school, too. Life was once again demanding time from the student, and Yugi just couldn't push his responsibilities out of the way anymore.

He would make time for Yami, though, the guitarist knew that. That's why he didn't leave before Yami decided to get help. It was just that his life _couldn't_ revolve around Yami.

And Yami's entire life couldn't revolve around Yugi. 

He heard someone behind him sigh and Yami was thrown out of his thoughts, "Okay, Mr. Atemu." There was a pause, "We'll continue this next week."

Yami sighed as the doctor left the room. Nothing was said, and nothing was solved. The only thing that this visit to the hospital did was help Yami to get past another few hours of his life.

And now he'd be alone again until Yugi came back home. Whenever that was.

The guitarist wiped his eyes again.

* * *

The wind blew through Yami's hair lightly as he stepped off of the bus onto the sidewalk. He didn't bother to wipe his blond bangs out of his eyes, though, and just dug his slender hands into his jeans' pocket as he began to walk away, his head down; he didn't want to look at anyone, and he didn't want anyone to look at him.

What he didn't want to look at most of all, though, were the buildings that he passed. The bus had dropped him off about 9 or 10 blocks away from the apartment, and while that wasn't too long of a walk physically, emotionally it was the bridge that never ended.

It was _his_ house, Ryan's house. Yami had lived there for months, but at the same time, it was never his home. While under Ryan's influence, Yami was completely alone, in both mind and body. While under his manager's influence, Yami had no place to really live and no one for him to love.

Now the guitarist just felt alone.

…But it didn't make any sense. Yami wasn't alone; he had so many people to talk to about his problems, yet he just didn't want to. Maybe he really couldn't. 

What did Yami do before when he had no one to talk to? What did he do when no one cared to listen? How did the guitarist survive? 

His step faltered.

_I…I wrote._

He had; whenever Yami was scared or afraid he write down his feelings in a song, and people _listened_ to those songs. It didn't matter if they couldn't relate or if they didn't think that it was true; they listened, and it made Yami feel…_wanted_. _Special_

Was that it? Could Yami not talk because he was so used to speaking and having no one truly listen to him? Was he repressing himself all that time? And was _that_ the reason that Yami couldn't bring himself to speak?

It must have been, because Yami wanted to talk, he wanted to so bad. He wanted to show Yugi that he could trust him, but it just…

He _couldn't_ do it. 

And now…Yami didn't even want to write anymore. He had no passion for the things that he used to love, such as playing the guitar or drinking coffee…or even composing both songs and their melodies. It was gone, and Yami wasn't sure if he was ever going to be able to get it back.

It all reminded him of just how much he had lost.

While walking, Yami also passed _The Curse_. He stopped and drank in its image as if he had never seen it before, but…for months this place was the closest thing to a home that he had. Now it was gone.

The doors were closed, but there was no trace that the police had ever been there. The club must have been open last Saturday. Yami wondered if any bands came to play.

He wondered if _his_ band came to play.

No matter what, Yami would always think of Sennen Rage as his own. That band was his entire life for months, and in a flash it all just disappeared. It was so…_surreal_.

_The Curse_ was the best thing that Yami had going for him, because it held all of his hopes and dreams. It held his greatest opportunity. But at the same time this building was the worst thing that had ever happened to Yami; in it used to be his very nightmare.

Ryan had made Yami believe that he was a whore, and that he was only in the band because of his looks.

But that wasn't true, was it?

The guitarist reached one of his hands out of his pocket and ran it through his hair before stepping up to the tinted glass door of the nightclub. Inside of the building was dark, but then again, it was barely ever brightly lit; only enough to help people see. Yami squinted, and saw the fuzzy outline of the bar; the bar that he had sat at so many times before…the bar where he and Yugi had first kissed.

But that was all a memory now, wasn't it?

And because it was a memory, Yami wasn't sure if he would ever figure out the truth. He couldn't change the past, but the guitarist was afraid that his memories would shift and fade to suit his fears and delusions. He was afraid that his mind would rationalize something that he deserved to feel, know, and ultimately, fix.

Yami sighed and closed his eyes as he placed his free palm on the dark glass. He just wanted a _clue_. He wanted someone to tell him something that would help him make his decision.

He had to know…was Yami in that band because of the talent that he thought he had, or because of the looks that one man saw in a coffee shop one day?

Or…what if it was both, the true mark of a musician? Could Yami have been that lucky?

Opening his crimson eyes, the guitarist tore himself away from _The Curse_ and continued walking home, overlooking the print that his hand left on the window, and trying to ignore the mark that that building had put on his mind.

Yami hated being consumed by his thoughts; he wished that he could concentrate on something else, like the scenery or the prospect of some exciting thing that would come his way later.

When it came right down to it, Yugi was the only thing that Yami could look forward to. But with the student working so much Yami knew that he wasn't going to be around much for the next couple of weeks. Maybe the guitarist should start looking for a job himself, so that he could start to save up for something or pay off his hospital bills.

It was an easy prospect, yes, but getting a job was not easy. On top of that…Yami had nothing else in his life that he wanted to do. Music was his only path, but that road was blocked…possibly forever.

Yami kept on walking…after all, it was the only thing that he could do.

* * *

Yugi walked into his apartment on Tuesday night to find Yami sitting on the couch, slowly and thoughtfully eating a bowl of cereal. His smile was kind and genuine when Yami looked up from his spoon, but….Yugi could tell that something was not right.

"I'm glad you're home," The guitarist said, putting the bowl down on the table. He looked back up and smiled again, but not before frowning at his meal, his eyes looking deep and lost behind their sparkle.

Yugi grinned back, though, and slipped out of his shoes before joining the older man on the couch. "Me too."

Yami was all smiles, but still…Yugi couldn't help but notice how the guitarist flinched just the slightest bit when he sat down; he still did that whenever the smaller went to make any contact with him at all.

Yugi was so happy that Yami was getting better in body; he was eating more by the day, but something was still not right with him emotionally. He was getting stronger and stronger with every thought and sentence, but something still hadn't clicked. Yugi didn't know how to help, either, as he did not know what the exact problem was.

Yami had gone through a lot, Yugi knew, and he wouldn't be truly happy for a while, but it seemed like something _new_ was bothering the guitarist, as if his thoughts had opened up another thing in his mind that was now consuming all of his attention.

Yugi wondered what it was.

"So…" The smaller asked, getting comfortable on the couch and unbuttoning the top slit of his shirt to cool him down on the summer night, "How was your day? I hope that you didn't get too bored with me not around."

The student must have hit something with his words, as Yami's smile slipped and his eyebrows wrinkled ever-so-slightly, "Oh…you know. It was fine. I took a walk, listened to some music. Nothing much."

Yugi couldn't help but stare; Yami had left out a rather big chunk of his day. Maybe that's what was bothering him, "Did you see the therapist today?"

He left the question open because Yugi knew how difficult it must have been for Yami to seek outside help. The guitarist could have answered with a simple 'yes' or 'no' and left it at that. Yugi didn't want to pry, especially since it was only Yami's first visit. He just asked because he wanted to let Yami know that he cared.

But the student was surprised beyond his dreams when Yami started to tell Yugi even more than that… He didn't think that the guitarist was ready for it, but Yugi was willing to accept it nevertheless, "I did. But…" He blinked, and the other realized that maybe Yami was trying to take on more than he could handle, "I…I couldn't tell her…_anything_."

"Really?" Yugi wasn't surprised, and was actually expecting something like this to happen. It didn't explain why Yami seemed so upset, though. Not really. "Well, I'm sure that they didn't mind. You can try again next week."

Yugi's words didn't seem to help any, though, and Yami looked away before voicing his reply, "It's…not just her, Yugi. I can't talk to _anyone_, and it's…bothering me. I'm not sure what to do."

The student had _never_ heard Yami being so open about his problems before. It almost scared him. Brushing his slight shock off, Yugi moved closer to Yami and placed his hand on the guitarist's knee. He flinched. "Yami…you can talk to me, you know. I won't tell anyone, and…maybe I can help you."

Yami shied away from Yugi's touch and placed one of his hands over his eyes before speaking shakily. Yugi could tell that he was on the verge of tears, "Yugi…that's just it. I can't. No matter what I do, I just can't talk to anyone. I just…" 

He stopped, and Yugi could only stare as Yami stood up and took off to the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

The student felt oddly emotionless. He felt bad for Yami, yes, more than anyone knew, but he wasn't feeling depressed himself. Not exactly. Yami _needed_ to do this…he needed to figure it out, and maybe being alone for a little while was the only way that he was going to do it.

It was as if Yugi knew exactly what Yami had to do even though he wasn't fully sure of what he was upset about. He knew that it was something, and he knew that it had something to do with Yami being unable to talk to his doctor. He was probably feeling frustrated, because while one part of the guitarist's mind was ready to start accepting what had happened to him, the other part was still confused and still trying to hold on to the world that his mind had concocted for him.

He was torn between two choices, both of which would change his life forever.

Yugi gave the other a minute to either compose to lose himself, then stood up and walked over to the bedroom door. He was worried for Yami, but knew that he wasn't going to do anything drastic. In a way that was a relief.

He knocked softly; the door was slightly ajar, which meant that Yami didn't have the will to go and check that it was closed. Either that, or deep down Yami was hoping that Yugi would come in after him. "Yami? Are you okay?"

There was no answer, but Yugi thought that he heard a small sniff. He decided to try again, "Do you want me to come in?" Again, Yami did not speak, but Yugi realized that he probably didn't want to be alone that night. After all, that was the whole problem. A part of Yami's heart thought that he was truly alone.

Yugi slowly pushed open the door the rest of the way and felt his heart sink when he saw the other. He was sitting on the bed against the headboard, one of his legs stretched out in front of him and the other bent at the knee. His head was tilted, and his teary eyes were glazed as he looked at nothing. 

Yugi took a deep breath and gently climbed on the bed to sit next to his boyfriend. Yami did not react, and Yugi took the opportunity to bring the other's frail body into the curve of his own. He held Yami's head close to his chest as he rocked back and forth, and soon tears were falling down the guitarist's face as he tried to figure out what he wanted to do and how he wanted to think; his hands held onto the fabric of Yugi's shirt as if he wanted to give himself some comfort. Maybe it worked.

Yugi breathed deeply and evenly, hoping that his own pattern would help to forge one for the other. They sat in silence for a long time, and Yugi realized that Yami really was starting to heal, because he was finally letting himself cry.

He was finally starting to accept what had happened to him, even though it hurt more than anything that Yugi could compare it to.

"Yami?" Yugi asked after a couple of more minutes. He ran his fingers through Yami's soft hair, trying to calm him down further before he asked him his question, "Yami, what did you do before? What did you do when you wanted to let out your feelings, but didn't have anyone to talk to?"

His question might have been harsh, but Yugi knew that Yami had been thinking about this all day. He knew that he had the answer, too. He just wanted Yami to say it.

It would make it more real.

The guitarist looked up at Yugi, still in his grasp. The student wondered if he knew what Yugi was trying to do, "I…wrote songs."

"Well," Yugi said, letting go of Yami so that the other could sit up; it was easier to look at each other that way, "Why don't you do that now? I think that it would help."

"I…" Yami's tone was hesitant, as if he knew that there was something wrong with what he wanted to say, "I can't."

"Why?" Yugi was being persistent…maybe overly-so, but Yami had to make his choice soon. The world was not going to wait forever for him to move on, and if he didn't start now, then he was going to lose an opportunity somewhere that he would regret forever. Yugi did not want to see this man hurt again.

"Because I don't have that option anymore." Yami replied, trying to sound forceful but coming up short, "Yugi, that's not how my life is anymore. I lost my record deal, and because of that I lost my band. I…" He paused and blinked, "I…can't go home now, and I'll never see my parents again. I don't want to show them that I couldn't do it. I don't want to prove to them that they were right…I don't want them to know…" He faded off, but Yugi knew exactly what he was going to say.

"But," Yugi's voice was soft, "Do you still want it?"

Yami only started, surprised. Yugi kept going, glad for the silence so that he could choose his words carefully, "Do you still want this record deal? It was your _dream_, Yami. Please don't tell me that you're giving up already." He looked the guitarist straight in the eyes, and Yami stared right back, "Don't you want to go home?"

Yugi never realized that Yami might want to leave America. He never realized that if Yami was able to rejoin Sennen Rage that he might end up gone forever.

But if that was what Yami wanted…then Yugi would let him and help him all that he could. That's what people did when they were in love, and Yugi wasn't sure if he had known it before then.

Yami blinked again, and furrowed his brows in his thought. Yugi knew that he didn't have to think, though, because it was all already there. "I do. Yugi, I really do." 

Smiling, Yugi shifted off of the bed a little and reached into the drawer on the bedside table. He reemerged a few seconds later, holding a pad of yellow paper and a black pen. He had never used either before, yet always kept them there just in case. Now he was glad that he had.

Yami looked at him strangely, as if he was still thinking. Yugi hoped that the other was pondering the right thing.

"Yami," Yugi said, then placed both items next to Yami's body before looking at him again. They hadn't been this close together since last Sunday, at the hospital. "I believe in you, okay?" Slowly, he placed his palm on Yami's cheek, and leaned in closer to kiss his lips softly. Yami didn't flinch at all, "But more than that…I love you."

Behind Yami's hair, Yugi saw the small diamond earring glowing softly in the light; the matching one was in Yugi's own ear.

In a sense, Yami was a symbol for Yugi's mother, and while the smaller knew that it was a stretch to be thinking in this fashion, he somehow knew that it was true. Both the guitarist and his mother were abused by someone that they both trusted; they were both hurt by someone that they cared about whether they knew it or not.

More than that, though, both of these people had an influence on Yugi's life that changed the way that he thought and acted. They made him a different person, and Yugi knew in his heart that he was better off because he had known these people.

He owed them both his life.

And even though Yugi's mother was gone now, Yami was still alive. And if Yami was somehow similar to Yugi's mother, then that was all of the more reason for the guitarist to get better. If Yami got better…then Yugi would know that it would have been possible for his mom to recover, too, and if she didn't pass away then they could have had a life together.

It was perhaps the most selfish thought that Yugi had ever had, but if Yami was able to move on then Yugi would be able to do the same, as well. He would know that it was okay for him to not think about the past every day of his life, even if it influenced his every day decisions.

But more than him, Yugi wanted Yami to heal. He wanted him to be able to write again, and he wanted him to be able to step onstage and sing his heart out just like he used to do…without the danger and without the fear.

The only things that Yugi wanted Yami to feel onstage were passion, excitement, and the thrill of the screaming fans underneath him. Yugi wanted Yami…to be happy.

"Yugi…" Yami breathed, his mouth hanging open just a little. Looking into his eyes, the smaller saw something that was reflected as fear. But as much as Yugi pitied Yami for this dread, the guitarist had to get over it, and at this point, he had to do it all alone.

But Yugi would be there when he was done, or if he needed some help to get back up along the way.

So smiling softly, Yugi kissed the guitarist on the cheek, looked him in the eyes, and then nodded before he stood up and left the room to go and wait on the couch.

_It's all up to Yami, now._

* * *

Even as the door closed behind his boyfriend, Yami's head was swimming. So many things were going through his head, but for some reason a block that was previously in place had been removed. For the first time in a long time the guitarist's thoughts were clear, and even as the pad worked its way into Yami's lap, lyrics were flowing through his mind.

It was all thanks to Yugi, wasn't it? Even though Yami already knew everything that he had said to him, having the smaller's approval just seemed to make it that much more true. Having the knowledge that someone wanted him to write again and that someone cared about the words on the paper made its worth so much more.

Yami wrote for himself, first and foremost, but the reason that Yami composed poems was so that he could let out his thoughts in words. And really…what was the point in talking if no one was going to listen? 

Yugi had given Yami so much; he had given him something to look forward to, and when Yami thought that there was nothing left Yugi was there to give him a push in the right direction. And now the student was doing it again.

So much had happened to the guitarist in only a few short months, yet it was all in his head in one small slot that was always on the verge of bursting. There was so much sadness and depression…anxiety…fear…but above all, there was hope, and that was why Yami wrote.

He wrote because it gave him hope that things wouldn't last forever, and it helped to ease the pressure in his life just a little bit. Even his saddest songs were just a little bit of light because as long as he could write, he could still have a voice, and someone's voice gave them freedom.

The page was filled up with black ink before Yami even realized that the words were there:

_I climbed the world and got thrown down.  
I fell for miles, hit the ground.   
Tears slipped down and stained the dirt;  
I tried so hard, but always hurt._

There was a song that I once played;  
Lost and hurt, so afraid.  
There was a glimmer far away,  
It never seemed to want to stay.

When all was gone, I couldn't see.  
I think your voice came out to me.  
I climbed back up, for a while,   
Just so I could see your smile.

But things were tough, my arms gone numb.  
The guitar too hard for me to strum.  
I fell again, and didn't move.  
My life was all I had to lose.

I climbed the world and got thrown down.  
I fell for miles, hit the ground.  
Tears slipped down and stained the dirt;  
I tried so hard, but always hurt.

I should've known that I was wrong,   
I've never really been too strong.  
But you're still here, you've helped me through.  
And now I know what's there to do.

To swear I'd never fall again  
Would be a lie; I'm not quite there.   
But I will try, I promise you,  
I swear these things won't run me through.

That hope rests here, above my head.  
The stars shine bright, like some have said.  
I'll hold it tight, I won't lose sight.  
I'll watch it guide me, like the light. 

Because my road, my hope, my shining star,  
Seems to go…wherever you are.

Rereading his work, Yami raised the pen again to make a few corrections, then placed both the pen and the pad back in the drawer, smiling just a little as he wiped his eyes one more time. He knew that Yugi wouldn't read it…not until Yami wanted him to. And he wasn't quite ready for that…not yet. 

But he would be able to…someday. Yami's writing used to give him hope, and it still did.

But now he had something else, too, to help him get through when he couldn't do it on his own. He had Yugi, and Yugi was the only person that loved Yami…as much as Yami loved him back.

* * *

**_Epilogue_**

One Month Later:

It was hard for Yami to believe that it had been an entire month. He hadn't touched the latest song that he had written since that night four weeks ago, but every time he felt depressed or alone he would go and reread his poem, because it reminded him that that certainly wasn't true at all.

Things were going good for the guitarist; he was more comfortable with his therapist, and Yami was learning to talk about some of the things in his life, even though they hadn't conversed about Yami's ordeal at _The Curse_ yet. They talked about his life in Egypt, and what he'd do if he ever got to go back.

Yami was looking for a job now, too. He thought that he would get a job as a waiter or something in a nice café with the hope that no one would notice him. Maybe one day he'd even start to play his guitar there in the background like he did when he was just starting out in America. But that was for another day; another feeling.

His injuries had healed, though the gunshot wound had left a nasty scar behind because of the amount of times that the skin was ripped open. Luckily the tissue on his face had healed almost perfectly, and no one would notice the scar if they didn't know that the injury had been there. 

And it was okay…because Yugi never looked at it. His attention always seemed to be on Yami's _eyes_. Yami was honored to have such a wonderful boyfriend that always helped him through the bad times. He was flattered, too.

He had even gained weight, and even though the guitarist was still thin, he was healthy. He couldn't eat too many heavy foods, but Yami never liked them too much anyways. His body had healed, which, in Dr. Margaret's opinion, was some type of a miracle; she saw him every once in a while just to make sure that he was doing alright. Yami was grateful, as she had suggested it.

But inside, Yami was still hurting, and had every right to be. His missed his band, his music, and his home. He wanted to go back to Egypt, but just couldn't swallow his pride. The only way that he could see his parents again would be to join a successful band. But he wouldn't. Yami's only band was Sennen Rage, and he hadn't heard anything about the band since that night about a month and a half ago. He assumed that they broke up, which was terrible.

Mr. Finnid really thought that Sennen Rage was good enough to be owned by a Record Label…but one man had messed it all up.

Yami still wasn't entirely sure of who that man was. It depended on the day…the mood…the setting. His mind was still not free, but every day it was getting just a little bit better.

One day he'd be there, and his heart would agree with what his mind was telling him.

Yami stopped in front of _The Curse_ on his daily walk. Yugi had a pretty busy work schedule now because of his hours at KaibaCorp, and even though he always made time for Yami after the day was done, the guitarist still needed to pass time until he got a new job.

At least 5 minutes of every day were spent gazing into the windows of _The Curse_, wondering what had happened to it; where its music had gone when its band left. Maybe they never got a new one…maybe it was still waiting for its old one to come back.

But Yami knew not to get his hopes up.

Today, though, it was different. While Yami looked in through the dark tinted glass, there was a light coming from the basement, and music flowing out of it. The guitarist found it strange, as people were never in the club during the day.

Not unless they were rehearsing.

Yami didn't know why he did it, or how, but before he knew it he was inside of the doors of _The Curse_. Immediately his mind and heart began to race with old memories and feelings…he felt sick for the first time in a month. He had almost forgotten how terrible this all felt.

He looked down the hall, at his old dressing room. He got dizzy, so he looked away. 

But Yami did not leave. He couldn't, not now. If the guitarist walked out of the doors of his old nightclub, then he knew that he would never come in again. So many people had told Yami that he was healing from his nightmares, but none of that would matter if Yami didn't think that it was true, too. He had to prove it to himself, otherwise he'd never get another chance again.

He needed this chance…he _deserved_ this chance.

The sounds of an electric guitar danced its way up the stairs, and Yami turned to it, intrigued. The player was good, and he wanted to get a closer look. Walking down the steps, Yami realized that he couldn't clearly remember the last time that he did that.

He realized…that he missed it a lot more than he knew.

There were quite a few people on the dance floor, though instead of dancing they were all sitting in chairs arranged in no particular order. Most of them had electric guitars, and Yami realized that these were tryouts.

He was looking to be replaced. It stung. 

Immediately he wanted to leave, but out of courtesy or possibly something else, Yami decided to take a seat in one of the vacant chairs and finish watching the current guitarist audition. He had dirty blond hair and brown eyes, along with a frown on his face that Yami knew would turn into a smile given the chance.

He tried to watch the instrumentalist, but Yami couldn't get something out of his head: Why would Jullian and Zach wait over month to start looking for another band member? Were they thinking what Yami hoped they were thinking? And if they were…would Yami really want to rejoin?

Too much had happened to him up on stage; he had been afraid too many times, and at the smallest mistake Yami's heart would race and his passion would be lost. Did he even have what it took to make it in the music business anymore? Had Ryan taken that away from him, as well?

Out of the corner of his eye Yami saw Zach and Jullian conversing in a corner. They both had frowns on their faces, though the guitarist couldn't tell why. The blond was good…very good. He'd fit nicely in a rock band; he certainly had the looks and the attitude, along with the ripped blue jeans to complete the look. Yami wondered if they would keep the name Sennen Rage or get something new.

But why was his heart beating like this? Was Yami hoping that something good would come out of this visit? Was it even reasonable for him to? Or was he excited because he finally back in _The Curse_ after so long of being afraid?

…Was it both?

Suddenly a pair of eyes were on Yami, and the guitarist's stomach lurched; he felt uncomfortable. He looked around the room to see who it was, and as the last notes of the blond's audition faded away, Yami's eyes locked with Jullian's.

He wanted to get up and start moving away, but before he got a chance to make his legs move, Jullian had nudged Zach, who smiled for the first time in Yami's memory, and both of the two began making their way towards the third. The guitarist couldn't do anything, and just stood up, waiting for them to reach him. He wasn't sure if he was scared, or nervous, or…thrilled and excited.

Jullian was the first to speak, "Hey, Yami. It's been a long time."

Yami blinked, feeling as if this conversation was going to be awkward. After all, the three boys didn't know anything about each other, "Yeah, it has."

"We tried looking for you for over a month," Zach added in; Yami had never heard the bass player talk to him in such a friendly tone. It was both unnerving and relaxing at the same time. It seemed as if the other had finally dropped his grudge. Yami wondered why. "Did you move or something?"

"Uh, yes." Yami said, trying to sound casual even though he was starting to get a slight headache. He didn't want to tell them about anything that had happened to him, even though they already knew. Everyone knew, thanks to a tabloid that had worked it's way into circulation. Yami tried his best to not care; sometimes it worked, "I couldn't keep living where I was. It just…didn't work out."

"That's too bad," Jullian replied. "We tried to find you for a while, like Zach said, but then _The Curse_ started asking us when we were going to come back…after Finnid, you know."

"I'm sorry," Yami said, though he wasn't sure _why_ he was sorry. He didn't do anything wrong…right? Or maybe he had, and that was why he was apologizing. He didn't know…after all of this time he was still confused sometimes.

"Don't be sorry." Zach said firmly. He was starting to look slightly uncomfortable, too, "We all know…now…Yami, I-"

"No," Yami interrupted. He didn't want anyone to apologize for what had happened. It was not their faults. They didn't do anything. Yami was desperate to keep his keep his secret, and he did, no matter what the cost. No one should have been sorry but himself. Right?

…Right? 

A long awkward silence followed. The other people in the club were watching now, too, and Yami didn't want to just stand there. He actually wanted to go home, but couldn't…not yet. He cast his mind around for another subject, not wanting to talk about Ryan…Ryan, who took everything away from Yami with no reason.

"So…you guys are holding tryouts, right? Are you having any luck?" He was surprised at how even his voice sounded, though he was certain that his hands were shaking.

Jullian's question was totally inappropriate, tactless, and sudden. "Yami, will you rejoin the band?"

The guitarist was blown away; if his heart stopped then he wouldn't have been surprised. Why was Jullian doing this? "What?"

"Will you?" Jullian repeated. He lowered his voice next, so that Yami had to lean in closer to hear him. Apparently he didn't want the other applicants to overhear. "We've been listening to people all morning, and Zach and I realized that _you_ are our guitarist. No one has as much passion as you…no one cares about Sennen Rage more than you." 

_No one needs Sennen Rage more than I_, Yami caught himself thinking. But he didn't need this band, did he? Was that what was missing in his life? Was that what he needed so that his whole life wouldn't depend on and revolve around Yugi?

The more that Yami thought about it, the more true it became, but Yami just wasn't ready. He couldn't do this yet…he was still so afraid, "Guys…I'm honored, I really am, but…I don't think that I can."

Zach intervened into the conversation, "We'll take it slow…as many rehearsals as you need. _The Curse_ loved your performances, I heard that because we haven't been there their sales have been dropping. They'll take us back with open arms." 

Yami wasn't sure if Zach was talking about taking the time to let Yami get back into the groove of things, or taking the time to let Yami become less nervous about playing again. He couldn't tell, but was flattered either way. His resolve was slipping fast.

Every passing second made Yami realize that he missed playing his guitar _so much_, and his fear was just…evaporating, even though a small bit would _always_ be there.

Yami needed to beat this dread _now_. After all…he'd never get this chance again. After today, he'd never be asked to join another band again. He'd never be allowed back into Sennen Rage, the thing that had been on Yami's mind the most for a month. He wanted this…why wasn't he taking it?

"I don't know…I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to perform again." Yami's heart was fighting so hard against his words…why wouldn't he listen to what he truly wanted?

"We don't care," Jullian said. "Yami, we don't _need_ this gig to be good. I'll bet that we can get a deal with some company even without it. And even if we don't…you have no idea how much I miss playing together as a group."

"I agree," Zach added in.

_Me too…_

"So will you?" Jullian asked, his eyes gleaming with hope. "We know that you'll be alright someday. We'll wait for you. Please?"

He wanted it…Yami wanted this so bad. He couldn't keep pushing down his fear of Ryan…he had to somehow beat it. He had to get his voice back fully. And sure, if Yami rejoined this band, he would hurt sometimes, and he would cry just as much, but…wasn't he doing that now anyways?

Shouldn't he be getting back to doing something that he loved? Shouldn't he _perform_ again, to get that rush that he had back in his first performance? Didn't he deserve it? Didn't he? 

Yami would perform again. He would, because the only person that could stop him now was himself. And Yami wouldn't put himself down…not again.

"I…" Yami's voice was full, prouder than it had been in a long while. "I will, guys." 

Jullian and Zach's faces broke out into broad smiles, and when Yami went to shake Jullian's offered hand, the drummer pulled him into a hug. "You won't regret it," He whispered.

_I know_, Yami thought, but only smiled in response.

He shook Zach's hand next, and only then did Yami realize that things were finally getting back to how they should have been.

Yami's dream…was going to come to pass. He would make sure of it, at almost any cost.

Sennen Rage was finally back together, and together they would stay…forever.

* * *

Yugi walked into his bedroom after work that night with a smile on his face. He had met Seto Kaiba that day, who was on a business trip. The man, though cold and distant, had told Yugi that he was going to have a future at KaibaCorp because of his grades and common sense.

Yugi didn't stop grinning for the entire day. Things were finally getting back to some state of normalcy. It felt great.

Yami was sitting on the bed, looking out of the window. They had actually been sleeping next to each other for quite a while; Yami only had nightmares about once or twice a week, and when even when he did, the smaller was always there to comfort him. And then…Yami would fall asleep in his arms. They would listen to each other's heartbeats for the entire night.

Yugi frowned for a moment, noticing a pad with Yami's song on it in his hands. He knew from experience that Yami would read the poem over and over when he was upset, even though the smaller had never actually read it himself.

But then the guitarist looked up, and all that Yugi saw was a smile. Smiles looked great on Yami, and Yugi was glad that he was doing it more and more every day.

"Hey, Yami." Yugi's voice was cheerful, "You look really happy. What happened today?"

The guitarist gracefully slid off of the bed, and, still smiling, gathered Yugi in his arms. Yugi melted in his embrace, and hugged the guitarist back, "You'll never guess what I did today." He said, something that sounded like laughter in his voice.

"I…don't think that I will," Yugi conceded, grinning, "Tell me, why are you so happy?"

"I rejoined Sennen Rage."

Yugi's heart simply stopped, and he would've told Yami to stop joking if Yami joked about such things. He settled for not believing his own ears, "What? Yami, how?"

And Yami told him.

Yugi smiled toothily, then glanced over at the bed, where he could just barely see what looked like chord names next to Yami's song. It was true…Yami had _finally_ started to truly beat his fears. He looked into the other's fiery eyes and saw nothing but the passion that Yugi saw in Yami during his first night at _The Curse_. The eyes that Yugi fell in love with.

The guitarist was well on his way to recovery. And yes, the road would have bumps, and Yami might even fall once or twice, but that was okay. It was as if he was starting to rebuild his wall that Ryan had broken down, but instead of doing it with new bricks with no history, Yami was doing it with his own past so that he wouldn't forget, and so that he wouldn't try to hide it.

And sure…that wall might not be as strong as some other peoples' were, and it might fall down if someone pushed it too hard. But at least this time…it would still be Yami, and if it did fall down, then at least Yugi would be there to help him up, because Yami would let Yugi in to help him with his problems.

…Or at least he'd let Yugi help.

Yami finished telling his story, and Yugi felt tears in eyes as Yami looked at him again with the purest smile in Yugi's memory on his face. They stared at each other for a moment before Yami bent down to kiss Yugi with as much passion and love as what was reflected in his eyes.

_This_ was the Yami that Yugi fell in love with, and this was the Yami that Yugi would love until the day that he died no matter how many times the guitarist fell again.

And Yugi knew now with all certainty that it was not impossible for someone to come back from the brink. It was not impossible to get back the fire after the flame had been put out.

Yugi knew now that the fact that he had moved on from all of those years ago was okay. It was okay for him to not think of his mother every day, like things were before he met Yami. 

Of course now, with that diamond earring sparkling in the same light as Yami was himself, Yugi knew that that would be hard. But it was okay, because the student was building something, too. He was building it with the few pieces of his past that he had missed. 

That sorrow doesn't have to go on forever.

"Yugi, is something wrong?" Yami asked, probably noticing the faraway look that his amethyst eyes had attained.

"No," Yugi said, looking up at Yami again as he smiled, "Not anymore. I was just…thinking. About my mom."

Yami paused for a minute then held Yugi all the tighter. The student could feel the other's heart beating calmly in his chest; Yami was so calm, now, so hopeful, so…_strong_. After a minute, Yami released him a little and looked down at him again, "Have we gone out to celebrate your internship yet?"

Yugi laughed, "No, I don't think that we have." Of course, Yugi would rather be celebrating something else. Something that had to do with a certain guitarist's success after such a long time of fighting.

Yami suddenly got thoughtful though, and frowned himself before speaking again, "On the way to therapy," He paused there. Yugi could not remember Yami talking about his therapy since that night about a month ago. Maybe Yami was getting more comfortable with that, too, "There's a new coffee shop. Do you want to go?"

Yugi held back the urge to laugh happily again. Coffee was yet another step, because it reminded Yami of home and of what he wanted to gain back. What he _would_ get back. And he was doing it all on his own.

The student stood on his toes to give Yami a quick kiss on the lips, "I'd love too. Let's go."

The two boys disentangled themselves from one another, and just as Yami was turning around to go get a pair of sandals out of the closet, Yugi called him back, "And Yami?"

"Hmm?" Yami started to turn around, but the words were out of the other's mouth before he could finish.

"I love you."

Yami turned his head, even though his back was turned, and looked at Yugi. He grinned, happy with the compliment, and returned it before completing his path to the closet door, a goofy smile still on his face.

Yugi suppressed that sudden urge to laugh again, but not because he didn't like it. He just didn't want the guitarist to know that he had thought of him as goofy.

But even that wasn't a bad thing, because goofy was happy, and Yugi liked a happy Yami the best of all. He would bet that Yami liked a happy Yami the best of all, too, because apparently, Yami was happy when he was with Yugi, and Yugi felt exactly the same way.

Sennen Rage.

**_The End_**

* * *

Author's Notes: ...umm...:goes off for a moment to collect herself because she can't believe that this fic is over:

:cries in a corner:

Okay, I'm back. And...that's the end of Sennen Rage. I know that I left so much open, such as Yugi and him telling Yami about his own past. But that's going to be in the sequel because I can devote more time to it. :nods:

I'm sorry for the super length. I probably should have split this up into two chapters, but I didn't want everyone to go, "Last chapter!" only for me to go, "Umm...no." So...you got a really long chapter. :grins:

I'm also sorry if I left out some of the feeling that I usually have in this story. When I was proofreading...and yes, I do proofread :grins, I felt that I left out a lot of...emotion. I don't know why, though. Maybe it's just in my head.

Regarding the Sequel: The sequel to Sennen Rage will be called Strike Records. It is going to deal with Yami performing again, and how even though his band has moved on and accepted what had happened, other people aren't going to as the band becomes more popular. Even Yami's own parents are going to cause problems for him, even though that's another matter all together. On top of that, in order to help Yami once again get through his problems, Yugi's going to have to reopen some old wounds in his home country.

I'm not sure when I'm going to start posting and/or writing this. I actually might start working on some of my other stories again, and I'm almost positive that I'm going to finish Eternity first. But I dunno.

I really want to thank every single follower, reader, and reviewer of this fic. I even want to thank the people that read the first sentence, and then backed out because they didn't like the feel of it because they built up my hits, and that's good for the self-esteem. I really do love you guys, and hope that the sequel will be as popular as this fic was. I really am grateful. :bows:

Please Review.

Final Word Count: 114053 words.


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